Quarterfinals Action

The chase for the Chopper has begun in earnest, with the first round of the playoffs completed last week. It was a week of not so close games, as the average margin of victory in Week 14 PCOG play was 28.59FPTS. In the championship bracket, the top two seeds survived, as did two of the middle teams. The consolation cup is still important, as the final standings not only will dictate our 2019 draft order but also has the dreaded SACKO at it's end. TO THE RECAP!

#1 seed Team Girl vs #8 seed Don't Fournette About Me

Aaron's team is a juggernaut, with so many different players that can go off on each and every Sunday. Kirk Cousins and Adam Thielen struggled on MNF in Seattle (21.2FPTS combined), but their connection has been deadly all year. Alvin Kamara (16.2FPTS) has slowed down since an incredible start, but is a key cog in one of the best offenses in the league. Good news for Aaron, the Saints are currently holding the #1 seed in the NFC playoff hunt but have the LAms and Bears are hot on their heels. This means that the Saints have to continue to play their players, and Kamara will get lots of run. Aaron Jones (22.4FPTS) broke out in the second half against the putrid Falcons and will probably be the centerpiece of the Packers efforts to salvage their season. Jared Cook (16.1FPTS) helped the Raiders defeat the Steelers, which pleases me to no end. There are only a couple of fanbases more self-righteous and full of themselves like the Yinzer faithful. This is coming from a Cowboys fan. The Steelers consistently play down to the perceived level of their opponent. Julian Edelman is the chains mover for the always dangerous Pats attack. About the only disappointment was Tevin Coleman, who is more of an athlete than a football player.

Jeremy is forced to wonder what could have been. Big Ben, who has averaged 40+ passing attempts over the past month and faced an atrocious Raiders defense, got knocked out with a rib injury. His best target, JuJu had a huge game, exploding for 30FPTS. Had Captain FatFuck not needed the needle they both would have had a better day. Leonard Fournette struggled mightily on Thursday night. There was a huge, physically imposing RB that ran over and through the opposing defense in that game but tragically it was not the LSU product. Fournette has been juuuuust good enough to not be counted as a bust this season. He is a talented player, but probably will not require the first round pick that Jeremy burnt on him next year. Jordan Howard did a pretty good job against the LAms on SNF. LA is strangely susceptible to the run, which is super weird given the level of talent they have on the DL. Kyle Rudolph did get an end zone target, but was draped in double coverage by Seattle. This was an indication of how his night would go. Cousins is regressing, and is gunshy after being beat up by the Seahawks pass rush. Tyrell Williams got his average amount of catches and targets, but none of them went for a 75 yard score. Curtis Samuel has to rely on Cam's shredded shoulder to get him the ball. He mainly runs, short inside routes, so he is good for targets and catches. His ability to break one long is constrained by those short routes though. He has a bright future and should be a pretty good PPR player next year.

Final Score: Aaron 130 (10-4) Jeremy 95.5 (6-8)

#7 Young Bloodz vs #2 Big Reid 1

Graham blew my phone up for 5 hours Sunday morning. He wanted to pick up a TE that had been dropped less than 24 hours before. Several calm, careful explanations of the ins and outs of the waiver process were unfruitful. A Haulsee who believes he has been wronged is as stubborn as a mule. Despite a good alternative already on his roster, he wanted Vance McDonald. Who had a farm. Troll-lo-lol-lo-lol. Ian Thomas, who as the double bonus of being a promising rookie TE with a huge opportunity in front of him due to the Greg Olsen injury AND being one of the Cracker's beloved Panthers; was callously left on the bench. One might think that 12.2 FPTS is not that big of a deal, but in this TE environment bereft of consistent producers outside of the the super elite it is nothing to blow off. Jeff Wilson Jr (Who??), the waiver wire darling of last week, was run into the ground against the Donkeys. Michael Thomas has come down from his blistering early pace but is still an elite WR. Kenyan Drake had the play of the season in the Miami Miracle, or as it is known in New England, the South Beach Suicide inducing Chokejob. Here is a 100% accurate, 4k depiction of the play that gave Drake the ESPY for best performance.

David Moore is an up and comer, but when your QB passes for 72 yards it is highly unlikely a receiver will have a good day. Saquon Barkley, presumptive Offensive Rookie of the Year, is on pace for the best PPR rookie season ever. He slices, he dices, he eats up yards nonstop. 39.2 FPTS is incredible. He is probably the #3 pick in next year's draft.

Eric put up the best score of the week. But this game was seriously up in the air until the fourth quarter of the Cowboys game. Amari Cooper blew away records as he dusted the Eagles defense repeatedly. 10 catches for 217 yards and three touchdowns.




Final Score: Amari Cooper 163.4 (10-4) Graham 126.4 (7-7)

#5 Something Clever vs #4 Breasseale and Packer

S+T has had the best dual owner season I've ever heard of. Their strategy of RB last worked out wonderfully, as a pair of late round picks paid off big time at that position: Nick Chubb forced the Browns to trade away their shiny free agent acquisition in Carlos Hyde. James White, Super Bowl MVP, has a role for the Pats that only gets better when they play a good team. Jarvis Landry isn't quite what he was in Miami but is still a great PPR option. Mike Evans has had a down season, but only by the astronomical standards he has set from the jump. Zach Ertz is probably going to reset the season reception record for his position. Peyton Barber has fought off a high draft pick to get the most carries in Tampa. But like always their games came down to Matt Ryan. The signal caller had an OK game against the Packers, but that would not be good enough against Jared.

Jared has a set of studs that compliment each other: the Indy passing stack in Luck and TY. They combined to light up the Houston defense for 51.4 combined FPTS. Typically he has had Todd Gurley's exceptional production, as the player is the top FLEX scorer in the league. He ran into the tough Bears D/ST on MNF though, and was largely contained. Spencer Ware was vultured twice by Damian Williams for the Chiefs and got knicked up in the process. His outlook for Thursday's titanic clash with the Chargers is still promising though. Anthony Miller contributed nothing against the LAms, mainly because offensive linemen and defenders contributed all of the touchdowns. Austin Hooper struggled against the Peckers, and Mark Ingram contributed a touchdown against the Yuccs. The Lions D/ST capitalized on a plus matchup against the Cards to net 17 FPTS.

Final Score: Jared 125.4 (9-5) S+T 104.5 (8-6)

#6 Chillin with Mahomies vs #3 Evil Tyler's Lobos

Tyler's three peat quest started pretty well. Christian McCaffery is incredible and contributed 29.1FPTS. Phillip Lindsay is one of the best stories of the year, coming in as an undrafted rookie and is now an elite RB. Travis Kelce is the best TE in the league, and Tarik Cohen is an incredible weapon for an innovative play caller in Matt Nagy. Tyler's WRs have been a weakness all year though, and Tate and Golladay came up short again. 2.7 combined points will not get it done unless you have a huge blow up from several other players.




https://youtu.be/ZHfKpqTwvVs?t=58

Final Score: Andy 124.5 (9-5) ET GO HOME 104.2 (9-5)

Givesies Backsies 

This game also came down to one player. Way back in the beginning of October Keenan Allen and Derrick Henry were traded away by Troy to Shirtless Josh for David Johnson and Randall Cobb. Matched up in the consolation bracket, Henry reminded Troy that their is no hell like a RB scorned:

https://streamable.com/ibv37

https://streamable.com/2n9hd

4 touchdowns. 238 yards. On 17 carries? for 68.1 FPTS, or 124% of what the presumptive SACKO put up this week.




Final Score: 21.74 MPH for Henry on that 50+ yard TD run

Chalupa Batman vs Fighting off The Sacko

This game was also a case of sour grapes emanating from an earlier trade. Jordan traded Joe Mixon to Bryan for James Conner. While Conner was amazing all season in relief of Le'Veon Bell, he was tragically injured in the loss against the Bolts last Sunday. As he was unable to lace them up, that left Jordan shorthanded against Bryan. Mixon was great against S̶a̶n̶ ̶D̶i̶e̶g̶o LA, garnering 30.8 FPTS. Not even the best passing day for America's Team™ could save her day. Mixon, plus Zeke and a resurgent Gronk, put her team down for the second week in a row.

Final Score: Bryan 145.9 (6-8) Jordan 112.5 (4-10)

Porkchop Please Help vs BEERME2

Final Result: Creeping towards the SACKO


Semifinals Schedule

Roommates Rumble
#6 Andy vs #2 Eric

Porkchop vs AllieBear
#5 Jared vs #1 Aaron

Winners Consolation

S+T vs ET
Jeremy vs Graham

SACKO Invitational

Bryan vs Josh
Johnny vs Troy
Kia vs Jordan

Two more weeks until a champ is crowned. Anything can happen in this league, influenced by insight and guided by luck. I hope all of you have enjoyed this season as much as I have. Good Luck!

Playoffs 2018

It has all come down to this. This is the reason why we have agonized over roster construction, contemplated terrible trade offers, and adjusted starting lineups innumerable times during all of out tinker-stinker times on Sunday mornings. Playoffs! Where worthy suitors for the Chopper are weighed, measured, and sorted by who is the best person. On the other side is the consolation bracket, where draft position and the SACKO wait in desultory fashion. Here is the playoff bracket http://games.espn.com/ffl/h2hplayoffs?leagueId=53884, where you can track your current and next matchup. But before that we have the last regular season slate of games to look over. TO THE RECAP!

Chillin' with Mahomies vs Evil Tyler's Lobos

Rant inbound. In an attempt to break a three way tie at the bottom of the championship bracket between a trifecta of shit shipping frittatas, and an editorial oversight regarding our schedule, I used my commissioner's powers for the good of said morons. Jeremy, Shirtless Josh and Troy were headed into the last week tied in epic mediocrity at 5-7. The issue was that because not everyone had played everyone, the number one tiebreaker (head to head record) would be bypassed. Since FF is about proving that you are not only smarter and more insightful, but better than your friends, this error had to be addressed. So I spent 45 minutes double checking everyone's record to ensure that Troy would play Josh and everyone else would play the last remaining PCOG member.

Soooooooooo that left me playing Tyler. The man with the most points scored in all of PCOG play. I had a great fantasy day. 138.1 big FPTS on the back of my newest team name inspiration, Patrick Mahomes. I was able to acquire him because the Chiefs kicked Kareem Hunt to the curb for a domestic violence allegation. That left Eric without a starting RB. I had a bevy of them, and traded Tom Brady and Gus Edwards for my mahomey. He totaled 35.5 fantasy points, a great number from a QB and not even his ceiling for production. Dalvin Cook continued his timeshare with Latavius Murray for the Vikes, and scored 16.9. Josh Adams is the new bellcow for Filly, toting the rock 20 times against Washington. Ka'imi Fairbairn was the second highest scoring player on my team, which is a grave prognosticator for wins and losses. Robert Woods caught a touchdown against Detroit., the Seahawks blasted the 9ers but still allowed George Kittle to collect 10 points. All in all I ended up with 138.1, which would have been good enough to beat 12/13 opponents in PCOG this week. All I had to do was beat Tyler.

The man who had three players at RB who racked up 103.9 FPTS, which would have been good enough to beat half the league this week. But why stop there? Golden Tate found the endzone for the Iggles on MNF. I hate Golden Tate more than I hate the President's twitter usage. 20 FPTS. The Bronco's D/ST put up a baker's dozen. Travis Kelce scored two touchdowns against the worst disaster about to move to Las Vegas since Iron Mike Tyson. Jared Goff wasn't that good against the Lions, and Kenny Golladay sucked in that same game. That left a steep mountain for me to climb.

Final Score: Tyler 189.8 (9-4) Andy 138.1 (8-5)

Big Ried 1 vs Breasseale and Packer

Another game between teams that had solidified playoff berths but still had seeding impact, Eric lined up the GOAT against the Vikes. Half of what Mahomes put up is better than all of what KHunt did this week, up to and including a terribly conceived PR stunt of an interview on ESPN wherein he answered no questions and appeared even worse. Adrian Peterson is only the second player in the past decade to score a 90+ yard touchdown and not also rush for 100 yards in the same game. The Gus Bus was well loaded against Atlanta, rushing 21 times for 82 yards. Davante Adams is just about the only thing still working in Green Bay. Amari Cooper has opened the Dallas offense up, no longer allowing 465 defenders in the box for Zeke to navigate. Eric Ebron is somehow tied for second in receiving touchdowns this year, and has caught more scores this year than in all of his career in Detroit. Josh Gordon broke the game open against Minnesota on a long score, the Bears Defense crapped the bed against the Giants, and Harrison Butker is now the only vestige of a team once lousy with homer picks.

BP continues to go as Matt Ryan goes. He only scored 6.6 FPTS against one of the top defensive units in the league in Baltimore. Nick Chubb cooled off from his superhuman run over the last month, appearing only very good and scored a touchdown in the fourth straight game. Matt Breida is once again in the shop, this time with an ankle injury. ODB is actually better than his stats appear, as he has to rely on Eli to get him the spiraling dead ducks he is forced to track down. Mike Evans is on again off again, so right on track for his career. Zach Ertz was publicly fellated by the ESPN crew on MNF. Even Jason Witten's very public regard cannot sway me from my position that he is an Eagle and therefore deserves lukewarm showers for the rest of his life. Peyton Barber was pretty good against a stumbling Carolina defense, and Adam Vinatieri was blanked alongside the rest of the Colts against the Jags.

Final Score: Eric 123.5 (9-4) S+T 96.1 (8-5)

The Reason I Lost This Week vs Some Moron Who Bitched About The Schedule

Final Score: After all of that, neither one of you made the playoffs.

Something Clever vs Porkchop Please Help

It has been inferred that I assign the most inches in this column to my game, and gloss over the achievements of the other members. This is absolutely true, as I watch and monitor my game most. Let us attempt to address this issue. At least once a month Drew Brees sees his shadow and goes into hibernation. He could only produce 127 passing yards and one pick and score apiece against the terrifying Dallas D on Thursday. LeSean McCoy is at least two years removed from his prime as an elite running back, as he was outpaced in the rushing attack by a white, rookie quarterback. Dion Lewis was miscast as the lead back in Tennessee, and is gazing longingly back in time to his days in Foxboro. The Pats are in the hunt for the first seed in the AFC playoffs and the Titans are the epitome of mediocrity. Demaryius Thomas is having trouble integrating into Houston's prolific offense, and his outrageous Dez level contract will no doubt be cut loose by the Texans just as soon as feasible under the salary cap. Adam Humphries has been almost as good over the past month than the WR Kia traded to her husband, Julio Jones. He has seemingly ascended to the #2 target for Tampa's aerial assault, leapfrogging both the old DeSean Jackson and the ineffective Chris Godwin. David Njoku crashed and burned along with the rest of the resurgent Browns. Perhaps if Baker Mayfield had found Njoku as the receiver more often than Texans defenders the young TE would have had a better day. Jalen Richard performed admirably in garbage time against KC, whose defense is so terrible that they almost allowed the Raiders back into that game in the fourth quarter. The Eagles D/ST broke another Washington QB's leg, but sadly that is not a tracked statistic for fantasy purposes. Matt Prater gets lots of work for Detroit because their offense is constipated without Kerryon Johnson. For the bench, or as Kia calls it, the Wayward home for Ordinary Wide Recievers, only one notable player remains. Courtland Sutton, who was moved onto Kia's team with the #1 Waiver priority of Halloween, tormented the Bengals in Cincy for 85 yards and a touchdown. That kid is way better than I thought he was going to be, and his upcoming schedule (SF, Cleveland and Oakland) should qualify him as a starter.

Jared scored >80.8FPTS

Final Result: Jared 8-5, Kia 3-10

Fighting off The Sacko vs Chalupa Batgirl

Bryan wrote the PCOG joke of the year on a phone call to me this week. He said that I would have to put him on the Commissioner's Exempt list for violence against women, as he plans on beating Jordan for the second straight week. It could have gone another way had the #6 RB James Conner not been injured Sunday night. He was enroute to a huge evening, scoring two rushing touchdowns against Bryan's beloved Bolts on SNF. Instead he exited with a bum ankle and 24.7 FPTS for Jordan. It is probably best that Bryan traded Conner to Jordan early in the year, as with his well earned Fantasy Karma Conner would have rushed for 200 yards and three scores, securing a fantasy win and NFL loss for Bryan. His real life and PCOG Week 13 victory was instead secured by Sr. Rios, who collected 24FPTs against the Steelers. This came about because the Steelers insisted on using slow linebackers to cover Keenan Allen throughout the second half, allowing the Chargers to make a comeback at home in a San Diegoesque chokejob. Zeke gonna Zeke, even against a tough Saints defense in JerruhWorld. Joe Mixon is virtually unusable given the complete dumpster fire that the Bungles have relapsed into. Corey Davis is infuriating, as he looks like the player drafted #5 overall by Tennessee a couple years ago some times and like a complete schlemiel the other 80%. Brandin Cooks couldn't get on track against the Lions, Gronk looks up to the explosiveness that Antonio Gates exhibits now, and Austin Ekeler was overshadowed by Justin Jackson in the second half. Really glad I didn't pay the premium the non-playoff Hutton asked for in multiple, fruitless trade negotiations earlier this season.

We have already talked about Conner's booboo. Dak Prescott is all about results, not empty calories in the form of garbage time stats. I would like to propose an addition to PCOG scoring where QBs score additional points if they get a victory for the Cowboys. +100 seems legit, right? Sony Michel is now relegated to a three headed committee for RB touches in Foxboro. Larry Fitz should get more targets now that the young upstart Christian Kirk is on the IR with a busted foot. Unfortunately targets from young Sam Rosen may be some of the most worthless in the league. Tyler Lockett is the best WR in Seattle now, Cameron Brate should be better with OJ Howard on the shelf, Dede Westbrook will be really good next year when Teddy Bridgewater is the Jag's starter, and Jordan's special teams contributed 13FPTS.

Final Score: Bryan 119.3 (5-8) Jordan 92.8 (4-9)

BeerME2 vs Team Girl

Game of the Week! Winning Margin 1.000000 FPT

What a close one. This game came down to Sunday Night, and Johnny almost overtook Aaron on the back of Antonio Brown. He had a monster game against the Chargers, with 10 catches for 154 yards and a touch. Aaron Rodgers will be much better without the millstone that was Mike McCarthy's playcalling no longer weighing him down. Marlon Mack got nowhere against the Jags, and Carlos Hyde met his "production" almost yard for yard in the same game. Emmanuel Sanders was the only Bronco to not hit paydirt against Cincy, Tyler Boyd was great 'till he got laid out by a Bronco's defender and Jimmy Graham is positively Gronkian in his remaining athleticism. 21 from kicker and D/ST is not a bad day.

Aaron fondly remembers September, when Kirk Cousins was torching defenses week in and week out. 7 points against the Pats is not good enough to put another fantasy ring on his finger. Alvin Kamara is lucky to not be in a hospital on a targeting hit by a Dallas defender, Tevin Coleman can't get any traction running behind Atlanta's OL, and Aaron Jones will probably not be criminally misused by the next GB head coaching regime. Thielen and Edelman gym-ratted all over the field late Sunday afternoon. Jared Cook's production highlighted Eric's dear hopes that Eric Berry will soon be back to patrolling the secondary for the Chiefs, because without him their defense has regressed from dreadful to atrocious. The Ravens killed off Atlanta's dwindling playoff hopes with a strong performance, and Mason Crosby sacrificed fantasy points so that McCarthy would no longer be beached on the sidelines of the Peckers. I would like to commend Aaron on the stones to bench AJ Green. Even with him coming back from an injury, I don't think I could have passed up his ceiling for two scrappy coach's sons at WR. Green went down for the year with a foot, and Mr. Breasseale secured the #1 seed in the PCOG Championship Bracket.

Final Score: Aaron 101.8 (9-4) Johnny 100.8 (4-9)

Don't Fournette About Me vs Young Bloodz

IDK if anyone else this season has started two goose eggs in the same week but Graham. The formerly red-hot David Moore and the long since ice-cold Trey Burton both contributed nothing for the Cracker. Chris Thompson returned from injury to contribute almost nothing on Monday Night. Kenyan Drake (13.1), Deshaun Watson (15.7) and Saquon (24.1) were the only players of note for Haulsee this week. Pathetic.

Jeremy should change his name to Don't Pat Yourself on the Back too Quick after the awful showing Graham put forth, and Jeremy raced almost to the bottom in the same game. Big Ben missed a wide open WR in the end zone in the second half, which would have contributed more points for Pitt and Jeremy. Jordan Howard didn't turn a great matchup against the NJ Giants into a big day, but Isaiah Crowell from the NJ Jets had a better day against the Titans. JuJu needs the ball more. Curtis Samuel is a great option in the tried and true Panthers mold: undersized, great after the catch and consistently overthrown by Cam. Kyle Rudolph has regressed back into the great unwashed mass of ordinary TEs that currently plauge Fantasy Football. Washington's D/ST could use Reuben Foster like he could use counseling, and both are about as likely this season.

Final "Score": Jeremy 83.1 (6-7) Graham 73.8 (7-6)

Playoffs Round One

Andy vs Tyler Round Two
Eric vs Graham
Jared vs S+T
Aaron vs Jeremy

Consolation Ladder

Troy vs Shirtless Josh again
Bryan vs Jordan again
Kia vs Johnny

For those of us in the Championship Bracket, the Chopper is yours to strive for. For the Consolation Ladder, avoiding the Sacko and next year's draft position are at stake. Sorry about no article last week, but I was freezing my ass off in assorted tree-stands and blinds down in the Low Country and couldn't tear away long enough to write a bunch of dick jokes. Good Luck!

Turkey Shoot

We are on the cusp of the 2018 PCOG playoffs. Two more weeks to gain entry to and solidify seeding. Two more weeks of relevancy for some, and the final chase for glory for others. Week 11 was capped off by the game of the week of the month of the year in KC-LA. What a game. What a Fantasy output. I'd say that is not the last time we will see that particular matchup in the 2018 season. TO THE RECAP!

Andy Defamation League vs Porkchop Please Help

Before SNF kicked off, things were looking up for Kia. Stefon Diggs' 26.1 FPTS helped to create a 50+ lead going into the Main Event. Drew Brees is incredible, especially when his team is up 30+ points on the Eagles. It just goes to show you that if you beat Sean Payton in golf he will do all he can to crush your spirit when you next meet. On fourth down, with a huge lead Brees dialed up this dime to Alvin Kamara to throw the last bit of dirt on Philly's season.

https://streamable.com/7wgk3




Glorious. Magnificent. A fitting high point for a player deserving of MVP considerations. Dion Lewis has regressed along with the rest of the Titans, but his lookalike in Oakland Jalen Richard was inexplicably used over Doug Martin against the Cardinals. Jordan Reed was a beneficiary of Alex Smith's horrible injury, in that Colt McCoy immediately locked on to him and threw him 9+ targets. Devin Funchess has been surpassed by DJ Moore in Carolina, mostly because Dev dropped 60% of the balls Cam airmailed him. Demaryius Thomas contributed zero points on no catches for none yards. His replacement in Denver, Courtland Sutton, whom Kia burnt a first WW claim on, languished on the bench, as did the confusingly rostered Adam Humphries. Christian Kirk's 18.8 also would have come in handy against Andy. But instead;

https://www.clippituser.tv/c/rygmyq

https://www.clippituser.tv/c/kagbad

Final Score: Andy 124.7 (7-4) Kia 116.9 (3-8)

Breasseale and Packer vs BEERME2

Johnny got off the mat and saved the slimmest hope of a playoff slot with a victory against S+T. Aaron Rodgers threw the ball non-stop against the Seahawks on TNF, especially when Aaron Jones was wide open for dumpoffs that would inevitably lead to first downs, extended drives, and a win in Seattle. Oh well. At least you guys will get to fire the hated coach that is stalling out your once proud franchise, as opposed to America's Team™ who continues to win in improbable fashion that lets the Clapper™ survive another week. Not that I'm frustrated with it or anything. Antonio Brown kickstarted the Steelers comeback against the Jags with this 78 yard score

https://streamable.com/98u6d

and totaled 24.2FPTS. Royce Freeman's ankle booboo is almost completely healed, but was good enough for 11.3 FPTS in a win? against the Chargers. Emmanuel Sanders has descended back into his normal, comfortable insignifigance. Jimmy Graham broke his thumb and will probably be out for the year. Tyler Boyd continues to not adequately fill AJ Green's shoes as the #1 threat in Cincy. Marlon Mack is part of a three headed RB committee in Indianapolis, but gets enough work to merit a start every week he is healthy.

S+T has gone as Matt Ryan does. When he is awesome, they inevitably win. When he runs into the FORMIDABLE WALL THAT IS THE DALLAS D/ST HE IS BEATEN INTO A PULP. Peyton Barber is not quite as terrible as I once thought he was, but let's not get ahead of ourselves: The Giants suck on defense. ODB is great though, and continues to give credence to the myth that Eli is any good any more. Mike Evans is hamstrung by the on again off again QB shitshow from Tampa. He is a lone bright spot on a blighted season for the Yuccs. Zach Ertz was awful in a televised murder against the Saints. Donte Moncrief would be good for the Jags if their optimal gameplan involved more than 4 passes per game. The Texans D/ST knocked Smith out for the season, and also collected this pick six before Capt. Checkdown turned into Capt. Checkmyxraysforafracture.

https://streamable.com/q5hx5

Final Score: Johnny 118.52 (4-7) S+T 110.8 (7-4)

Evil Tyler's Lobos vs Don't Fournette About Me

Jeremy is another victim from the Monday Night Drive-By. Up by about 34 points he had to have felt pretty good about his chances. 400+ yards and 4 passing TDs from Goff combined with 24.7 from Kelce (which should have been bigger, as Kelce dropped several balls with clear running lanes in front of him) was enough to sink the DFAMs. Jeremy had a pretty good day, with the bulk of his points coming from the same game: Pitt/Jax was a laugher for the first half and a barn burner for the fourth quarter. Leonard Fournette ran over innumerous Steelers, and Big Ben pulled Pitt's bacon from the fire with this stunning two inch horizontal leap for the winning score:

https://streamable.com/r06km

Well, winning score for the Steelers. CMC, Babytron and Phillip Lindsay combined for almost a hundo. Jared Goff's heroics have already been detailed, as have Kelce's butterfingers. This jerk's is frothy with anger and his hands are still probably slick from this nationally televised blunder.




Tarik Cohen has sucked for the last several weeks, and Golden Tate is wondering what kind of free agent deal he will earn this offseason if he can't catch whatever fluttering dead ducks Carson Wentz flutters his way. The Bengals made Lamar Jackson look like right handed Michael Vick. Graham Gano is only reliable from 60+ yards, as his missed gimmes from close in caused the Panthers to lose in laughable fashion against the Lions.

Final Score: ET 146.2 (7-4) Jeremy 117.8 (5-6)

Salmon Pan vs Big Ried 1

Why not touch on the other half of the MNF gunslingers? Patrick Mahomes was magnificent once again, accounting for 8 total touchdowns. Of course 2 of them were score by the same LAm, who rendered Jason Witten virtually speechless

https://streamable.com/q4u5q

Just look at Andy Reid's face in that clip. He heard over the 90,00+ screaming fans in the Coliseum the cluster that is the MNF crew, and is lucky that he was able to relay plays to his OC without Boog interrupting him 63543 times during the game. Back to FF, Kareem Hunt was criminally underused against the LAms. 16 touches is unconscionable when this star is burning Los Angeles more than the Camp Fire. Adrian Peterson almost willed Washington to a victory, contributing two scores on the ground against Houston. Good luck running against 14 man boxes though with Dusty McTumbleweed as QB. Davante Adams is the only reliable WR for Green Bay. Amari Cooper has done wonders for Dallas' offense, and is a devastating blocker who keeps opposing defenses from stacking the box. Those very important football assets mean squadoosh for fantasy though. Eric Ebron almost scored another touchdown on minimal touches, but the almost is the key here. He comically overthrew Andrew Luck on the Indy!Indy! trick play against Tennessee

https://twitter.com/NFL/status/1064229813815140352

Troy has capitalized on Julio Jones' resurgence after a change of fantasy scenery. He scored for the third game in a row, against my beloved Cowboys. He also laid out the helpless receiver Jeff Heath on this play, should have been ejected for targeting, and therefore ineligble for half of this week's game too.

https://streamable.com/xfoib

Troy, if you have a shred of decency in your pathetic schlubby little body, you will do the right thing and bench this vicious monster of a predator this week. Doug Martin is the latest victim of the irrational coaching decisions wheel of destiny. He was playing great and then benched for the terrible JAGS that make up the special teams section of the Raiders RB room. DeAndre Hopkins is way better than I thought he was ever going to be. Jack Doyle is last in the Colts TE Passes Attempted category. Chris Carson fumbled his very first touch on TNF, but has gained Pete Carroll's confidence for at least 1/3 of the Seattle RB carries. As they run the ball 100 times a game, that makes him quite the fantasy weapon.

Final Score: Eric 139 (First team to lose after scoring 50 points in NFL History), Troy 103.3 (Playoff Life Support)

Chalupa Batgirl vs TaubenTime 4.0

The Falcons have allowed each non-Foles opposing QB to pass for at least 300 yards this season. Dak Prescott is his own man, and refuses to follow the herd. He bravely shucked recent history by passing for 208 yards, but did average one touchdown per rush for the Cowboys. James Conner almost cost Pittsburgh the game by dropping this meatball that would have given the Men of Steel the go ahead points.




Lev would have caught it. Larry Fitz caught two balls for two scores. The rest of Jordan's team is too depressing to write about, but I hope little CB's first Thanksgiving is a blessed and happy one.

If Josh's WRs would go off on the same day his would be a team to be feared. ARob followed up his 150+ yard game from last week with a stinker this week, but Keenan Allen was money against the Donkeys. Greg Olsen was deemed too old for the Lions to cover, and was gifted a free red zone TD accordingly. Lamar Miller helped run out the clock on Washington's season. I, being sick of seeing PCOG members field illegal lineups, saw that Shirtless Josh was going into the weekend as Kickerless Josh. I sent him a text, which he was grateful for. Little did I know that Justin Fucking Tucker was available on the WW.

https://streamable.com/s431r

You're Welcome.

Final Score: Mommy and me 74.7 (3-8) Josh 106.7 (4-7)

Team Girl vs Something Clever

Jared's big day could have been bigger. There were fourteen (14) touchdowns scored on Monday Night, and none of them went to the Gurley Man. It has since come out in the press that he rolled an ankle relatively early in that firefight, and he has a bye week to recover. But it is shocking to see the FF MVP in a plus matchup not capitalize on his opportunity. Sammy Watkins was another black mark on the start everyone fantasy groupthink that surrounded KC-LA. He too has a bye to recover, but IDK how I feel about his chances for the rest of the season. Mark Ingram was the victory cigar against the Eagles, grinding out tough carries and the clock when the Saints and Sean Payton got tired of kicking them in the face. TY Hilton is fully recovered from a bum hammy and blew up against the Titans.

Aaron had a good day, but a great one was required against Jared. Kirk and Thielen could not rekindle the magic from earlier in the season against a tough Chicago D/ST. Kamara caught that bomb from Brees, and nothing else all that spectacular. Jared Cook caught a wide open touchdown against the Cards and virtually nothing else. Aaron Jones is CRIMINALLY underused by the soon to be former HC of the Pack. He is really, really good and it gives me such pleasure to watch the hated Peckers waste him.

Final Score: Jared 135.3 (7-4) Aaron 117.2 (7-4)

GAME OF THE WEEK!

Young Bloodz vs Fighting Off the Sacko For Now

As these teams were so close, we will examine both together position by position. Deshaun Watson struggled, but at least he finished the game. Ryan PicksPatrick was pulled for Tampa's #1 rideshare client, who promptly threw two touchdowns and accounted for three turnovers. Saquon Barkley will lose ROY to Mahomes, but is easily the Offensive ROY. He is so good the Giants have some modicum of playoff life left. Ezekiel Elliot made amends for a terrible showing last year against the Falcons by racking up 200+ total yards. Alex Collins has riverdanced into oblivion, making way for the Gus Bus. Joe Mixon scored a TD and was than forgotten about. Michael Thomas is getting close to breaking Marvin Harrison's single season receptions record, and scores TDs like he is trying to earn beads on Bourbon Street. Corey Davis is a fantasy cocktease, which inevitably results in his once a lunar cycle points explosions withering on the bench where he belongs. Alshon Jeffery can't overcome his terrible QB. Brandin Cooks is in a perfect position with the LAms, and has had Brees, Brady and Goff as his career NFL QBs. What a lucky bastard. Trey Burton was blanked by the Vikes. CJ Uzomah is never going to happen, stop trying to make him happen. Taylor Gabriel is well suited in the slot for the Biscuit, and has Chase Daniels to look forward to on Turkey Day. Woof. Sterling Shepard was dropped for a reason. The Cardinals D/ST was ranked as the #1 streamer by all of the fantasy cognoscenti this week. Woops. The Raiders can move the ball occasionally, and sunk Graham for the week. Bryan had incredible chutzpah to start the LAms against the Chiefs. Two D/ST scores turned not only the MNF matchup, but this one as well. No one but Josh and I care about kickers.


MARGIN OF VICTORY: .9FPTS

Final Score: Bryan 114.5 Graham 113.6

Calculation Info
All 16384 remaining scenatios were analyzed. No possibility of tied games was considered.
No scenario in which a team with less than 5 wins got a wildcard spot was detected.
Team Synopsis
Andy (7-4-0).......... Wildcard odds: Clinch 97%. Tie 2%.
Aaron (7-4-0)......... Wildcard odds: Clinch 97%. Tie 2%.
S+T (7-4-0)........... Wildcard odds: Clinch 97%. Tie 2%.
Kia (3-8-0)........... Wildcard odds: Clinch 0%. Tie 1%.
Josh (4-7-0).......... Wildcard odds: Clinch 0.9%. Tie 17%.
Jordan (3-8-0)........ Wildcard odds: Clinch 0%. Tie 0.9%.
Bryan (4-7-0)......... Wildcard odds: Clinch 0.9%. Tie 17%.
Jared (7-4-0)......... Wildcard odds: Clinch 97%. Tie 2%.
Jeremy (5-6-0)........ Wildcard odds: Clinch 25%. Tie 42%.
Evil Tyler (7-4-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 98%. Tie 1%.
Graham (6-5-0)........ Wildcard odds: Clinch 75%. Tie 22%.
Troy (5-6-0).......... Wildcard odds: Clinch 25%. Tie 42%.
Johnny (4-7-0)........ Wildcard odds: Clinch 0.9%. Tie 19%.
Eric (8-3-0).......... CLINCHED a PLAYOFF spot! Wildcard odds: Clinch 100%. Tie 0%.
Upcoming round's PLAYOFF analysis
Andy CLINCH a Playoff spot with:
Jeremy LOSS ; OR
A WIN
Aaron CLINCH a Playoff spot with:
Jeremy LOSS ; OR
Troy LOSS ; OR
A WIN
S+T CLINCH a Playoff spot with:
A WIN; OR
Troy LOSS
Jared CLINCH a Playoff spot with:
Jeremy LOSS ; OR
Troy LOSS ; OR
A WIN
Evil Tyler CLINCH a Playoff spot with:
Jeremy LOSS ; OR
A WIN; OR
Troy LOSS
Graham CLINCH a Playoff spot with:
A WIN -AND- Jeremy LOSS ; OR
A WIN -AND- Troy LOSS


Week 12 preview

Troy vs Andy
Jeremy vs S+T
Eric vs ET
Josh vs Kia
Jared vs Jordan
Bryan vs Aaron
Johnny vs Graham

This week brings us the holiday of Thanksgiving. It is a time to reflect on what we have and be happy for it. I am so grateful to all of you for making this the best time of the year, and truly hope that your holiday is full of family and love. Safe travels to those who do, and I love you guys as only someone who spends multiple hours every week writing a dick joke diatribe for your enjoyment. Happy Thanksgiving.

League Manager's Note

Edit LM Note

Week 10 Recap

Week 10 in the NFL was an offensive showcase, with teams marching up and down the field. The Bills, Saints and Steelers all dropped 50 burgers on their opponents. As our game is tied to real world production, it follows that PCOG scoring was through the roof this week. Unfortunately, a crop of blowouts was recorded this week as the average margin of victory was 38.13FPTS, with the closest matchup being 15.9.

A new member of PCOG also entered the league this week, as S̶o̶p̶h̶i̶a̶ ̶A̶n̶n̶ Chalupa Batgirl Brazil was born Friday. The PCOGNN reports that both mother and child are healthy, with enough safety that they were able to be discharged in time to watch the UGA football game Saturday. TO THE RECAP!

Andy Defamation League vs Chalupa Batgirl
I am so happy for Aaron and Jordan and Sophia Ann. I know for certain that their expanded family will have nothing but love and support in the Big House. Jordan got off to a hot start on the TNF nationally televised beatdown of the kitties by the STEELERS. Her FF MVP candidate, James Conner got off to a hot start against Carolina but ended up in the dreaded blue medical tent with a concussion. Dak Prescott had a heroic performance against the hated Iggles on SNF, accounting for two touchdowns in what will hopefully be a harbinger for the rest of the season. Jordan rolled the dice on a couple of other players, like Sony Michel, who came back from injury in a surprisingly awful performance for the Pats against the Titans (more on that later). Michel's struggles was representative for the rest of Jordan's starters, as DJax, DeDe, Larry Fitz and Evan Engram all scored <10FPTS. Other than the kicker.




That left little room for error. Such enemy production and skill would require the most keen analytical examination and savvy roster moves to counteract it. After all, when one's opponent is completely focused with zero new, squalling distractions, perfection is required.

MELVIN GOD-RON IS A BEAST!

https://twitter.com/Chargers/status/1061751791539240960

165 TOTAL YARDS AND A TOUCH FOR MY MAN! 32.5 BIIIIG FANTASY POINTS ON THE DAY!




TYREEK HILL, THAT DIMINUTIVE DOMESTIC ABUSER, RIPPED OFF TD AFTER TD AGAINST THE HAPLESS CARDINALS! IT HAS BEEN SAID FOR PEOPLE TO TAKE A PICTURE, AS IT WILL LAST LONGER. HE TOOK OVER THE WHOLE DAMN CAMERA IN CELEBRATION OF MY VICTORY!

https://streamable.com/rkurv



ROBERT WOODS IS MR RELIABLE! GEORGE KITTLE IS THE THIRD BEST FF TE ON THE PLANET! JOSH ADAMS IS THE BEST RB IN PHILLY, BUT THEIR IDIOT MORON HEAD COACH INSISTS ON CONTINUING TO USE A PAIR OF PINT SIZED JAGOFFS IN HIS STEAD, WHICH CERTAINLY CONTRIBUTED TO PHILLY'S LOSS AGAINST AMERICA'S TEAM!

I may have bought in a season too late on Tom Brady. 10 pathetic FPTS is a Dalton level showing, and not the league winner level that I traded away a starting RB for.




Final Score: Andy 136 (6-4) Jordan 135.9* (3-7)

TB4U+ME2 vs Evil Tyler's Lobos

Speaking of Tier 1 QBs who are inexplicably underperforming, A-A-Ron Rodgers is just barely a starter this year. 10th is not good enough for the 2nd round pick Johnny expended on him. Antonio Brown is a crafty, veteran who just finds ways of getting open despite perfect coverage (he pushed off like a motherfucker on this score)

https://twitter.com/BleacherReport/status/1060722323576238082?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1060722323576238082&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2F247sports.com%2Fnfl%2Fcarolina-panthers%2FArticle%2FDonte-Jackson-furious-Antonio-Brown-push-off-124441356%2F

It still counts though. Jamaal Williams has zero no role anymore. Marlon Mack has begun his yearly see-saw between top tier and injury report. Kelvin Benjamin was on a team that scored 41 points, and recorded zero action. Jimmy Graham had one catch. Tyler Boyd is awesome when AJ Green draws the defense's attention, but falls short as the number one threat.

ET has the opposite problem. His team is firing on all cylinders, with Christian McCaffrey's month long explosion setting the pace. The Panthers as a whole may have struggled in Pittsburgh, but CMC was on his game. Jared Goff runs the LAms offense like a well tuned machine. And just as robotically, when they get to the red zone Gurley takes over, robbing Goff of the TDs he needs to be truly amazing. Tarik Cohen is the Bear's choice for first crack at RB carries. Mike Davis was, until Rashaad Penny trumped him with the first round pick Seattle used to secure him back in April. About the only facet that ET is lacking in is WRs. Cooper Kupp shredded everything in his knee that ends in CL on a non-contact cut on a route, and is done for the year. I wouldn't bet on him making much noise either, at least not until December. Golden Tate, newly minted Eagle, couldn't get on track against the stifling Dallas D. Even Travis Kelce had a down day (for him). Golladay looks like your best option, but with the series of turnstiles currently blocking for Matt Stafford I wouldn't want to rely on him either.

Final Score: ET 130.4 (6-4) Johnny 70.9 (3-7)

Don't Fournette About Me vs Salmon Pan

A flaxen-haired FF genius once wrote about the benefits of patience. Jeremy's was paid off, as Leonard Fournette nailed the final coffin in Carlos Hyde's fantasy value, once again becoming a football player instead of a patient. 31.4 FPTS propelled by 2340897 touches and two touchdowns almost bring the Jags back to relevance. Jordan Howard, who is like Fournette but not as good, can't replicate his idol's production or moves. Which is probably why the Bears go to Tarik 9873 more times a game than to Howard. New to Jeremy's team is Kerryon Johnson, who carries on with his splendid running under new management. JuJu caught Rapistburger's first pass for 75 yards and a TD.

https://streamable.com/701xs

He is really, really good. He is like a young Dez Bryant without the chronic knee issues and a pair of complete Achilles tendons. Speaking of, who needs Big Ben in your starting spot every week? I thought for sure it was just a goof, as you had traded Brady to me earlier in the week. Had you texted me early enough in the game, and if Troy was cool with it, I would have used my commissionarial powers for good and moved him into the slot. But instead you decided to throw caution and Kyle Rudolph to the wind IOT start Eli "I'm a Mouth Breather" Manning. I'm personally shocked he didn't fuck it up for you and blow the 10+ point lead you had on sacks and picks. Good looking out.

Troy came up one great player short against Jeremy. The Panthers scoring -5 on TNF does not help that particular algebraic problem. Carson Wentz was great when he passed to Ertz on SNF and only so-so on all other targets. David Johnson is paying great dividends for the faith you showed in him earlier this season, trading for him when his fantasy stock was at an all time nadir. Julio is 2/2 in scoring touchdowns when he does not belong to your wife this season. Here is a pro-tip: Trade for Kia's players and watch them turn to gold once they leave her blighted shores. Speaking of blasted and devastated climes, Oakland is awful. Terrible. A laughing stock who is on the path to a long rebuild, which will be helped by the bevy of first round picks they have accrued in swindling trades this season. Doug Martin continues to not get the memo, as everyone else on that team has long since packed it in but he continues to put forth a foreign thing for the Silver and Black, "Effort". I applaud his dedication to duty and whatever team he will play for next year.

Final Score: Jeremy 128.5 (5-5) Troy 112.6 (5-5)

Welcoming the Sacko, as he richly deserves it vs Breasseale and Packer

Seth and Tyler have jointly run this team better than any two-owner team I have ever heard of. What is your secret? Long strategy sessions via Facetime? Lineup decisions via text message? WHAT IS YOUR SECRET? They took the hiding I rendered unto them last week to heart, as they deigned to start a kicker this week. Vinatieri put up 2 points. They didn't really need it though, as most of their other starters were outfuckingstanding this week. Nick Chubb galloped for 92 yards and a score against the Falcons on this play

https://streamable.com/sxfo1

He contributed 200+ total yards against Atlanta, probably killing their playoff dreams. ODB is back on track despite relying on the lesser Manning for his targets. Zach Ertz averaged 10+ yards per catch, had 14 of those and two touchdowns in a losing effort at home against Dallas.




Matt Brieda had ten days to recover from his crippling case of MPH, and cashed in for 33 against the Giants. Mike Evans is more confused than a tweenaged omnisexual pixiekin on Tumblr with his on again off again production. James White had a game script where one would think he would shine, catch up mode for the entire second half. But he was swamped by Tennessee defenders who routinely shucked him on their way to Tom Terrific. Football is weird.

Bryan had Zeke, and that's almost it.




Brandin Cooks will injury vulture half of Kupp's targets and had a pretty good day. Felipe Rios has yet to be challenged outside the KC game, and instead chooses to rest on his laurels instead of passing when the Bolts invariably get out to a double digit lead. Speaking of double digits, the Bungles, in their collective wisdom (they just brought the disgraced mastermind Hue Jackson onto their coaching staff), have apparently decided that their all-star RB is only good when the game is close. Even though he is an amazing pass catcher. Whatevs. Maurice Harris was the darling of every FF expert Waiver Wire column this week, and instead showed why he is never used in Washington despite their comically thin WR corps.

Final Score: BP 173.4 (7-3) Bryan 127.5 (3-7 [6Ls in a row])

Big Reid 1 vs Porkchop Please Help

This was a contest between consistency and wild variance in production. Eric had all 9 starters log double digit points, with Eric Ebron and his three touchdowns doing the heavy lifting for Tndy's TE only offense. Mahomes and Hunt came back to earth with "only" 34.3 between them. Multiple times this season that would have been a single game for just one of the red hot Chiefs. Adrian Peterson overcame age and OLine injuries with grit, determination, and staggering amounts of steroids. Davante Adams is the only predictable thing in GB other than blinding snow and calls for the head coach's head. Josh Gordon probably broke a finger on a deep target, and Amari Cooper broke Philly DB's ankles all throughout the second half of what turned out to be quite the game Sunday night.

Kia had a pair of great performers and several absolute duds. Drew Brees suffers from afluenza as the Saints are constantly up big, negating the need for him to throw. He still collected 29.4 FPTS in light work. LeSean McCoy was also a key part of a blowout, but he got consistent work throughout and had two touchdows as the Jets were shot down by Buffalo. Dion Lewis was vultured again by Derrick Henry on the goal line and should have had a better day. Jalen Richard was the only other player to approach double digits, which leaves Kia coming up short.

Final Score: Eric 138 (7-3) Kia 104.6 (3-7)

TaubenTime 4.0 vs Team Good Guess

I don't understand how Josh's team didn't do better. Derrick Henry rolled into the endzone twice, Allen Robinson had 100+ yards and a touchdown, and Keenan Allen should be starting his second half explosion any day now. It really all came down to Cam Newton: The Panthers were one of the hottest teams in the league headed into Pitt and were shellacked by the Steelers. Usually having an excellent QB in garbage time is quite the fantasy feast, as Cam and the Panthers have shown several times this year in come from behind victories. But the Steelers put such a beating on Cam that he was eventually pulled in the fourth fo his own protection. It was refreshing to see a quarterback actually protected while running in a Panthers game, but instead it was Captain FatFuck who earned the flag on this "run"

https://gfycat.com/KeyDirectBengaltiger




Aaron didn't let a little thing like becoming a new father get in the way of fantasy domination. Once again he was powered by an agile RB, but this week it was Aaron Jones rather than Kamara to get the big points. 74.3 out of three running backs is excellent any week. Blake Bortles contributed 27.1 as the Jags lost whatever trace of mojo they had last year, but it wasn't hsi fault this time. Instead the defense collapsed throughout the first half against the Stanford Colts. Julian Edelman got 16.1 FPTS and an ankle booboo, Mohamed Sanu is a JAG, and Jared Cook has fallen waaaay off of his early season production.

Final Score: Aaron 148.3 (7-3) Kia 104.8 (3-7)

Something Clever vs Young Bloodz

This last matchup was the second closest of this week of ass-beatings. Jared rolled out Andrew Luck, who looks to have recovered enough from two years of shoulder rehab to throw quick passes to tight ends. Todd Gurley is going to win NFL MVP, quarterbacks be damned. Mark Ingram is great in any game NOLA gets out to a big lead in. Anthony Miller, rookie, is catching wide open passes from the Biscuit with regularity now. Greg Zuerlein scored 12 points, presumably on XPs from Todd Gurley and the LAms. Let's see how Jared does without the Gurley Man in week 12.

Graham was wishing for Joe Horn III and almost came up with it. Michael Thomas, NOLA WR, had 70 yards and two touchdowns. This is almost as much yardage as he had on the one play that sparked a thousand old men on Facebook to talk about how much more respect there was in the league back in their day. Baker Mayfield may be a good QB after all, once that Hue Jackson stink comes all the way off. Saquon Barkley is LeVeon Bell without all of the pesky weed offences, terrible raps and holdout nonsense. 33 points out of your D/ST and kicker are pretty good as well. You just had bad luck in your matchup.

Final Score: Jared 148.2 (6-4) Graham 124.3 (6-4)

Week 11 Preview

Andy vs Kia
S+T vs Johnny
ET vs Jeremy
Troy vs Eric
Jordan vs Josh
Aaron vs Jared
Graham vs Bryan

Once again I consulted the playoff computer and this was the result:
All 2097152 remaining scenatios were analyzed. No possibility of tied games was considered.

No scenario in which a team with less than 5 wins got a wildcard spot was detected.

Team Synopsis

ADL (6-4-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 81%. Tie 15%.
Team Girl (7-3-0)...... Wildcard odds: Clinch 97%. Tie 2%.
B+P(7-3-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 97%. Tie 2%.
Kia (3-7-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 0.1%. Tie 7%.
Josh (3-7-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 0.1%. Tie 7%.
Jordan (3-7-0)..... Wildcard odds: Clinch 0.1%. Tie 7%.
Bryan (3-7-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 0.1%. Tie 7%.
Jared (6-4-0)..... Wildcard odds: Clinch 81%. Tie 15%.
Jeremy (5-5-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 43%. Tie 35%.
Evil Tyler (6-4-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 81%. Tie 15%.
Graham (6-4-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 83%. Tie 14%.
Troy (5-5-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 43%. Tie 34%.
Johnny (3-7-0)..... Wildcard odds: Clinch 0.1%. Tie 7%.
Eric (7-3-0)...... Wildcard odds: Clinch 96%. Tie 3%.

Upcoming round's PLAYOFF analysis

Aaron CLINCH a Playoff spot with:
A WIN

B+P CLINCH a Playoff spot with:
A WIN -AND- Jeremy LOSS ; OR
A WIN -AND- Troy LOSS ; OR
A WIN -AND- Andy LOSS ; OR
A WIN -AND- Jared LOSS ; OR
A WIN -AND- Graham LOSS

Eric CLINCH a Playoff spot with: A WIN


So even the bottom feeders are not mathematically eliminated, but crunch time is upon us. The AFC East, Browns and SF are on bye this week so adjust your lineups accordingly. Prepare yourself for WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOar

Week 9 Recap

Down the stretch we go. Injuries are starting to pile up in the NFL, with dire consequences for PCOG teams left and right. By now your teams should be about set for a run to the playoffs, but between late bye weeks and that damned blue medical tent most teams still need a little help. So scour the waiver wire and keep your app open for the ridiculous, swindling trade offers you are sure to receive for whatever studs you have on your roster. TO THE RECAP!

The Meat Popsicles vs Team Girl

Matthew Stafford is fucking terrible. He sucks so bad, the Vikings D/ST did not actually collect 10 sacks. His suckage overwhelmed the orbital inertia of the various D-Linemen, Linebackers, DBs, coaches and cheerleaders that ended up credited with a sack on the statsheet like a black hole.




I of course deserve such a performance, as I renamed my team to reflect the odorous performance of my team over the past month. Recall, dear reader,




the myriad complaints I wrote about in agonizing detail regarding the misadventures of the Red Rifle/Joker crossover in Andy Dalton. Who would think it could get any worse? Well now that AJ Green's foot has fallen off for the next few weeks, it has. What is my recourse?




BIG DICK NICK! HE WHO REWROTE ALL OF BRETT FAVRE's (farve? farva?) RECORDS AT SOUTHERN MISS! THE MAN WHO DID NOT SUCCEED BECAUSE HE PLAYED THE OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA HIGH SCHOOL 4A THIRD PLACE RAIDERS, BUT BECAUSE HE IS ALL THAT IS MAN. My QB situation is so bleak I can only hope for this Shyamylan level plot twist to salvage it. Melvin Gordon is awesome, Dalvin Cook recovered from his soft-tissue issues on my bench, and I'm staring down the barrel of missing out on the playoffs. FML.

Aaron also had a Vikings related QB dud, in that Kirk Cousins finally remembered that he is merely mortal and drug Adam Thielen down with him. But when the Lions turn the ball over repeatedly, and give the Vikings run game short fields and golden opportunities, passing isn't required. Tevin Coleman woke up, in a terrible




matchup, to jump-start the Falcon's offense after a bye week. Alvin Kamara seemingly averages one score per every three touches. Aaron Jones has the main running role locked up for GB. Edelman has recovered from a knee surgery and PED withdrawals and is the PPR target to have in New England.

Final Score: Aaron 123.5 (6-3) Andy 103.1 (5-4)

Breasseale and Packer vs Something Clever

Jared's Crimson Tide Alumni Group lent all of their energy and talent to ye old alma mater this week, as he had marginal production otherwise. Gurley had a down game and only scored 20.2 FPTS in what was probably the game of the year in NOLA. Cordarrelle Patterson had been given RB eligibility by ESPN, as evidenced by his new usage for Brady and the Pats. Calvin Ridley only catches about half of what he should, but also scored another garbage time TD against Washington. Mark Ingram was robbed by Sean Payton on the goal line, Sammy Watkins has begun his annual mid-foot sprain recovery cycle, and Derek Carr played like he too wants to be traded out of Oakland.

S+T had such a terrible case of bye week herpes this week that Fantasy Valtrex's NYSE value jumped up 17%. This breakout not only claimed OBJ and Zach Ertz, two of their best players, but it also kept them from starting a kicker. One would think that between the two of you one of the innumerable special teamers on the waiver wire could have been thrown in, but no. I guess it is only keeping in tradition that the Dialtone had to make another appearance. Get it together guys. James White continues to produce in Sony Michel's absence, Nick Chubb is getting plays called for him despite the score, and Matt Ryan is on a better pace than his 2016 MVP campaign.

Final Score: S+T 106.6 (6-3) Jared 90.3 (5-4)

Evil Tyler's Lobos vs Fighting? off The Sacko

ET should pack up his team and go home. Jared Goff put up 33.1 FPTs in a shootout game against the Saints. I guess that's what he can do when Gurley does not score 2083470 touchdowns a game. Cooper Kupp came back from a several week injury period to catch a pretty long TD from Goff to get the LAms back into that game. Christian McCaffery has realized over the last two weeks that he, as a RB, can actually score on the ground. 34.5 FPTs paced the squad for the week. Travis Kelce caught two scores and had 99 yards, a Gronkian performance. Somehow the Miami Dolphins D/ST scored 25FPTs against the Jets. 4 picks, 4 sacks and a pick-six certainly helps. Kenny Golladay is a lost cause with the slappy signal caller he relies on to get him the ball, you should probably drop him to get that stank off your team.

Bryan asked for some FitzMagic, and received it. He earned 23.8FPTs, mostly in the second half against Carolina (pronounced "garbage-time") in one laugher of a game. Zeke can only be contained by the idiot morons in Big D. He had 99 total yards in the first half, only to see the ball six (6) times in the second half. I hate the Clapper, Jerry Jones, the entire Jones family, and myself for rooting for the Cowboys. At least Oakland will have a nice, early draft pick from us next April. Brandin Cooks is evidently 6'19" in practice, because during games Goff lobs him 50/50 balls non-stop. He did collect 21.4 FPTS against the Saints though. Alas, it wasn't enough to make this a close contest.

Final Score: ET 166.4 (5-4) Bryan 87.4 (3-6)

Salmon Pan vs TB4U+ME2

JULIO JONES SCORED A TOUCHDOWN! IN A REGULATION GAME! FOR REALSIES! I guess this is just a lesson for Kia, who was patient for 8 long weeks without her first round pick ever finding paydirt.




His 22.6, along with DeAndre Hopkins' 22.5 is outstanding production for a WR combo. That is about the only thing of note for Troy though. Russell Wilson played amazingly against the Bolts but did not have much FF production. Doug Martin was the only Raider to play with any sense of pride against SF. Chris Carson got hurt again, and Ed Dickson might as well have. Troy has been incredibly lucky in his matchups. In his 5 game win streak, opponents have scored more than 120 FPTS exactly none times. Rename your team from Salmon Pan to Lucky Charms now!

Johnny is straight up stuck. Aaron Rodgers is on pace for the most yards and attempts in his storied career, yet throws very few touchdowns. Antonio Brown and Emmanuel Sanders are inconsistent at best, never going off on the same day. Jamaal Williams has an Aaron Jones problem and Jacquizz Rodgers has a Tampa problem. Paul Richardson is out for the year, and wasn't all that good when he was healthy. Welcome back to PCOG bud!

Final Score: Troy 98.6 (5-4) Opponent > 120 x 5 (3-6)

Porkchop Please Help vs Don't Fournette About Me

https://streamable.com/xw3bi


Jeremy's faith and patience in Jordan Howard continues to pay off. Instead of shipping him off for peanuts after a few weeks of mediocre stats and maddening usage, he kept the faith and has been rewarded with the most valuable of FF commodities: a starting caliber RB. Unfortunately the rest of his team is terrible. You should probably trade one of your good QB's for a startable piece.




Final Score: Kia - Julio 111.5 (3-6) Jeremy 91.1 (4-5)

Chalupa Batman vs Big Ried 1

Eric's Chiefs are refuckingdiculous. 71.2 FPTS, or 91.51670951156812% of Johnny's total week, in two players is a nigh insurmountable advantage. This week's victim was Jordan. Due to the kindness of her heart and the incredible ass-beating Eric layed upon her, I'm sure the about to arrive CB will never, ever be spanked. The echoes of this game will ring so loudly that the Brazils will never, ever use corporal punishment on their offspring. That does not eliminate Spartan Life ™ as a corrective measure though.

Final Score: Eric 157.4 (6-3) Jordan 87.7 (3-6)

Young Bloodz vs TaubenTime 4.0

It has been alleged that Graham is nothing without Saquon Barkley. Michael Thomas and his Joe Horn act

https://streamable.com/xrc52

was awesome. The 72 yard TD grab put both Graham and the Saints over the top this week.

Josh had a pretty good day himself: Cam Newton and the Panthers are playing out of their mind, Latavius Murray used his last startable week admirably, the Seahawks repeatedly decided to not cover Keenan Allen and Derrick Henry beached himself on the goal line to score against Dallas. Had you started the Vikings D/ST (who you violently hate) you would have emerged victorious.

Final Score: Graham 120.2 (6-3) Josh 110.4 (3-6)

Week 10 Preview

Andy vs Jordan
Bryan vs S+T
Jonny vs ET
Jeremy vs Troy
Eric vs Kia
Josh vs Aaron
Jared vs Graham

Utilizing playoffcomputer.com, I have calculated the championship bracket percentages as they stand now.

The Meat Popsicles (5-4-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 65%.
Team Girl (6-3-0)...... Wildcard odds: Clinch 90%.
Breasseale+Packer (6-3-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 90%.
Porkchop Please Help (3-6-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 5%.
TaubenTime 4.0(3-6-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 5%.
Chalupa Batman (3-6-0)..... Wildcard odds: Clinch 5%.
Fighting off The Sacko (3-6-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 5%.
Something Clever (5-4-0)..... Wildcard odds: Clinch 65%.
Don't Fournette About Me (4-5-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 28%.
Evil Tyler (5-4-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 65%.
Young Bloodz (6-3-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 91%.
Salmon Pan (5-4-0).... Wildcard odds: Clinch 65%.
This buds 4 you and I'll take 2 (3-6-0)..... Wildcard odds: Clinch 5%.
Big Ried 1 (6-3-0)...... Wildcard odds: Clinch 91%.

Probability and percentage is one thing, reality is another. No one is eliminated yet. Keep chasing the elusive hope that one day you will be rewarded with a championship, and for God's sake field a full starting roster.

Week 8 Recap

Two months of fantasy competition have yielded an overwhelmingly top heavy PCOG.
64.28571428571429% of the teams in our league are at or above .500, which is unheard of. Of the five teams that have more losses than wins, no one is eliminated from the pursuit of the Chopper just yet. Personal pride and absolute hate prevents any PCOG member from throwing in the towel anyway, but I know for certain that fear of the SACKO propels us all towards glory or at least not finishing dead last, like Jeremy did last year. TO THE RECAP!

The Light of Genesis vs Young Bloodz

A little theme music is called for.

It is really, really, REALLY frustrating




To have players that some unnamed genius excoriates for paragraph upon paragraph to go off against him. This is now a weekly occurrence, as last week it was Jeremy's draft bust in chief Jordan Howard getting an unlucky 13 FPTS against me. Graham and Deshaun Watson asked Howard to hold their beer and me to hold their pocket, as Watson exploded for five (5!!!!!) passing touchdowns in a Mahomsian performance Thursday night against the Olphins. TNF could have been so much worse for me than it was, as Graham took my implied advice and started the suddenly red-hot Kenyan Drake and his 25.5 FPTS. Saquads Barkley continues to pay off




and do the heavy lifting for Graham. Alex Collins punched in a goal line attempt against Carolina, and Michael Thomas contributed 10.6 FPTS on Sunday night. Graham had the great fortune of playing my once high flying team, as his paltry 106.6 would not have triumphed in any other game this week. How was such a piteous performance good enough?

None of my moves paid off. Raheem Mostert should have had an incredible day against the putrid Cardinals, but had a putrid day instead. 2.3 FPTS. The Lions, at home and coming off a bye week, acquired the best run stuffing nose tackle in the game in Damon "Snacks" Harrison to bolster their line. Russell Wilson attempted 17 passes, three of which went for touchdowns and killed the D/ST score. 1FPT. Geronimo Allison, sure to be heavily targeted in a shootout in LA, managed one catch for 14 yards. 1.9FPTS. Kerryon Johnson got 8 rushing attempts as the bellcow for the Lions. Most of his 14.1 FPTS came on a 69 yard catch and run against the once vaunted Legion of Boom. And now, the piece de resistance: Andy Dalton.




You may recall my disgust at his failure last week. This week he was fine, until the Bengals went up by a bajillion points against Tampa and the Bengals sat on the ball in an almost vain attempt to beat the clock instead of the Yuccs. Wanna know how I got these scars?




By overestimating my ability to glimpse the future and shortchanging the gods of Fantasy. At this point I'm willing to blow my team up, so send me trade requests.

Final Score: Graham 106.6 (5-3) Andy 73.5 (5-3)

TaubenTime 4.0 vs Bresseale and Packer

GAME OF THE WEEK

Shirtless Josh may have the hottest team in PCOG. An 0-5 start is almost wiped away by a three game winning streak where he has averaged almost 140 FPTS per week. His fortunes have been tied to Cam Newton, who put up another good day against the Ravens in Charlotte. A little good fortune was attached, as this play action pass shows

https://twitter.com/panthers/status/1056607927392325632?s=21

Lamar Miller tore it up on TNF and Latavius Murray continues to reap the fantasy goodness that SHOULD HAVE BEEN DALVIN COOK'S. Pro Tip: handcuff your fantasy studs, or watch other teams laugh it up all the way to the bank as you stare longingly at the little red cross next to your player's name on the bench. Greg Olsen has made quite the comeback from his foot injury, and Stephen Gostkowski continues to rack up the points for the Pats.

B+P was sunk by Jameis Winston. Four turnovers and a second half benching yielded 10.1 FPTS. Mike Evans is much better with his replacement, the Beard. ODB surprisingly did not get into 17 fistfights with Josh Norman during the NY-Was game, but did collect 136 yards on eight catches. James White continues to touch the ball a million times a game, and Nick Chubb put in a baker's dozen against the Steelers. Had B+P started Peyton Barber against the Bungles they would have won, but instead go into a three way tie in the Appalachian division.

Final Score: Josh 127.5 (3-5) B+P 126.5 (5-3)

Something Clever vs Run CMC

Another close game here was a RB fight to the death. 6 were started and they averaged 22.32 FPTS for their managers. Jared and the Todd Gurleys had a great day, with 38.8 coming from the beast himself. Unbelievably his day could have been even better, but Gurley decided that real life victory was better than giving the Witch even the smallest chance at a comeback.

https://streamable.com/9eiqd

That is one of the smartest, most heads up plays of the year. Sammy Watkins emerged from his monthlong slumber for 2 TDS and 27.7 FPTS. Ingram and Gurley threw in 27 FPTs and Andrew Luck had three scores himself.

For Evil Tylerit is hard to find fault with his lineup decisions. Goff continues to get good yardage but all of the TDs go to Gurley. McCaffrey and his Denver Doppelganger Phillip Lindsay slash all over the field. The even more diminutive Tarik Cohen broke off a 70 yard TD reception for the Bears

https://www.clippituser.tv/c/nbnyap

I don't know who in the league can beat him in the open field. This game came down to the Lion's WRs, who only contributed 10.8 FPTS for Tyler. Had he started Marquise Goodwin over Kenny Golladay, he would have won this game. With Tate being traded to Philly, this opens quite the conundrum for Tyler. Do I start Golladay, with his newly opened opportunity? Or Goodwin, or Tate, who the Eagles traded for because they need some production opposite Alshon. Good luck figuring that cluster out for the rest of the season.

Final Score: Jared 140.8 (5-4) ET 134 (4-4)

Absolute Trash vs Try Hard 2: Try Harder

Bryan caught a terminal case of bye-week herpes over the weekend. His bell-cow RB and the ageless wonder, Sr. Rios, both worked on their golf games on Sunday rather than for Bryan. About the only thing that worked out for him was Joe Mixon, who had 100+ rushing yards in the first half against the Yuccs. Somehow he only finished with 123 after another 30 minutes of game time. Baker will be better without Hue weighing him down, Carlos Hyde had his last startable week ( not that he did anything with it in London) and CJ Uzomah turned the number 2 TE matchup into bupkis. With the Red Rifle responsible for his production, you can't be surprised by that though.




Troy got up off the mat and hit Bryan square in the record. Chris Carson showed why Detroit wanted to shore up their rushing defense, as he got 105 yards on 25 attempts. DeAndre Hopkins only had 82 yards but did score twice. Carson Wentz lit up the Jags in London, Doug Martin did a serviceable BeastMode impression and David Johnson is almost the only thing worth watching in Arizona. Troy saw what Bryan's TE brought to the pot and called him, with Njoku having no production against the Steelers. It is just another example of people who I talk shit about in this weekly sermon making me look like a dumbass the next week. Can't wait to see Try Hard 3: Try Hard with a Vengeance from Troy in week 9.

Final Score: Troy 121.6 (4-4) Bryan 87.5 (3-5)

This Bud's for U+ME2 vs JJJulio

I hate both of your names, they are impossible to type and as I look at the scoreboard I see you played each other this week.

Johnny blew up this week. Marlon Mack flirted with the injury report Tuesday through Saturday, only to emerge relatively unscathed with the fourth best RB performance of the week. Antonio Brown is a me first diva, so therefore is perfect on the Steelers and scored two touchdowns against the hapless Browns. Tyler Boyd went to sleep last week and woke up big time against Tampa. Aaron Rodgers should have had a better day against the LAms, but the Pack sat on the ball in a vain attempt to out clock the Rams. Jamaal Williams had 9 yards and 7.9 FPTS. Jimmy Graham continues to be useless when he does not catch a touchdown.

Kia was also the victim of teams taking the air out of the ball as soon as they got a lead. While the Saints passed for almost no yards, Sean Payton continues to pull his future HOFer for trickeration. This pass from Taysom Hill must have driven Kia insane on SNF. Let's watch it, shall we?

https://twitter.com/Saints/status/1056706086164586496?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1056706086164586496&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fsaintswire.usatoday.com%2F2018%2F10%2F28%2Fnew-orleans-saints-minnesota-vikings-michael-thomas-taysom-hill%2F

Kudo's to the Saints for finding an heir apparent to Brees. May they rot in hell forever for stealing, STEALING, fantasy production from millions of aggrieved fantasy managers.




LeSean McCoy continues to toil in perpetual ignominy for the Bills, Stefon Diggs finally had a good game, and Demaryius Thomas may have some fantasy value after all in Houston. But not in Week 8.

Final Score: Johnny 133.4 (3-5) Kia 72.8 (2-6, on life support for the playoffs)

Don't Fournette About Me vs Chalupa Batman

Jordan Howard's upswing in production has already been noted. Sadly for Jeremy, his 19.6 FPTS were just about the only thing worthy of such highlight. Jordan Breasseale had tons of good players though. James Conner continues to do his best LeVeon Bell. Will Fuller exploded for 24.9 FPTS shortly before his ACL exploded. DeSean Jackson wanted a trade and ended up with a 60+ yard TD. Evan Engram and DeDe Westbrook added a garbage time TD apiece that still counts for fantasy. The Pats had their first defensive touchdown in 40 games. Jordan almost doubled Jeremy up, but will have to settle for laying down the biggest ass whooping via the largest margin of victory of the year, in 75.9 FPTS.

Final Score: Jeremy 82.3 (4-4) Jordan 158.2 (3-5)

Big Ried 1 vs Team Girl

The last game of the week would have been a game of the week candidate most times. It was very, very close leading into the SNF matchup between NE and Buffalo. Eric was up 6+ FPTs with Josh Gordon to go, while Aaron had Julian Edelman. Edelman's 17.7 put Aaron over the top. He was helped out by Aaron's Viking passing attack (Cousins to Thielen with 41.8), Alvin Kamara continuing his non Gurley category MVP bid, and Aaron Jones. Jones had only a little production but did get a rushing score. In fact, every starter that Aaron rolled out scored at least 15 FPTS. Except for the Baltimore D/ST, who has struggled for the second week in a row. -3 FPTS almost sunk his whole team.

Eric continues to score big with the same names. Patrick Mahomes and Kareem Hunt are powering the AFC's best team. CBS had a little fun with the Chiefs, and it's worth a second look.

https://www.clippituser.tv/c/elwrgd

Adrian Peterson put the Giants away with a huge day, totalling 40.6 FPTs through the air and on the ground. Davante Adams returned from injury to contribute 16.8 FPTs. But it all came down to Gordon, who scared the shit out of Eric with his purported first quarter suspension from Darth Belichick.




Leave it to Bill to screw with all of us by deciding, after the discipline had been handed out, to scratch if off once it leaked to the media. Gordon almost had a long TD but lost it in the lights of New Era Field. Eric lost the game in that same gaffe.

Final Score: Aaron 144.9 (5-3) Eric 140 (5-3)

Week 9 Sneak Peak

Aaron vs Andy
B+P vs Jared
ET vs Bryan
Troy vs Johnny
Kia vs Jeremy
Jordan vs Eric
Graham vs Josh

Arizona, Cincinnati, Indianapolis, Jacksonville, NYG and Philadelphia are on bye. I'm open for trade to pull out of the death spin I'm currently engaged in. Halloween is Wednesday and we should all be scared of the Sacko.