Week 7 Recap

The slings and arrows of cruel fate are propelled by a cruel north wind that has brought arctic temperatures to our once temperate clime. Along with unreasonably cold weather, this past week in the PCOG brought karmic rebalancing and NFL head scratchers. Both the Fantasy gods and the NFL ones chose to punish your commissioner for his hubris in last week's missive. I chose to glorify myself rather than thank the football universe for it's gifts. Not only did the goddamn Cowboys lose in unspeakable fashion to the hated Washington franchise

https://streamable.com/fvpbi

but they cursed me with what was once a bountiful crop of RBs turning into dust before my eyes. Shortly before kickoff. Again. Let's do this. TO THE RECAP!

The Light of Genesis vs Don't Fournette About Me




What should have been an amazing confluence of heady roster moves and excellent matchups that was set up by expert drafting has let me down. Andy Dalton went into what was sure to be a shootout against KC on SNF. 6.9 FPTS.




He got the last laugh. Kerryon Johnson, recovered from his soft-tissue issues thanks be to the bye week, rushed for 158 yards. Great right?




He was vultured by Legarrate Goddamn Blount, who stumbled in from the one yard line to steal Johnson's TD and my points.




Raheem Mostert became a must-start due to Dalvin Cook's chronic hamstring death. America's Team should be renamed DFW's team, as they are winless outside the friendly confines of JerryWorld. Their D/ST "scored" 3FPTS, or .7 less than DeDe Westbrook's flex contribution.

Jeremy's team is consistent when he plays a Hutton brother and only so-so against everyone else. It helps when fate is on one's side though. Starting Chris Ivory was a desperation move, due to Fournette's Cook level hamstring status. But having Shady leave the game after one snap is more than fortuitous. Jeremy is quickly achieving a witch doctor status heretofore unheard of. Perhaps this bad juju is due to JuJu being on his roster, albeit on a bye this week. Speaking of one snap, that was all Tyrell Williams needed against the Titans. On the very first LA play, he caught a 75 yarder that went for a score.

https://twitter.com/NFL/status/1054006793108545536?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1054006793108545536&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.oregonlive.com%2Fnfl%2Findex.ssf%2F2018%2F10%2Fwatch_ex-western_oregon_star_t.html

Tom Brady continued to excel against the Bears, despite losing three drives due to turnovers and a kickoff TD return. Those same Bears finally gave Jordan Howard some goal line work, and he should have had two scores against the Pats. There is only one way to describe the usage that both Jeremy and I have been screaming for




What's worse is that if I had started the QB I dangled in front of Jordan in an attempted Cosby tier trade, I would have won. I readily confess my sins, o Fantasy Gods, and resolve to sin no more against you as long as you KILL JERRY JONES FOR TRADING A FIRST ROUND PICK THAT WILL PROBABLY BE A TOP 10 SELECTION FOR AMARI "LOOK MA, NO HANDS" COOPER.

Final Score: Jeremy 116.2 (4-3) Andy 102.9 (5-2)

Young Blood vs Big Ried 1

Eric is a fucking homer piece of trash. I lust after the prospect of having a dominant all around young RB to pair with a mobile gunslinger who is willing to test defenders by throwing into tight windows. Eric's NFL and PCOG teams have this in Kareem Hunt and The Red Devil Himself, Patrick Mahomes. The two Chiefs combined for 73.2 FPTS. I have this to scream invectives at every Sunday




Adrian Peterson continues to scoff at age and reason, as the 33 year old ran over and through the Allas /ST for 107 total yards. Josh Gordon is building steam




and has ascended




to football Valhalla, Foxboro. He and Brady are GOATing all over opposing defenses and I'm terrified of what they will accomplish together. You suck for not trading him to me earlier this season BTW.

Graham finally saw the light and benched Deshaun Watson, opening the door for the Manning Faced God




to start. Some might have thought that to be a bold choice, but as the Cracker has watched the vast majority of Eli's wounded ducks flutter to Saquon (who is on pace for 112 receptions this season, as a running back) why not double down on a good thing? That move ended up paying off, as Eli almost doubled Deshaun's production and Graham scored 2x for every completion to the talented rook. Both Michael Thomas and Alshon Jeffery contributed as well, combining for 35+ FPTS. Trey Burton lucked into production against the Pats, mainly because he has to rely on the Biscuit to derp "passes" his way as he wildly scrambles. Graham ended up just short against Eric, and would have won if he started Kenyan Drake instead of Alex Collins. Good luck chasing his production for the rest of the year, you'll end up pulling your hair out as you watch Frank Gore lurch into the breach 45967 times a game instead of the talented youngster.

Final Score: Eric 139.5 (5-2) Graham 124 (4-3)

Breasseale and Packer vs Team Girl

This game carries great impact, as it determined first place in the Appalachian Division between the two highest scoring teams in the PCOG. For Aaron, the Cousins to Thielen connection continues to pay big dividends. Adam tied an NFL record for consecutive 100+ yard games to start a season and stands only one game away from tieing Megatron for the all time mark. Alvin Kamara has fallen off his incredible Mark Ingram-less touches and scoring, but still is a comfortable RB1. AJ Green did his part on SNF, despite his terrible quarterback. Aaron ended up being sunk by Evan Engram only contributing 3.9 FPTS in his first game back from injury. The formerly formidable Ravens D/ST only getting 5 didn't help either.

Tyler and Seth, as has previously been noted, went an anything but RB strategy during the draft. While that may seem laughable, if you squint and sprinkle a little injury luck (bye-bye to Sony Michel due to a knee injury, combined with a trade of Carlos Hyde) yields two starters in James White and Nick Chubb. Odell finally put together a big game with 25.5, Mike Evans is not quite as good with Jameis but still a starter. Zach Ertz is firmly in the conversation for the best TE in the game. Houston's defense was so good that the Jags benched Blake Bortles. This all adds up to these guys having the high score in the league for the second time this season; and the current first seed in the combined standings. Not bad for a PCOG rookie and the former league Taco/Dialtone.

Final Score: BP 151.9 (5-2) Aaron 129.9 (4-3)

TaubenTime 4.0 vs This Buds 4U+ME2

Josh may have found something. Starting off 0-5 is never a recipe for a playoff berth but the last two weeks he has been red-hot. Josh is being powered by his top three RBs. Lamar Miller continued down the path that Zeke set last week, garnering 100 rushing yards against Jacksonville in a very nice performance that will probably never happen again this season. Latavius Murray continues to reap the juicy matchups that rightly belong to Dalvin Cook, with another long TD




to rub salt in my eyes when I caught it on RedZone. Cam Newton is the third RB that Josh starts and he was terrible until the fourth quarter. Garbage time + catch-up mode = fantasy goodness and a surprising road victory. Only the Vikings D/ST did anything of note on the rest of his team, but I did find Keenan Allen's temper tantrum in Foggy London Town highly entertaining.

https://gfycat.com/LikelyDesertedGrouse


Here is Felipe telling Allen that all will be bueno.

Johnny got off to a great start on TNF with Emmanuel Sanders' heroic performance.

https://www.clippituser.tv/c/wxaagx

28.3 FPTS were earned through the air, with two total TDs and 130 total yards. Royce Freeman helped salt that blowout away and submitted 13 FPTS. Johnny followed it up with Marlon Mack's giant day against the hapless Bills, scoring 37.7 FPTS in a dominant showing. Flacco didn't do enough against the Saints, surrendering a goal line score to his soon to be replacement in Lamar Jackson. Tyler Boyd was Daltoned, and Jimmy Graham had a terminal case of bye week herpes. This is the first time since the Dialtone era that someone has started a bye week player and Johnny deserves all of the derision that you, dear reader, can shovel down his throat.




Final Score: Josh 147.7 (2-5) Johnny 117.5 (2-5)

Run CMC vs Chalupa Batman

This sibling strife was anticlimactic. 36+ FPTS worth of margin of victory is hard to write about when I'm not on the winning end. We've already mentioned the loss of Sony Michel, who only totalled 3 FPTs before being carried off the field. Those same Patriots did contribute 21 FPTS, helped enormously by Cordarrelle Patterson's TD return which helped to make up for his earlier fumble.

https://www.clippituser.tv/c/ypnrme

Speaking of fumbles and touchdowns, Dak Prescott was strip-sacked-scored upon by Washington in the fourth quarter for the go-ahead points.




DeSean Jackson was looking at a giant stinky squadoosh until the fourth, when he contributed a rushing TD on an end around against Cleveland. Larry Fitzgerald is ending his Hall of Fame career in ignominy, but did his best on Thursday and tallied a dozen points.

Evil Tyler did not cover himself in glory this week either. 52.2 FPTS from three undersized RBs is not bad, but once again the team's namesake was barely worth the starting slot. Jared Goff doesn't have to do much with Gurley on the field and his fantasy day reflects that. Speaking of passing games that are not necessary, Tyler's pride of Lions WRs were not needed against the Dolphins with Kerryon's emergence and Legarrate's fuckery. The Broncos' D/ST paced Tyler's team this week, with 34 big points beginning the matchup in an excellent way.

Final Score: ET 127.7 (4-3) Jordan 91.1 (2-5)

Something Clever vs Zeke n Destroy

The Friday trade of Carlos Hyde, who will get exactly one week of startability with Fournette's looming return, required Bryan to change his name again. Zeke couldn't get anything going against Washington though, and totalled his second worst career performance on a day when Dallas really needed him. Joe Mixon performed well until Cincy got blown out at Arrowhead. Felipe Rios was almost too efficient against the Titans, with two drives being cut short by long touchdowns. This cause Austin Ekeler to not be able to capitalize on his Melvin Gordonless opportunity, although he did contribute 12.3 FPTS. Bryan's LAms combined for 41.4 FPTs in a blowout of SF. Jermaine Kearse laid a big egg against Minny though, totalling zero points on no catches for none yards. He didn't really have any better options though, as his two bench WRs combined for 5.6.

Jared's SEC Alumni RBs were great though. Gurley, Yeldon and Ingram Voltroned into 58.9 FPTS worth of victory. Andrew Luck may have only passed for <200 yards, but four scores goes a long way. Two of those went to TY Hilton, who only played when the Colts got into the Red Zone. I'm sure that is completely sustainable.

Final Score: Jared 131.5 (4-3) Bryan 121.1 (3-4)

Marital Madness

What a stinker of a game. Watching the scoreboard during this tilt made me repeatedly check to see if one of the dogs had shit in the house, as the stench of this "performance" is truly pitiful. Kia was sunk by two RBs who were hurt and not return in Bilal Powell and Shady. Drew Brees repeatedly pulled out of the game for Taysom Hill may be part of a master plan by Sean Payton, but is infuriating to watch as fantasy goodness gets fumbled away by the Stormin' Mormon. Dion Lewis had several good runs/touches in a futile effort against the Chargers. Julio continues to not find the end zone. Stefon Diggs was targeted 14 times and totalled 7.1. Looking at the PCOG group text, I find that they are both available for trade.




Troy, you're no prize either. Scanning the results of your team is stinkier than a cooking implement with baked on fish skin that has festered in the afternoon sun all the way from Salisbury to Boone. Carson Wentz was just OK until the game became tight, then he couldn't move the ball and eventually lost the game to the Panthers. Suck Allen bucks. David Johnson was repeatedly run up the middle against Denver to no gain, maybe Byron Leftwich will properly use him for Arizona. David Unpronounceablelastname looks good now that Baker is in at QB, and has a promising future for the Factory of Sadness. It did brings peals of laughter to watch DeAndre Hopkins work Jalen Sanders up and down the field for the Texans though.

Final Result, as there was not enough scoring to notice: Troy 3-4 Kia 2-5

Week 8 Hate

Andy vs Graham
Shirtless Josh vs BP
Jared vs ET
Bryan vs Troy
Johnny vs Kia
Jeremy vs Jordan
Eric vs Aaron

Atlanta, Dallas, LAC and Tennessee are on bye this week. Johnny. We are just over a month from the playoffs and things are still tight. No one is mathematically eliminated *yet* so throw together a legal lineup and pray that fate and Fantasy smile upon you. I will be huddled against the cold in the Pines, as Winter is already here and I hate it.

Week 6 Recap

Halfway through the regular season, PCOG action is warming up just in time for everyone to start losing studs due to injury and bye weeks. High scoring games occurred this week, but no game was all that close. In fact, the average margin of victory was 30.9 FPTS this past week. Just goes to show that despite the depth and breadth of our league, where we were drafting slugs and nobodies by halfway through the draft, scoring is still high and you have to have a pretty good day if one is to emerge with a victory. TO THE RECAP!

Perhaps a little theme music for our heavyweight bout?

2nd Best Hutton vs The Light of Genesis

What a titanic showdown between twin colossi: Ezekiel Elliot

https://giant.gfycat.com/MistyThoughtfulGalapagossealion.webm

ran over, around and through the once vaunted Jaguar D/ST to the tune of 26.2 FPTS. Joe Mixon contributed almost 20 points in a LOSING effort to Pitt. Gronk Robkowski routinely got wide the fuck open against KC, much to Eric's consternation and Bryan's giddy clapping.

https://streamable.com/oa0iw

Even Dan Bailey, once my beloved Dallas kicker, got in on the action and contributed a double digit day. How best to describe Bryan's fantasy output compared to his sourpuss older brother's? Why not let that same stickler say it

MERE WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS MY JOY AT HAVING DESTROYED THE PATHETIC, PITIFUL AND PITIABLE BRYGUY.

WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE? TO CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES, HAVE THEM DRIVEN BEFORE YOU, AND HEAR THE LAMENTATION OF THEIR WOMEN? NO!! TO USE THE OUTSTANDING DAY OF THEIR FAVORITE RUNNING BACK AS HE SCORES TOUCHDOWN AFTER TOUCHDOWN AFTER TOUCHDOWN! MELLY GOD-RON IS A FANTASY FEAST ALL TO HIMSELF, AND I GORGED ON 40.5 FPTS.

WHAT CAN BE SAID ABOUT TYREEK HILL THAT HAS NOT BEEN SAID ABOUT ANY OTHER FORCE OF NATURE? THREE TOUCHDOWNS TORCHED THE PATS ON SUNDAY NIGHT, YIELDING A SHIVA BLAST THAT RENT THE HEAVENS AND NECESSITATED A CHANGE OF UNDERGARMENTS!

NOT EVEN THE LAST MINUTE INACTIVITY OF TWO (2) OF MY STARTERS BROUGHT ME DOWN, AS MARQUEZ VALDEZ-SCANLTLING AND ronald jones SCORED ANOTHER 16+ FPTS!

Thus speaks the fantasy gods. Bryan called me at 11:42 on 11OCT2018 with the following message: "I will wipe the floor with the remnants of your team." Brave words.

Final Score: ANDY 149.4 (5-1) bryan 102.4 (3-3)

Oakland Hodors vs Don't Fournette About Me

Aaron got back up off the mat from a lackluster performance last week with a great one this week. 7/9 starters contributed double digits, with the Cousins to Thielen connection once again paying dividends.




40.9 FPTS, or 100.09% of Melvin Gordon, powered Aaron this week. The Raven's D/ST and their 11 sacks of Mariota didn't hurt either. AJ Green and Julian Edelman took advantage of terrible secondaries to have good days, and Mason Crosby won the MNF game almost all by himself and prevented another overtime.

Jeremy was sunk by subpar RB weeks. Jordan Howard continues to not get the ball from the Bears, Chris Ivory looks up to Shady's "production", and Isiah Crowell dropped back down to the deep of irrelevancy where he belongs.

Final Score: Aaron 126.5 (4-2) Jeremy 88.8 (3-3)

This Bud's for u and I'll take 2 vs Big Reid 1

Things were looking bleak for Eric until the last two games of the week. Johnny MoCo was up, thanks to the outstanding performance of Antonio Brown (who did absolutely nothing until the dregs of the fourth quarter), Emmanuel Sanders and Tyler Boyd. 65.7 FPTS out of three starters is terrifying. Add to that A-A-Ron's second 400+ passing week in a row, with Jimmy Graham on the end of several of those big passes, brought big trouble for Big Ried.

He answered in spectacular fashion. 87 out of his Chiefs, with another 31.2 from Rodger's best target, fueled an epic comeback. Adrian Peterson continues to turn the clock back to 2009 as he is running like a now Burgundy Jesus for Washington. Alfred Morris had zero yards on none carries, which is better than the D/STs these two trotted out (-1 for Atlanta and Chicago).

Final Score: Eric 153.1 (4-2) Johnny 126.6 (2-4)

Chalupa Batman vs Young Bloodz

Graham should have to change his name to Young Blood, as Deshaun Watson sucked out loud against Buffalo. 2.3 FPTS is terrible in this day and age of inflated production and ridiculous protection for signal callers. Everyone who didn't rely on that noodle armed turnover machine were incredible for the Cracker this week though. Alex Collins finally got the ball for the Ravens, and Alshon Jeffery emerged from the PUP list to throw up two scores against the Giants. Add those two together and you get Saquon, who is terrifying for this Cowboy's fan to think about for the next 8-10 years. Barkley routinely tramples defenders, and vaults over those he cannot for long, slashing run after another.

Jordan has her own stable of impressive young RBs in James Conner and Sony Michel. 64.3 FPTS from the two of them is a great start to any fantasy week, but unfortunately a great start for Antonio Ramiro Romo Breasseale's mom (breaking news, they are having a boy and that will be his name) was all she got and that's all she wrote. If only you had had the foresight and brilliance to start Dakota Rayne Prescott (which is also a great name for little CB to be)




and his 30+ FPTs you would have emerged victorious.

Final Score: Graham 139.7 (4-2) Jordan 121.8 (2-4)

JuJuJulio vs Breasseale and Packer

Kia can't seem to catch a break. Week after week of good production only to run into an even better day from her opponent. Big Ben and Julio continue to churn out yardage but not enough touchdowns. LeSean McCoy had his second best outing of the season. But the mediocre rushing of Dion Lewis and Bilal Powell did her in this week.

S+T continue to nail it. James White is inexplicably a RB2 with minimal usage, Peyton Barber came off his bye week with a fire in his belly and a 6.3 YPC average. The Texans D/ST had the good fortune of being on the receiving end of a Nathan Peterman sighting, who played for 1/3 of the fourth quarter and promptly threw a pick-six. If and when ODB gets his shit together you will have one hell of a team.

Final Score: S+T 126.4 (4-2) Kia 105.1 (2-4)

Something Clever vs TaubenTime4.0

Let's all congratulate Shirtless Josh from no longer being Winless Josh. A big day from Last-Minute Latavius (155 RUYD) set the mark for his squad this week. How does it feel to root for not one, but two separate Vikings starters as a Pecker fan? FF is unquestionably the Devil. Keenan Allen ran, caught and passed??

http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-game-highlights/0ap3000000973486/Chargers-trick-play-backfires-for-loss-of-19-yards

for 13.3 Corey Clement seems to be the Philly RB worth a shit after the Ajayi injury, and he contributed 17.2 FPTS.

Jared and the Gurley Men lost. Mainly because Todd Gurley II is the only player worth almost anything. His 46.5 FPT day was enough to win the game against the Broncos, but not against Josh. Andrew Luck would have had a much better day if the Jets had not possessed the ball for 17 more minutes than Indy, due to the approximately 354+98 turnovers in that slopfest in Jersey. Yeldon ran well the three times Jax called his number, Calvin Ridley isn't worth anything when he does not score. Speaking of not scoring, starting the kicker for a team that gets blanked is not gonna cut it.

Final Score: Josh 144.3 (1-5) Jared 115.4 (3-3)

Salmon Pan vs Run CMC

Let's end on a sour note, shall we? This "contest" featured two squads whose paltry performance would have lost to 11/14 PCOG teams this week. Troy decided he should get his good result out of the way quick, and Carson Wentz threw three touchdowns on TNF. DJ and DeAndre had just OK results, especially when compared to their ceilings. But escaping with floor performances is better than the basement. Evil Tyler turned into a pumpkin this week. Tarik Cohen needed OT to do anything for the Bears, CMC was stuffed against the strong run D of Washington, and Phillip Lindsay averaged over 1 FPT per touch. Sadly he only garnered 10 such touches. That's better than Quincy Enunwa, who added injury to insult (out 3-4 weeks with a high ankle sprain) by scoring -0.4 FPTS.



Final Result, as neither team scored enough to notice: Troy 103.3 (2-4) Tyler 66.2 (3-3)

Week 7 Preview

Andy vs Jeremy
Graham vs Eric
S+T vs Aaron
Josh vs Johnny
Tyler vs Jordan
Jared vs Bryan
Marital Mayhem

I do apologize for the truncated nature and late delivery of this week's recap, but I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH BLOOD FLOW TO MY BRAIN TO WRITE AS MY STILL ENGORGED ERECTION THROBS IN VICTORY OVER BRYAN AND THE JAGS! THE ONLY THING BIGGER THAN THE ASS BEATINGLY HUGE MARGIN OF VICTORY FOR AMERICA'S TEAM OVER THE KITTY KATS IS MY TUMESCENT DICK. AND THE ONLY THING BIGGER THAN THAT WAS THE MARGIN OF VICTORY OVER BRYAN! As far as I'm concerned, I win at football for all eternity after this weekend.

Week 5 Recap

Week 5 in PCOG action has come and gone. Two months remain until FF playoffs begin, and teams are beginning to make their moves. I say teams because currently our league is incredibly top heavy. 9/14 teams currently have winning records, paced by your humble commissioner and tyrant, Andy (4-1). Strangely, I am only 7th in scoring. My record is a function of points against, which is 13/14. It just goes to show you that insight and strategy is not always good enough. Sometimes you just have to wish for your opponent to get unlucky. I view this trend as proof of my faith in the fantasy gods. Praise be their name. TO THE RECAP!

GAME OF THE WEEK
Packer and Seth vs Run CMC

I thought I was being pretty clever and original in my nickname for the WR who takes handoffs from Carolina's RB. A quick google search has put to rest any such illusions.




I figured since I've provided Tyler H with an awesome team name he can have an awesome logo to go along with it. Once again though Tyler's team was not paced by Mr. McCaffery. The Bengals' D/ST cashed in with two fourth quarter TDs, boosting them past Miami and Tyler over S+T. Jared Goff is averaging three passing scores per game over his last two, which sounds awesome until a quick bit of arithmetic yields only one such throw last week. Perhaps Goff's gaff can be blamed on the quick exit of two of his three top targets, as Cooper Kupp went out in the first half with a concussion. He still managed to corral 6 catches for 90 yards and a score. Travis Kelce continues to gain 100+ yards, and Phillip Lindsay is criminally underused in Denver. The big revelation was Graham Gano. 19FPTS is incredible for a kicker, especially when he bangs in a 63 yard game winner as time expires

https://streamable.com/t3ati

Tyler and Seth could not match Aaron's win over evil from last week. I guess we now know who Rachel loves the most. Their collective anything but RB strategy in the draft continues to pay off, as the motley collection of also-rans they trot out laugh in the face of collective fantasy tradition. James White and Matt Brieda combined for 32FPTS. Which barely beat OBJ, who tallied 31.4 in all sorts of ways. 57 PAYDS and a TD combined with 130 RECYDS and another score. His beautiful trick play

https://www.clippituser.tv/c/bnkdwg

is most notable because it looked just like one of Eli's passes: so underthrown that the impeccably gifted athlete he is targeting had to slow down so long he had time to get re-taped. A great play. Zach Ertz is the only thing working in Philly's offense other than the training staff. They did field a perfect lineup this week, but not even roster perfection could net a win.

Final Score: Evil Tyler 140 (3-2) Unknown Tyler and Meathead 137.8 (3-2)


Chalupa Batman vs This week we remember KCR

First and foremost, allow my to honor and salute Johnny MoCo for starting a renaming trend in honor of our dear friend Kaleb. This past week marks not the anniversary of his passing, but another reminder to cherish the time we have with our friends and loved ones. Life is too goddamn short to not live it to the fullest. Johnny bet big on a whiny, brittle collarboned bitch with a giant nose this year. The Peckers are in a tailspin, but that offered tons of garbage time for the hobbled capgunslinger. 442 yards and three TDs from Aaron Rodgers set the mark for all QBs this week. Antonio Brown finally got back on track with Big Ben, with 100+ yards and two scores to show for it. Emmanuel Sanders, AB's former teammate, could not replicate his buddy's production with only 11.7 FPTS. All in all Johnny's reliance on the Denver Donkeys sunk his ship, exemplified by the -1 their D/ST "scored".

Jordan's busy schedule includes time to whip up on a good friend. Her team continues to be powered by RBs, with James Conner and Sony Michel combining for 61.8FPTS. Conner and Michel are being buoyed by teammates, with Conner taking the news that Le'Veon possibly returning after the bye week (Sell!Sell!Sell!Sell!Sell High While You Can!) and Michel

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/cfaf3408-5b69-4ce7-91fe-5259077e86d3

having a clear-ish route to production with Rex Burkhead on the shelf. Tyler Lockett overcame my analysis with Baldwin's return and scored 18.2 FPTS against the LAms. Alex Smith showed why KC showed him the door, as in must-pass situations in catch-up time he came up short and inaccurate on MNF. All in all maternal instincts proved viable for FF as Jordan emerged with a win.

Final Score: Jordan 116.5 (2-3) Johnny 109.4 (2-3)


For Papa Bear vs Salmon Pan

We've already seen Saquon's catch and run against the Panthers. Graham is a dedicated Panthers fan, and his week showed why FF is the devil. Rooting for your Fantasy team members who are playing against your NFL team is heartbreaking. Rooting for your Fantasy Team members who are on a hated rival is worse. Our collective phones were blowing up Monday night as these two went head to head. Deshaun Watson lit up Dallas Sunday night in overtime, and Chris Thompson capitalized on the poor game script and AD's injury Monday night. The only thing more perplexing than Alex Collins' usage is Michael Thomas' falling off a cliff. He went from a record setting pace to watching an undrafted rookie score two TDs against Washington. I would like to commend the balls on you for starting Geoff Swaim, who emerged from a fruitless TE committee in Dallas to score his first career TD. With that position being such a wasteland, any streamer (or nominal starter) who gets in the end zone is a good call.

Unfortunately for Graham, Troy had more chips on the Houston marker than the Cracker did. DeAndre Hopkins spammed the goddamned B button on this long catch to set the Texans up for the OT win BECAUSE JASON GARRETT IS A NUTLESS SCUMBAG WHO SHOULD HAVE RUN THE FUCKING BALL WITH FOURTH AND ONE IN THAT VERY SAME OT, UTILIZING AN AMAZING RB AND SOMEWHAT LESSENED BUT STILL DOMINANT OFFENSIVE LINE.

https://streamable.com/pc8fr

But the Clapper preferred to play for a tie. And should therefore die. Alfred Blue was the other productive Houston chip, and he chipped in 20+ FPTS for team Salmon Pan. The recently traded for David Johnson finally got going, with 24.6 FPTS on 23407203948 touches against the 4-9ers. As he mentioned in the group text, Jay Ajayi is up for trade due to an ACL tear that has put him on the surgeon's table.

Final Score: Troy 125.4 (1-4) Graham 112.3 (3-2)


Remote threw The TV Screen vs Tauben Time 0-4

We have already highlighted how several PCOG members renamed their teams to honor our buddy. My name is from my favorite story about Kaleb. I had only been in Boone for a couple weeks, and due to PROTECTING YOUR FREEDOMS IN IRAQISTAN had missed out on Tebowmania in the 2011 NFL season. I returned in December of that year, and was bewildered by the collegiate all-star and NFL flash-in-the-pan leading the former moribund Denver Donkeys to the playoffs. They were matched up against Pittsburgh, Kaleb's team, in the Wild Card round of the playoffs. This game was to be played at Mile High because the AFC West was atrocious at the time and the Steelers couldn't beat out the eventual SB champ Ravens for the division. Tebow leads the Broncos all the way back to tie the game and send it to overtime. Here comes the story. Kaleb, emotionally distant and calm man that he is, tomahawked his TV remote through his screen in the fourth quarter. Cue a frantic screaming phone call to Bryan, who cleared him to come watch the end of the game at our house. I had been briefed on what happened at Kaleb's house and almost missed this play attempting to protect my television.

He storms out. My screen was safe. Many more afternoons and evenings were spent with him, watching football and laughing our balls off.

This week I should have changed my name to Gordon and Company. The Charger continues to power my team, totalling 24.8 FPTS against the Raiders. Robert Woods took advantage of his running mates going down and scored 17.5 as the noly viable WR in the second half. Matthew Stafford didn't have to do much against the Pack, as they got out to a 24-0 lead and sat on the ball. One would think that Kerryon Johnson would have had a better day and he should have, but he was vultured twice (2x) by the lumbering corpse that is Legarrette Blount.

Shirtless Josh is flailing wildly against the slings and arrows of fate and fantasy. He traded away DJ just in time to watch him light it up for Troy. His new RB, Derrick Henry, should have had a great time against the hapless Bills but fell short. Latavius Murray showed just why he is the second back for the Vikes. Cam Newton was taking notes as a WR showed that one does not necessarily have to overthrow deep targets. Keenan Allen has been close but not quite all year. John Brown finally fell back to earth against the Browns?????

Final Score: Andy 104.7 (4-1) Josh 84.6 (0-5)


Don't Fournette About Me vs Freedom Rides Shotgun

We are all aware of the vagaries of destiny in FF. I certainly hope that Jeremy played the stupid tax this week, because he hit the Powerball RB jackpot this week. Isaiah Crowell, he who is supremely talented and breaks off 4 or more 70+ yard runs per season, which inevitably increases his yards per carry and makes him look palatable in the offseason, went crazy against Denver. 215 yards on 15 carries equals 43.4 FPTS. Here is his big TD run.

https://twitter.com/NFL/status/1048992634503540736

Tom Brady did his best Patrick Mahomes impression on TNF, strafing the Colts for 30.3 FPTS. JuJu was hamstrung by AB's re-emergence, but the Cardinals contributed 17 FPTS.

Bryan continues to rack up RB points, with Zeke, Hyde and Mixon contributing 54.4 FPTS. Felipe Rios could have had a much bigger day but settled for 24.6. Bryan's Achilles Heel is his WR "production", with 6.9 total points from two starters.




I'm certainly not going to trade you one though.

Final Score: Jeremy 142.4 (3-2) Bryan 112.4 (3-2)


Big Ried 1 vs Something Clever

As the Chiefs go, so goes Eric. He has consistently relied on Mahomes' ridiculous passing production to power his team. Against the Jags, he could not find quite the levels of success that he did against lesser defenses. While he did score another rushing touchdown, his first two picks of the year did not help his fantasy day. Kareem Hunt contributed another running TD and 21.4 FPTS. Davante Adams gutted through a hamstring injury for the Pack and was the best target on the field for A-A-Ron. AD dislocated his shoulder in the first half against the Saints, and Amari Cooper continued his on-again off-again ways. Eric Ebron had a big day for the Colts. On second examination, how did you lose this game? Not starting anyone in the FLEX position probably contributed. But not even an optimal lineup would have netted a win this week.

Jared's patience paid off big this week. Sitting on Mark Ingram for four weeks had to suck, but two TDs in his first game of the season is a pleasant boon. Enjoy sitting him again in his bye week. Todd Gurley helped to mash the Seahawks for the win, and Andrew Luck had 24.1 against the Pats on Thursday. TJ Yeldon continues to produce in Fournette's place. On a closer look, it appears that Jared's FF strategy is to draft every player that ever played for Alabama. Yeldon, Ridley, Ingram. Kia, beware any trade from him where he tries to get Julio.

Final Score: Jared 145.7 (3-2) Eric 129.9 (3-2)


Oakland Hodors vs JuJuJulio.

Aaron and Jordan's upcoming baby shower is proof that he is not shooting blanks, but after last week's explosion I guess he just couldn't get it up this time. Cousins to Thielen continues to be huge, AJ Green "only" had 15.8 FPTS and Aaron Jones got game scripted against the Lions. The real revelation is that Alvin Kamara's touches sank through the basement with the return on Ingram. Some of this could probably be chalked up to the overwhelming lead the Saints built up so early, but this has to be a warning sign for the rest of the year. Oh well, you'll always have September of 2018.

Final Score: Kia 101.5 (2-3) Aaron 87.5 (3-2)

Week 6 Preview
MAIN EVENT- Big Brothers Brawl: Andy 4-1 vs Bryan 3-2
Aaron 3-2 vs Jeremy 3-2
Johnny 2-3 vs Eric 3-2
Jordan 2-3 vs Graham 3-2
Kia 2-3 vs S+T 3-2
Jared 3-2 vs Josh 0-5
Troy 1-4 vs Tyler 3-2

Detroit and New Orleans are on bye this week. Yet another hurricane is threatening the low lying areas of the Southeast. How about we all move back to the High Country and laugh at such storms, until we are buried under snow in Boone when Winter finally Arrives. It's almost hoodie weather so the bitch is well on her way.

Week 4 Recap

Fantasy Football is about more than proving one's superiority in all things over one's friends. Fantasy Football is a wondrous pastime wherein insight and preparation meet dumb fucking luck. Week 4 in the 2018 PCOG is a better example of this than anything else I can think of right now. Let's get to it:TO THE RECAP!

JFC did you leave any points for anyone else?

I tremble as I type these words. I pray that once more I can see such devastating fantasy performances again, from the comfort of an easy win over one of my best friends. Tyler and Aaron put together a duel that was incredible in the fantasy fireworks it produced. One has never seen two such juggernuts splattering across the face of Lady Luck ever. Where to begin? Tyler should take great solace in the fact that his formerly best player and team namesake Christian McCaffrey was on a golf outing during this titanic contest, plagued by an early bye week. Jared Goff set all time records for passer rating x passing attempts (158.3). That is absolute perfection. 46.3 FPTS on the back of 465 passing yards and 5 TDs is incredible. Even Ryan Fucking Fitzmagic stands jaw agape at such production (more on this later). Cooper Kupp Runneth Over with Passing yards strafed the formerly staunch Vikings secondary back into tertiary status. Golden Tate, whom I hate more than Coach K and Al-Quaeda combined, racked up 132 yards and two long touchdowns in busted coverage against Dallas. Phillip Lindsay and Duke Johnson Jr, two pint sized receiving backs, combined for a very nice 30 FPTS. Travis Kelce should have had an even bigger game, but who could hope to contain the plasma bolts that emerge from the Red Devil's howitzer of a right arm? Those three drops will haunt Tyler, as they could have been the difference in this game. More haunting is the third of the smuRBfs that Tyler has on his roster. Tarik Cohen is inexplicably the bell calf in the current iteration of the Bear's offense, and his gigantic 31.2 FPTS withered on the vine, marooned to the bench.

Aaron also took advantage of the TNF bonanza. 34.7 FPTS is incredible against the LAms defense. Adam Thielen was on the end of many of Captain Kirk's beautiful passes, good enough for 25.5 FPTS. White Men may not be able to Jump, but somehow on Thursday Night they were able to get wide the fuck open against excellent defenses. Tevin Coleman did not score a TD or combine for 100+ total yards for the first time without Donta Freeman, as instead his rushing TD was vultured by Ito Smith. AJ Green contributed the winning TD in overtime against those same Falcons. Jared Cook seems to think Derek Carr is way better than Aaron Rodgers, as his to date production outstrips anything he ever did with the State Farm Witch. Aaron's patience paid off with his start of Aaron Jones, Pecker RB, who totaled 17.5 FPTS in his first action back from a drug suspension. But we all know who Aaron's stud of studs truly is: Alvin Kamara is a FF cheat code. I fully expected the Saints to annihilate the Giants in Jersey, but it seems that Alvin was the only player to get on track. And by get on track I mean be the entire offense for NOLA. 47.4 FPTS with almost 200 combined yards and 3 TDs is just incredible. This was the week for him to peak, as you needed every erg of power you could coax out of your murderer's row of a team. I congratulate the both of you. Funnily enough, this was also the game of the week, with the winning difference being 9.6 FPTS, or slightly over a third of what Tarik Cohen would have contributed.

Final Score: MY EYES, JESUS GOD MY POOR BLINDED EYES! Aaron 204.5 (3-1) Tyler 194.9 (2-2)


Birmingham Blinders vs Big Ried 1

This game was pretty tranquil in Casa de los Pines. Some good lineup decisions were made on both teams such as starting Andy Dalton over Matt Stafford. But both teams looked longingly at all of the beautiful production squandered on the bench. Robert Woods' almost 20 FPTS rotted away on Thursday night, Amari Cooper continued his on-again off-again ways with almost 24 in OT. The real kicker was Mitchell Trubisky's 6 Passing TDs that contributed nothing. Not that the homer fuck would have ever not started Mahomes, but you could not believe the amount of griping that went on as score after score was not scored for Eric. Needless to say I was also not happy to watch him clap with glee and act completely boorishly in front of his mother, a Denver fan, as Kareem Hunt finally woke up and the Chiefs pulled out a big win on the road. Needless to say, our combined joy over real football outpaced fantasy.

Final Score: Andy is better at life than Eric, who's NFL team is better than Andy's.


JuJuJulio vs Hyde n Zeke

Your PCOG group text was infiltrated by an announcement from me regarding these two teams. Late last week (Saturday I believe) a trade was agreed upon where Bryan would send Gronk and Carlos Hyde to Kia for Diggs and a random Charger. The two agreed that the trade should not go through before their respective game was complete, and due to that delay, would not be processed if an injury were to occur. Given Gronk Robkowski's ankle booboo, this trade was cancelled by me based on their conditions. The actual game was highlighted by Ezekiel Elliot's re-emergence as the only star in Big D. 200+ combined yards and a late go ahead touchdown sparked 40+ FPTS. Felipe had a much harder time against the hapless 4-9ers than one would have thought he would, but still earned 22.2 FPTS. Carlos Hyde met a record previously held by LaDanian Tomlinson, in that he has 65+ rushing yards and a rushing touchdown in 6 straight games dating back to last year. He continued this performance in Oakland against the Raiers. Alex Collins punched in a short TD and treated us all to an Irish dance on Sunday night. For Kia, that same Sunday night did not yield the scoring performance by Big Ben. 14.6 FPTS is terrible in this day and age of incredible protection for QBs. LeSean McCoy is evidently the problem in Buffalo, as without him the Bills average 38 points per game and with him they are 0-3. Julio is on pace for 2K+ yards recieving and 0 (zero) receiving touchdowns. Stefon Diggs was not on a white guy pace Thursday night, but still contributed almost a 20.

Final Score: Bryan 130.2 (3-1) Kia 104 (1-3)


Todd Gurley II vs Aaron and the Pack

Jared bet big on the continuance of Fitzmagic, and it ended up after one half of play FitzTragic. I fully cop to attempting to boost the idea that a bearded journeyman was an actual starting caliber QB in this very space two weeks ago, fully expecting that the inevitable would happen and he would turn back into PicksPatrick. He only threw one such turnover, but was replaced at halftime by Jameis Winston, who is most famous for his propensity for using the five finger discount on crab legs and Uber driver's legs. Andrew Luck's 37.4 FPTS would have been enough to get Jared over the hump, but sadly he remained on the bench. Good luck starting him next week without TY Hilton, who is hamstrung by a hamstring injury. Calvin Ridley continues to collect all of the touchdowns that should go to Julio, and Todd Gurley is worthy of his #1 overall draft pick.

Johnny has a hobbled Rodgers, the Peckers D/ST, and a collection of meh. Antonio Brown can't seem to get going. Royce Freeman is barely keeping Phillip Lindsay at bay in the Denver backfield, Jamaal Williams is done as the Pecker RB. Jimmy Graham is a TD or bust TE, but he snagged a score against Buffalo. Tyler Boyd's 16.5 FPTS were squandered on the bench, but ultimately not necessary against Mr Lindsay Harris. Your appeal has been denied, Counselor.

Final Score: Johnny 101.1 (2-2) Jared 78.5 (2-2)


Inside Joke vs Obscure Reference

Jordan is an old-school FF player. Her team is powered by a RB-RB duo, with the old bull (Marshawn Lynch) leading the young calf (Sony Michel). They combined for almost 50 FPTS. James Conner has not kept up the blistering pace he showed early on (that Jordan traded for), but still contributed 10.2 FPTS. Will Fuller V has caught a TD from Deshaun Watson in 7 straight games, but left early with an injury. Tyler Lockett is worthless now that Doug Baldwin is back from injury. Dak Prescott lead America's Team in a come from behind victory but couldn't crack 20 in FF. Nyheim Hines exploded for 24.8 FPTS on the bench. Good luck trying to ride that lightning the rest of the year. But at least it looks like Le'Veon Bell will be back by week 8.

Troy had the other side of Watson's receivers. DeAndre Hopkins had a big game in OT against the Colts. Keenan Allen was questionable with an arm injury and a tooth???? before kickoff. Jay Ajayi threw in 13.4 FPTS, Buck Allen didn't get his vulture TD. The Yuccaneers D/ST had almost as many negative points as Trubisky had passing scores. Carson Wentz's 24.2 big points withered away on the bench, but starting him would not have altered the outcome.

Final Score: Jordan 120.6 (1-3) Troy 87.8 (0-4)


TaubenTime 0-4 vs Don't Fournette About Me

It's too bad Jeremy fournette to handcuff his first round pick. Leonard's soft tissue issues cropped back up in the first half and he never returned. Jordan Howard's team was up by a bajillion points, but Chicago's new playcaller fournot to give his hammer the ball to salt the game away. Isaiah Crowell pulled a Crowell and disappeared after a good performance last week. Tom Brady threw in 22 while throwing towards a win against the Olphins. Sterling Shepard contributed 20.7 in an expanded role after Evan Engram's injury.

Going into MNF Shirtless Josh still had a chance. Not a great chance as he started Case Keenum at QB, but a chance. David Johnson finally woke up, his former teammate John Brown went off against the Steelers, and Nelson Agholor turned 12 targets into 4.7 FPTS. The Vikings D/ST were decimated on TNF and "scored" -9 FPTS for Josh.

Final Score: Jeremy 92.7 (2-2) Josh 70.1 (0-4)


Brazil and not a Pecker's fan vs Young Bloodz

I am continually contrite for lambasting Seth and Tyler P after the draft. They lit up a score that in a non brother-in-law week would have topped the PCOG. Matt Ryan has 300+ PAYDS and 3+ TDs in three straight weeks. Giovanni Bernard continues to rack up points with no Joe Mixon. James White turned back into his Super Bowl MVP form. ODB still sucks, Mike Evans can't catch passes from a pumpkin or a predator, Zach Ertz continues to produce.

Graham had a great week and Tyler level luck in his opponent. Deshaun Watson continues to produce, Saquon Barkley continues to give Giants' fans hope for the future. Brandin Cooks is a LAms receiver and therefore had 100+ yds and a TD. Alshon Jeffery came up big in his return from shoulder surgery, and when Trey Burton isn't covered deep downfield he will catch a TD.

Final Score: S&T 156.1 (3-1) Graham 136.6 (3-1)


Week 5 Preview:

Andy vs Shirtless Josh
Jordan vs Johnny
Jeremy vs Bryan
Aaron vs Kia
Eric vs Jared
Graham vs Troy
Tyler vs Tyler and Seth

Sorry about the lateness of this week's article and the low effort therein. I figured y'all wanted a so-so effort rather than none at all. The Bears and Buccs are on bye and Winter is Coming.

League Manager's Note

Edit LM Note

Week 2 Recap

Week 2 has brought balance to the PCOG. Three 2-0 teams emerged, with three 0-2 teams lagging behind and eight 1-1 teams vie for prominence. It is of course better to start off with a hot beginning as Eric, Graham and Aaron have, but by no means is anyone out of contention. For instance, one team began last season red hot at 4-0 with the most points scored. That idiot moron ended up missing the playoffs entirely, a ghastly result that was only partially salved by earning over a thousand dollars in another league that nobody cares about. The only advice one could give to those not currently undefeated is to continue to work your terrible team, anything can happen in Fantasy Football. To the Recap!

Someone Short vs Birmingham Blinders

Melvin Gordon beat the Bills all by himself. The Chargers wisely sat him for most of the second half against Josh Allen's second career JUCO team. While he did collect three TDs, I would have really appreciated some more yardage. Call me greedy. Speaking of greed, Tyreek "Cheetah Speed" Hill finally woke up in the second half of a shootout in the Steel City. We've all seen what destruction he can wreak when properly utilized for a full game, exemplified by the business end of this laser from Mahomes

The rest of my team was very meh. Four starting slots contributed 14.9 FPTS, which is simply not good enough in this deep and competitive league.

Ryan Fucking FitzMagic is the second coming of Peyton Goddamn Manning. He leads the league in yards, yards per attempt, yards per game and is tied for longest pass (and had two more 75 yard TDs this week). He is the epitome of #beardballin



https://twitter.com/PFTCommenter/status/1041378718202126336

Thank god that Jared was too busy studying his cameltry to bother start him. 38.2 FPTS left to rot on the bench has got to sting. Luckily for opposing counsel, his massive scoregasm was not required to dispatch team FUKN. Todd Gurley's first half heroics (three TDs) paced all RBs for the week. Good job on the first overall pick. TJ Yeldon was a poor imitation of Fournette but still racked up double digit FPTS. The Luck to Hilton combo was also productive, with 29.7 FPTS through the air. I am more and more coming around to the idea that the QB/WR stack is a great way to build one's team. Sammy Watkins was the only chief this side of Sitting Bull to not score against the laughable Steeler's defense this week but still garnered over 100 total yards. Evan Engram collected the winning points against Dallas in garbage time on MNF.




Final Score: Jared130.1 (1-1) Andy 112.3 (1-1)

First or last.. Back 2 Back <@:> vs TaubenTime 4.0

Tyler started his title defense with a definite thud last week, only to rebound this week with 133.6 big points. Run CMC is more of a pass catching CMC ( currently has 22 receptions vs 20 rushing attempts this year) but is a firm starting RB in his second year. 23.9 FPTS in a come-from-behind attempt in Atlanta came up just short for the Panthers but helped earn a win for Tyler. Travis Kelce bounced back nicely from a squadoosh in week one with 27.4 FPTS in Week 2, buoyed by two TDs. Phillip Lindsay, waiver wire darling of Week 1, broke loose for this long touchdown that resulted in most of his points for the week.

https://www.denverbroncos.com/video/phillip-lindsay-breaks-free-for-a-53-yard-gain

Golden Tate and Jimmy G played against each other in the NFL but together in the PCOG. Most of their production occured in a wild second half that had the Lions come back from double digits down. Together they accrued 31 FPTS.

Josh's team is lead by Cam Newton, the running back with the most passing yards and interceptions in league history. Once again he was treated as a RB by opposing defenses, suffering this clearly dirty hit that lead to the ejection of the flagged Falcon.

Somehow Cam "cleared" the NFL's concussion protocol to remain in the game, yielding 32.9 FPTS in a losing effort in Atlanta. Nelson Aghodor




continued his come back from career death. The once bust first round pick of Philadelphia contributed 19.3 FPTS, but as we all know, when one goes against FitzMagic, one's results will inevitably be FitzTragic. Speaking of tragic and already dead, David Johnson is being hamstrung by the putrid performances around him in the desert. Let's all pour one out for the should be production of a recently very rich man.

Final Score: Tyler 133.6 (1-1) Shirtless Josh 106.1 (0-2)

Breasseale and Packer vs Fresh Tips

The very cleverly named Rachel's boys bet big on Matt Breida being the McKinnon replacement, and he showed up huge on this long run against the Lions

https://streamable.com/qhilr

34.2 FPTS for the week was only bested by the Gurley Man. James White continues to catch passes from Brady as the only reliable option in the Pat's backfield. Mike Evans now has an appreciable QB slinging darts at him in the Fitzpatrick, and Zach Ertz had a pretty good day for a TE. About the only starter that didn't produce numbers was OBJ. The Cowboy Killer himself was held to four catches for 51 yards against Dallas. Both of you two and Eli are wondering how this traditionally juicy matchup didn't have better results.




Troy is understandably distracted from FF this year, due to personal tragedy. That being said, your team sucks balls. About the only player that was worth anything is the impeccable DeAndre Hopkins (21 FPTS). Derrick Henry should have had a big day, with his team nursing a double digit lead, for a team starting Blaine Gabbert in place of Mariota. How does he only get 18 carries? So weird. Jay Ajayi left the TB game with a back injury, only to come back and score a TD. Keenan Allen's majesty and injury history was benched in the Buffalo blowout, leaving Troy wanting more.

Final Score: S+T 117.7 (1-1) Troy 75.5 (0-2)

Big Ried 1 vs Hyde n Zeke

I've been looking forward to this for years. None of the rest of you, unless you've had the misfortune of sharing Bryan's living room as these two retards try their hands at Madden, have not had to listen to the screeching and nonsensical rambling that go along with two of my brothers talking about football. This was absolutely perfect. Eric, the homer fuck that he is, bet big on the Chiefs this year. Bryan, battered former San Diego fan, is not quite as leveraged but still trots out Felipe Rios as his starter at QB.




We will start with the PCOG FNG. HOLY DOGSHIT BATMAN, PATRICK MAHOMES MAKES RYAN FITZPATRICK LOOK LIKE THE SCRUB JOURNEYMAN HE IS AT HIS BEARDED CORE. Mahomes, the rocket armed dick swinger in (KC) Chief, has ten (10!!!) passing touchdowns in the first two games. That breaks Peyton Goddamn Manning's record from 2013, the same season he broke the single season record for passing scores with 55. Mahomes is on pace to throw 80 such strikes this year.






Kareem Hunt finally got in on the action, muscling in a short screen for a receiving score from the Red Devil. Davante Adams and Amari Cooper totaled 34 FPTS, more than making up for Adrian Peterson remembering that he is 3349623984 years old and only scoring 9.3 FPTS for Washington. To put the cherry on top, the Chicago Khalilasar led by Khal Mack devastated the Seahawks and Russell Wilson, sacking him 6 times and gathering up four turnovers for 21 juicy points.

Bryan was sunk not by poor performances but by ones that were not complete. Sr. Rios compiled 22.5 FPTS, most of which were in the first half. Joe Mixon continued his excellent play against the Ravens, but was in and out of the game with a knee. He had a scope on Friday and will be out for the next two weeks. In the same game, Alex Collins was in and out of the lineup in strange moves by Baltimore. Greg the Leg Zuerlien hurt his wittle weg in warmups, leading to the punter attempting field goals and Gurley going for two (thanks for that). Demaryius caught five passes on 11 targets, which is good, but only for 18 yards, which sucks. Gronk could not smash against Jacksonville. Even with a perfect lineup Bryan would have come up just short, but that is what he deserves for jumping out of airplanes at 200+ pounds for half a decade.

Final Score: Eric 146.7 (1-1) Bryan 107.3 (1-1)

Young Bloodz vs JJJJulio

That Cracker Graham's squad of up and comers put such a beating on Kia that she will probably attend a march in D.C. wearing a weird football hat. Deshaun Watson, formerly the best young QB in the game, had 24 FPTS with the return of Will Fuller the Fifth. Saquon Barkley caught a bajillion passes for no yards against Dallas. Michael Thomas set a new record for receptions through two games with 28. Brandin Cooks was robbed of a wide open TD grab in the only effort that Arizona expended in LA except for DJ.

Kia had a couple of huge plays this week. Ben Rapistburger had over 300 yards passing in the first half of the firefight in Pittsburgh, and capped his day off with this rushing TD

https://www.steelers.com/video/highlight-roethlisberger-scramble-for-3-yard-td

Stefon Diggs caught this deep pass and the subsequent 2 point conversion to tie this game up in the fourth quarter

https://streamable.com/uj6cv

Other than Bilal Powell's "good" game against the suddenly stiff Miami D/ST, there is nothing much to comment on other than Kia's bad luck. her score this week would have beat 10/14 of the PCOF teams this week.

Final Score Graham 156.9 (2-0) Kia 141.1 (1-1)

Don't Fournette About Me vs This Buds for u And I'll take 2

The closest game of the week (Winning margin .5 FPTS) came down to consistency over erratic production. Johnny had no (0) players score over 20 FPTS, and was paced by Aaron Rodgers in a horrible matchup against Minny. His Packer stack came away with 44% of his weekly scoring. Antonio Brown was seemingly the only WR on the field who didn't tear it all the way up, and had a predictable hissy fit on the sidelines. Jeremy had one notable peak (JuJu, who scored 25.6 FPTS in the same game) and Tom Brady in an even worse predicament than A-A-Ron. But subpar scoring sunk his battleship this week, leaving him just short.

Final Score: Johnny 91.4 (1-1) Jeremy 90.9 (1-1)

Team Girl vs Chalupa Batman

How sweet Fantasy Football is. In what other endeavor can a loving couple, about to welcome another fucking Packer fan into the world, clash and collide yet still remain bound by the vows of holy matrimony? In what other instance can one Green Bay Pecker fan cheer as the Vikings march up and down the field in the fourth quarter, slashing around and through the "defense" of his favorite team? In PCOG of course! Kirk Cousins and Adam Thielen had an outstanding day in the land of cheese and ties, earning 65.1 FPTS and high blood pressure in the Brazil's formerly tiny household. AJ Green started the week off with a bang, scoring three touchdowns in 17 minutes against the D/ST that Aaron started. Such wonderful schadenfreude is just beautiful. Alvin Kamara continues to be a deadly receiver and so-so running back, and Tevin Coleman filled in nicely for Devonta Freeman. Pierre Garcon should have earned mega points for the blocks the sprung Philip Lindsay in an earlier highlight, but this is merely fantasy and not real Football.

When Jordan traded in a fit of maternal madness for DeSean Jackson, I laughed out loud at the prospect of FitzMagic continuing and used my Commissioner's powers to approve the trade. Imagine my horror at the first play of the TB-Philly game when Jackson ripped off another 75 yard TD!

https://streamable.com/ztnd2

Alas, D-Jax was the only big hitter for Jordan this week. Marshawn continues to BeastMode for the dumpster fire about to move to Vegas, and Tyler Lockett is only acceptable as Russell Wilson's #2 weapon in Seattle. James Conner, the jewel of Week 1, came back to earth this week and only scored 19 FPTS. If you are going to rely on Jackson, please put Fuller V in your lineup as well. He is the same player with less mileage and an even streakier QB.

Final Score Aaron 162.8 (2-0) Jordan 103.4 (0-2)

Week 3 Preview
Bar owner vs Bar Technician: Johnny (1-1) vs Andy (1-1)
Parasitical Twin vs Shortest Brother: Troy (0-2) vs Jared (1-1)
Feel the Vivance: Bryan (1-1) vs Josh (0-2)
Protest vs Patriarchy: Kia (1-1) vs Tyler H (1-1)
Motherhood vs Armed Brotherhood: Jordan (0-2) vs S+TP (1-1)
Running Back vs Throwing Back: Jeremy (1-1) vs Eric (1-1)
Peanut's Daddy vs Freedom's Daddy: Aaron (2-0) vs Graham (2-0)

Hurricane Florence has come and gone, with all of us emerging safe and soaked. Let's all be thankful that this storm that could have been so much worse gave us a pass, and prepare because if another one hit's the Pines I will be on one of your couches with The Best Vito Puppy in tow. Winter is Coming.

Week 1 Recap

The Church of the National Football League had it's first service of the year, and I personally did not enjoy the sermon at all. The Cowboys are horrid and I am now actively rooting for Dallas to lose 14-15 games so we can finally be rid of the Clapper 




Miss a field goal? Fumble the ball away? Inexplicably keep your job because your gum smacked lips are glued firmly to the ass of Zombie Jerry Jones? 






Dallas is going to suck out loud this year. While that means personal sorrow for me, that means fantasy suckage for all of you. Every time Dallas is dogshit I wreak havoc in FF. So pretend to work for the next 25ish minutes at your place of employment, because the 2018 PCOG season is off and running! TO THE RECAP! 




Week 1

Birmingham Blinders vs Washed up Wreckage 

A matchup that tied 
https://www.google.com/search?q=pittsburgh+vs+cleveland&oq=pittsburgh+vs+clev&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0l5.10223j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#sie=m;/g/11hdb0yrgt;6;/m/059yj;dt;fp;1 

for the closest game of the week (1.2 FPTS margin of victory) was blown wide open by the greatest living American, Tyreek Hill (37.3 FPTS) 




Given the majesty that is the fastest kid on the planet, I would like to immediately propose a change in our scoring format. Wherein, special teams plays should rightly contribute to our games instead of having to rely on the D/ST to score those points. For instance, if a certain unnamed player ripped off an 80+ yard punt return for a TD, leaving countless (11) hapless slappys flopping in the wake of his greatness, I believe that those contributions should be reflected in his/her/xur fantasy output. 
The rest of my team was ok, paced by my two first round picks in Dalvin Cook and Melvin Gordon (42.4 combined FPTS). This game was still up in the air leading to the MNF tilts, and Team FUKN was almost derailed by the re-emergence of Matt Stafford's pickiness. 4 fucking interceptions cut his production in half, and I was only saved by the grace of Detroit's coaching decision to bench the third highest paid QB in the league with 8+ minutes to go in the game. Often FF games are decided on the edge of a knife, and if Stafford had thrown one more pick or had been sacked three more times I would have tested my knife on my own wrists. 

Tyler and Seth were excoriated in the post draft article and very nearly made me eat my own words. The zero RB strategy that was dismissed as "Baffling" by an unknown ghost writer yielded gigantic dividends in Week 1. OBJ, Evans and Landry racked up 61.1 FPTS in a series of thrilling games. Good luck relying on the fruits of Fitzmagic, Tyrod "I'm gonna hold onto the Ball" Taylor and the Best Remaining Manning for production for your studs. James White, and Brieda, who were described as not even starting, also created acceptable FF output. I'm sure someone will attempt to trade-rape you guys in the next few weeks. 

Final Score: Andy 125.1 (1-0), Tyler and Seth 123.9 (0-1)


TaubenTime 4.0 vs Big Reid 1 

Continuing the trend of close games, Eric and Shirtless Josh clashed in a very close game. Josh had a very good lineup, with only one player that scored in a subpar manner (Greg Olson, who rebroke his foot from last year and will miss at least a month). Cam Newton (20 FPTS) broke the all time QB rushing TD record against Dallas 




with that second half scamper. His career thus far can be best summed up as he also leads the league in RB interceptions thrown. David Johnson came back from an early injury last year, and had a good day against the Washington Thinskins. Randall Cobb, who almost got cut for cap reasons in the preseason, helped to save the Pack on Sunday night with a catch-up performance resulting in 28.7 FPTS. Josh's early selection of the Vikings D/ST seems to be a pretty good decision, as they beat up Jimmy G to the tune of three picks, three sacks, a forced fumble and a pick six. 

Speaking of QBs with limited starting experience AND selections that were criticized, Patrick Mahomes is a QB god. 4 touchdown passes on 27 attempts is probably not sustainable, but as long as he keeps chucking bombs to Tyreek he is good in my book. Adrian Beatshisson, Washington legend, looked great in a revenge game against his old team in Arizona. Davante Adams also contributed to that comeback attempt against Eric's Bear's D/ST. Kareem Hunt strangely did not offer much in the offensive explosion against San Diego/Los Angeles/Orange County, but he was better than Amari Cooper going against the twin titans that the Rams start at CB. Nice job popping your PCOG cherry against a former Champ of this league. 

Final Score: Eric 133.2 (1-0), Josh 131.7 (0-1)


Last or First.. Back 2 Back :"{ vs Young Bloodz 

Tyler sucks at FF. He had the worst scoring output of any team in the PCOG. His pathetic gaggle of "players" featured a 0 FPT, a 1.1 FPT and two 8s. Marquise Goodwin is a typical track guy, who suffered a boo-boo and will be out at least 27 weeks until he feels 100% again. Jimmy G's bad day in Minny has already been detailed. Golden Tate contributed well in garbage time against the suddenly juggeriffic Jets and Run-CMC found little room against the stifling Dallas D. Tyler sucks and should retire from FF. 

Graham bet big on several unproven players, starting with Saquon My Name Barkley. The Cracker's first round pick exploded against the very tough Jax D/ST for this beaut of a 68 yard TD in his first NFL experience 

Michael Thomas caught 16! passes in a laugher against the Buccs. That same game "produced" -7 FPTS for the Saints D/ST as they were absolutely strafed by Fitzmagic. Kenyan Drake shared the load with the ancient and calcified Frank Gore in a game that kicked off at 1 PM EST and did not end until after 8 due to lighting and the general indifference of football fans everywhere. Doug Baldwin tore up his other knee and is done for months. Trey Burton, hero of the SB in the Philly Philly play to beat the Pats, caught 1/6 passes from the Biscuit. ALL HAIL GRAHAM, HE WHO SHOWS THAT TYLER IS INDEED MORTAL. A grateful PCOG nation salutes you sir. 

Final Score: Graham 96.5 (1-0) Tyler 76.3 (l0l-1)

Something Clever vs Don't Fournette About Me 

Jeremy, 2017 Sacko, set out to not repeat in a victorious effort. IDK if relying on Isaiah Crowell is a weekly winner though. He had a monstrous 32.7 FPTS against the _etroit Lions _/ST, mainly on a garbage time long TD run that Stephen Hawking's corpse could have motored through in his wheelchair that was being remotely controlled by Michael J Fox on a bad MS day. Tom Brady had an alright day against Houston, but that left diminutive Drew Bree's and his gigundous production on the bench. Have fun agonizing over who to start between those two passing legends every week. Jeremy's team name is derived from his first round pick, who has already broken the injury seal this year. I'm sure TJ Yeldon will be the top WW pickup this week. I hope you haven't fournetten about your RB depth behind the beast from the Southeast. JuJu had a long should have been TD. Maybe next year if he does more sprints in the offseason and less FortNite he will break that same play for the TD. 

Jared continued his streak from the 2017 College Football Championship game. Relying on a Georgia star (Gurley II, 29.7 FPTS) for outrageous production only to fall just short of the ultimate goal. The Luck/TY combo generated 33.8 FPTs for the Campbell Cameltoe, and Rex Burkhead ran for almost a dozen points against Houston. I hope you are not patient enough to hold on to Ingram. If you get desperate, hit up ol' Uncle Andy. 

Final Score: Jeremy 124.7 (1-0) Jared 104.9 (0-1)

Fresh Tips vs Team Girl 

Aaron ended this NFL week very conflicted. His beloved Quarterpacker looked to have suffered a serious knee injury, but game back in a win. Good luck protecting him against the fierce Vikings pass rush. It's not like a game vs Minny has ever resulted in a bad outcome for a QB who relies on mobility to extend plays when he is currently nursing a bum wing. But, BUT, Aaron's FF QB is a beast. Kirk/Kurt/Kurd Cousins and Adam Thielen looked to be the NFL's next big combo, as they produced huge numbers against the 4-9ers. Marshawn Lynch looked to regain his form against a tough LA Lams D/ST, AJ Green dropped one TD and had a fumble but still came out with 16.2 FPTS. Jared Fucking Cook turned a matchup advantage into a true Gruden Grinder. 180 receiving yards may be what he gets in the next 15 games. But the true star of Aaron's team is Alvin Kamara. He may have only had 29 yards on the ground but scorched Tampa for 112 through the air, with three combined TDs along the way. All told Aaron had the highest output in PCOG this week, and looks to have a completely stacked squad. 

Troy was outclassed this week. Keenan Allen had a great day, with 108 yards and a TD against KC. Russell Wilson had good production against in a hostile environment at Mile High, despite losing his best weapon. Jay Ajayi had a good opening salvo on Thursday night against Atlanta, with two rushing TDs creating most of his production. The rest of Troy's team was nondescript though. FF is not a sprint, but a long, long marathon. You have a good team who just ran into a buzzsaw. 

Final Score: Aaron 169.3 (1-0) Troy 120.1 (0-1)

Hyde n Zeke vs This Buds for u And I'll Take 2 

Johnny MoCo ran into a natural disaster this week, and Hurricane Florence hasn't even made landfall yet. We've already talked about Rodgers, his injury and production (27.2 FPTS) Emmanuel Sanders had a great game against Seattle, and Antonio Brown didn't let the shitty conditions keep him down. No one else did much of anything though. Here is a free tip: you can safely drop Kelvin Benjamin. I want butt AIDS more than I want any part of the Buffalo passing game. 

Speaking of disasters, Bryan has turned the national drama unfolding in Pittsburgh into fantasy gold. James Conner had 36 touches in a huge game against Cleveland, producing 41.5 FPTS. Phillip Rivers should have had an even huger game against KC, but Travis Benjamin and Tyrell Williams have way more speed than they have hands. Zeke struggled as the only bright point for Dallas' offense, but still collected a TD to make his day. Gronk continues to smash. I am very unhappy with how good your team looks. 

Final Score: Bryan 168.3 (1-0) Johnny 112.1 (0-1)

Julio!Julio!JU-LI-OOOOOO!! vs Chalupa Batman 

Kia kicked off the FF season with a bang. Her team's namesake should have had over 200 yards but had a very questionable review go against him. Dion Lewis made Derrick Henry owners very nervous with his excellent production in a shared backfield. Stefon Diggs may have had the prettiest catch of the week for his TD, and Jordan Reed looked great before he inevitably falls apart. 

Jordan has the "QB" that Reed relies on, and Alex Smith showed well for Washington. Joe Mixon is a full grown man who will no doubt be the centerpiece of Mrs. Breasseale's team. Larry Fitz, Demaryius and Tyler Lockett all had good but not great production as a WR corps. Lockett especially may excel as a beneficiary of the Baldwin injury. All in all, this game tied 




for the closest game of the week. 

Final Score: Kia 117.5 (1-0) Jordan 116.7 (0-1)


Week 2 Preview

Beer Guys Battle: Andy 1-0 vs Jared 0-1
#14 against the Topless Wonder: Tyler l0l-1 vs Josh 0-1
Rachel's guys against Kia's Bottom Bitch: Seth/Tyler 0-1 vs Troy 0-1
Raider Haters: Bryan 1-0 vs Eric 1-0
Sonny's Sisters: Kia 1-0 vs Graham 1-0
Last year's Sacko against last year's spectator: Jeremy 1-0 vs Johnny 0-1
Domestic Violence: Aaron 1-0 vs Jordan 1-0 

Hurricanes are one thing. Fantasy Football is another. Everyone on the eastern side of the state stay safe and dry. Foul weather is just another indicator that Winter is Coming and the PCOG is back.