The Haves and the Have-Nots of FF

The Haves and the Have-Nots

Week 2 in the NFL and the PCOG came down to a simple proposition: Do you have a starting caliber quarterback or not? Several teams went into this week's action thinking they were in good shape at the most important position. Jordan's Drew Brees reinjured his rotator cuff in a stinker of a game against the Bucs. Jared Harris is a terrible, cursed scumbag of a football fan. Last week he texted me, asking if I was watching how well the Baby Faced Lion was playing against the Chargers:




He then proceeded to throw two picks while snatching a defeat from the jaws of victory. Later that night he gushed about how well my, correction AMERICA's, QB Tony Romo would scorch the Giants on SNF. Two deflected picks setting up the Giants later, he admitted that it was his fault and he was sorry. I forgave him, for I am nothing if not magnanimous, generous in all ways and understanding when it comes to the plight of my, correction AMERICA's, team.




The predictable soon happened. Tony Romo was accosted by a phat phucking Philadelphia dephensive lineman and shattered his collarbone, along with any post-season hopes for the Devil Incarnate, Jerry Jones.




I hate football. To the Recap!

 

Roi des Perdants (Aaron 1-0)vs. Urnheart !!11!!1!!W00OOoo!! (Jonny 1-0)

The AutoDraft Fairy is not screwing around. Jonny has scored almost 300 FPTS thru two weeks. Cam Newton's front flip got a ten from all of the Olympic judges and was good for 6.65 FPTS




His Herculean effort was only good enough for second on Jonny's "team" this week as Antonio Brown snagged 9 catches on 11 targets for 195 yards, one TD and one 2PT conversion. What a lazy bum. You think that a guy who wanted to redo his contract this summer could put a little more effort forth for his team. He at least had the good manners to not start Allen Robinson (32.5 FPTS) or Donte Moncrief (22.7 FPTS) to not run up the score.




Aaron followed up last week's victory and inaugural Lineup Nirvana trophy by benching that same Tom Brady who Gronk allows to throw the ball to Gronk and Gronk only. 31 FPTS withered on the vine for the defending champ, who elected to start Captain Checkdown, Sam "6.29 Yards per Attempt" Bradford.




Aaron did have a few bright spots, collecting 20.6 FPTS on MNF from Brandon Marshall and 22.4 FPTS from Giovanni Bernard in a stat-sucking performance against Los Chargers. Aaron was not just content to defeat me last week, this week he started the RB who ate up all of the yards that my, correction the PCOG's, RB Jeremy Hill should have gotten if he could keep his booger slicked hands on the ball long enough to not fumble it away.

Final Score: Jonny 172.6!!!!! (2-0), Aaron 121.6 (1-1) TRADITION!!! Winning margin 51FPTS

WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!
A NEW RECORD MARGIN OF PCOG TRADITION AND VICTORY HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED!
WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!



Brees Between My Knees (Jordan 0-1) vs Tauben Time (Josh 0-1)

Ok seriously. Am I the only one who thought that Jordan's PCOG Team name is a....joke about...




certain bodily functions...related to her... Dammit! Jordan, you smiling ray of hippie sunshine, I am uncomfortable making jokes about what you are making jokes about! Not about them in general, or about you, but this specific combination is over the line.




Jordan got bit by the injury bug in a huge way this week. I already detailed her QB problems, Lord Eddard Lacy was beheaded Sunday night by an ankle injury, Frank Gore's age might finally be catching up to him and Coby Fleener produced squadoosh against the Jets. There were a few guys on the bench that had so-so production this week, but not enough to make much difference in this contest. Josh had an excellent week, with high scores posted by Julio Jones who treated the NY Giants like a ninja flipping his way to a fight:




13 catches for 135 yards and what should have been a touchdown on 15targets. With the injury to Tevin Coleman, he is now the Atlanta offense. He doubled down on the division leading Falcons by rolling out Matt Ryan, and saw into the future to start Dion Lewis's 22.6FPTS against the ferocious Buffalo defense. All in all it was a bad day in the Brazil household as the wedding party combined to lose by 134.2 FPTS, the rough equivalent to a season's worth of #2 RB production.




Final Score: Josh 144.7 (2-0) TRADITION!!! Winning margin a RECORD SETTING 83.2FPTS!!! Jordan 61.5

Luck on my side/Giving Thick Bitch the Fitz (Ben 1-0) vs Chunky Cheerleader (Bryan 1-0)

Bryan had another steady game, punching out 89.7 FPTS. Game flow prevented his two workhorse RBs, Matt Forte and Mark Ingram, from running as much as one would have thought looking at the matchups before Sunday. Felipe Rios lead a furious comeback late in the fourth quarter at Cincinnati, using that patented side-arm delivery to chuck two touchdowns.




Bryan is a formidable fantasy player. He has had the Fantasy Foresight to draft a late round handcuff to someone else's #1 RB, probably with the intention of trading him at an opportune time. And boy has that time come. James Starks entered the SNF game against Seattle in the first quarter and never looked back, toting the rock 20 times for 95 yards and contributing 4 catches for 11 yards as well. But no one would be crazy enough to start a handcuff when the #1 guy is healthy. He drafted Alfred Blue, the Houston #2 as well. That one hasn't worked out quite as well. But it was a good idea. Who knows (Week 4, count on it) when Arian Foster will be back? It's not like the NFL is mandated to state when a guy is coming back from injury, therefore clearly defining his usage and value.




Let's go in the Wayback machine waaaay back to 2011, the last time Larry Fitzgerald was a #1 fantasy WR. You all remember, when he was torching opposing defenses as a result of having a competent QB at the helm, well on the way to a future home in Canton, Ohio as a Hall of Famer. 4 forgettable seasons marred by injury and QBs like Max Hall, Ryan Lindley and Drew Stanton throwing ducks his way made some (me) think he was donezo. Boy were we (I) wrong. 8 catches and 111 yards is a pretty good day. Three touchdowns is positively Gronktastic!




34.2 FPTS was the main heft of Ben's fantasy output, buoyed by Latavius Murray's 20 FPTS. Andrew Luck was out of Luck on Monday night and had Ben sweating at the half, as he had contributed a veritable flood of turnovers and was floating perilously around the 0.00 FPT mark. He was able to squeak out a late TD pass to save his day and contribute to a win.

Final Score: Ben 100.2 (2-0) Bryan 89.5 (1-1)

The Cursed One (Jared 0-1) vs Super Sonic Odells (Tyler 1-0)

FF is a strange thing. This game saw two of the worst scoring D/STs of the week, and I blame Jared. He is a foul FF locus of evil. Once again he rolled out the Chargers train, totaling 20.1 FPTS from three players. This week Keenan Allen fumbled a punt return and it went straight to his head, his case of the yips yielded 2 catches for 16 yards. It was nice to see Megatron back in action, as he gobbled up 10 catches for 83 yards and a score. It could have been so much more though, his 17 targets held so much promise. Speaking of promise, Mike Evans actually suited up this week! And had 3 handfuls of crab legs thrown his way by @JabooWins. Unfortunately this resulted in zero catches for no yards, zilch touchdowns and N/A points. His TE this week, or whatever a Darren Fells is, reproduced Evans's scoring output.

Mike Evans holding all of his catches this week



Tyler's faith in ODB was rewarded this week, as he recorded 7 catches for 146 yards and this good TD catch over the Falcons's best corner




Shady McCoy is also giving lie to my assertion that he would be a bust this year, grinding out 16.9 FPTS against New England and the only Bill that wins in Buffalo. If Team SSODB was assuming that dropping Hopkins would spur him to more production than was recorded last week, well, that was a disaster. Tyler did'nt inform me of his goof, I had to ask to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. To reiterate, if you make a mistake with your roster ( accidentally drop someone, or cannot set your lineup for whatever reason) let me know by call, text, email, or smoke signal. These are the kind of things a good Commissioner remedies.

Final Score: Tyler 107.9 (2-0), Harris 68.1 (0-2)

"For they may have a dog, but it is not as pretty as FREEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOMMMMM!"



It would appear that the contest for "Best Vito Puppy" (and corresponding trophy, check it outhttp://games.espn.go.com/ffl/trophylist?leagueId=53884&seasonId=2015) is lead by Grahamhamham at this early juncture.
BVP standings are:
1. Graham (1-0) 2. Tie Andy and Bryan (0-0) 3. Troy (0-1)

Against Troy, Graham reaped the AFC North Whirlwind this week. With 65.9 FPTS from three AFCN players Graham definitely had a leg up on the competition this week. Big Ben knows better than I do that his kicker is not so good at football, as immediately after scoring his first of three touchdowns that the Steelers were going for two




His game would have been better if his Dolphins had Phinned up against the perhaps not so hapless Jags.




Troy relied on a herd of Broncos this and every week, and galloped out to a good start on Thursday night.




CJ Anderson is probably not a bust and Vincent Jackson picked up all of Mike Evans's slack this week (Jared sucks). A couple of lineup corrections would have won the week for Troy, namely Eric Decker or TJ Yeldon in the flex as opposed to the Muscle Hamster. It's OK though, I'm sure Kia had a lot of work this week and could'nt lovingly correct Troy's football failures. All work and no play makes Kia unable to save a dull boy.




Final Score: Graham 104.3 (1-1) Troy 99.5 (0-2)

Game of the Week
Hyde yo kids from the concussion protocol (Seth 1-0) vs Pocket Dogs (Andy 0-1)

A thrilling matchup with only a sliver separating victory from defeat came down to a simple question. When you have the NFL's reigning MVP on your roster, do you start him? NOT IF YOU ARE SETH!




Seth's roster tinkering wasn't all bad though. DeMarco Murray and Carlos Hyde threw together a pair of 7s, Julian Edelman and Amari Cooper a pair of Queens, and Jordan Reed had his annual big tease game before his lower extremities invariably explode into a cloud of glitter. Marcus Mariota's three fumbles were the pivot on which this game turned for the other guy.

Edelman extends for the score



It is never safe to assume rational NFL coaching in this day and age, but this week Norv flipped through the playbook and found #28 29 times




The combo platter of Tannehill-Landry may not have earned an NFL win, but they did rack up 42.7FPTS for your boy. Terrance Williams and Joseph Randle helped to throttle the Giggles, Tyler Eifert continues to prove that you do not need to draft a TE early and Jeremy Hill shat the bed. What does that add up to?






Final (Game of the Week, Winning Margin 4.7) Score: Andy 121 (1-1) Seth 116.5 (1-1)

Week 3 Preview
Andy (1-1) Attacks AutoDraft (2-0) {Jonny favored by .4}
Officer Candidates attempt LandNav (Josh 1-1 vs Seth 1-1){Josh favored by 4}
Split the Sheets (Aaron 1-1 vs Jordan 0-2){Aaron favored by 14.1}
The ODB Custody Lawsuit (Bryan 1-1 vs Tyler 2-0){Tyler favored by 15}
I'd rather be Lucky than Screwed by Big Ben (Ben 2-0 vs Graham 1-1){Graham by 10.3}
Lyndsey and Kia console a pair of bums (Jared 0-2 vs Troy 0-2){Troy favored by 21.6}

Churn some rosters, throw out some trade feelers, pray to the Old Fantasy Gods and the New. Because Winter is coming
http://southpark.cc.com/clips/yjyw7f/creator-commentary-eat-pray-queef