Week 8 Recap

Two months of fantasy competition have yielded an overwhelmingly top heavy PCOG.
64.28571428571429% of the teams in our league are at or above .500, which is unheard of. Of the five teams that have more losses than wins, no one is eliminated from the pursuit of the Chopper just yet. Personal pride and absolute hate prevents any PCOG member from throwing in the towel anyway, but I know for certain that fear of the SACKO propels us all towards glory or at least not finishing dead last, like Jeremy did last year. TO THE RECAP!

The Light of Genesis vs Young Bloodz

A little theme music is called for.

It is really, really, REALLY frustrating




To have players that some unnamed genius excoriates for paragraph upon paragraph to go off against him. This is now a weekly occurrence, as last week it was Jeremy's draft bust in chief Jordan Howard getting an unlucky 13 FPTS against me. Graham and Deshaun Watson asked Howard to hold their beer and me to hold their pocket, as Watson exploded for five (5!!!!!) passing touchdowns in a Mahomsian performance Thursday night against the Olphins. TNF could have been so much worse for me than it was, as Graham took my implied advice and started the suddenly red-hot Kenyan Drake and his 25.5 FPTS. Saquads Barkley continues to pay off




and do the heavy lifting for Graham. Alex Collins punched in a goal line attempt against Carolina, and Michael Thomas contributed 10.6 FPTS on Sunday night. Graham had the great fortune of playing my once high flying team, as his paltry 106.6 would not have triumphed in any other game this week. How was such a piteous performance good enough?

None of my moves paid off. Raheem Mostert should have had an incredible day against the putrid Cardinals, but had a putrid day instead. 2.3 FPTS. The Lions, at home and coming off a bye week, acquired the best run stuffing nose tackle in the game in Damon "Snacks" Harrison to bolster their line. Russell Wilson attempted 17 passes, three of which went for touchdowns and killed the D/ST score. 1FPT. Geronimo Allison, sure to be heavily targeted in a shootout in LA, managed one catch for 14 yards. 1.9FPTS. Kerryon Johnson got 8 rushing attempts as the bellcow for the Lions. Most of his 14.1 FPTS came on a 69 yard catch and run against the once vaunted Legion of Boom. And now, the piece de resistance: Andy Dalton.




You may recall my disgust at his failure last week. This week he was fine, until the Bengals went up by a bajillion points against Tampa and the Bengals sat on the ball in an almost vain attempt to beat the clock instead of the Yuccs. Wanna know how I got these scars?




By overestimating my ability to glimpse the future and shortchanging the gods of Fantasy. At this point I'm willing to blow my team up, so send me trade requests.

Final Score: Graham 106.6 (5-3) Andy 73.5 (5-3)

TaubenTime 4.0 vs Bresseale and Packer

GAME OF THE WEEK

Shirtless Josh may have the hottest team in PCOG. An 0-5 start is almost wiped away by a three game winning streak where he has averaged almost 140 FPTS per week. His fortunes have been tied to Cam Newton, who put up another good day against the Ravens in Charlotte. A little good fortune was attached, as this play action pass shows

https://twitter.com/panthers/status/1056607927392325632?s=21

Lamar Miller tore it up on TNF and Latavius Murray continues to reap the fantasy goodness that SHOULD HAVE BEEN DALVIN COOK'S. Pro Tip: handcuff your fantasy studs, or watch other teams laugh it up all the way to the bank as you stare longingly at the little red cross next to your player's name on the bench. Greg Olsen has made quite the comeback from his foot injury, and Stephen Gostkowski continues to rack up the points for the Pats.

B+P was sunk by Jameis Winston. Four turnovers and a second half benching yielded 10.1 FPTS. Mike Evans is much better with his replacement, the Beard. ODB surprisingly did not get into 17 fistfights with Josh Norman during the NY-Was game, but did collect 136 yards on eight catches. James White continues to touch the ball a million times a game, and Nick Chubb put in a baker's dozen against the Steelers. Had B+P started Peyton Barber against the Bungles they would have won, but instead go into a three way tie in the Appalachian division.

Final Score: Josh 127.5 (3-5) B+P 126.5 (5-3)

Something Clever vs Run CMC

Another close game here was a RB fight to the death. 6 were started and they averaged 22.32 FPTS for their managers. Jared and the Todd Gurleys had a great day, with 38.8 coming from the beast himself. Unbelievably his day could have been even better, but Gurley decided that real life victory was better than giving the Witch even the smallest chance at a comeback.

https://streamable.com/9eiqd

That is one of the smartest, most heads up plays of the year. Sammy Watkins emerged from his monthlong slumber for 2 TDS and 27.7 FPTS. Ingram and Gurley threw in 27 FPTs and Andrew Luck had three scores himself.

For Evil Tylerit is hard to find fault with his lineup decisions. Goff continues to get good yardage but all of the TDs go to Gurley. McCaffrey and his Denver Doppelganger Phillip Lindsay slash all over the field. The even more diminutive Tarik Cohen broke off a 70 yard TD reception for the Bears

https://www.clippituser.tv/c/nbnyap

I don't know who in the league can beat him in the open field. This game came down to the Lion's WRs, who only contributed 10.8 FPTS for Tyler. Had he started Marquise Goodwin over Kenny Golladay, he would have won this game. With Tate being traded to Philly, this opens quite the conundrum for Tyler. Do I start Golladay, with his newly opened opportunity? Or Goodwin, or Tate, who the Eagles traded for because they need some production opposite Alshon. Good luck figuring that cluster out for the rest of the season.

Final Score: Jared 140.8 (5-4) ET 134 (4-4)

Absolute Trash vs Try Hard 2: Try Harder

Bryan caught a terminal case of bye-week herpes over the weekend. His bell-cow RB and the ageless wonder, Sr. Rios, both worked on their golf games on Sunday rather than for Bryan. About the only thing that worked out for him was Joe Mixon, who had 100+ rushing yards in the first half against the Yuccs. Somehow he only finished with 123 after another 30 minutes of game time. Baker will be better without Hue weighing him down, Carlos Hyde had his last startable week ( not that he did anything with it in London) and CJ Uzomah turned the number 2 TE matchup into bupkis. With the Red Rifle responsible for his production, you can't be surprised by that though.




Troy got up off the mat and hit Bryan square in the record. Chris Carson showed why Detroit wanted to shore up their rushing defense, as he got 105 yards on 25 attempts. DeAndre Hopkins only had 82 yards but did score twice. Carson Wentz lit up the Jags in London, Doug Martin did a serviceable BeastMode impression and David Johnson is almost the only thing worth watching in Arizona. Troy saw what Bryan's TE brought to the pot and called him, with Njoku having no production against the Steelers. It is just another example of people who I talk shit about in this weekly sermon making me look like a dumbass the next week. Can't wait to see Try Hard 3: Try Hard with a Vengeance from Troy in week 9.

Final Score: Troy 121.6 (4-4) Bryan 87.5 (3-5)

This Bud's for U+ME2 vs JJJulio

I hate both of your names, they are impossible to type and as I look at the scoreboard I see you played each other this week.

Johnny blew up this week. Marlon Mack flirted with the injury report Tuesday through Saturday, only to emerge relatively unscathed with the fourth best RB performance of the week. Antonio Brown is a me first diva, so therefore is perfect on the Steelers and scored two touchdowns against the hapless Browns. Tyler Boyd went to sleep last week and woke up big time against Tampa. Aaron Rodgers should have had a better day against the LAms, but the Pack sat on the ball in a vain attempt to out clock the Rams. Jamaal Williams had 9 yards and 7.9 FPTS. Jimmy Graham continues to be useless when he does not catch a touchdown.

Kia was also the victim of teams taking the air out of the ball as soon as they got a lead. While the Saints passed for almost no yards, Sean Payton continues to pull his future HOFer for trickeration. This pass from Taysom Hill must have driven Kia insane on SNF. Let's watch it, shall we?

https://twitter.com/Saints/status/1056706086164586496?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1056706086164586496&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fsaintswire.usatoday.com%2F2018%2F10%2F28%2Fnew-orleans-saints-minnesota-vikings-michael-thomas-taysom-hill%2F

Kudo's to the Saints for finding an heir apparent to Brees. May they rot in hell forever for stealing, STEALING, fantasy production from millions of aggrieved fantasy managers.




LeSean McCoy continues to toil in perpetual ignominy for the Bills, Stefon Diggs finally had a good game, and Demaryius Thomas may have some fantasy value after all in Houston. But not in Week 8.

Final Score: Johnny 133.4 (3-5) Kia 72.8 (2-6, on life support for the playoffs)

Don't Fournette About Me vs Chalupa Batman

Jordan Howard's upswing in production has already been noted. Sadly for Jeremy, his 19.6 FPTS were just about the only thing worthy of such highlight. Jordan Breasseale had tons of good players though. James Conner continues to do his best LeVeon Bell. Will Fuller exploded for 24.9 FPTS shortly before his ACL exploded. DeSean Jackson wanted a trade and ended up with a 60+ yard TD. Evan Engram and DeDe Westbrook added a garbage time TD apiece that still counts for fantasy. The Pats had their first defensive touchdown in 40 games. Jordan almost doubled Jeremy up, but will have to settle for laying down the biggest ass whooping via the largest margin of victory of the year, in 75.9 FPTS.

Final Score: Jeremy 82.3 (4-4) Jordan 158.2 (3-5)

Big Ried 1 vs Team Girl

The last game of the week would have been a game of the week candidate most times. It was very, very close leading into the SNF matchup between NE and Buffalo. Eric was up 6+ FPTs with Josh Gordon to go, while Aaron had Julian Edelman. Edelman's 17.7 put Aaron over the top. He was helped out by Aaron's Viking passing attack (Cousins to Thielen with 41.8), Alvin Kamara continuing his non Gurley category MVP bid, and Aaron Jones. Jones had only a little production but did get a rushing score. In fact, every starter that Aaron rolled out scored at least 15 FPTS. Except for the Baltimore D/ST, who has struggled for the second week in a row. -3 FPTS almost sunk his whole team.

Eric continues to score big with the same names. Patrick Mahomes and Kareem Hunt are powering the AFC's best team. CBS had a little fun with the Chiefs, and it's worth a second look.

https://www.clippituser.tv/c/elwrgd

Adrian Peterson put the Giants away with a huge day, totalling 40.6 FPTs through the air and on the ground. Davante Adams returned from injury to contribute 16.8 FPTs. But it all came down to Gordon, who scared the shit out of Eric with his purported first quarter suspension from Darth Belichick.




Leave it to Bill to screw with all of us by deciding, after the discipline had been handed out, to scratch if off once it leaked to the media. Gordon almost had a long TD but lost it in the lights of New Era Field. Eric lost the game in that same gaffe.

Final Score: Aaron 144.9 (5-3) Eric 140 (5-3)

Week 9 Sneak Peak

Aaron vs Andy
B+P vs Jared
ET vs Bryan
Troy vs Johnny
Kia vs Jeremy
Jordan vs Eric
Graham vs Josh

Arizona, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Jacksonville, NYG and Philadelphia are on bye. I'm open for trade to pull out of the death spin I'm currently engaged in. Halloween is Wednesday and we should all be scared of the Sacko.

Week 7 Recap

The slings and arrows of cruel fate are propelled by a cruel north wind that has brought arctic temperatures to our once temperate clime. Along with unreasonably cold weather, this past week in the PCOG brought karmic rebalancing and NFL head scratchers. Both the Fantasy gods and the NFL ones chose to punish your commissioner for his hubris in last week's missive. I chose to glorify myself rather than thank the football universe for it's gifts. Not only did the goddamn Cowboys lose in unspeakable fashion to the hated Washington franchise

https://streamable.com/fvpbi

but they cursed me with what was once a bountiful crop of RBs turning into dust before my eyes. Shortly before kickoff. Again. Let's do this. TO THE RECAP!

The Light of Genesis vs Don't Fournette About Me




What should have been an amazing confluence of heady roster moves and excellent matchups that was set up by expert drafting has let me down. Andy Dalton went into what was sure to be a shootout against KC on SNF. 6.9 FPTS.




He got the last laugh. Kerryon Johnson, recovered from his soft-tissue issues thanks be to the bye week, rushed for 158 yards. Great right?




He was vultured by Legarrate Goddamn Blount, who stumbled in from the one yard line to steal Johnson's TD and my points.




Raheem Mostert became a must-start due to Dalvin Cook's chronic hamstring death. America's Team should be renamed DFW's team, as they are winless outside the friendly confines of JerryWorld. Their D/ST "scored" 3FPTS, or .7 less than DeDe Westbrook's flex contribution.

Jeremy's team is consistent when he plays a Hutton brother and only so-so against everyone else. It helps when fate is on one's side though. Starting Chris Ivory was a desperation move, due to Fournette's Cook level hamstring status. But having Shady leave the game after one snap is more than fortuitous. Jeremy is quickly achieving a witch doctor status heretofore unheard of. Perhaps this bad juju is due to JuJu being on his roster, albeit on a bye this week. Speaking of one snap, that was all Tyrell Williams needed against the Titans. On the very first LA play, he caught a 75 yarder that went for a score.

https://twitter.com/NFL/status/1054006793108545536?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1054006793108545536&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.oregonlive.com%2Fnfl%2Findex.ssf%2F2018%2F10%2Fwatch_ex-western_oregon_star_t.html

Tom Brady continued to excel against the Bears, despite losing three drives due to turnovers and a kickoff TD return. Those same Bears finally gave Jordan Howard some goal line work, and he should have had two scores against the Pats. There is only one way to describe the usage that both Jeremy and I have been screaming for




What's worse is that if I had started the QB I dangled in front of Jordan in an attempted Cosby tier trade, I would have won. I readily confess my sins, o Fantasy Gods, and resolve to sin no more against you as long as you KILL JERRY JONES FOR TRADING A FIRST ROUND PICK THAT WILL PROBABLY BE A TOP 10 SELECTION FOR AMARI "LOOK MA, NO HANDS" COOPER.

Final Score: Jeremy 116.2 (4-3) Andy 102.9 (5-2)

Young Blood vs Big Ried 1

Eric is a fucking homer piece of trash. I lust after the prospect of having a dominant all around young RB to pair with a mobile gunslinger who is willing to test defenders by throwing into tight windows. Eric's NFL and PCOG teams have this in Kareem Hunt and The Red Devil Himself, Patrick Mahomes. The two Chiefs combined for 73.2 FPTS. I have this to scream invectives at every Sunday




Adrian Peterson continues to scoff at age and reason, as the 33 year old ran over and through the Allas /ST for 107 total yards. Josh Gordon is building steam




and has ascended




to football Valhalla, Foxboro. He and Brady are GOATing all over opposing defenses and I'm terrified of what they will accomplish together. You suck for not trading him to me earlier this season BTW.

Graham finally saw the light and benched Deshaun Watson, opening the door for the Manning Faced God




to start. Some might have thought that to be a bold choice, but as the Cracker has watched the vast majority of Eli's wounded ducks flutter to Saquon (who is on pace for 112 receptions this season, as a running back) why not double down on a good thing? That move ended up paying off, as Eli almost doubled Deshaun's production and Graham scored 2x for every completion to the talented rook. Both Michael Thomas and Alshon Jeffery contributed as well, combining for 35+ FPTS. Trey Burton lucked into production against the Pats, mainly because he has to rely on the Biscuit to derp "passes" his way as he wildly scrambles. Graham ended up just short against Eric, and would have won if he started Kenyan Drake instead of Alex Collins. Good luck chasing his production for the rest of the year, you'll end up pulling your hair out as you watch Frank Gore lurch into the breach 45967 times a game instead of the talented youngster.

Final Score: Eric 139.5 (5-2) Graham 124 (4-3)

Breasseale and Packer vs Team Girl

This game carries great impact, as it determined first place in the Appalachian Division between the two highest scoring teams in the PCOG. For Aaron, the Cousins to Thielen connection continues to pay big dividends. Adam tied an NFL record for consecutive 100+ yard games to start a season and stands only one game away from tieing Megatron for the all time mark. Alvin Kamara has fallen off his incredible Mark Ingram-less touches and scoring, but still is a comfortable RB1. AJ Green did his part on SNF, despite his terrible quarterback. Aaron ended up being sunk by Evan Engram only contributing 3.9 FPTS in his first game back from injury. The formerly formidable Ravens D/ST only getting 5 didn't help either.

Tyler and Seth, as has previously been noted, went an anything but RB strategy during the draft. While that may seem laughable, if you squint and sprinkle a little injury luck (bye-bye to Sony Michel due to a knee injury, combined with a trade of Carlos Hyde) yields two starters in James White and Nick Chubb. Odell finally put together a big game with 25.5, Mike Evans is not quite as good with Jameis but still a starter. Zach Ertz is firmly in the conversation for the best TE in the game. Houston's defense was so good that the Jags benched Blake Bortles. This all adds up to these guys having the high score in the league for the second time this season; and the current first seed in the combined standings. Not bad for a PCOG rookie and the former league Taco/Dialtone.

Final Score: BP 151.9 (5-2) Aaron 129.9 (4-3)

TaubenTime 4.0 vs This Buds 4U+ME2

Josh may have found something. Starting off 0-5 is never a recipe for a playoff berth but the last two weeks he has been red-hot. Josh is being powered by his top three RBs. Lamar Miller continued down the path that Zeke set last week, garnering 100 rushing yards against Jacksonville in a very nice performance that will probably never happen again this season. Latavius Murray continues to reap the juicy matchups that rightly belong to Dalvin Cook, with another long TD




to rub salt in my eyes when I caught it on RedZone. Cam Newton is the third RB that Josh starts and he was terrible until the fourth quarter. Garbage time + catch-up mode = fantasy goodness and a surprising road victory. Only the Vikings D/ST did anything of note on the rest of his team, but I did find Keenan Allen's temper tantrum in Foggy London Town highly entertaining.

https://gfycat.com/LikelyDesertedGrouse


Here is Felipe telling Allen that all will be bueno.

Johnny got off to a great start on TNF with Emmanuel Sanders' heroic performance.

https://www.clippituser.tv/c/wxaagx

28.3 FPTS were earned through the air, with two total TDs and 130 total yards. Royce Freeman helped salt that blowout away and submitted 13 FPTS. Johnny followed it up with Marlon Mack's giant day against the hapless Bills, scoring 37.7 FPTS in a dominant showing. Flacco didn't do enough against the Saints, surrendering a goal line score to his soon to be replacement in Lamar Jackson. Tyler Boyd was Daltoned, and Jimmy Graham had a terminal case of bye week herpes. This is the first time since the Dialtone era that someone has started a bye week player and Johnny deserves all of the derision that you, dear reader, can shovel down his throat.




Final Score: Josh 147.7 (2-5) Johnny 117.5 (2-5)

Run CMC vs Chalupa Batman

This sibling strife was anticlimactic. 36+ FPTS worth of margin of victory is hard to write about when I'm not on the winning end. We've already mentioned the loss of Sony Michel, who only totalled 3 FPTs before being carried off the field. Those same Patriots did contribute 21 FPTS, helped enormously by Cordarrelle Patterson's TD return which helped to make up for his earlier fumble.

https://www.clippituser.tv/c/ypnrme

Speaking of fumbles and touchdowns, Dak Prescott was strip-sacked-scored upon by Washington in the fourth quarter for the go-ahead points.




DeSean Jackson was looking at a giant stinky squadoosh until the fourth, when he contributed a rushing TD on an end around against Cleveland. Larry Fitzgerald is ending his Hall of Fame career in ignominy, but did his best on Thursday and tallied a dozen points.

Evil Tyler did not cover himself in glory this week either. 52.2 FPTS from three undersized RBs is not bad, but once again the team's namesake was barely worth the starting slot. Jared Goff doesn't have to do much with Gurley on the field and his fantasy day reflects that. Speaking of passing games that are not necessary, Tyler's pride of Lions WRs were not needed against the Dolphins with Kerryon's emergence and Legarrate's fuckery. The Broncos' D/ST paced Tyler's team this week, with 34 big points beginning the matchup in an excellent way.

Final Score: ET 127.7 (4-3) Jordan 91.1 (2-5)

Something Clever vs Zeke n Destroy

The Friday trade of Carlos Hyde, who will get exactly one week of startability with Fournette's looming return, required Bryan to change his name again. Zeke couldn't get anything going against Washington though, and totalled his second worst career performance on a day when Dallas really needed him. Joe Mixon performed well until Cincy got blown out at Arrowhead. Felipe Rios was almost too efficient against the Titans, with two drives being cut short by long touchdowns. This cause Austin Ekeler to not be able to capitalize on his Melvin Gordonless opportunity, although he did contribute 12.3 FPTS. Bryan's LAms combined for 41.4 FPTs in a blowout of SF. Jermaine Kearse laid a big egg against Minny though, totalling zero points on no catches for none yards. He didn't really have any better options though, as his two bench WRs combined for 5.6.

Jared's SEC Alumni RBs were great though. Gurley, Yeldon and Ingram Voltroned into 58.9 FPTS worth of victory. Andrew Luck may have only passed for <200 yards, but four scores goes a long way. Two of those went to TY Hilton, who only played when the Colts got into the Red Zone. I'm sure that is completely sustainable.

Final Score: Jared 131.5 (4-3) Bryan 121.1 (3-4)

Marital Madness

What a stinker of a game. Watching the scoreboard during this tilt made me repeatedly check to see if one of the dogs had shit in the house, as the stench of this "performance" is truly pitiful. Kia was sunk by two RBs who were hurt and not return in Bilal Powell and Shady. Drew Brees repeatedly pulled out of the game for Taysom Hill may be part of a master plan by Sean Payton, but is infuriating to watch as fantasy goodness gets fumbled away by the Stormin' Mormon. Dion Lewis had several good runs/touches in a futile effort against the Chargers. Julio continues to not find the end zone. Stefon Diggs was targeted 14 times and totalled 7.1. Looking at the PCOG group text, I find that they are both available for trade.




Troy, you're no prize either. Scanning the results of your team is stinkier than a cooking implement with baked on fish skin that has festered in the afternoon sun all the way from Salisbury to Boone. Carson Wentz was just OK until the game became tight, then he couldn't move the ball and eventually lost the game to the Panthers. Suck Allen bucks. David Johnson was repeatedly run up the middle against Denver to no gain, maybe Byron Leftwich will properly use him for Arizona. David Unpronounceablelastname looks good now that Baker is in at QB, and has a promising future for the Factory of Sadness. It did brings peals of laughter to watch DeAndre Hopkins work Jalen Sanders up and down the field for the Texans though.

Final Result, as there was not enough scoring to notice: Troy 3-4 Kia 2-5

Week 8 Hate

Andy vs Graham
Shirtless Josh vs BP
Jared vs ET
Bryan vs Troy
Johnny vs Kia
Jeremy vs Jordan
Eric vs Aaron

Atlanta, Dallas, LAC and Tennessee are on bye this week. Johnny. We are just over a month from the playoffs and things are still tight. No one is mathematically eliminated *yet* so throw together a legal lineup and pray that fate and Fantasy smile upon you. I will be huddled against the cold in the Pines, as Winter is already here and I hate it.

Week 6 Recap

Halfway through the regular season, PCOG action is warming up just in time for everyone to start losing studs due to injury and bye weeks. High scoring games occurred this week, but no game was all that close. In fact, the average margin of victory was 30.9 FPTS this past week. Just goes to show that despite the depth and breadth of our league, where we were drafting slugs and nobodies by halfway through the draft, scoring is still high and you have to have a pretty good day if one is to emerge with a victory. TO THE RECAP!

Perhaps a little theme music for our heavyweight bout?

2nd Best Hutton vs The Light of Genesis

What a titanic showdown between twin colossi: Ezekiel Elliot

https://giant.gfycat.com/MistyThoughtfulGalapagossealion.webm

ran over, around and through the once vaunted Jaguar D/ST to the tune of 26.2 FPTS. Joe Mixon contributed almost 20 points in a LOSING effort to Pitt. Gronk Robkowski routinely got wide the fuck open against KC, much to Eric's consternation and Bryan's giddy clapping.

https://streamable.com/oa0iw

Even Dan Bailey, once my beloved Dallas kicker, got in on the action and contributed a double digit day. How best to describe Bryan's fantasy output compared to his sourpuss older brother's? Why not let that same stickler say it

MERE WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS MY JOY AT HAVING DESTROYED THE PATHETIC, PITIFUL AND PITIABLE BRYGUY.

WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE? TO CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES, HAVE THEM DRIVEN BEFORE YOU, AND HEAR THE LAMENTATION OF THEIR WOMEN? NO!! TO USE THE OUTSTANDING DAY OF THEIR FAVORITE RUNNING BACK AS HE SCORES TOUCHDOWN AFTER TOUCHDOWN AFTER TOUCHDOWN! MELLY GOD-RON IS A FANTASY FEAST ALL TO HIMSELF, AND I GORGED ON 40.5 FPTS.

WHAT CAN BE SAID ABOUT TYREEK HILL THAT HAS NOT BEEN SAID ABOUT ANY OTHER FORCE OF NATURE? THREE TOUCHDOWNS TORCHED THE PATS ON SUNDAY NIGHT, YIELDING A SHIVA BLAST THAT RENT THE HEAVENS AND NECESSITATED A CHANGE OF UNDERGARMENTS!

NOT EVEN THE LAST MINUTE INACTIVITY OF TWO (2) OF MY STARTERS BROUGHT ME DOWN, AS MARQUEZ VALDEZ-SCANLTLING AND ronald jones SCORED ANOTHER 16+ FPTS!

Thus speaks the fantasy gods. Bryan called me at 11:42 on 11OCT2018 with the following message: "I will wipe the floor with the remnants of your team." Brave words.

Final Score: ANDY 149.4 (5-1) bryan 102.4 (3-3)

Oakland Hodors vs Don't Fournette About Me

Aaron got back up off the mat from a lackluster performance last week with a great one this week. 7/9 starters contributed double digits, with the Cousins to Thielen connection once again paying dividends.




40.9 FPTS, or 100.09% of Melvin Gordon, powered Aaron this week. The Raven's D/ST and their 11 sacks of Mariota didn't hurt either. AJ Green and Julian Edelman took advantage of terrible secondaries to have good days, and Mason Crosby won the MNF game almost all by himself and prevented another overtime.

Jeremy was sunk by subpar RB weeks. Jordan Howard continues to not get the ball from the Bears, Chris Ivory looks up to Shady's "production", and Isiah Crowell dropped back down to the deep of irrelevancy where he belongs.

Final Score: Aaron 126.5 (4-2) Jeremy 88.8 (3-3)

This Bud's for u and I'll take 2 vs Big Reid 1

Things were looking bleak for Eric until the last two games of the week. Johnny MoCo was up, thanks to the outstanding performance of Antonio Brown (who did absolutely nothing until the dregs of the fourth quarter), Emmanuel Sanders and Tyler Boyd. 65.7 FPTS out of three starters is terrifying. Add to that A-A-Ron's second 400+ passing week in a row, with Jimmy Graham on the end of several of those big passes, brought big trouble for Big Ried.

He answered in spectacular fashion. 87 out of his Chiefs, with another 31.2 from Rodger's best target, fueled an epic comeback. Adrian Peterson continues to turn the clock back to 2009 as he is running like a now Burgundy Jesus for Washington. Alfred Morris had zero yards on none carries, which is better than the D/STs these two trotted out (-1 for Atlanta and Chicago).

Final Score: Eric 153.1 (4-2) Johnny 126.6 (2-4)

Chalupa Batman vs Young Bloodz

Graham should have to change his name to Young Blood, as Deshaun Watson sucked out loud against Buffalo. 2.3 FPTS is terrible in this day and age of inflated production and ridiculous protection for signal callers. Everyone who didn't rely on that noodle armed turnover machine were incredible for the Cracker this week though. Alex Collins finally got the ball for the Ravens, and Alshon Jeffery emerged from the PUP list to throw up two scores against the Giants. Add those two together and you get Saquon, who is terrifying for this Cowboy's fan to think about for the next 8-10 years. Barkley routinely tramples defenders, and vaults over those he cannot for long, slashing run after another.

Jordan has her own stable of impressive young RBs in James Conner and Sony Michel. 64.3 FPTS from the two of them is a great start to any fantasy week, but unfortunately a great start for Antonio Ramiro Romo Breasseale's mom (breaking news, they are having a boy and that will be his name) was all she got and that's all she wrote. If only you had had the foresight and brilliance to start Dakota Rayne Prescott (which is also a great name for little CB to be)




and his 30+ FPTs you would have emerged victorious.

Final Score: Graham 139.7 (4-2) Jordan 121.8 (2-4)

JuJuJulio vs Breasseale and Packer

Kia can't seem to catch a break. Week after week of good production only to run into an even better day from her opponent. Big Ben and Julio continue to churn out yardage but not enough touchdowns. LeSean McCoy had his second best outing of the season. But the mediocre rushing of Dion Lewis and Bilal Powell did her in this week.

S+T continue to nail it. James White is inexplicably a RB2 with minimal usage, Peyton Barber came off his bye week with a fire in his belly and a 6.3 YPC average. The Texans D/ST had the good fortune of being on the receiving end of a Nathan Peterman sighting, who played for 1/3 of the fourth quarter and promptly threw a pick-six. If and when ODB gets his shit together you will have one hell of a team.

Final Score: S+T 126.4 (4-2) Kia 105.1 (2-4)

Something Clever vs TaubenTime4.0

Let's all congratulate Shirtless Josh from no longer being Winless Josh. A big day from Last-Minute Latavius (155 RUYD) set the mark for his squad this week. How does it feel to root for not one, but two separate Vikings starters as a Pecker fan? FF is unquestionably the Devil. Keenan Allen ran, caught and passed??

http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-game-highlights/0ap3000000973486/Chargers-trick-play-backfires-for-loss-of-19-yards

for 13.3 Corey Clement seems to be the Philly RB worth a shit after the Ajayi injury, and he contributed 17.2 FPTS.

Jared and the Gurley Men lost. Mainly because Todd Gurley II is the only player worth almost anything. His 46.5 FPT day was enough to win the game against the Broncos, but not against Josh. Andrew Luck would have had a much better day if the Jets had not possessed the ball for 17 more minutes than Indy, due to the approximately 354+98 turnovers in that slopfest in Jersey. Yeldon ran well the three times Jax called his number, Calvin Ridley isn't worth anything when he does not score. Speaking of not scoring, starting the kicker for a team that gets blanked is not gonna cut it.

Final Score: Josh 144.3 (1-5) Jared 115.4 (3-3)

Salmon Pan vs Run CMC

Let's end on a sour note, shall we? This "contest" featured two squads whose paltry performance would have lost to 11/14 PCOG teams this week. Troy decided he should get his good result out of the way quick, and Carson Wentz threw three touchdowns on TNF. DJ and DeAndre had just OK results, especially when compared to their ceilings. But escaping with floor performances is better than the basement. Evil Tyler turned into a pumpkin this week. Tarik Cohen needed OT to do anything for the Bears, CMC was stuffed against the strong run D of Washington, and Phillip Lindsay averaged over 1 FPT per touch. Sadly he only garnered 10 such touches. That's better than Quincy Enunwa, who added injury to insult (out 3-4 weeks with a high ankle sprain) by scoring -0.4 FPTS.



Final Result, as neither team scored enough to notice: Troy 103.3 (2-4) Tyler 66.2 (3-3)

Week 7 Preview

Andy vs Jeremy
Graham vs Eric
S+T vs Aaron
Josh vs Johnny
Tyler vs Jordan
Jared vs Bryan
Marital Mayhem

I do apologize for the truncated nature and late delivery of this week's recap, but I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH BLOOD FLOW TO MY BRAIN TO WRITE AS MY STILL ENGORGED ERECTION THROBS IN VICTORY OVER BRYAN AND THE JAGS! THE ONLY THING BIGGER THAN THE ASS BEATINGLY HUGE MARGIN OF VICTORY FOR AMERICA'S TEAM OVER THE KITTY KATS IS MY TUMESCENT DICK. AND THE ONLY THING BIGGER THAN THAT WAS THE MARGIN OF VICTORY OVER BRYAN! As far as I'm concerned, I win at football for all eternity after this weekend.

Week 5 Recap

Week 5 in PCOG action has come and gone. Two months remain until FF playoffs begin, and teams are beginning to make their moves. I say teams because currently our league is incredibly top heavy. 9/14 teams currently have winning records, paced by your humble commissioner and tyrant, Andy (4-1). Strangely, I am only 7th in scoring. My record is a function of points against, which is 13/14. It just goes to show you that insight and strategy is not always good enough. Sometimes you just have to wish for your opponent to get unlucky. I view this trend as proof of my faith in the fantasy gods. Praise be their name. TO THE RECAP!

GAME OF THE WEEK
Packer and Seth vs Run CMC

I thought I was being pretty clever and original in my nickname for the WR who takes handoffs from Carolina's RB. A quick google search has put to rest any such illusions.




I figured since I've provided Tyler H with an awesome team name he can have an awesome logo to go along with it. Once again though Tyler's team was not paced by Mr. McCaffery. The Bengals' D/ST cashed in with two fourth quarter TDs, boosting them past Miami and Tyler over S+T. Jared Goff is averaging three passing scores per game over his last two, which sounds awesome until a quick bit of arithmetic yields only one such throw last week. Perhaps Goff's gaff can be blamed on the quick exit of two of his three top targets, as Cooper Kupp went out in the first half with a concussion. He still managed to corral 6 catches for 90 yards and a score. Travis Kelce continues to gain 100+ yards, and Phillip Lindsay is criminally underused in Denver. The big revelation was Graham Gano. 19FPTS is incredible for a kicker, especially when he bangs in a 63 yard game winner as time expires

https://streamable.com/t3ati

Tyler and Seth could not match Aaron's win over evil from last week. I guess we now know who Rachel loves the most. Their collective anything but RB strategy in the draft continues to pay off, as the motley collection of also-rans they trot out laugh in the face of collective fantasy tradition. James White and Matt Brieda combined for 32FPTS. Which barely beat OBJ, who tallied 31.4 in all sorts of ways. 57 PAYDS and a TD combined with 130 RECYDS and another score. His beautiful trick play

https://www.clippituser.tv/c/bnkdwg

is most notable because it looked just like one of Eli's passes: so underthrown that the impeccably gifted athlete he is targeting had to slow down so long he had time to get re-taped. A great play. Zach Ertz is the only thing working in Philly's offense other than the training staff. They did field a perfect lineup this week, but not even roster perfection could net a win.

Final Score: Evil Tyler 140 (3-2) Unknown Tyler and Meathead 137.8 (3-2)


Chalupa Batman vs This week we remember KCR

First and foremost, allow my to honor and salute Johnny MoCo for starting a renaming trend in honor of our dear friend Kaleb. This past week marks not the anniversary of his passing, but another reminder to cherish the time we have with our friends and loved ones. Life is too goddamn short to not live it to the fullest. Johnny bet big on a whiny, brittle collarboned bitch with a giant nose this year. The Peckers are in a tailspin, but that offered tons of garbage time for the hobbled capgunslinger. 442 yards and three TDs from Aaron Rodgers set the mark for all QBs this week. Antonio Brown finally got back on track with Big Ben, with 100+ yards and two scores to show for it. Emmanuel Sanders, AB's former teammate, could not replicate his buddy's production with only 11.7 FPTS. All in all Johnny's reliance on the Denver Donkeys sunk his ship, exemplified by the -1 their D/ST "scored".

Jordan's busy schedule includes time to whip up on a good friend. Her team continues to be powered by RBs, with James Conner and Sony Michel combining for 61.8FPTS. Conner and Michel are being buoyed by teammates, with Conner taking the news that Le'Veon possibly returning after the bye week (Sell!Sell!Sell!Sell!Sell High While You Can!) and Michel

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/cfaf3408-5b69-4ce7-91fe-5259077e86d3

having a clear-ish route to production with Rex Burkhead on the shelf. Tyler Lockett overcame my analysis with Baldwin's return and scored 18.2 FPTS against the LAms. Alex Smith showed why KC showed him the door, as in must-pass situations in catch-up time he came up short and inaccurate on MNF. All in all maternal instincts proved viable for FF as Jordan emerged with a win.

Final Score: Jordan 116.5 (2-3) Johnny 109.4 (2-3)


For Papa Bear vs Salmon Pan

We've already seen Saquon's catch and run against the Panthers. Graham is a dedicated Panthers fan, and his week showed why FF is the devil. Rooting for your Fantasy team members who are playing against your NFL team is heartbreaking. Rooting for your Fantasy Team members who are on a hated rival is worse. Our collective phones were blowing up Monday night as these two went head to head. Deshaun Watson lit up Dallas Sunday night in overtime, and Chris Thompson capitalized on the poor game script and AD's injury Monday night. The only thing more perplexing than Alex Collins' usage is Michael Thomas' falling off a cliff. He went from a record setting pace to watching an undrafted rookie score two TDs against Washington. I would like to commend the balls on you for starting Geoff Swaim, who emerged from a fruitless TE committee in Dallas to score his first career TD. With that position being such a wasteland, any streamer (or nominal starter) who gets in the end zone is a good call.

Unfortunately for Graham, Troy had more chips on the Houston marker than the Cracker did. DeAndre Hopkins spammed the goddamned B button on this long catch to set the Texans up for the OT win BECAUSE JASON GARRETT IS A NUTLESS SCUMBAG WHO SHOULD HAVE RUN THE FUCKING BALL WITH FOURTH AND ONE IN THAT VERY SAME OT, UTILIZING AN AMAZING RB AND SOMEWHAT LESSENED BUT STILL DOMINANT OFFENSIVE LINE.

https://streamable.com/pc8fr

But the Clapper preferred to play for a tie. And should therefore die. Alfred Blue was the other productive Houston chip, and he chipped in 20+ FPTS for team Salmon Pan. The recently traded for David Johnson finally got going, with 24.6 FPTS on 23407203948 touches against the 4-9ers. As he mentioned in the group text, Jay Ajayi is up for trade due to an ACL tear that has put him on the surgeon's table.

Final Score: Troy 125.4 (1-4) Graham 112.3 (3-2)


Remote threw The TV Screen vs Tauben Time 0-4

We have already highlighted how several PCOG members renamed their teams to honor our buddy. My name is from my favorite story about Kaleb. I had only been in Boone for a couple weeks, and due to PROTECTING YOUR FREEDOMS IN IRAQISTAN had missed out on Tebowmania in the 2011 NFL season. I returned in December of that year, and was bewildered by the collegiate all-star and NFL flash-in-the-pan leading the former moribund Denver Donkeys to the playoffs. They were matched up against Pittsburgh, Kaleb's team, in the Wild Card round of the playoffs. This game was to be played at Mile High because the AFC West was atrocious at the time and the Steelers couldn't beat out the eventual SB champ Ravens for the division. Tebow leads the Broncos all the way back to tie the game and send it to overtime. Here comes the story. Kaleb, emotionally distant and calm man that he is, tomahawked his TV remote through his screen in the fourth quarter. Cue a frantic screaming phone call to Bryan, who cleared him to come watch the end of the game at our house. I had been briefed on what happened at Kaleb's house and almost missed this play attempting to protect my television.

He storms out. My screen was safe. Many more afternoons and evenings were spent with him, watching football and laughing our balls off.

This week I should have changed my name to Gordon and Company. The Charger continues to power my team, totalling 24.8 FPTS against the Raiders. Robert Woods took advantage of his running mates going down and scored 17.5 as the noly viable WR in the second half. Matthew Stafford didn't have to do much against the Pack, as they got out to a 24-0 lead and sat on the ball. One would think that Kerryon Johnson would have had a better day and he should have, but he was vultured twice (2x) by the lumbering corpse that is Legarrette Blount.

Shirtless Josh is flailing wildly against the slings and arrows of fate and fantasy. He traded away DJ just in time to watch him light it up for Troy. His new RB, Derrick Henry, should have had a great time against the hapless Bills but fell short. Latavius Murray showed just why he is the second back for the Vikes. Cam Newton was taking notes as a WR showed that one does not necessarily have to overthrow deep targets. Keenan Allen has been close but not quite all year. John Brown finally fell back to earth against the Browns?????

Final Score: Andy 104.7 (4-1) Josh 84.6 (0-5)


Don't Fournette About Me vs Freedom Rides Shotgun

We are all aware of the vagaries of destiny in FF. I certainly hope that Jeremy played the stupid tax this week, because he hit the Powerball RB jackpot this week. Isaiah Crowell, he who is supremely talented and breaks off 4 or more 70+ yard runs per season, which inevitably increases his yards per carry and makes him look palatable in the offseason, went crazy against Denver. 215 yards on 15 carries equals 43.4 FPTS. Here is his big TD run.

https://twitter.com/NFL/status/1048992634503540736

Tom Brady did his best Patrick Mahomes impression on TNF, strafing the Colts for 30.3 FPTS. JuJu was hamstrung by AB's re-emergence, but the Cardinals contributed 17 FPTS.

Bryan continues to rack up RB points, with Zeke, Hyde and Mixon contributing 54.4 FPTS. Felipe Rios could have had a much bigger day but settled for 24.6. Bryan's Achilles Heel is his WR "production", with 6.9 total points from two starters.




I'm certainly not going to trade you one though.

Final Score: Jeremy 142.4 (3-2) Bryan 112.4 (3-2)


Big Ried 1 vs Something Clever

As the Chiefs go, so goes Eric. He has consistently relied on Mahomes' ridiculous passing production to power his team. Against the Jags, he could not find quite the levels of success that he did against lesser defenses. While he did score another rushing touchdown, his first two picks of the year did not help his fantasy day. Kareem Hunt contributed another running TD and 21.4 FPTS. Davante Adams gutted through a hamstring injury for the Pack and was the best target on the field for A-A-Ron. AD dislocated his shoulder in the first half against the Saints, and Amari Cooper continued his on-again off-again ways. Eric Ebron had a big day for the Colts. On second examination, how did you lose this game? Not starting anyone in the FLEX position probably contributed. But not even an optimal lineup would have netted a win this week.

Jared's patience paid off big this week. Sitting on Mark Ingram for four weeks had to suck, but two TDs in his first game of the season is a pleasant boon. Enjoy sitting him again in his bye week. Todd Gurley helped to mash the Seahawks for the win, and Andrew Luck had 24.1 against the Pats on Thursday. TJ Yeldon continues to produce in Fournette's place. On a closer look, it appears that Jared's FF strategy is to draft every player that ever played for Alabama. Yeldon, Ridley, Ingram. Kia, beware any trade from him where he tries to get Julio.

Final Score: Jared 145.7 (3-2) Eric 129.9 (3-2)


Oakland Hodors vs JuJuJulio.

Aaron and Jordan's upcoming baby shower is proof that he is not shooting blanks, but after last week's explosion I guess he just couldn't get it up this time. Cousins to Thielen continues to be huge, AJ Green "only" had 15.8 FPTS and Aaron Jones got game scripted against the Lions. The real revelation is that Alvin Kamara's touches sank through the basement with the return on Ingram. Some of this could probably be chalked up to the overwhelming lead the Saints built up so early, but this has to be a warning sign for the rest of the year. Oh well, you'll always have September of 2018.

Final Score: Kia 101.5 (2-3) Aaron 87.5 (3-2)

Week 6 Preview
MAIN EVENT- Big Brothers Brawl: Andy 4-1 vs Bryan 3-2
Aaron 3-2 vs Jeremy 3-2
Johnny 2-3 vs Eric 3-2
Jordan 2-3 vs Graham 3-2
Kia 2-3 vs S+T 3-2
Jared 3-2 vs Josh 0-5
Troy 1-4 vs Tyler 3-2

Detroit and New Orleans are on bye this week. Yet another hurricane is threatening the low lying areas of the Southeast. How about we all move back to the High Country and laugh at such storms, until we are buried under snow in Boone when Winter finally Arrives. It's almost hoodie weather so the bitch is well on her way.

Week 4 Recap

Fantasy Football is about more than proving one's superiority in all things over one's friends. Fantasy Football is a wondrous pastime wherein insight and preparation meet dumb fucking luck. Week 4 in the 2018 PCOG is a better example of this than anything else I can think of right now. Let's get to it:TO THE RECAP!

JFC did you leave any points for anyone else?

I tremble as I type these words. I pray that once more I can see such devastating fantasy performances again, from the comfort of an easy win over one of my best friends. Tyler and Aaron put together a duel that was incredible in the fantasy fireworks it produced. One has never seen two such juggernuts splattering across the face of Lady Luck ever. Where to begin? Tyler should take great solace in the fact that his formerly best player and team namesake Christian McCaffrey was on a golf outing during this titanic contest, plagued by an early bye week. Jared Goff set all time records for passer rating x passing attempts (158.3). That is absolute perfection. 46.3 FPTS on the back of 465 passing yards and 5 TDs is incredible. Even Ryan Fucking Fitzmagic stands jaw agape at such production (more on this later). Cooper Kupp Runneth Over with Passing yards strafed the formerly staunch Vikings secondary back into tertiary status. Golden Tate, whom I hate more than Coach K and Al-Quaeda combined, racked up 132 yards and two long touchdowns in busted coverage against Dallas. Phillip Lindsay and Duke Johnson Jr, two pint sized receiving backs, combined for a very nice 30 FPTS. Travis Kelce should have had an even bigger game, but who could hope to contain the plasma bolts that emerge from the Red Devil's howitzer of a right arm? Those three drops will haunt Tyler, as they could have been the difference in this game. More haunting is the third of the smuRBfs that Tyler has on his roster. Tarik Cohen is inexplicably the bell calf in the current iteration of the Bear's offense, and his gigantic 31.2 FPTS withered on the vine, marooned to the bench.

Aaron also took advantage of the TNF bonanza. 34.7 FPTS is incredible against the LAms defense. Adam Thielen was on the end of many of Captain Kirk's beautiful passes, good enough for 25.5 FPTS. White Men may not be able to Jump, but somehow on Thursday Night they were able to get wide the fuck open against excellent defenses. Tevin Coleman did not score a TD or combine for 100+ total yards for the first time without Donta Freeman, as instead his rushing TD was vultured by Ito Smith. AJ Green contributed the winning TD in overtime against those same Falcons. Jared Cook seems to think Derek Carr is way better than Aaron Rodgers, as his to date production outstrips anything he ever did with the State Farm Witch. Aaron's patience paid off with his start of Aaron Jones, Pecker RB, who totaled 17.5 FPTS in his first action back from a drug suspension. But we all know who Aaron's stud of studs truly is: Alvin Kamara is a FF cheat code. I fully expected the Saints to annihilate the Giants in Jersey, but it seems that Alvin was the only player to get on track. And by get on track I mean be the entire offense for NOLA. 47.4 FPTS with almost 200 combined yards and 3 TDs is just incredible. This was the week for him to peak, as you needed every erg of power you could coax out of your murderer's row of a team. I congratulate the both of you. Funnily enough, this was also the game of the week, with the winning difference being 9.6 FPTS, or slightly over a third of what Tarik Cohen would have contributed.

Final Score: MY EYES, JESUS GOD MY POOR BLINDED EYES! Aaron 204.5 (3-1) Tyler 194.9 (2-2)


Birmingham Blinders vs Big Ried 1

This game was pretty tranquil in Casa de los Pines. Some good lineup decisions were made on both teams such as starting Andy Dalton over Matt Stafford. But both teams looked longingly at all of the beautiful production squandered on the bench. Robert Woods' almost 20 FPTS rotted away on Thursday night, Amari Cooper continued his on-again off-again ways with almost 24 in OT. The real kicker was Mitchell Trubisky's 6 Passing TDs that contributed nothing. Not that the homer fuck would have ever not started Mahomes, but you could not believe the amount of griping that went on as score after score was not scored for Eric. Needless to say I was also not happy to watch him clap with glee and act completely boorishly in front of his mother, a Denver fan, as Kareem Hunt finally woke up and the Chiefs pulled out a big win on the road. Needless to say, our combined joy over real football outpaced fantasy.

Final Score: Andy is better at life than Eric, who's NFL team is better than Andy's.


JuJuJulio vs Hyde n Zeke

Your PCOG group text was infiltrated by an announcement from me regarding these two teams. Late last week (Saturday I believe) a trade was agreed upon where Bryan would send Gronk and Carlos Hyde to Kia for Diggs and a random Charger. The two agreed that the trade should not go through before their respective game was complete, and due to that delay, would not be processed if an injury were to occur. Given Gronk Robkowski's ankle booboo, this trade was cancelled by me based on their conditions. The actual game was highlighted by Ezekiel Elliot's re-emergence as the only star in Big D. 200+ combined yards and a late go ahead touchdown sparked 40+ FPTS. Felipe had a much harder time against the hapless 4-9ers than one would have thought he would, but still earned 22.2 FPTS. Carlos Hyde met a record previously held by LaDanian Tomlinson, in that he has 65+ rushing yards and a rushing touchdown in 6 straight games dating back to last year. He continued this performance in Oakland against the Raiers. Alex Collins punched in a short TD and treated us all to an Irish dance on Sunday night. For Kia, that same Sunday night did not yield the scoring performance by Big Ben. 14.6 FPTS is terrible in this day and age of incredible protection for QBs. LeSean McCoy is evidently the problem in Buffalo, as without him the Bills average 38 points per game and with him they are 0-3. Julio is on pace for 2K+ yards recieving and 0 (zero) receiving touchdowns. Stefon Diggs was not on a white guy pace Thursday night, but still contributed almost a 20.

Final Score: Bryan 130.2 (3-1) Kia 104 (1-3)


Todd Gurley II vs Aaron and the Pack

Jared bet big on the continuance of Fitzmagic, and it ended up after one half of play FitzTragic. I fully cop to attempting to boost the idea that a bearded journeyman was an actual starting caliber QB in this very space two weeks ago, fully expecting that the inevitable would happen and he would turn back into PicksPatrick. He only threw one such turnover, but was replaced at halftime by Jameis Winston, who is most famous for his propensity for using the five finger discount on crab legs and Uber driver's legs. Andrew Luck's 37.4 FPTS would have been enough to get Jared over the hump, but sadly he remained on the bench. Good luck starting him next week without TY Hilton, who is hamstrung by a hamstring injury. Calvin Ridley continues to collect all of the touchdowns that should go to Julio, and Todd Gurley is worthy of his #1 overall draft pick.

Johnny has a hobbled Rodgers, the Peckers D/ST, and a collection of meh. Antonio Brown can't seem to get going. Royce Freeman is barely keeping Phillip Lindsay at bay in the Denver backfield, Jamaal Williams is done as the Pecker RB. Jimmy Graham is a TD or bust TE, but he snagged a score against Buffalo. Tyler Boyd's 16.5 FPTS were squandered on the bench, but ultimately not necessary against Mr Lindsay Harris. Your appeal has been denied, Counselor.

Final Score: Johnny 101.1 (2-2) Jared 78.5 (2-2)


Inside Joke vs Obscure Reference

Jordan is an old-school FF player. Her team is powered by a RB-RB duo, with the old bull (Marshawn Lynch) leading the young calf (Sony Michel). They combined for almost 50 FPTS. James Conner has not kept up the blistering pace he showed early on (that Jordan traded for), but still contributed 10.2 FPTS. Will Fuller V has caught a TD from Deshaun Watson in 7 straight games, but left early with an injury. Tyler Lockett is worthless now that Doug Baldwin is back from injury. Dak Prescott lead America's Team in a come from behind victory but couldn't crack 20 in FF. Nyheim Hines exploded for 24.8 FPTS on the bench. Good luck trying to ride that lightning the rest of the year. But at least it looks like Le'Veon Bell will be back by week 8.

Troy had the other side of Watson's receivers. DeAndre Hopkins had a big game in OT against the Colts. Keenan Allen was questionable with an arm injury and a tooth???? before kickoff. Jay Ajayi threw in 13.4 FPTS, Buck Allen didn't get his vulture TD. The Yuccaneers D/ST had almost as many negative points as Trubisky had passing scores. Carson Wentz's 24.2 big points withered away on the bench, but starting him would not have altered the outcome.

Final Score: Jordan 120.6 (1-3) Troy 87.8 (0-4)


TaubenTime 0-4 vs Don't Fournette About Me

It's too bad Jeremy fournette to handcuff his first round pick. Leonard's soft tissue issues cropped back up in the first half and he never returned. Jordan Howard's team was up by a bajillion points, but Chicago's new playcaller fournot to give his hammer the ball to salt the game away. Isaiah Crowell pulled a Crowell and disappeared after a good performance last week. Tom Brady threw in 22 while throwing towards a win against the Olphins. Sterling Shepard contributed 20.7 in an expanded role after Evan Engram's injury.

Going into MNF Shirtless Josh still had a chance. Not a great chance as he started Case Keenum at QB, but a chance. David Johnson finally woke up, his former teammate John Brown went off against the Steelers, and Nelson Agholor turned 12 targets into 4.7 FPTS. The Vikings D/ST were decimated on TNF and "scored" -9 FPTS for Josh.

Final Score: Jeremy 92.7 (2-2) Josh 70.1 (0-4)


Brazil and not a Pecker's fan vs Young Bloodz

I am continually contrite for lambasting Seth and Tyler P after the draft. They lit up a score that in a non brother-in-law week would have topped the PCOG. Matt Ryan has 300+ PAYDS and 3+ TDs in three straight weeks. Giovanni Bernard continues to rack up points with no Joe Mixon. James White turned back into his Super Bowl MVP form. ODB still sucks, Mike Evans can't catch passes from a pumpkin or a predator, Zach Ertz continues to produce.

Graham had a great week and Tyler level luck in his opponent. Deshaun Watson continues to produce, Saquon Barkley continues to give Giants' fans hope for the future. Brandin Cooks is a LAms receiver and therefore had 100+ yds and a TD. Alshon Jeffery came up big in his return from shoulder surgery, and when Trey Burton isn't covered deep downfield he will catch a TD.

Final Score: S&T 156.1 (3-1) Graham 136.6 (3-1)


Week 5 Preview:

Andy vs Shirtless Josh
Jordan vs Johnny
Jeremy vs Bryan
Aaron vs Kia
Eric vs Jared
Graham vs Troy
Tyler vs Tyler and Seth

Sorry about the lateness of this week's article and the low effort therein. I figured y'all wanted a so-so effort rather than none at all. The Bears and Buccs are on bye and Winter is Coming.