2015 Season Week 1 PCOG Recap

No more projections. Screw your mock drafts. The real deal has arrived, and the 2015 PCOG Season has begun! This week saw some excellent scoring outputs, questionable lineup decisions, and ill timed injuries all across the fruited plain. To those that emerged victorious, remember that one week does not a season make. To those pathetic losers, you get first crack at the waiver wire. To the Recap!



Hyde yo kids Hyde yo wife (Seth) vs Gurley Gurls (Jordan)
The largest winning margin of the young year was recorded by our very own former Taco, Seth Brazil. (pictured below)




His top four draft selections contributed the majority of his fantasy points, as A-Rod overcame an injured stable of pass catchers to throw 3 touchdowns against the hapless Bears defense. DeMarco totaled 18 fantasy points on only 12 touches thanks to two cheap touchdowns on Monday Night. The big surprise was Carlos Hyde, racking up 168 yards and two touchdowns for almost 40 points. Needless to say his B button works just fine, as seen in this sick spin move




Jordan also benefited from the Pack Attack, as Lord Eddard Lacy totaled 21.7 FPTS in a productive afternoon. She also had big surprise as Chris Ivory gobbled up all of the carries for the maybe not wretched NY Jets. She was let down by a pair of underperforming Colts however, and to salt the wound TY Hilton injured his knee and is day to day. Her season won't really start until her team's namesake returns to savage the defenses of the NFC West




Final Score: Seth 145.5 (1-0) Jordan 114.8 (0-1)

Super Sonic Dudes (Tyler) vs Biscuits N' Gravy Graham

This next matchup featured several Seahawks struggling on the road against the terrifying St Louis (Los Angeles?) Rams D/ST. Tyler must be seeing triple, as Russell "Drink this water and avoid concussions" Wilson, Shady McCoy and Rashad Jennings all contributed 14 FPTS or so. Tyler is probably seeing triple after his COLOSSAL BUST of a second round pick got blasted into the turf of Jerryworld Sunday night, contributing a paltry 6.9 FPTS

 

But, DeAndre Hopkins and his 28.3 FPTS contributed the winning margin in a furious comeback attempt against the Chiefs.

Meanwhile, Graham had a very meh performance from the bulk of his roster




Moderately sized Ben, Domesticated Animal Mode and Lamar Miller all had so-so scoring. A.J. Green and Andre Johnson had poor points. The real news is Andre Ellington going down in a heap of torn knee ligaments. Fortuitously Graham already has his handcuff on the bench. David Johnson recorded 15 FPTS on only 5 touches, mostly on this catch and run.

 

Tyler is back on track to run through the regular season, holding on to the dangerous Martavis Bryan on the bench, setting up yet another postseason heartache.

Final Score: Tyler 126.7 (1-0) Graham 107.3 (0-1)

Eanhardt !!!!!!!!!11!!111!!!!!!!??? Woooooooooo000000o0o00 88!!!!!!!!! (Jonny)
vs Tauben Time (Josh)

Carrying on the fine tradition of AutoDraft Fairy, Jonny MoCo's "team" started just enough players that he "drafted"




Cam Newton, victim of a vicious prank by the Panthers' front office for all of his career, once again overcame a JV level supporting cast in a winning effort against the Jacksonville Reformatory High School Jaguars. The big contributors to Jonny's effort came Thursday night. The Great Gronk spiked his way to three touchdowns and 29.9 FPTS against the Tinfoil Curtain of the Steelers.




Antonio Brown kept up the pace from last year, racking up 24.3 FPTS aided by the trashiest of all garbage time touchdowns: With 2 seconds in an already lost game. But who cares the circumstance of the points, Jonny says "Thats why I "'"drafted'"' him.




Josh relied on a Manning at QB this week, perhaps not realizing in a classic rookie mistake that you can never rely on this face




Jamaal Charles can be relied upon, when Andy "Kool-Aid Man" Reid remembers to give him the ball. You will scream and utter terrible epithets at the TV at least 4 times this year, not believing the paltry amount of carries he will receive in some games this year. It looks like you will be able to rely on Julio Jones this year though. 9 catches for 141 yards and two touchdowns netted Josh 31.6 FPTS on Monday night. Just a few more yards and catches would have given Josh the win against Jonny, but it was the closest game of the new year.

Final Score: Jonny 117.8 (1-0) Josh 113.8 (0-1 Game of the Week, Winning Margin 4.0 FPTS

Husky Lady (Bryan) vs The Cursed One (Jared)

A classic grudge match had been building all offseason. Attempts to troll each other were noted during the Draft Party (Aaron, did your invite ever arrive? It is in the mail for sure. Just look at the postmark.) Bryan vs Jared in a rematch of the 2013 PCOG Championship Game! Bryan was forced to root against his own beloved Carolina Blue sporting Chargers in a wild comeback against the Lions, as Jared started running backs (current and former), a wide receiver and the ghost of Ryan Leaf against the loudest SD fan on the East Coast. Keenan Allen is still catching fluttering ducks on Tuesday, as he vacuumed up a league leading 17 targets for 15 catches and 166 yards, yielding a bounteous 25.1 FPTS. As an inverse, Ryan "Collarbones O' Steel" Mathews totaled 11.1 FPTS on only 6 touches. Jared was undone by Megatron only receiving (get it!) 2 catches for 39 yards, 4.9 FPTS.




Bryan is a Traitorous Dog however. Forced by the cruel twists of fate to root for a player who (for approx. three quarters) helped contribute to a 20+ pt lead against his beloved Bolts, ah whatever. Golden Tate gave Bryan bupkis against Jared. Matt Forte, however, got all of the carries against the Pack and came up with 33.1 FPTS (good enough for second place on the RB scoring board and against the Packers). He combined con Felipe Rios and Travis Kelce for an excellent Fantasy weekend.




Bryan's victory was complete. Even his Bench put up 71.5 FPTS this week. I am sure he won't tinker at all this week, changing his lineup nonstop in an effort to put the optimal players in against the easiest matchups. It's not like he would obsess over something like this, would he? Tinker Stinker Time is coming to Boone.

Final Score: Bryan 144.6 (1-0) Jared 122.1 (0-1)

How I Lucked Your Mother (Ben) vs i wear my big boy pants (Kia)

The lowest scoring game of the week is somewhat understandable as two PCOG rookies squared off. Kia's triple Bronco stack sputtered against the Ravens D/ST in Mile High, totaling only 22.5 FPTS AND an injury for the Mover of Chains, Demaryious Targaryen. He should be fine though.




Ben relied on Alfred Morris (20.4 FPTS) for the weight behind his fantasy punches. I don't know if I would rely on 25 carries for 121 yards this year, but I am a fan of kicking someone while he is down.




Andrew Luck ran into a buzzsaw at Buffalo, scraping 17.7 FPTS together on the strength of two garbage time touchdowns. Perhaps you are in good shape though, as it appears at this early juncture that Larry Fitz and Heath Miller found the Fountain of Youth/PEDs this offseason. Do yourself a favor and find some for Vinatieri though, as you were the only PCOG member to start a player with negative FPTS this week.

Never Forget: November 3, 2014 Filipe Rios 138 PAYDS, 1 FUM, 3 PIX




The King of the Losers (Aaron, Reigning Champ) vs Pocket Dogs (Andy)

The Fantasy Contest that was the most important to me was a comedy of errors. It started off with a bang as Tom Brady Gronked all over Western PA's collective face to the tune of 288 yards and 4 touchdowns for 27.4 FPTS. A big blow was scored as Dez Bryant went down with a mid froot fracture, sidelining him for 8-12 weeks. (He is ripe for Trade-Roofying). There were no other big scores on his squad, but he did get a yeoman like performance out of Jonathan Stewart (14.6 FPTS) and Giovani Bernard (13.8 FPTS). I was unconcerned, however, as I started the real Bengals RB. Jeremy Hill scored 23.1 huge points, combined with Tyler Eifert's 27.9 juggernut all over the other side of San Fransisco Bay. Headed into the Monday night games Aaron was out of players and up by about 10 pts. And I had the best RB in recent memory, Adrian Peterson, going against a D/ST ravaged by injury, retirement, and general ineptitude. This was my approximate demeanor regarding my chances:








AND WTF HAPPENS? NORV TURNER GIVES MY NUMBER 1 DRAFT PICK, THE NUMBER 4 OVERALL DRAFT PICK, 10 FREAKIN CARRIES?




HE DOES'NT EVEN GET AN ATTEMPT ON THE FIRST DRIVE?




There is only one reaction to this:




Final Score: Aaron 122.2 (1-0) Andy 116.6 (0-1)

Week 2 Preview
Blonde Bros Battle Seth, 1-0, vs ADRIAN PETERSON BETTER GET MORE TOUCHES THIS WEEK, 0-1; Pine Country Pissing Match Aaron, 1-0 vs Jonny, 1-0; Tie-Dye Shirts vs Skins Jordan, 0-1 vs Josh, 0-1; Rookie vs Battle-Tested Vet Ben, 1-0 vs Bryan, 1-0; SSD versus SSDumpster Fire Tyler, 1-0 vs Jared, 0-1; and Who's Dog is Better? Helen or Freedom? Kia/troy 0-1 vs Graham 0-1. It was 69 degrees outside when I walked to class so you know that Winter is Coming.