Week 4 Recap
Fantasy Football is about more than proving one's superiority in all things over one's friends. Fantasy Football is a wondrous pastime wherein insight and preparation meet dumb fucking luck. Week 4 in the 2018 PCOG is a better example of this than anything else I can think of right now. Let's get to it:TO THE RECAP!
JFC did you leave any points for anyone else?
I tremble as I type these words. I pray that once more I can see such devastating fantasy performances again, from the comfort of an easy win over one of my best friends. Tyler and Aaron put together a duel that was incredible in the fantasy fireworks it produced. One has never seen two such juggernuts splattering across the face of Lady Luck ever. Where to begin? Tyler should take great solace in the fact that his formerly best player and team namesake Christian McCaffrey was on a golf outing during this titanic contest, plagued by an early bye week. Jared Goff set all time records for passer rating x passing attempts (158.3). That is absolute perfection. 46.3 FPTS on the back of 465 passing yards and 5 TDs is incredible. Even Ryan Fucking Fitzmagic stands jaw agape at such production (more on this later). Cooper Kupp Runneth Over with Passing yards strafed the formerly staunch Vikings secondary back into tertiary status. Golden Tate, whom I hate more than Coach K and Al-Quaeda combined, racked up 132 yards and two long touchdowns in busted coverage against Dallas. Phillip Lindsay and Duke Johnson Jr, two pint sized receiving backs, combined for a very nice 30 FPTS. Travis Kelce should have had an even bigger game, but who could hope to contain the plasma bolts that emerge from the Red Devil's howitzer of a right arm? Those three drops will haunt Tyler, as they could have been the difference in this game. More haunting is the third of the smuRBfs that Tyler has on his roster. Tarik Cohen is inexplicably the bell calf in the current iteration of the Bear's offense, and his gigantic 31.2 FPTS withered on the vine, marooned to the bench.
Aaron also took advantage of the TNF bonanza. 34.7 FPTS is incredible against the LAms defense. Adam Thielen was on the end of many of Captain Kirk's beautiful passes, good enough for 25.5 FPTS. White Men may not be able to Jump, but somehow on Thursday Night they were able to get wide the fuck open against excellent defenses. Tevin Coleman did not score a TD or combine for 100+ total yards for the first time without Donta Freeman, as instead his rushing TD was vultured by Ito Smith. AJ Green contributed the winning TD in overtime against those same Falcons. Jared Cook seems to think Derek Carr is way better than Aaron Rodgers, as his to date production outstrips anything he ever did with the State Farm Witch. Aaron's patience paid off with his start of Aaron Jones, Pecker RB, who totaled 17.5 FPTS in his first action back from a drug suspension. But we all know who Aaron's stud of studs truly is: Alvin Kamara is a FF cheat code. I fully expected the Saints to annihilate the Giants in Jersey, but it seems that Alvin was the only player to get on track. And by get on track I mean be the entire offense for NOLA. 47.4 FPTS with almost 200 combined yards and 3 TDs is just incredible. This was the week for him to peak, as you needed every erg of power you could coax out of your murderer's row of a team. I congratulate the both of you. Funnily enough, this was also the game of the week, with the winning difference being 9.6 FPTS, or slightly over a third of what Tarik Cohen would have contributed.
Final Score: MY EYES, JESUS GOD MY POOR BLINDED EYES! Aaron 204.5 (3-1) Tyler 194.9 (2-2)
Birmingham Blinders vs Big Ried 1
This game was pretty tranquil in Casa de los Pines. Some good lineup decisions were made on both teams such as starting Andy Dalton over Matt Stafford. But both teams looked longingly at all of the beautiful production squandered on the bench. Robert Woods' almost 20 FPTS rotted away on Thursday night, Amari Cooper continued his on-again off-again ways with almost 24 in OT. The real kicker was Mitchell Trubisky's 6 Passing TDs that contributed nothing. Not that the homer fuck would have ever not started Mahomes, but you could not believe the amount of griping that went on as score after score was not scored for Eric. Needless to say I was also not happy to watch him clap with glee and act completely boorishly in front of his mother, a Denver fan, as Kareem Hunt finally woke up and the Chiefs pulled out a big win on the road. Needless to say, our combined joy over real football outpaced fantasy.
Final Score: Andy is better at life than Eric, who's NFL team is better than Andy's.
JuJuJulio vs Hyde n Zeke
Your PCOG group text was infiltrated by an announcement from me regarding these two teams. Late last week (Saturday I believe) a trade was agreed upon where Bryan would send Gronk and Carlos Hyde to Kia for Diggs and a random Charger. The two agreed that the trade should not go through before their respective game was complete, and due to that delay, would not be processed if an injury were to occur. Given Gronk Robkowski's ankle booboo, this trade was cancelled by me based on their conditions. The actual game was highlighted by Ezekiel Elliot's re-emergence as the only star in Big D. 200+ combined yards and a late go ahead touchdown sparked 40+ FPTS. Felipe had a much harder time against the hapless 4-9ers than one would have thought he would, but still earned 22.2 FPTS. Carlos Hyde met a record previously held by LaDanian Tomlinson, in that he has 65+ rushing yards and a rushing touchdown in 6 straight games dating back to last year. He continued this performance in Oakland against the Raiers. Alex Collins punched in a short TD and treated us all to an Irish dance on Sunday night. For Kia, that same Sunday night did not yield the scoring performance by Big Ben. 14.6 FPTS is terrible in this day and age of incredible protection for QBs. LeSean McCoy is evidently the problem in Buffalo, as without him the Bills average 38 points per game and with him they are 0-3. Julio is on pace for 2K+ yards recieving and 0 (zero) receiving touchdowns. Stefon Diggs was not on a white guy pace Thursday night, but still contributed almost a 20.
Final Score: Bryan 130.2 (3-1) Kia 104 (1-3)
Todd Gurley II vs Aaron and the Pack
Jared bet big on the continuance of Fitzmagic, and it ended up after one half of play FitzTragic. I fully cop to attempting to boost the idea that a bearded journeyman was an actual starting caliber QB in this very space two weeks ago, fully expecting that the inevitable would happen and he would turn back into PicksPatrick. He only threw one such turnover, but was replaced at halftime by Jameis Winston, who is most famous for his propensity for using the five finger discount on crab legs and Uber driver's legs. Andrew Luck's 37.4 FPTS would have been enough to get Jared over the hump, but sadly he remained on the bench. Good luck starting him next week without TY Hilton, who is hamstrung by a hamstring injury. Calvin Ridley continues to collect all of the touchdowns that should go to Julio, and Todd Gurley is worthy of his #1 overall draft pick.
Johnny has a hobbled Rodgers, the Peckers D/ST, and a collection of meh. Antonio Brown can't seem to get going. Royce Freeman is barely keeping Phillip Lindsay at bay in the Denver backfield, Jamaal Williams is done as the Pecker RB. Jimmy Graham is a TD or bust TE, but he snagged a score against Buffalo. Tyler Boyd's 16.5 FPTS were squandered on the bench, but ultimately not necessary against Mr Lindsay Harris. Your appeal has been denied, Counselor.
Final Score: Johnny 101.1 (2-2) Jared 78.5 (2-2)
Inside Joke vs Obscure Reference
Jordan is an old-school FF player. Her team is powered by a RB-RB duo, with the old bull (Marshawn Lynch) leading the young calf (Sony Michel). They combined for almost 50 FPTS. James Conner has not kept up the blistering pace he showed early on (that Jordan traded for), but still contributed 10.2 FPTS. Will Fuller V has caught a TD from Deshaun Watson in 7 straight games, but left early with an injury. Tyler Lockett is worthless now that Doug Baldwin is back from injury. Dak Prescott lead America's Team in a come from behind victory but couldn't crack 20 in FF. Nyheim Hines exploded for 24.8 FPTS on the bench. Good luck trying to ride that lightning the rest of the year. But at least it looks like Le'Veon Bell will be back by week 8.
Troy had the other side of Watson's receivers. DeAndre Hopkins had a big game in OT against the Colts. Keenan Allen was questionable with an arm injury and a tooth???? before kickoff. Jay Ajayi threw in 13.4 FPTS, Buck Allen didn't get his vulture TD. The Yuccaneers D/ST had almost as many negative points as Trubisky had passing scores. Carson Wentz's 24.2 big points withered away on the bench, but starting him would not have altered the outcome.
Final Score: Jordan 120.6 (1-3) Troy 87.8 (0-4)
TaubenTime 0-4 vs Don't Fournette About Me
It's too bad Jeremy fournette to handcuff his first round pick. Leonard's soft tissue issues cropped back up in the first half and he never returned. Jordan Howard's team was up by a bajillion points, but Chicago's new playcaller fournot to give his hammer the ball to salt the game away. Isaiah Crowell pulled a Crowell and disappeared after a good performance last week. Tom Brady threw in 22 while throwing towards a win against the Olphins. Sterling Shepard contributed 20.7 in an expanded role after Evan Engram's injury.
Going into MNF Shirtless Josh still had a chance. Not a great chance as he started Case Keenum at QB, but a chance. David Johnson finally woke up, his former teammate John Brown went off against the Steelers, and Nelson Agholor turned 12 targets into 4.7 FPTS. The Vikings D/ST were decimated on TNF and "scored" -9 FPTS for Josh.
Final Score: Jeremy 92.7 (2-2) Josh 70.1 (0-4)
Brazil and not a Pecker's fan vs Young Bloodz
I am continually contrite for lambasting Seth and Tyler P after the draft. They lit up a score that in a non brother-in-law week would have topped the PCOG. Matt Ryan has 300+ PAYDS and 3+ TDs in three straight weeks. Giovanni Bernard continues to rack up points with no Joe Mixon. James White turned back into his Super Bowl MVP form. ODB still sucks, Mike Evans can't catch passes from a pumpkin or a predator, Zach Ertz continues to produce.
Graham had a great week and Tyler level luck in his opponent. Deshaun Watson continues to produce, Saquon Barkley continues to give Giants' fans hope for the future. Brandin Cooks is a LAms receiver and therefore had 100+ yds and a TD. Alshon Jeffery came up big in his return from shoulder surgery, and when Trey Burton isn't covered deep downfield he will catch a TD.
Final Score: S&T 156.1 (3-1) Graham 136.6 (3-1)
Week 5 Preview:
Andy vs Shirtless Josh
Jordan vs Johnny
Jeremy vs Bryan
Aaron vs Kia
Eric vs Jared
Graham vs Troy
Tyler vs Tyler and Seth
Sorry about the lateness of this week's article and the low effort therein. I figured y'all wanted a so-so effort rather than none at all. The Bears and Buccs are on bye and Winter is Coming.
JFC did you leave any points for anyone else?
I tremble as I type these words. I pray that once more I can see such devastating fantasy performances again, from the comfort of an easy win over one of my best friends. Tyler and Aaron put together a duel that was incredible in the fantasy fireworks it produced. One has never seen two such juggernuts splattering across the face of Lady Luck ever. Where to begin? Tyler should take great solace in the fact that his formerly best player and team namesake Christian McCaffrey was on a golf outing during this titanic contest, plagued by an early bye week. Jared Goff set all time records for passer rating x passing attempts (158.3). That is absolute perfection. 46.3 FPTS on the back of 465 passing yards and 5 TDs is incredible. Even Ryan Fucking Fitzmagic stands jaw agape at such production (more on this later). Cooper Kupp Runneth Over with Passing yards strafed the formerly staunch Vikings secondary back into tertiary status. Golden Tate, whom I hate more than Coach K and Al-Quaeda combined, racked up 132 yards and two long touchdowns in busted coverage against Dallas. Phillip Lindsay and Duke Johnson Jr, two pint sized receiving backs, combined for a very nice 30 FPTS. Travis Kelce should have had an even bigger game, but who could hope to contain the plasma bolts that emerge from the Red Devil's howitzer of a right arm? Those three drops will haunt Tyler, as they could have been the difference in this game. More haunting is the third of the smuRBfs that Tyler has on his roster. Tarik Cohen is inexplicably the bell calf in the current iteration of the Bear's offense, and his gigantic 31.2 FPTS withered on the vine, marooned to the bench.
Aaron also took advantage of the TNF bonanza. 34.7 FPTS is incredible against the LAms defense. Adam Thielen was on the end of many of Captain Kirk's beautiful passes, good enough for 25.5 FPTS. White Men may not be able to Jump, but somehow on Thursday Night they were able to get wide the fuck open against excellent defenses. Tevin Coleman did not score a TD or combine for 100+ total yards for the first time without Donta Freeman, as instead his rushing TD was vultured by Ito Smith. AJ Green contributed the winning TD in overtime against those same Falcons. Jared Cook seems to think Derek Carr is way better than Aaron Rodgers, as his to date production outstrips anything he ever did with the State Farm Witch. Aaron's patience paid off with his start of Aaron Jones, Pecker RB, who totaled 17.5 FPTS in his first action back from a drug suspension. But we all know who Aaron's stud of studs truly is: Alvin Kamara is a FF cheat code. I fully expected the Saints to annihilate the Giants in Jersey, but it seems that Alvin was the only player to get on track. And by get on track I mean be the entire offense for NOLA. 47.4 FPTS with almost 200 combined yards and 3 TDs is just incredible. This was the week for him to peak, as you needed every erg of power you could coax out of your murderer's row of a team. I congratulate the both of you. Funnily enough, this was also the game of the week, with the winning difference being 9.6 FPTS, or slightly over a third of what Tarik Cohen would have contributed.
Final Score: MY EYES, JESUS GOD MY POOR BLINDED EYES! Aaron 204.5 (3-1) Tyler 194.9 (2-2)
Birmingham Blinders vs Big Ried 1
This game was pretty tranquil in Casa de los Pines. Some good lineup decisions were made on both teams such as starting Andy Dalton over Matt Stafford. But both teams looked longingly at all of the beautiful production squandered on the bench. Robert Woods' almost 20 FPTS rotted away on Thursday night, Amari Cooper continued his on-again off-again ways with almost 24 in OT. The real kicker was Mitchell Trubisky's 6 Passing TDs that contributed nothing. Not that the homer fuck would have ever not started Mahomes, but you could not believe the amount of griping that went on as score after score was not scored for Eric. Needless to say I was also not happy to watch him clap with glee and act completely boorishly in front of his mother, a Denver fan, as Kareem Hunt finally woke up and the Chiefs pulled out a big win on the road. Needless to say, our combined joy over real football outpaced fantasy.
Final Score: Andy is better at life than Eric, who's NFL team is better than Andy's.
JuJuJulio vs Hyde n Zeke
Your PCOG group text was infiltrated by an announcement from me regarding these two teams. Late last week (Saturday I believe) a trade was agreed upon where Bryan would send Gronk and Carlos Hyde to Kia for Diggs and a random Charger. The two agreed that the trade should not go through before their respective game was complete, and due to that delay, would not be processed if an injury were to occur. Given Gronk Robkowski's ankle booboo, this trade was cancelled by me based on their conditions. The actual game was highlighted by Ezekiel Elliot's re-emergence as the only star in Big D. 200+ combined yards and a late go ahead touchdown sparked 40+ FPTS. Felipe had a much harder time against the hapless 4-9ers than one would have thought he would, but still earned 22.2 FPTS. Carlos Hyde met a record previously held by LaDanian Tomlinson, in that he has 65+ rushing yards and a rushing touchdown in 6 straight games dating back to last year. He continued this performance in Oakland against the Raiers. Alex Collins punched in a short TD and treated us all to an Irish dance on Sunday night. For Kia, that same Sunday night did not yield the scoring performance by Big Ben. 14.6 FPTS is terrible in this day and age of incredible protection for QBs. LeSean McCoy is evidently the problem in Buffalo, as without him the Bills average 38 points per game and with him they are 0-3. Julio is on pace for 2K+ yards recieving and 0 (zero) receiving touchdowns. Stefon Diggs was not on a white guy pace Thursday night, but still contributed almost a 20.
Final Score: Bryan 130.2 (3-1) Kia 104 (1-3)
Todd Gurley II vs Aaron and the Pack
Jared bet big on the continuance of Fitzmagic, and it ended up after one half of play FitzTragic. I fully cop to attempting to boost the idea that a bearded journeyman was an actual starting caliber QB in this very space two weeks ago, fully expecting that the inevitable would happen and he would turn back into PicksPatrick. He only threw one such turnover, but was replaced at halftime by Jameis Winston, who is most famous for his propensity for using the five finger discount on crab legs and Uber driver's legs. Andrew Luck's 37.4 FPTS would have been enough to get Jared over the hump, but sadly he remained on the bench. Good luck starting him next week without TY Hilton, who is hamstrung by a hamstring injury. Calvin Ridley continues to collect all of the touchdowns that should go to Julio, and Todd Gurley is worthy of his #1 overall draft pick.
Johnny has a hobbled Rodgers, the Peckers D/ST, and a collection of meh. Antonio Brown can't seem to get going. Royce Freeman is barely keeping Phillip Lindsay at bay in the Denver backfield, Jamaal Williams is done as the Pecker RB. Jimmy Graham is a TD or bust TE, but he snagged a score against Buffalo. Tyler Boyd's 16.5 FPTS were squandered on the bench, but ultimately not necessary against Mr Lindsay Harris. Your appeal has been denied, Counselor.
Final Score: Johnny 101.1 (2-2) Jared 78.5 (2-2)
Inside Joke vs Obscure Reference
Jordan is an old-school FF player. Her team is powered by a RB-RB duo, with the old bull (Marshawn Lynch) leading the young calf (Sony Michel). They combined for almost 50 FPTS. James Conner has not kept up the blistering pace he showed early on (that Jordan traded for), but still contributed 10.2 FPTS. Will Fuller V has caught a TD from Deshaun Watson in 7 straight games, but left early with an injury. Tyler Lockett is worthless now that Doug Baldwin is back from injury. Dak Prescott lead America's Team in a come from behind victory but couldn't crack 20 in FF. Nyheim Hines exploded for 24.8 FPTS on the bench. Good luck trying to ride that lightning the rest of the year. But at least it looks like Le'Veon Bell will be back by week 8.
Troy had the other side of Watson's receivers. DeAndre Hopkins had a big game in OT against the Colts. Keenan Allen was questionable with an arm injury and a tooth???? before kickoff. Jay Ajayi threw in 13.4 FPTS, Buck Allen didn't get his vulture TD. The Yuccaneers D/ST had almost as many negative points as Trubisky had passing scores. Carson Wentz's 24.2 big points withered away on the bench, but starting him would not have altered the outcome.
Final Score: Jordan 120.6 (1-3) Troy 87.8 (0-4)
TaubenTime 0-4 vs Don't Fournette About Me
It's too bad Jeremy fournette to handcuff his first round pick. Leonard's soft tissue issues cropped back up in the first half and he never returned. Jordan Howard's team was up by a bajillion points, but Chicago's new playcaller fournot to give his hammer the ball to salt the game away. Isaiah Crowell pulled a Crowell and disappeared after a good performance last week. Tom Brady threw in 22 while throwing towards a win against the Olphins. Sterling Shepard contributed 20.7 in an expanded role after Evan Engram's injury.
Going into MNF Shirtless Josh still had a chance. Not a great chance as he started Case Keenum at QB, but a chance. David Johnson finally woke up, his former teammate John Brown went off against the Steelers, and Nelson Agholor turned 12 targets into 4.7 FPTS. The Vikings D/ST were decimated on TNF and "scored" -9 FPTS for Josh.
Final Score: Jeremy 92.7 (2-2) Josh 70.1 (0-4)
Brazil and not a Pecker's fan vs Young Bloodz
I am continually contrite for lambasting Seth and Tyler P after the draft. They lit up a score that in a non brother-in-law week would have topped the PCOG. Matt Ryan has 300+ PAYDS and 3+ TDs in three straight weeks. Giovanni Bernard continues to rack up points with no Joe Mixon. James White turned back into his Super Bowl MVP form. ODB still sucks, Mike Evans can't catch passes from a pumpkin or a predator, Zach Ertz continues to produce.
Graham had a great week and Tyler level luck in his opponent. Deshaun Watson continues to produce, Saquon Barkley continues to give Giants' fans hope for the future. Brandin Cooks is a LAms receiver and therefore had 100+ yds and a TD. Alshon Jeffery came up big in his return from shoulder surgery, and when Trey Burton isn't covered deep downfield he will catch a TD.
Final Score: S&T 156.1 (3-1) Graham 136.6 (3-1)
Week 5 Preview:
Andy vs Shirtless Josh
Jordan vs Johnny
Jeremy vs Bryan
Aaron vs Kia
Eric vs Jared
Graham vs Troy
Tyler vs Tyler and Seth
Sorry about the lateness of this week's article and the low effort therein. I figured y'all wanted a so-so effort rather than none at all. The Bears and Buccs are on bye and Winter is Coming.
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