The Late Edition

First off, apologies for the tardiness of this week's article. I know when things are getting behind when Jared Harris, that known bastion of punctuality, slips me a text message inquiring about how late things are running.




Week 10 was highly entertaining. Several close games, bucking the recent trend of shame inducing blowouts that has recently plagued the PCOG, went right down to the wire. To the Recap!




Week 10 Recap
Pass the Blount vs Eifertgot how to Folkn catch

This game was a back and forth affair that highlights the typical FF team construction in the 2015 PCOG: Studs and Duds. For instance, Ben only had one outstanding performer this week as Martavis Bryant somehow overcame the entry of the Steelers backup QB to rack up 6 catches for 178 yards and a TD for 25.8 FPTS. I bet you are pretty damned happy that I vetoed that trade where you would have sent Bryant off without ever reaping his production now, aren't you?

One hell of a catch.



That brings up the proposed and vetoed trade. Ben traded Andy Dalton to Tyler for Martavis Bryant and Russell Wilson. This went through after the week 9 games (7NOV15). On 12NOV15 Ben attempted to trade Martavis Bryant and Russell Wilson back to Tyler (without even using the recently acquired players) back to Tyler for Blake Bortles and Davante Adams. In effect, Ben would have traded Andy Dalton and dropped Alfred Morris in order to have a cup of coffee with Bryant and Wilson and acquire Blake Bortles and Davante Adams. I vetoed this second deal for one reason. It is not my job to judge the equity of a deal. I fully believe that individual owners have the right to manage their rosters as they see fit, even if that means they do so poorly. Several trades have been approved that I believe were out and out stupid by one party or another. My only measuring stick for trade veto is collusion. It just seemed a little fishy to me for owners to swap players back and forth without even using them. Bryant is a really good WR, and Ben gave up a top-10 QB in order to get him. The trade has been vetoed without any protestation from the involved parties. If you guys think my trade vetting process is unfair, please present alternatives to me via text. I would like to point out that this is only the second trade in PCOG history that has been vetoed. Back to the fun stuff...

One stud, a couple of players with acceptable production (Wilson with 17.3 FPTS, Blount with 19.5, the Steelers D/ST with 15) and two stinkers: Heath Miller posted 6 measly points and Caleb Sturgis with 4. Whip the killer together with the filler and Ben posted a better than average (and second best for the week) 134.5

Studs and Duds ruled supreme on Team Eifert. Carson Palmer had 21.6 against the former best defense in the league and HOLY SHIT ADRIAN PETERSON IS A BEAST

 

80 yards untouched to cap off what was already a great day by my first round pick. This was my approximate reaction watching All Day streak down the field




The game hung in the balance going into Monday Night. I think I was down about 30 points headed into the CIN-HOU matchup, with three players yet to play. AJ Green, beast. Tyler Eifert, the shining jewel of the "take nothing but RB and WR early and everything else late" strategy. The tough Bengals D/ST against the laughable Texans, surely they would be good for a couple turnovers and maybe a TD right?




Dropfest 2015 started around 8:30 pm and did not stop until my dreams were crushed. Tyler Eifert had 2 drops on the season before the game and left with 6. AJ Green went almost 3 full quarters between catching a ball, then went on to fumble AND a dropped TD to boot. This does not even bring up the catching woes of one Mike Evans. He has been known as a 50/50 player, where the QB feels comfortable throwing the ball up for him in a coin flip situation and assuming he would come down with it. Instead he is a 50/50 player where he DROPS HALF OF HIS TARGETS. These three studs are represented below





Final Score: Ben 134.5 (5-5) Andy 131.3 (7-3)

Thick Bitch vs Tauben Time

Bryan has balls of steel. He knows very well in the tales of hallowed PCOG antiquity what happens when you start Kirk Cousins. He has laughed at the misfortune of other managers who inserted the mercurial QB into their lineup only to watch it explode in their face.




Fully knowing this he still persevered in starting him, and this is what he got:

 

I know that clip is from two weeks ago but it is too good to not repurpose for this occasion. Brandin Cooks, a waiver wire castoff, got 28.7 and all of New Orleans' scoring in that same game. That is where the gravy train ends though. Mark Ingram busted off a 70+ yard run but couldn't punch it in from the 2. Alfred Blue ran into the tough Bengals D/ST all Monday Night. Willie Snead caught as many balls from Drew Brees on Sunday as I did. The formidable Rams D/ST got torched by the resurgent Bears. Any of those players could have bridged the gap between Bryan and FNG Shirtless Josh this week, but fell short.

Speaking of FNG Shirtless Josh, he too had a few stinkers. James Jones met Snead catch-for-catch. The #1 performing D/ST in FF, the Denver Broncos, posted a whopping one point. Steffon Diggs and Json Witten were matched examples of mediocrity at 6.9 and 6.7 FPTS respectively. But, FNG Shirtless Josh also had the stud component to offset his duds. Chacandrick West continues to be an able replacement for Jamaal Charles. For the third straight time, he posted 25+ FPTS. Many of those came in this stinky, smelly, garbage time catch and run in the fourth quarter of a game already decided.

 

They all count the same though. Speaking of basura, James Starks' day was saved by the suddenly reeling Packers' last TD drive. Eli Manning performed well in what turned out to be the game of the week. Justin Forsett continues to wonder where all the running lanes from last year are as he struggles against the ineptitude of Baltimore's offense.

Final Score: FNG Josh 117.6 (7-3) Bryan 106.2 (4-6)

The Cursed One vs my body too bootylicious

Ever since this commercial




hit the airwaves, the Green Bay Packers have circled the drain. Jordan has felt much of their pain as her #1 pick, Fat Eddie Lacy, has continued to struggle. She recently doubled down on her Packers bet by trading for strugglebunny Randall Cobb. Todd Gurley has been excellent, but even he had to grind out some tough yards against Chicago this Sunday. It is pretty impressive that a "poor" game for him still totaled 19.4 FPTS. It may not be the incredible production he has totaled since becoming the starter, but it was good enough for RB1 points in Week 10.

Did you know Gurley was an All-American Hurdler in college?



Harris was not that much better this week. Deangelo Williams did not turn a top 5 matchup into top 5 FPTS, Calvin Johnson continues to be criminally underused by Jim Bob Cooter

For Realsies



and Gary Carnage continues to carry his team. Derek Carr's streak of 300+ PAYDS and multiple TDs continued in spite of the gale-force winds swirling around O Co. Coliseum. Jared has to hope that his starting QB and his starting WR1 teams get into a firefight this week as Detroit and Oakland meet, because I don't think that 89.2 FPTS is gonna do it against his opponent this week.




Final Score: Jared 89.2 (would have lost to any other team this weekend 6-4) Jordan 83.2 (2-8)

PCOG Super Bowl Rematch: Super Sonic Shady Odell DeAndre McManuses vs Battered, Pack and Blue

It is appropriate that that Tyler had two players in the Monday Night game. He, and the rest of the football world, saw how AJ Green should be used in DeAndre Hopkins. No matter what the coverage, the noodle-armed slack-jawed Texan QB of the quarter throws it to his best player. Tyler's QB refuses to throw to Green in this manner, and it really grinds my gears. Team SSSOM overcame his terrible QB through Hopkins and ODB. Beckham was largely held in check in his game but managed to get behind the D for this huge scoring play.




If you told me before kickoff that Aaron Rodgers would chuck the ball a Felipe Rios-like 61 times in this game, I would have wondered if we would see a 90 FPT game from him. Instead he only posted a pitiable 23.1. Tyler's Davante Adams was on the receiving end of 21 targets! I don't watch the Pack on TV every Sunday like our Aaron does, but if Mike McCarthy doesn't figure out what is wrong with his offense soon he will be sharing that couch with Mr Breasseale.

Rodgers Missing his Injured Love



Giovani Bernard continues to be the Bengals RB you want, but he continues to give only so-so performances. Ronnie Hillman matches that RB by committee slot, only in blue and orange instead of black and orange. At least you have a playoff bound defense lead by the best linebacker on the planet.




Final Score: Tyler 128.1 (9-1) Aaron 102.6 (4-6)

Trashbag vs Busted Foot Patriot

Graham had a pretty good effort in Week 10. 8/9 starting slots had double digit scoring. Granted, the highest of those was Jonathan Stewart at only 20.6 FPTS but slow and steady can win the race. Marshawn Lynch Beast Moded his way through an abdominal injury but put up only 13.5 FPTS against the stingy Arizona D/ST. The Vikings did contribute a touchdown on this Cordarrelle Patterson kick return

 


Seth has followed the lead of Bryan and Aaron, putting most of his chips on one team. Unfortunately his Patriots did not contrive up a win any more than Bryan's Saints or Aaron's Packers. Tom Brady did his 100%. 334 PAYDS and two scores were only lessened by his two turnovers. Julian Edelman was doing pretty well until he succumbed to a broken foot in the first half. James White has done all he needs to do to prove that he is not in fact Dion Lewis 2.0 DeMarco Murray has rebounded from early season woes very well, posting 20+ FPTS in 4/5 of his past games. Darren McFadden, his replacement in Big D, could not capitalize against a mediocre Buc's D/ST and only put up 11.6 FPTS. All in all Seth just didn't have the horses to hang with the Team Teddy Graham.




Final Score: Graham 120.7 (3-7) Seth 102.9 (4-6)

Negative Horsepower vs Yes We Cam Superman

The Fivehead giveth and the Fivehead taketh away. In Week 10 he tooketh away 7.6 FPTS. Manning completed 5 passes to the Broncos and 4 to the Chiefs. He is donzeo.You need to find a replacement ASAP. Jeremy Langford is the replacement for the Forte Year Old RB and damn he looks good. He can run, he can catch, he scores at will. All of this against a good Rams D/ST. He has another stiff test this week against the Broncos D AND Forte may play this week. It was good while it lasted bud. Eric Decker continues to catch TDs and Yeldon fought through a tough foot injury which might sideline him tonight against the Titans. Josh Brown Destroyer of Worlds is the second best K in FF this year, have fun replacing 16 FPTS of production this week as the Giants are on a bye.




Jonny seems to be on a roll. Lamar Miller put up 20+ FPTS against an incredible Philly run defense, Gronk Robkowski cannot be contained, Cam Newton is the best goal line RB in the league and Antonio Brown is good at celebrating.




That one came at the end of a 56 yard touchdown. It helped to overcome Emmanuel Sanders' big fat squadoosh against KC. Charles Sims couldn't get anything going against the Cowboys despite what seemed like 40 pass targets more than 10 yards downfield. Jonny should have gotten negative FPTS for the Ravens D/ST on this stupid penalty that put Jax in position for the game winning kick:




But that is not how our scoring system works, and instead he got points for the sack. It is Fantasy Football after all, not Madden.

Final Score: Peyton Manning -7.6 (benched) Troy 122.3 (3-7) Jonny 134.7 (6-4)

Week 11 Preview

9-Line Superfine: (Andy 7-3 vs Jared 6-4)
Bride Battles Best Man (Jordan 2-8 vs Bryan 4-6)
Seth's Old Roommate vs Current Roommate: (Aaron 4-6 vs Ben 5-5)
Panthers Fans Fight it Out (Jonny 6-4 vs Graham 3-7)
More Jokes I can't think of right now: Seth 4-6 vs Tyler 9-1,FNG Shirtless Josh 7-3 vs Troy 3-7 

Only three weeks remain until the FF Postseason begins. Make trades, scour the WW and stock up on the essentials because Winter is Coming.

And Boom Goes the Dynamite

After a month of horrifying injuries to RBs, Week 9 came and went without anyone's roster acting like a Jenga tower. 2 blowouts, one moderate win, a couple close games, and one roster move that ended up jacking up my BP by about 200 points. Week 9 kicked off with a brilliant but disgusting switcheroo. I read the text and thought "Damn, He ain't gonna be in Rush Hour 3." Then, after seeing the reactions from the Panthers fans I clicked on the link like a fool. Instant disgust overwhelmed me, and I blacked out as a defense reflex. I regained consciousness approximately 15 minutes later to my phone blowing up with the PCOG's response to this affront. Swiping right to get that giant donger out of the way and allowing my passcode to be entered, I read a couple of brilliant lines. They will be entered here, into the official record and history of the PCOG, for posterity:

Graham: WTF
Troy:Damn You.
Jared: WTF
...
Bryan: Dude you guys suck
Jared: I trust no link I receive from this group
Graham: The trust factor is gone
Andy: Once I had a belief in the inherent goodness in people.Then my eyes were poked out by a giant anteater dick.
Aaron: Son of a Bitch
Graham: We've been blinded by the black dick of deception
...
Josh: Jesus Christ I was alreadly legally blind now I'm fucking Hellen Keller

We have all learned something from this disgusting episode: If you have not pulled this prank on all of your buddies by now, you are a failure as a football fan and as an adult. Now back to your regularly scheduled recap.But first, a public service announcement from the snack vendors:

 

Week 9 Recap

Stannis's Fiery Hearts Club vs Super Sonic Shady Dudes

This game is why FF is so fun. Both sides entered the contest at less than 100%. Tyler was without the top FF WR (entering the week) as he was on bye, and my steely eyed bombchucker was golfing with his strong legged kicker friend in sunny Arizona. The appropriate roster juggling was completed and we kicked off on Thursday night. Tyler Trifert snagged three touchdowns against the lowly Browns and added to my Bengals bump: I was up approximately 40 FPTS headed into Sunday's action. Saturday night I realized my kicker would'nt be suiting up and made a snap decision. "The Bucs have attempted the most FGs this year, but Nick Folk has a Civil War re-enactor at QB. He will kick way more FGs this week. Plus, its a kicker slot. Who Cares???"

General Ryan FitzPatrick, NY 14th Rifles



THE FANTASY GODS CARE. NICK FUCKING FOLK INJURED HIS QUAD DURING WARMUPS, PREVENTING HIM FROM KICKING. BUT SINCE "HOLDING" DOES NOT REQUIRE ANYTHING OTHER THAN A PULSE, THEY DID NOT DEACTIVATE HIM. WHICH MEANS THAT I DID NOT GET A NOTICE ON MY PHONE THAT HE WOULD'NT BE KICKING! WHICH MEANS HE GOT EXACTLY NONE POINTS!ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Of course, Christine Michael also got zero snaps for zilch touches, no yards and nil points. Mike Evans dropping the most balls in modern NFL single-game history hurt as well. Even with these anchors, the game was absurdedly close headed into Monday Night. Tyler had Martellus Bennett and a 9+ lead, and I had Alshon Jefferey. I watched the game with one eye, cramming hard for a Spanish test this morning. I did have enough multitasking to curse the heavens with terrible invective every time Bennett caught the ball instead of my hulking WR. He caught this one with one hand, using the other to casually choke the life out of my team this week.




Shady McCoy's internal containment field held together just long enough to scamper for 100+ yards and a TD. Frank Gore fought off the previously undefeated Broncos defenders with a novel idea: Run it up the middle till they stop you (which Denver could not do). Jordan Fucking Reed caught the slimiest of garbage time TDs against the Pats with 25 seconds left in a game that was over before it kicked off. But that's why they play the games. The Fantasy Gods, that is. They play games with our heads, our hearts, and our fragile emotional state.




Final Score: Tyler 134.3 (8-1) Andy 128.6 (7-2)

WARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWA
A new record for margin of victory has been established
ARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWARNINGWAR

Yes We Cam Superman vs Thick Bitchslapped

This is gonna be short and sweet, like the amount of time this match was still a contest. Cam Freaking Newton strafed the Packers for 4 total TDs. Lamar Miller loves the Dan Campbell experience, averaging 31 FPTS per game since he took over as coach of the Dolphins. The real revelation was Antonio Brown. 17 catches, 284 yards, and zero fucks given propelling Jonny and the Steelers to wins this week. Jonny might have to change his name back though as Big Bruise, I mean Big Ben got hurt again.

The Reason Rodgers threw his tablet at the end of the game



Bryan didn't have a bad game. But he did not have a historic game. Starting 4 Saints and 3 Chargers ties your team invariably to the outcomes of those games

 

Final Score: Jonny 184.2! (5-4) Bryan 93.6 (4-5) Record Setting Margin of Victory 90.6FPTS

Tauben Time vs The Cursed One

Shirtless FNG Josh had the stones and foresight to start James Starks, a backup player (or is he) against a tough D. Starks rewarded him with 23.7 FPTS of production, most of it in an incredible comeback catching the ball against the Panthers. Somehow the Falcons lost to the 9ers despite Devonta Freeman and Julio Jones continuing to ball out. Stefon Diggs came back to Earth in a big way, only getting 5.7 FPTS in a blustery day against the Rams. The Broncos D/ST scored their 5th TD of the year but allowed the Colts to stay on the field for 39 minutes (bunch of bums). Eli Manning, that mouth breathing buffoon,

 

continued his hot/cold streak by following up a 41.5 FPT performance with a 12.7 stinker. Jared continued HIS hot/cold streak by starting Deangelo Williams after Le'Veon Bell got hurt. And damn, did Williams show up. 225 total yards and two TDs served up 46.3 FPTS, or the third highest non QB performance of the season. But that was not all. Sammy Watkins caught 92.81767955801105% of the yardage that Tyrod Taylor threw for this week and Derek Carr had back to back 4 TD 300+ yard games. Danny Woodhead continues to make NFL scouts look bad every week. It wasn't all peaches and cream as Malcolm Floyd hurt his shoulder and Gary Carnage's hot streak finally ended. It was good enough to show a daisy fresh FNG exactly what the Green Weenie tastes and feels like though.

Final Score: Jared 158.4 (5-4) FNG Josh 116.7 (6-3)

my body to bootylicious vs Not So Hot Anymore

Ben is a pioneer. He is trying an unheard of tactic of win three in a row, lose 5 in a row, and now is trying to string a couple W's together




He was helped in getting back on track by Andrew Luck remembering how to throw TDs without also tossing INTs. 22.5 FPTS was a solid top-ten performance for a QB this week. Latavius Murray, at least one genius has said, is officially matchup-proof. Unless the matchup is his squishy brain against his unrelenting internal cranial wall. Murray left with a concussion. Legarrette Blount stepped in for the now out-for-the-season Dion Lewis to pummel the 'Skins into pink paste with bruising runs like this one




Jordan had a great start to Sunday. Early morning tailgating

 

and Drew Brees's hot streak must have felt good. Plus, Todd "I am literally the entire offense" Gurley ground out 24.4 hard FPTS against the stifling Vikings and Chris Ivory continues to be a wrecking ball. Fat Eddie Lacy sucks out loud though. .3 FPTS is what a back of his skill and fantasy first round pedigree should average per touch, not per game. Speaking of packing it in, GB's D/ST got strafed by that offensive juggernaught, The Carolina Newtons. Yall were at the game though, I hope you had a good time.

Final Score: Ben 119.5 (4-5) Jordan 99.8 (2-7)

Cheeseheads Maybe they Cam vs Team Trashbag
How unlucky can a guy get? Graham lost Dion Lewis (rest of season) and Big Bruise (god knows) on the same day. Johnathan Stewart had a red zone TD vultured by his giant QB and Allen Robinson could not find that cherry (a TD) to put on top of his Ice Cream Sunday (that was so lame I could not resist). Vernon Davis is still learning the Broncos playbook and Mike Tomlin isn't sure the Steeler's DBs know the playbook after not covering Amari Cooper for his score




The bulk of Aaron's scoring came from three players: Aaron Rodgers, Randall Cobb (about time!) and White Walker Dez Bryant. He is a football zombie, reincarnated with miraculous powers like levitation




and thankfully not getting hurt again. I am so happy to see him back in action. Both will agree that Graham is the happier of the two this weekend though as his NFL team smashed Aaron's team for 3 and a half quarters.

Final Score: Carolina 37 (8-0 Green Bay 29 (6-2)



Seth, I will not type that no matter if it is true
vs Broncos Glue Factory

First things first. I'm the realest. Next, Seth,

 

Seth lost

Troy picked up Jeremy Langford because being the presumptive Sacko has its privileges. He had a huge game against the Bolts, racking up 140+ total yards in his first career start. TJ Yeldon and Eric Decker continued their middle of the road performance arc and Peyton Manning lit it up by his lowly standards. Holy Shitballs Troy's kicker had a game. 4-4 FG and 2 XP add up to 17 points, or about what I was expecting from Nick Fucking Folk.

Final Score: Troy 133.6 (3-6) Seth 111.2 (4-5)

Week 10 Preview
Carson Comes Home To Roost: Andy 7-2 vs Ben 4-5
Hey Rook, Didn't your Mama teach you to Chug? Bryan 4-5 vs FNG Josh 6-3
Harris hassles Her: Jared 5-4 vs Jordan 2-7
Championship Rematch: Tyler 8-1 vs Aaron 4-5
Pitcher against Panther: Seth is dead to me vs Graham 2-7
SuperCam and QB Kryptonite (PFM): Jonny 5-4 vs Troy 3-6

There is now one month left in the 2015 Regular Season. I hope yall have enjoyed it as much as I have but there is some bad news. Game of Thrones will not start until the END of April this year, which will mean that it seems longer until Winter is Over.

A Pair of Colossi

Week 8 ended with two teams alone atop their respective divisions, crushing their opposition, unchallenged in their might. Tyler and Your Humble Commissioner are each 7-1, with more than 100 FPTS more points scored than against. FNG Josh is represented below




Formidable, but not nearly as awe-inspiring as the two giants. To the Recap!

 

Week 8 Recap

Super Sonic Hula Odells vs My Body Too Bootylicious

In case you didn't know, the day after Halloween is All Saint's Day. Sunday in the NFL was All Saints Catch a TD Day. Unfortunately for Jordan, her Saints was on the bench. Drew Brees threw 7 touchdowns in a shootout




against the Giants. He scored more on Sunday than he did in the previous three weeks combined. Marques "Why am I even on a FF roster" Colston also returned from the dead to score 25.4 FPTS, or 6 fewer than the rest of his season combined. But neither of those two players suited up for Jordan this week. Instead, she rolled out the best (by process of knee injury elimination) RB in the sport: Todd MF Gurley. Gurley had 19 carries for 62 yards and this gem. 71 yards untouched, TD



He ended up with his fourth straight game of over 125 rushing yards. I was going to suggest we move to a keeper league, but I will not make that change until this human wrecking ball is on my roster. Jordan had a chance headed into Monday night to catch up to her brother, and Coby Fleener (13.8 FPTS) did his damndest. But TY Hilton's paltry one catch for 15 yards killed her comeback attempt.

Hilton knocking Jordan out of the contest



Tyler's team had a pretty good day. 5 players of 15+ FPTS is a solid start to any matchup. Martellus Bennett and Martavis Bryant disappointed only by their own lofty standards. The Lions D/ST got shelled by the Chiefs but were saved by constantly returning kickoffs when KC scored. The real star, no surprise, was ODB. Beckham caught 2 touchdowns in the first half and ended up with 39 points in a NOLA homecoming. Maybe he handed out Jesus Juice to opposing DBs.




Final Score: Tyler 134.7 (7-1) Jordan 109.6 (2-6)

Broncos Glue Factory vs Seagram's 7 and Ginger Ale

Because this game featured so many players from the Sunday Night game that I'm gonna do both teams in one go. It could have featured one more Bronco, the stud himself PFM. Troy opted to bench him because he has been such a raging disappointment this season. Starting Ryan Fitzpatrick was a risk, and it could have blown up in his face. Instead he rolled out CJ Anderson. CJ freakin Anderson, who was announced to not be the starter on Wednesday. Worked for Troy though. 22.6 FPTS would have been a standard day at the park for him last year, but this year is cause for celebration bitches.

Demaryius Thomas did not find the end zone. Again. But 168 receiving yards does much to alleviate that little oversight. Aaron, Green Bay Packer fan, has done his best to stack his fantasy team full of his favorite team's players. I certainly thought that GB would do work against Denver's tough D/ST. How could Aaron Rogers, reigning MVP, not put up a good score?




Rodgers=squadoosh
Randall Cobb, dealing with the double teams a #1 WR gets in the NFL for the first time?=bupkis
Richard Rodgers, giant red zone target?



This game, and FF match, was over as soon as toe met ball at Mile High

Final Score: Troy 106.1 (2-6) Aaron 93.1 (3-5)

Too Hot to Randle? Released! vs Tauben Time

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/14044465/joseph-randle-released-dallas-cowboys

Ben's descent into Fantasy Football madness has not yet reached rock bottom. After a promising 3-0 start, he is barreling straight towards the bottom. He does have a good team, but a couple of questionable roster decisions have left him hamstrung. By all means keep Latavius Murray though. After gaining 100+ yards against an unyielding NY Jets D/ST he is matchup-proof. Larry Fitz is also a great player, and you might have had the last late great gasp of Heath Miller's career. He snagged 10 passes for 105 yards and 16.5 FPTS. Andy Dalton screwed you bud. Going into what should have been a good opportunity against Pittsburgh, he instead shat the bed.

 

Josh knocked it out of the park this week. 4 players with 20+ FPTS and almost a fifth. For the first time in seemingly a month, Devonta Freeman was not your highest scoring Falcon. Julio and Matty Ice got their groove back, even with a combined 3 turnovers. Charcandrick West looks like a real RB (by depleted 2015 standards at least) and Stefon Diggs is on a month long tear.




About the only stinker, and upon closer examination, the only player of Josh's to not register double digit FPTS was Jason Witten. With this bum wobbling him passes though, can you blame him?




Final Score: Josh 153.3 (6-2) Ben 104.1 (3-5)

The Cursed One vs Where Art Thou Roethlisberger

This pairing was decided by the PITT-CIN game. In one corner is a man happy to have his QB back. In another is a blubbering wreck of a man, cursed by Fantasy Gods and bad matchups alike. Jared briefly climbed above .500, only to sink back to the depths he has plumbed since losing to Bryan in the 2013 Championship. It wasn't his fault though, Le'Veon Bell going down scuttled any chance he had this week. This has been a terrible month for FF RBs. First Jamaal, then Arian, now Bell AND Forte (we'll get to him later). This only reinforces my belief that RBs are like Doritos: you can never have enough. Lucky for Jared he does not have to beat off the hordes in the WW as he already has Deangelo Williams. Jared and the 49ers both shitcanned Sackorpick this weekend, and Jared rolled out Teddy Ballgame as a replacement.




He has pretty good dance moves, but does not pass the ball enough to be a starting QB in FF. Calvin Johnson did not get traded to a real NFL team but should still be pretty good going forward. GARY FREAKING BARNIDGE IS THE BEST SCORING TE NOT NAMED GRONK ROBKOWSKI IN THE LEAGUE! So you have some hope, but I know you are feeling like this right about now.




Speaking of his Gronkness, Jonny has him and is happy to steamroll his opponents every week using him. 4/7 of his games this year resulted in 20+ FPTS. It is now official, the man is not human. He is a Terminator.

 


Roethlisberger came back for Jonny's #1 draft pick (Cue the name change) and Antonio Brown sure is happy. He did not have many yards or catches but the TD saved his day. Emmanuel Sanders was the only Bronco to not score copiously against the Pack, but the Chiefs D/ST, Cam and Shane Vereen lit up the scoreboard with over 15 FPTS each. This could have been a closer game but unfortunately the Bell tolls for knee this week Jared.

Final Score: Jonny 129.3 (4-4) Jared 108 (4-4)

Stannis's Fiery Hearts Club vs Team Trashbag




Final Score: Andy 141.1 (7-1) Graham (2-6)

GAME OF THE WEEK
Thick Bitch vs Hyde yo Kids Hyde yo wife

In the second closest game of the season, Bryan and Seth pounded away at each other for the full 12 rounds, climaxing only on Monday night.




Bryan could have had a higher margin of victory* if Matt Forte hadn't gone down with an MCL sprain/tear/owie. He still collected 11.4 FPTS before getting carted off. Mark Ingram did the dirty work in the shootout with the Giants, going for 119 total yards on 20 touches (17.9 FPTS) Ben Watson did the glamorous work against those same Giants, with 147 yards on 9 catches and a score. Pretty good WW move there Bryan






Even TB's special teams got in the mix, contributing 21 FPTS. That leaves only...
YOUR WRS ARE HOT GARBAGE. 2.8 FPTS from Donte "The one not covered by Josh Norman" Moncrief and 3.8 from Stevie "The one with an intact spleen" Johnson. You need to make a trade, pronto.

Seth watched his big Thursday night lead (65.6 FPTS from Brady, Edelman and Matthews) evaporate Sunday. He continued to ride Darren McFadden until his legs invariably explode, like the delicate glass latticework they are, for 19.3 FPTS. The game came down to a race between Greg Olsen and the aforementioned Moncrief. Olsen did some big damage, with this TD contributing a lot of it.




It wasn't enough though, now Seths only recourse is to pray for a stat adjustment

 

Final*Score*: Bryan 125.1 (4*-4) Seth 123.9* (4-4*)
*Pending any stat adjustments, which go final Saturday morning

Week 9 Preview

Something Funny (Jordan 2-6 vs Ben 3-5)
He's on Fire vs Team's on Fire (Josh 6-2 vs Jared 4-4)
Vikings Alumni go Berserk (Aaron 3-5 vs Graham 2-6)
Taco vs Sacko (Seth 4-4* vs Troy 2-6)
Blackout Saturday Buddies Battle (Bryan 4*-4 vs Jonny 4-4)
*Pending any stat adjustments, which go final Saturday morning

AND IN THE MAIN EVENT, FOR #1 SEED (SO FAR) IN THE PCOG,

OLDER BROTHERS 'OLD GRUDGES
WHOSE HEAT IS HOTTER-HUTTON OR HOLLINGSWORTH
THE UNSTOPPABLE FORCE vs THE IMMOVABLE OBJECT
Andy 7 in a motherfuckin row-1 vs Tyler 7-1

The WW is barren of any talent. Trades are harder to consumate than Tom Cruise's marriage. Do your best to bolster your team because Winter is Coming and 6! teams are on bye this week.