Week 7 Recap
The slings and arrows of cruel fate are propelled by a cruel north wind that has brought arctic temperatures to our once temperate clime. Along with unreasonably cold weather, this past week in the PCOG brought karmic rebalancing and NFL head scratchers. Both the Fantasy gods and the NFL ones chose to punish your commissioner for his hubris in last week's missive. I chose to glorify myself rather than thank the football universe for it's gifts. Not only did the goddamn Cowboys lose in unspeakable fashion to the hated Washington franchise
https://streamable.com/fvpbi
but they cursed me with what was once a bountiful crop of RBs turning into dust before my eyes. Shortly before kickoff. Again. Let's do this. TO THE RECAP!
The Light of Genesis vs Don't Fournette About Me
What should have been an amazing confluence of heady roster moves and excellent matchups that was set up by expert drafting has let me down. Andy Dalton went into what was sure to be a shootout against KC on SNF. 6.9 FPTS.
He got the last laugh. Kerryon Johnson, recovered from his soft-tissue issues thanks be to the bye week, rushed for 158 yards. Great right?
He was vultured by Legarrate Goddamn Blount, who stumbled in from the one yard line to steal Johnson's TD and my points.
Raheem Mostert became a must-start due to Dalvin Cook's chronic hamstring death. America's Team should be renamed DFW's team, as they are winless outside the friendly confines of JerryWorld. Their D/ST "scored" 3FPTS, or .7 less than DeDe Westbrook's flex contribution.
Jeremy's team is consistent when he plays a Hutton brother and only so-so against everyone else. It helps when fate is on one's side though. Starting Chris Ivory was a desperation move, due to Fournette's Cook level hamstring status. But having Shady leave the game after one snap is more than fortuitous. Jeremy is quickly achieving a witch doctor status heretofore unheard of. Perhaps this bad juju is due to JuJu being on his roster, albeit on a bye this week. Speaking of one snap, that was all Tyrell Williams needed against the Titans. On the very first LA play, he caught a 75 yarder that went for a score.
https://twitter.com/NFL/status/1054006793108545536?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1054006793108545536&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.oregonlive.com%2Fnfl%2Findex.ssf%2F2018%2F10%2Fwatch_ex-western_oregon_star_t.html
Tom Brady continued to excel against the Bears, despite losing three drives due to turnovers and a kickoff TD return. Those same Bears finally gave Jordan Howard some goal line work, and he should have had two scores against the Pats. There is only one way to describe the usage that both Jeremy and I have been screaming for
What's worse is that if I had started the QB I dangled in front of Jordan in an attempted Cosby tier trade, I would have won. I readily confess my sins, o Fantasy Gods, and resolve to sin no more against you as long as you KILL JERRY JONES FOR TRADING A FIRST ROUND PICK THAT WILL PROBABLY BE A TOP 10 SELECTION FOR AMARI "LOOK MA, NO HANDS" COOPER.
Final Score: Jeremy 116.2 (4-3) Andy 102.9 (5-2)
Young Blood vs Big Ried 1
Eric is a fucking homer piece of trash. I lust after the prospect of having a dominant all around young RB to pair with a mobile gunslinger who is willing to test defenders by throwing into tight windows. Eric's NFL and PCOG teams have this in Kareem Hunt and The Red Devil Himself, Patrick Mahomes. The two Chiefs combined for 73.2 FPTS. I have this to scream invectives at every Sunday
Adrian Peterson continues to scoff at age and reason, as the 33 year old ran over and through the Allas /ST for 107 total yards. Josh Gordon is building steam
and has ascended
to football Valhalla, Foxboro. He and Brady are GOATing all over opposing defenses and I'm terrified of what they will accomplish together. You suck for not trading him to me earlier this season BTW.
Graham finally saw the light and benched Deshaun Watson, opening the door for the Manning Faced God
to start. Some might have thought that to be a bold choice, but as the Cracker has watched the vast majority of Eli's wounded ducks flutter to Saquon (who is on pace for 112 receptions this season, as a running back) why not double down on a good thing? That move ended up paying off, as Eli almost doubled Deshaun's production and Graham scored 2x for every completion to the talented rook. Both Michael Thomas and Alshon Jeffery contributed as well, combining for 35+ FPTS. Trey Burton lucked into production against the Pats, mainly because he has to rely on the Biscuit to derp "passes" his way as he wildly scrambles. Graham ended up just short against Eric, and would have won if he started Kenyan Drake instead of Alex Collins. Good luck chasing his production for the rest of the year, you'll end up pulling your hair out as you watch Frank Gore lurch into the breach 45967 times a game instead of the talented youngster.
Final Score: Eric 139.5 (5-2) Graham 124 (4-3)
Breasseale and Packer vs Team Girl
This game carries great impact, as it determined first place in the Appalachian Division between the two highest scoring teams in the PCOG. For Aaron, the Cousins to Thielen connection continues to pay big dividends. Adam tied an NFL record for consecutive 100+ yard games to start a season and stands only one game away from tieing Megatron for the all time mark. Alvin Kamara has fallen off his incredible Mark Ingram-less touches and scoring, but still is a comfortable RB1. AJ Green did his part on SNF, despite his terrible quarterback. Aaron ended up being sunk by Evan Engram only contributing 3.9 FPTS in his first game back from injury. The formerly formidable Ravens D/ST only getting 5 didn't help either.
Tyler and Seth, as has previously been noted, went an anything but RB strategy during the draft. While that may seem laughable, if you squint and sprinkle a little injury luck (bye-bye to Sony Michel due to a knee injury, combined with a trade of Carlos Hyde) yields two starters in James White and Nick Chubb. Odell finally put together a big game with 25.5, Mike Evans is not quite as good with Jameis but still a starter. Zach Ertz is firmly in the conversation for the best TE in the game. Houston's defense was so good that the Jags benched Blake Bortles. This all adds up to these guys having the high score in the league for the second time this season; and the current first seed in the combined standings. Not bad for a PCOG rookie and the former league Taco/Dialtone.
Final Score: BP 151.9 (5-2) Aaron 129.9 (4-3)
TaubenTime 4.0 vs This Buds 4U+ME2
Josh may have found something. Starting off 0-5 is never a recipe for a playoff berth but the last two weeks he has been red-hot. Josh is being powered by his top three RBs. Lamar Miller continued down the path that Zeke set last week, garnering 100 rushing yards against Jacksonville in a very nice performance that will probably never happen again this season. Latavius Murray continues to reap the juicy matchups that rightly belong to Dalvin Cook, with another long TD
/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/13315149/Murray_38_yard_TD_Jets_2018_Week_7.jpg)
to rub salt in my eyes when I caught it on RedZone. Cam Newton is the third RB that Josh starts and he was terrible until the fourth quarter. Garbage time + catch-up mode = fantasy goodness and a surprising road victory. Only the Vikings D/ST did anything of note on the rest of his team, but I did find Keenan Allen's temper tantrum in Foggy London Town highly entertaining.
https://gfycat.com/LikelyDesertedGrouse
Here is Felipe telling Allen that all will be bueno.
Johnny got off to a great start on TNF with Emmanuel Sanders' heroic performance.
https://www.clippituser.tv/c/wxaagx
28.3 FPTS were earned through the air, with two total TDs and 130 total yards. Royce Freeman helped salt that blowout away and submitted 13 FPTS. Johnny followed it up with Marlon Mack's giant day against the hapless Bills, scoring 37.7 FPTS in a dominant showing. Flacco didn't do enough against the Saints, surrendering a goal line score to his soon to be replacement in Lamar Jackson. Tyler Boyd was Daltoned, and Jimmy Graham had a terminal case of bye week herpes. This is the first time since the Dialtone era that someone has started a bye week player and Johnny deserves all of the derision that you, dear reader, can shovel down his throat.
Final Score: Josh 147.7 (2-5) Johnny 117.5 (2-5)
Run CMC vs Chalupa Batman
This sibling strife was anticlimactic. 36+ FPTS worth of margin of victory is hard to write about when I'm not on the winning end. We've already mentioned the loss of Sony Michel, who only totalled 3 FPTs before being carried off the field. Those same Patriots did contribute 21 FPTS, helped enormously by Cordarrelle Patterson's TD return which helped to make up for his earlier fumble.
https://www.clippituser.tv/c/ypnrme
Speaking of fumbles and touchdowns, Dak Prescott was strip-sacked-scored upon by Washington in the fourth quarter for the go-ahead points.
DeSean Jackson was looking at a giant stinky squadoosh until the fourth, when he contributed a rushing TD on an end around against Cleveland. Larry Fitzgerald is ending his Hall of Fame career in ignominy, but did his best on Thursday and tallied a dozen points.
Evil Tyler did not cover himself in glory this week either. 52.2 FPTS from three undersized RBs is not bad, but once again the team's namesake was barely worth the starting slot. Jared Goff doesn't have to do much with Gurley on the field and his fantasy day reflects that. Speaking of passing games that are not necessary, Tyler's pride of Lions WRs were not needed against the Dolphins with Kerryon's emergence and Legarrate's fuckery. The Broncos' D/ST paced Tyler's team this week, with 34 big points beginning the matchup in an excellent way.
Final Score: ET 127.7 (4-3) Jordan 91.1 (2-5)
Something Clever vs Zeke n Destroy
The Friday trade of Carlos Hyde, who will get exactly one week of startability with Fournette's looming return, required Bryan to change his name again. Zeke couldn't get anything going against Washington though, and totalled his second worst career performance on a day when Dallas really needed him. Joe Mixon performed well until Cincy got blown out at Arrowhead. Felipe Rios was almost too efficient against the Titans, with two drives being cut short by long touchdowns. This cause Austin Ekeler to not be able to capitalize on his Melvin Gordonless opportunity, although he did contribute 12.3 FPTS. Bryan's LAms combined for 41.4 FPTs in a blowout of SF. Jermaine Kearse laid a big egg against Minny though, totalling zero points on no catches for none yards. He didn't really have any better options though, as his two bench WRs combined for 5.6.
Jared's SEC Alumni RBs were great though. Gurley, Yeldon and Ingram Voltroned into 58.9 FPTS worth of victory. Andrew Luck may have only passed for <200 yards, but four scores goes a long way. Two of those went to TY Hilton, who only played when the Colts got into the Red Zone. I'm sure that is completely sustainable.
Final Score: Jared 131.5 (4-3) Bryan 121.1 (3-4)
Marital Madness
What a stinker of a game. Watching the scoreboard during this tilt made me repeatedly check to see if one of the dogs had shit in the house, as the stench of this "performance" is truly pitiful. Kia was sunk by two RBs who were hurt and not return in Bilal Powell and Shady. Drew Brees repeatedly pulled out of the game for Taysom Hill may be part of a master plan by Sean Payton, but is infuriating to watch as fantasy goodness gets fumbled away by the Stormin' Mormon. Dion Lewis had several good runs/touches in a futile effort against the Chargers. Julio continues to not find the end zone. Stefon Diggs was targeted 14 times and totalled 7.1. Looking at the PCOG group text, I find that they are both available for trade.
Troy, you're no prize either. Scanning the results of your team is stinkier than a cooking implement with baked on fish skin that has festered in the afternoon sun all the way from Salisbury to Boone. Carson Wentz was just OK until the game became tight, then he couldn't move the ball and eventually lost the game to the Panthers. Suck Allen bucks. David Johnson was repeatedly run up the middle against Denver to no gain, maybe Byron Leftwich will properly use him for Arizona. David Unpronounceablelastname looks good now that Baker is in at QB, and has a promising future for the Factory of Sadness. It did brings peals of laughter to watch DeAndre Hopkins work Jalen Sanders up and down the field for the Texans though.
Final Result, as there was not enough scoring to notice: Troy 3-4 Kia 2-5
Week 8 Hate
Andy vs Graham
Shirtless Josh vs BP
Jared vs ET
Bryan vs Troy
Johnny vs Kia
Jeremy vs Jordan
Eric vs Aaron
Atlanta, Dallas, LAC and Tennessee are on bye this week. Johnny. We are just over a month from the playoffs and things are still tight. No one is mathematically eliminated *yet* so throw together a legal lineup and pray that fate and Fantasy smile upon you. I will be huddled against the cold in the Pines, as Winter is already here and I hate it.
https://streamable.com/fvpbi
but they cursed me with what was once a bountiful crop of RBs turning into dust before my eyes. Shortly before kickoff. Again. Let's do this. TO THE RECAP!
The Light of Genesis vs Don't Fournette About Me
What should have been an amazing confluence of heady roster moves and excellent matchups that was set up by expert drafting has let me down. Andy Dalton went into what was sure to be a shootout against KC on SNF. 6.9 FPTS.
He got the last laugh. Kerryon Johnson, recovered from his soft-tissue issues thanks be to the bye week, rushed for 158 yards. Great right?
He was vultured by Legarrate Goddamn Blount, who stumbled in from the one yard line to steal Johnson's TD and my points.
Raheem Mostert became a must-start due to Dalvin Cook's chronic hamstring death. America's Team should be renamed DFW's team, as they are winless outside the friendly confines of JerryWorld. Their D/ST "scored" 3FPTS, or .7 less than DeDe Westbrook's flex contribution.
Jeremy's team is consistent when he plays a Hutton brother and only so-so against everyone else. It helps when fate is on one's side though. Starting Chris Ivory was a desperation move, due to Fournette's Cook level hamstring status. But having Shady leave the game after one snap is more than fortuitous. Jeremy is quickly achieving a witch doctor status heretofore unheard of. Perhaps this bad juju is due to JuJu being on his roster, albeit on a bye this week. Speaking of one snap, that was all Tyrell Williams needed against the Titans. On the very first LA play, he caught a 75 yarder that went for a score.
https://twitter.com/NFL/status/1054006793108545536?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1054006793108545536&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.oregonlive.com%2Fnfl%2Findex.ssf%2F2018%2F10%2Fwatch_ex-western_oregon_star_t.html
Tom Brady continued to excel against the Bears, despite losing three drives due to turnovers and a kickoff TD return. Those same Bears finally gave Jordan Howard some goal line work, and he should have had two scores against the Pats. There is only one way to describe the usage that both Jeremy and I have been screaming for
What's worse is that if I had started the QB I dangled in front of Jordan in an attempted Cosby tier trade, I would have won. I readily confess my sins, o Fantasy Gods, and resolve to sin no more against you as long as you KILL JERRY JONES FOR TRADING A FIRST ROUND PICK THAT WILL PROBABLY BE A TOP 10 SELECTION FOR AMARI "LOOK MA, NO HANDS" COOPER.
Final Score: Jeremy 116.2 (4-3) Andy 102.9 (5-2)
Young Blood vs Big Ried 1
Eric is a fucking homer piece of trash. I lust after the prospect of having a dominant all around young RB to pair with a mobile gunslinger who is willing to test defenders by throwing into tight windows. Eric's NFL and PCOG teams have this in Kareem Hunt and The Red Devil Himself, Patrick Mahomes. The two Chiefs combined for 73.2 FPTS. I have this to scream invectives at every Sunday
Adrian Peterson continues to scoff at age and reason, as the 33 year old ran over and through the Allas /ST for 107 total yards. Josh Gordon is building steam
and has ascended
to football Valhalla, Foxboro. He and Brady are GOATing all over opposing defenses and I'm terrified of what they will accomplish together. You suck for not trading him to me earlier this season BTW.
Graham finally saw the light and benched Deshaun Watson, opening the door for the Manning Faced God
to start. Some might have thought that to be a bold choice, but as the Cracker has watched the vast majority of Eli's wounded ducks flutter to Saquon (who is on pace for 112 receptions this season, as a running back) why not double down on a good thing? That move ended up paying off, as Eli almost doubled Deshaun's production and Graham scored 2x for every completion to the talented rook. Both Michael Thomas and Alshon Jeffery contributed as well, combining for 35+ FPTS. Trey Burton lucked into production against the Pats, mainly because he has to rely on the Biscuit to derp "passes" his way as he wildly scrambles. Graham ended up just short against Eric, and would have won if he started Kenyan Drake instead of Alex Collins. Good luck chasing his production for the rest of the year, you'll end up pulling your hair out as you watch Frank Gore lurch into the breach 45967 times a game instead of the talented youngster.
Final Score: Eric 139.5 (5-2) Graham 124 (4-3)
Breasseale and Packer vs Team Girl
This game carries great impact, as it determined first place in the Appalachian Division between the two highest scoring teams in the PCOG. For Aaron, the Cousins to Thielen connection continues to pay big dividends. Adam tied an NFL record for consecutive 100+ yard games to start a season and stands only one game away from tieing Megatron for the all time mark. Alvin Kamara has fallen off his incredible Mark Ingram-less touches and scoring, but still is a comfortable RB1. AJ Green did his part on SNF, despite his terrible quarterback. Aaron ended up being sunk by Evan Engram only contributing 3.9 FPTS in his first game back from injury. The formerly formidable Ravens D/ST only getting 5 didn't help either.
Tyler and Seth, as has previously been noted, went an anything but RB strategy during the draft. While that may seem laughable, if you squint and sprinkle a little injury luck (bye-bye to Sony Michel due to a knee injury, combined with a trade of Carlos Hyde) yields two starters in James White and Nick Chubb. Odell finally put together a big game with 25.5, Mike Evans is not quite as good with Jameis but still a starter. Zach Ertz is firmly in the conversation for the best TE in the game. Houston's defense was so good that the Jags benched Blake Bortles. This all adds up to these guys having the high score in the league for the second time this season; and the current first seed in the combined standings. Not bad for a PCOG rookie and the former league Taco/Dialtone.
Final Score: BP 151.9 (5-2) Aaron 129.9 (4-3)
TaubenTime 4.0 vs This Buds 4U+ME2
Josh may have found something. Starting off 0-5 is never a recipe for a playoff berth but the last two weeks he has been red-hot. Josh is being powered by his top three RBs. Lamar Miller continued down the path that Zeke set last week, garnering 100 rushing yards against Jacksonville in a very nice performance that will probably never happen again this season. Latavius Murray continues to reap the juicy matchups that rightly belong to Dalvin Cook, with another long TD
to rub salt in my eyes when I caught it on RedZone. Cam Newton is the third RB that Josh starts and he was terrible until the fourth quarter. Garbage time + catch-up mode = fantasy goodness and a surprising road victory. Only the Vikings D/ST did anything of note on the rest of his team, but I did find Keenan Allen's temper tantrum in Foggy London Town highly entertaining.
https://gfycat.com/LikelyDesertedGrouse
Here is Felipe telling Allen that all will be bueno.
Johnny got off to a great start on TNF with Emmanuel Sanders' heroic performance.
https://www.clippituser.tv/c/wxaagx
28.3 FPTS were earned through the air, with two total TDs and 130 total yards. Royce Freeman helped salt that blowout away and submitted 13 FPTS. Johnny followed it up with Marlon Mack's giant day against the hapless Bills, scoring 37.7 FPTS in a dominant showing. Flacco didn't do enough against the Saints, surrendering a goal line score to his soon to be replacement in Lamar Jackson. Tyler Boyd was Daltoned, and Jimmy Graham had a terminal case of bye week herpes. This is the first time since the Dialtone era that someone has started a bye week player and Johnny deserves all of the derision that you, dear reader, can shovel down his throat.
Final Score: Josh 147.7 (2-5) Johnny 117.5 (2-5)
Run CMC vs Chalupa Batman
This sibling strife was anticlimactic. 36+ FPTS worth of margin of victory is hard to write about when I'm not on the winning end. We've already mentioned the loss of Sony Michel, who only totalled 3 FPTs before being carried off the field. Those same Patriots did contribute 21 FPTS, helped enormously by Cordarrelle Patterson's TD return which helped to make up for his earlier fumble.
https://www.clippituser.tv/c/ypnrme
Speaking of fumbles and touchdowns, Dak Prescott was strip-sacked-scored upon by Washington in the fourth quarter for the go-ahead points.
DeSean Jackson was looking at a giant stinky squadoosh until the fourth, when he contributed a rushing TD on an end around against Cleveland. Larry Fitzgerald is ending his Hall of Fame career in ignominy, but did his best on Thursday and tallied a dozen points.
Evil Tyler did not cover himself in glory this week either. 52.2 FPTS from three undersized RBs is not bad, but once again the team's namesake was barely worth the starting slot. Jared Goff doesn't have to do much with Gurley on the field and his fantasy day reflects that. Speaking of passing games that are not necessary, Tyler's pride of Lions WRs were not needed against the Dolphins with Kerryon's emergence and Legarrate's fuckery. The Broncos' D/ST paced Tyler's team this week, with 34 big points beginning the matchup in an excellent way.
Final Score: ET 127.7 (4-3) Jordan 91.1 (2-5)
Something Clever vs Zeke n Destroy
The Friday trade of Carlos Hyde, who will get exactly one week of startability with Fournette's looming return, required Bryan to change his name again. Zeke couldn't get anything going against Washington though, and totalled his second worst career performance on a day when Dallas really needed him. Joe Mixon performed well until Cincy got blown out at Arrowhead. Felipe Rios was almost too efficient against the Titans, with two drives being cut short by long touchdowns. This cause Austin Ekeler to not be able to capitalize on his Melvin Gordonless opportunity, although he did contribute 12.3 FPTS. Bryan's LAms combined for 41.4 FPTs in a blowout of SF. Jermaine Kearse laid a big egg against Minny though, totalling zero points on no catches for none yards. He didn't really have any better options though, as his two bench WRs combined for 5.6.
Jared's SEC Alumni RBs were great though. Gurley, Yeldon and Ingram Voltroned into 58.9 FPTS worth of victory. Andrew Luck may have only passed for <200 yards, but four scores goes a long way. Two of those went to TY Hilton, who only played when the Colts got into the Red Zone. I'm sure that is completely sustainable.
Final Score: Jared 131.5 (4-3) Bryan 121.1 (3-4)
Marital Madness
What a stinker of a game. Watching the scoreboard during this tilt made me repeatedly check to see if one of the dogs had shit in the house, as the stench of this "performance" is truly pitiful. Kia was sunk by two RBs who were hurt and not return in Bilal Powell and Shady. Drew Brees repeatedly pulled out of the game for Taysom Hill may be part of a master plan by Sean Payton, but is infuriating to watch as fantasy goodness gets fumbled away by the Stormin' Mormon. Dion Lewis had several good runs/touches in a futile effort against the Chargers. Julio continues to not find the end zone. Stefon Diggs was targeted 14 times and totalled 7.1. Looking at the PCOG group text, I find that they are both available for trade.
Troy, you're no prize either. Scanning the results of your team is stinkier than a cooking implement with baked on fish skin that has festered in the afternoon sun all the way from Salisbury to Boone. Carson Wentz was just OK until the game became tight, then he couldn't move the ball and eventually lost the game to the Panthers. Suck Allen bucks. David Johnson was repeatedly run up the middle against Denver to no gain, maybe Byron Leftwich will properly use him for Arizona. David Unpronounceablelastname looks good now that Baker is in at QB, and has a promising future for the Factory of Sadness. It did brings peals of laughter to watch DeAndre Hopkins work Jalen Sanders up and down the field for the Texans though.
Final Result, as there was not enough scoring to notice: Troy 3-4 Kia 2-5
Week 8 Hate
Andy vs Graham
Shirtless Josh vs BP
Jared vs ET
Bryan vs Troy
Johnny vs Kia
Jeremy vs Jordan
Eric vs Aaron
Atlanta, Dallas, LAC and Tennessee are on bye this week. Johnny. We are just over a month from the playoffs and things are still tight. No one is mathematically eliminated *yet* so throw together a legal lineup and pray that fate and Fantasy smile upon you. I will be huddled against the cold in the Pines, as Winter is already here and I hate it.
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