2016 Draft Recap

2016 Draft Review

Welcome to the 2016 Porkchop Ownership Group Season! It appears that the automated draft rankings have gone the way of Peyton Manning and been retired this season. Instead of a meaningless letter grade representing how individual teams did the opening night of the season, you dear readers




will instead have to deal with the incoherent post beer-pong ramblings of your unelected, overly verbose and terrifyingly committed PCOG Commissioner Andy Hutton. So sit back and enjoy this entirely meaningless rambling about an activity that went very well for some and pants shittingly poorly for others.

But first, introductions must be made. Two new entrants to the PCOG grace us in the the fourth iteration of our fantasy league. Kia Creamer, FNG, and the brains behind the 5-8 finish of her new almost new husband last year, joins us as a full fledged member. She is of course a wedding-cake cupcake connoisseur of note and a wonderful human being. Troy and the PCOG as a whole are lucky to have her in our midst




Also, and at graciously at the last minute, is Jeremy Williams, FNG. He is also known as Bryan's first ASU roommate and Godfather to little Chalupa Batman




Jeremy is a smart, dedicated football fan as shown by his selecting of most of my targets in the draft. I am sure that all of you will join me in welcoming the two FNGs and wishing them death and destruction in the upcoming season. To the Recap!

 

http://games.espn.com/ffl/tools/draftrecap?leagueId=53884

Rounds 1-4

The first pick of course went to Jordan, as reward for her last place finish and byproduct of her defense of the first back-to-back SACKO trophy. With Gurley off the board the draft started in earnest, after a slight two minute asshole related delay by my dear brother. Using the full two minutes for the consensus #1 player in fantasy football is not cool.

 

The first round passed in a predictable manner, with 6 running backs and 6 wide receivers each being selected. My own hopes were crushed when Jeremy selected Ezekiel Elliot before I was able to. This shameful example of malfeasance and skullduggery really disappointed me, and once again the PCOG will not be a keeper league because my favorite young running back is not safely ensconced on my roster.

The second round continued the run on WR/RB, with the lone exception being America's favorite meathead Gronk Robkowski going to our defending champion Shirtless Josh at #13. An interesting trend developed in young House Creamer (their words: Pound the Rock) as both bride and groom went with a FF strategy as old as time, back to back RB in the first two rounds. In an inverted track, Graham is on the cutting edge of current FF groupthink as shown by WR-WR selections.

Round three held several surprises. The first QB came off the board in the form of Cam Newton. There was one notable variance in collected 2016 ADP ( or average draft position, the collated results from drafts across the main FF sites) in the form of Jeremy's selection of one half of the "exotic smashmouth" offense in Demarco Murray. He is shown at #47 overall, yet was selected at #32 or 1+ rounds over the average. I'm sure this will work out for you Jeremy, based off of the collated offensive prowess that he and the Titans showed last year. This is a perfect example of one of my tenets of drafting: If you like a player, draft him and damn the consequences. (Round 3: 1QB, 5RB and 6WR)

Round 4 yielded several players of note. Two TEs had their name called, along with the first RB handcuff. Bryan wisely selected Deangelo Williams last year, only to trade him based on some spurious advice from one of his brothers. I assume that he will not make the same mistake this year, in accordance with the ridiculously high draft capital expended to secure him. Speaking of NFL players whose value is somewhat truncated for the 2016 season, Jordan picked Josh Gordon who is currently banned for the first four games of the season, and is one bong hit away from another year long timeout. Based on the clear levels of adult decision making skills and personal discipline he has shown in previous years, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. (Round 4: 1QB, 2TE, 2.1875RB 5.75WR)

Rounds 5-6 are when desperation starts to rear it's ugly head. Some truly putrid selections were made. First and foremost among those regrettable decisions was one of mine. Melvin Gordon sucked out loud last year, despite a handoff being within the maximum effective range of one of Felipe Rios' feeble sidearmed deliveries. I can only hope that he will bounce back this year as he is currently my RB2. Jameis "This Aint Free Shoes University Anymore" Winston's selection is an awe inspiring disregard for ADP and visual evidence. Ryan Matthews, that bastion of health and production, being chosen by a team named "The Cursed One" does not augur well. Especially now that Chip Kelly's injury preventing shakes are no longer present in the Shitty of Brotherly Love. Speaking of quack science, Russell Wilson actively hawked a "concussion preventing" bubble water to the idiotic denizens of the Pacific Northwest. I can only assume that Jordan and Aaron's recent move back to the East Coast was an attempt to escape the overwhelming hordes of 12 year old Seahawk fans that plague the Left Coast from Vancouver to NorCal. Graham is relying on the hyper aggressive RGKnee to deliver ducks to Duke Johnson. Frank Gore is 67 years old.

Rounds 7-8 is evidently when the Fireball shots started to flow like water. Aaron selected a suspended NE QB for the second year in a row. Seth's "Theres (sic) always next year" chose Arian Foster. This is appropriate because he inevitably gets hurt and is reduced to rehabbing in the vain desire for one more year of NFL veteran minimum game checks. Speaking of oft injured and underutilized RBs, Kia chose Rashad Jennings. He will unerringly convert his 6 touches a game into one of a million debilitating soft tissue issues before the bye week. Two more mid round D/ST frittatas were served up by nose picking short order cooks. Tyler chose TJ Yeldon, the RB tha Jacksonville chooses to ignore in the red zone, right before I could snatch him up. PCOG members continued to select RB handcuffs for starters not on their roster.

Rounds 9-10: Subpar D/STs continue to fly off the board. I still do not have a QB or a TE. Reinforcing his collection of convalescent players, Seth selects a TE that won't see the field until the PCOG season is half over. I select a RB who looks up to Colin Kaepernick's current PR situation. Graham chooses the latest preseason all-star RB stuck in a committee. A kicker comes off the board, and I feel sanity leaking out of my ears. Jordan wonders whether Felipe can make Antonio Gates again.

Rounds 11-16 End of the bench players that will inevitably be cut and resigned 178343 times before Thursday are selected.

The 2016 PCOG season is upon us. Trading this year will be judged for fairness by Jonny MoCo. This will be the SOP for trading: Slap together an insulting offer, consisting of the dregs from your roster for what will surely be the star player from another's team. When the teams are satisfied with the terms of the deal, submit the proposal to me via text. I will forward the proposal to our Trade Czar who will undoubtedly ignore it in favor of watching commercials on wheels turn left for 97 hours in that week's NASCAR race. He will render judgement and I will enact it on the site, the players will swap teams after a 24 hour period.

Good luck to all of you. This is the highlight of my football watching season every yea