A Pair of Colossi

Week 8 ended with two teams alone atop their respective divisions, crushing their opposition, unchallenged in their might. Tyler and Your Humble Commissioner are each 7-1, with more than 100 FPTS more points scored than against. FNG Josh is represented below




Formidable, but not nearly as awe-inspiring as the two giants. To the Recap!

 

Week 8 Recap

Super Sonic Hula Odells vs My Body Too Bootylicious

In case you didn't know, the day after Halloween is All Saint's Day. Sunday in the NFL was All Saints Catch a TD Day. Unfortunately for Jordan, her Saints was on the bench. Drew Brees threw 7 touchdowns in a shootout




against the Giants. He scored more on Sunday than he did in the previous three weeks combined. Marques "Why am I even on a FF roster" Colston also returned from the dead to score 25.4 FPTS, or 6 fewer than the rest of his season combined. But neither of those two players suited up for Jordan this week. Instead, she rolled out the best (by process of knee injury elimination) RB in the sport: Todd MF Gurley. Gurley had 19 carries for 62 yards and this gem. 71 yards untouched, TD



He ended up with his fourth straight game of over 125 rushing yards. I was going to suggest we move to a keeper league, but I will not make that change until this human wrecking ball is on my roster. Jordan had a chance headed into Monday night to catch up to her brother, and Coby Fleener (13.8 FPTS) did his damndest. But TY Hilton's paltry one catch for 15 yards killed her comeback attempt.

Hilton knocking Jordan out of the contest



Tyler's team had a pretty good day. 5 players of 15+ FPTS is a solid start to any matchup. Martellus Bennett and Martavis Bryant disappointed only by their own lofty standards. The Lions D/ST got shelled by the Chiefs but were saved by constantly returning kickoffs when KC scored. The real star, no surprise, was ODB. Beckham caught 2 touchdowns in the first half and ended up with 39 points in a NOLA homecoming. Maybe he handed out Jesus Juice to opposing DBs.




Final Score: Tyler 134.7 (7-1) Jordan 109.6 (2-6)

Broncos Glue Factory vs Seagram's 7 and Ginger Ale

Because this game featured so many players from the Sunday Night game that I'm gonna do both teams in one go. It could have featured one more Bronco, the stud himself PFM. Troy opted to bench him because he has been such a raging disappointment this season. Starting Ryan Fitzpatrick was a risk, and it could have blown up in his face. Instead he rolled out CJ Anderson. CJ freakin Anderson, who was announced to not be the starter on Wednesday. Worked for Troy though. 22.6 FPTS would have been a standard day at the park for him last year, but this year is cause for celebration bitches.

Demaryius Thomas did not find the end zone. Again. But 168 receiving yards does much to alleviate that little oversight. Aaron, Green Bay Packer fan, has done his best to stack his fantasy team full of his favorite team's players. I certainly thought that GB would do work against Denver's tough D/ST. How could Aaron Rogers, reigning MVP, not put up a good score?




Rodgers=squadoosh
Randall Cobb, dealing with the double teams a #1 WR gets in the NFL for the first time?=bupkis
Richard Rodgers, giant red zone target?



This game, and FF match, was over as soon as toe met ball at Mile High

Final Score: Troy 106.1 (2-6) Aaron 93.1 (3-5)

Too Hot to Randle? Released! vs Tauben Time

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/14044465/joseph-randle-released-dallas-cowboys

Ben's descent into Fantasy Football madness has not yet reached rock bottom. After a promising 3-0 start, he is barreling straight towards the bottom. He does have a good team, but a couple of questionable roster decisions have left him hamstrung. By all means keep Latavius Murray though. After gaining 100+ yards against an unyielding NY Jets D/ST he is matchup-proof. Larry Fitz is also a great player, and you might have had the last late great gasp of Heath Miller's career. He snagged 10 passes for 105 yards and 16.5 FPTS. Andy Dalton screwed you bud. Going into what should have been a good opportunity against Pittsburgh, he instead shat the bed.

 

Josh knocked it out of the park this week. 4 players with 20+ FPTS and almost a fifth. For the first time in seemingly a month, Devonta Freeman was not your highest scoring Falcon. Julio and Matty Ice got their groove back, even with a combined 3 turnovers. Charcandrick West looks like a real RB (by depleted 2015 standards at least) and Stefon Diggs is on a month long tear.




About the only stinker, and upon closer examination, the only player of Josh's to not register double digit FPTS was Jason Witten. With this bum wobbling him passes though, can you blame him?




Final Score: Josh 153.3 (6-2) Ben 104.1 (3-5)

The Cursed One vs Where Art Thou Roethlisberger

This pairing was decided by the PITT-CIN game. In one corner is a man happy to have his QB back. In another is a blubbering wreck of a man, cursed by Fantasy Gods and bad matchups alike. Jared briefly climbed above .500, only to sink back to the depths he has plumbed since losing to Bryan in the 2013 Championship. It wasn't his fault though, Le'Veon Bell going down scuttled any chance he had this week. This has been a terrible month for FF RBs. First Jamaal, then Arian, now Bell AND Forte (we'll get to him later). This only reinforces my belief that RBs are like Doritos: you can never have enough. Lucky for Jared he does not have to beat off the hordes in the WW as he already has Deangelo Williams. Jared and the 49ers both shitcanned Sackorpick this weekend, and Jared rolled out Teddy Ballgame as a replacement.




He has pretty good dance moves, but does not pass the ball enough to be a starting QB in FF. Calvin Johnson did not get traded to a real NFL team but should still be pretty good going forward. GARY FREAKING BARNIDGE IS THE BEST SCORING TE NOT NAMED GRONK ROBKOWSKI IN THE LEAGUE! So you have some hope, but I know you are feeling like this right about now.




Speaking of his Gronkness, Jonny has him and is happy to steamroll his opponents every week using him. 4/7 of his games this year resulted in 20+ FPTS. It is now official, the man is not human. He is a Terminator.

 


Roethlisberger came back for Jonny's #1 draft pick (Cue the name change) and Antonio Brown sure is happy. He did not have many yards or catches but the TD saved his day. Emmanuel Sanders was the only Bronco to not score copiously against the Pack, but the Chiefs D/ST, Cam and Shane Vereen lit up the scoreboard with over 15 FPTS each. This could have been a closer game but unfortunately the Bell tolls for knee this week Jared.

Final Score: Jonny 129.3 (4-4) Jared 108 (4-4)

Stannis's Fiery Hearts Club vs Team Trashbag




Final Score: Andy 141.1 (7-1) Graham (2-6)

GAME OF THE WEEK
Thick Bitch vs Hyde yo Kids Hyde yo wife

In the second closest game of the season, Bryan and Seth pounded away at each other for the full 12 rounds, climaxing only on Monday night.




Bryan could have had a higher margin of victory* if Matt Forte hadn't gone down with an MCL sprain/tear/owie. He still collected 11.4 FPTS before getting carted off. Mark Ingram did the dirty work in the shootout with the Giants, going for 119 total yards on 20 touches (17.9 FPTS) Ben Watson did the glamorous work against those same Giants, with 147 yards on 9 catches and a score. Pretty good WW move there Bryan






Even TB's special teams got in the mix, contributing 21 FPTS. That leaves only...
YOUR WRS ARE HOT GARBAGE. 2.8 FPTS from Donte "The one not covered by Josh Norman" Moncrief and 3.8 from Stevie "The one with an intact spleen" Johnson. You need to make a trade, pronto.

Seth watched his big Thursday night lead (65.6 FPTS from Brady, Edelman and Matthews) evaporate Sunday. He continued to ride Darren McFadden until his legs invariably explode, like the delicate glass latticework they are, for 19.3 FPTS. The game came down to a race between Greg Olsen and the aforementioned Moncrief. Olsen did some big damage, with this TD contributing a lot of it.




It wasn't enough though, now Seths only recourse is to pray for a stat adjustment

 

Final*Score*: Bryan 125.1 (4*-4) Seth 123.9* (4-4*)
*Pending any stat adjustments, which go final Saturday morning

Week 9 Preview

Something Funny (Jordan 2-6 vs Ben 3-5)
He's on Fire vs Team's on Fire (Josh 6-2 vs Jared 4-4)
Vikings Alumni go Berserk (Aaron 3-5 vs Graham 2-6)
Taco vs Sacko (Seth 4-4* vs Troy 2-6)
Blackout Saturday Buddies Battle (Bryan 4*-4 vs Jonny 4-4)
*Pending any stat adjustments, which go final Saturday morning

AND IN THE MAIN EVENT, FOR #1 SEED (SO FAR) IN THE PCOG,

OLDER BROTHERS 'OLD GRUDGES
WHOSE HEAT IS HOTTER-HUTTON OR HOLLINGSWORTH
THE UNSTOPPABLE FORCE vs THE IMMOVABLE OBJECT
Andy 7 in a motherfuckin row-1 vs Tyler 7-1

The WW is barren of any talent. Trades are harder to consumate than Tom Cruise's marriage. Do your best to bolster your team because Winter is Coming and 6! teams are on bye this week.