The Gravy Bowl Double Feature

That is right boys and girls, Thanksgiving has come and gone. Headed into the week I was Thankful to have Tony Romo back for America's team. I did not have high hopes for the outcome of that particular Turkey Day meeting, and I proved to be right. The Cowboys may be America's Team, but they certainly are not the Carolina's team. The shocking rancor of the personal attacks in the PCOG group text after Romo went down again (not that he should have even played, he was not completely healed, they should have rodded his fracture the day after the Philly game which would have ended his season BUT greatly reduced the chances of re injury but noooooo, Jerry is desperate for another Lombardi Trophy to decorate his sarcophagus after his necromantic mummy spell wears off. Because Jerry Jones is no longer among the living, he is in fact an undead shambling corpse reanimated by dark magics and sustained by the wailing anguish from legions of football fans in the Metroplex and beyond. Jerry Jones is a locus of evil in our time.) sickened me and would have been too much even for ISIS/ISIL/DAESH/The New England Patriots. I really appreciate all of my friends sending my commiserating texts, pictures and condolences. Wait, what? I did not get any of those things? That's right, that's because I hate my friends.

 

Traveling for the Thanksgiving Holiday, followed by shooting/hunting on Turkey Eve, precluded me from writing the Week 11 Recap. so here goes:

Week 11 Cliff's Notes
Andy (8-3) 116.7 vs Jared (6-5) 89.3
Jordan (2-9) 72.8 vs Bryan (5-6) 77
Aaron (5-6) 141.5 vs Ben (5-6) 137
Tyler (10-1) 137 vs Seth (4-7) 102.8
Jonny (7-4) 91.9 vs Graham (3-8) 80.1
Troy (4-7) 119.1 vs Josh (7-4) 80.3

Week 12 Recap

Dallas is Super Screwed vs Thick Bitch
The PCOG is defined by the relationships between it's members. There are best friends, brothers, in-laws and rivalries. To that effect I labeled this matchup the Gravy Bowl. Honestly there was no tension, little smack talk, and overall good sportsmanship around the Hutton family table for the holiday feast. And since someone has accused your Humble Commissioner of only writing this week's article because of his sweet, sweet victory, no jokes will be made. There was a trade offer proposed between these two parties revolving around a haircut and a Saints RB, but I do not want to start a precedent of outside actions for inside players in a league with married people.

Final Score: Andy 151.1 (9-3, 2-0 in sibling play) Bryan 124.1 (5-7, 0-2 ISP)

Cheese Heads vs The Cursed One

The Packers passing offense is broken. You may call me a height supremacist, but building an NFL pass game around Randall Cobb is ludicrous. Slot shaming over.

Randall Cobb and his crazy Vito eyes is a #2 WR



That said, large parts of Aaron's team is built around Rodger's right arm. And those parts struggled Thursday night. A-A-Ron and Richard Rodgers could only combine for 30 PAYARDS. Fat Eddie Lacy went into Feast Mode though. Posting over 100 total yards in back to back weeks for the first time this season, he is finally producing like his first round pedigree suggests.

Even if this TD should not have counted



Brandon Marshall continued his comeback season. It makes me wonder what he would have done in Chicago this year, now that Good Cutler is playing the best in his smoke filled career. Most of the rest of Aaron's team was like the sweet potatoes at the far end of the Thanksgiving table: Cold, Slimy, and making you wonder why anyone would have them. The Panthers D/ST ensured that Tony Romo not only would leave the game early, but that he would throw a pair of balls and a TD to Luke Kuechly, who I now hate.

 

Jared didn't really care how his PCOG game went because he was still in a post orgasmic Iron Bowl haze. I feel the same, not because I am a 'Bama fan but because I am drooling of the prospects of Derrick Henry running behind the Dallas Offensive Line next year.

Bad Season, High Draft Pick. Right Troy?



Harris suffered from a Carr wreck last week but his furious comeback victory at the Titans helped his cause. Calvin Johnson and Sammy Watkins, uber-talented WRs who have battled lower body injuries and questionable quarterbacking all year rebounded big time this week, posting almost identical FPTS (31+). Jeremy Hill was only mediocre but that is waaaaay better than some of his fantasy outputs this season, and DeAngelo Williams contributed and almost by the way 23.2 FPTS in an amazing game at Seattle.




Final Score: Jared 167.3 (7-5) Aaron 128.8 (5-7)

This is Bullshit vs Pass the Blount

Week 12's Match of the Week (Winning Margin 2.4 FPTS) came down to SNF. Ben put together a good week, led by Chocolate Salty Rawls busting over, around and thru the Steeler's D. Martavis Bryant sped (at 22 MPH according to CBS) around the edge of the Seahawks on this end around.

He paid the price with that hit but it still helped his fantasy day.




When Gronk went down Brady's last remaining professional level pass catcher left the field. Good news is he did not shred his knee, it appears to just be a bone bruise. Bad news is that Seth's QB couldn't connect with anyone after the injury. He still had a very nice day, but I think if Gronk had been on the field for the last part of the game Seth would have caught up. Desean Jackson had only two catches, but this 63 yard TD made up for a lack of volume.

 

Final Score: Ben 106.6 (6-6) Seth 104.2 (4-8)

Yes We Cam Superman vs Super Sonic Shady Dudes

Tyler, I am not ashamed to tell you that you and your FF acumen were a subject of conversation over the holiday weekend. It hearkened back to the conversations at the Brasseale-Hollingsworth wedding: It really sucks that you are such a good dude because we all hate your guts in FF. Once again Tyler is tearing thru the heart of the regular season, with only a single blemish on his record. And the hits just kept coming this week. Blake Bortles didn't play exceptionally, but he did put together a good fantasy day. He might not do quite as well with one of the Alans down with a serious concussion for the foreseeable future. Shady McCoy continues to chug along and not break down like I was sure he would in the preseason. Odell Beckham Jr. had yet another amazing catch, and on this one he did not even need to commit offensive pass interference




DeAndre Hopkins did not strafe the NOLA defense as many thought he would this week, and CJ?K broke his leg. As a fellow member of the "My second RB is hurt and now I am left with dogshit club" rest assured I feel your and his pain.

Speaking of injured legs, I was physically ill on seeing Gronk go down with that helmet to the knee. The only positive is that his leg was not planted and it had the freedom to flex, preventing serious injury. He still collected a touchdown in an incomplete game, and this may be the last spike we see until January




Cam Newton did not need to put up a huge FF day because the damn Panthers D/ST did enough scoring to win the game. Emmanuel Sanders had a nice return from a concussion of his own and showed pretty good chemistry with the new QB Brock IceWater. Jonny's special teams performed very well with a combined 39 FPTS but it was not enough to overcome the rest of his starters. 4 players put up single digits apiece, not good enough to walk away with a W in this league.

Final Score: Tyler 116.7 (11-1) Jonny 113.1 (7-5)

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A NEW RECORD FOR PCOG ASS BEATING HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED

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Team Trashbag vs The Smoking Remains of Josh's Pride
Damn. 100+ points separated these two. Really, this is just a complete destruction. Roethlisberger threw for more yards on Seattle's defense than anyone in history. Without playing the whole game. Jarvis Landry is a PPR (1/2) beast. The Falcons, and by extension FNG Blouseless Josh, suck now.

 

All Time Record Setting Margin of Victory: 100.1 FPTS
Final Score: Graham 155.8 (4-8) Husk of a Man 55.7 (7-5)

my body too bootylicious for the east coast vs Broncos Glue Factory

Troy has the honor of also setting a PCOG record. For the second time in a season, he has started a QB who garnered negative points. As the fearful embodiment of injured rosters ( never forget it was Troy who said something about all of FNG Topless Josh's players getting hurt last week) he has cast his curse on my team now. Tony Romo has fallen victim to Troy. I should have told him this before all of this unpleasantness happened

 

Jordan's fortunes have taken a bad turn since Gurley is no longer rushing for 400 yards a game on 978 carries. Lucky for her, Chris Ivory and Jeremy Maclin came to play on sunday. Drew Brees's streak of games with a touchdown pass ended at 45, but it was not enough to keep her from a victory over the Fantasy Football Final Destination Station.

Final Score: Jordan 101.4 (3-9) Troy 90 (4-8)

The last week of the regular season is here. 6 teams will make it to PCOG Postseason for a chance to play for the Chopper. The remaining teams will duke it out in a consolation bracket for the #1 overall draft pick next August. The top two playoff teams will earn a bye, and everyone else will play in a survive and advance tourney. Final draft order will be in inverse order of postseason accomplishment. May the best Commissioner Win.