The Plot Thickens

Fantasy Football is pain. Either your fantasy team craps the bed and your NFL team struggles on the field, or your fantasy team squeaks out a win and your NFL team abandons the run because Brandon Freaking Weeden does not have an attempt longer than 8 yards on average, leading the suddenly competent Atlanta Falcons to throw thirteen men in the box. Speaking of abysmal QB play, yet another star signal caller went down with a gruesome injury that will leave him on the shelf and unable to allegedly assault a pair of women for 4-6 weeks. This lead to a black market of QB trade offers erupting on our group text, which was about as savory as an interstate request for potent potables over an unsecured comms line.




It makes sense that Seth is crazy enough to trade the Reigning NFL MVP, seeing as he did not start him against me last week.




Ew, gross! Who would want that bumbling mouthbreather on his team?




To the recap!

 

Tauben Time (Josh, 2-1) vs Hyde yo Kids Hyde yo Wife

Speaking of the Monday Night Fiasco, the two PCOG members who were most impacted by it were Josh and Seth. The only PCOG game still in in the air (realistically) was marked by impressive performances by two players, Tradebait McThrowsalot and Jamaal Charles. Earlier in the year I predicted that Josh would find Reid's playcalling infuriating, but boy was I wrong. What other coach would have the stones to call three straight delayed handoffs heading into the half when you are down 3 scores? This guy!




Josh collected the stinkiest garbage time points of the year as Jamaal Charles collected two "comeback" touchdowns in a doomed effort. Josh's most prolific scoring of the week came from a flock of Falcons. Dallas's defense did a remarkable job containing the pair in the first half, as Julio only had 39 yards in the first half. He more than made up for it in the second half however, totaling 164 yards and two touchdowns as ATL hammered Big D into the ground. Julio ended up making Matty Ices's day, as he contributed 121 non-Julio yards to the contest. The player who is leading the Waiver-Wire pickup of the year votes, Dion Lewis (currently the 8th highest scoring RB) also contributed 17.2 FPTS in a blowout of the Jags. But it could have been so much worse. Shirtless Josh believes the old adage that birds of a feather score together. But it doesn't count when those scoring birds remain on their perch on the bench! Devonta Freeman's unprecedented production remained caged. Have fun chasing that production the rest of the year.
Seth had to evade several pitfalls this week: the so-so production from his Washington players (Jordan Reed Good! Matt Jones Bad!) and the late breaking news that his struggling Philly RB DeMarco Murray would be a scratch, the product of a strained hammy and O-Line laser envy




That next RB was Lance Dunbar doing his best Dez impression: 10 catches for 100 yards. But the big production of the week was from Rodgers. 333 PAYDS and 5 touchdowns for 36.9 FPTS. To the vultures peppering Seth with trade offers I say only this: His backup is on a bye this week so he probably won't do the deal until next week.

Final Score: Josh 167.6 (3-0) Seth 148.1 (1-2)

Pocket Dogs (Andy 1-1) vs SpeedRacer (Jonny 2-0)

Jonny entered this week as the highest scoring member of the PCOG, due to the huge production of Gronk, Antonio Brown, and Emmanuel Sanders. It is often said that (even in our format) touchdowns win fantasy games and this week those three just couldn't punch it in the endzone. Cam Newton does not have this problem. 2 passing touchdowns and another rushing score combined with 315 PAYDS and 33 RUYDS add up to 33.2 FPTS. This continues his trend of improving his scoring output every week, and currently has Cam as the fourth highest scoring QB in FF. Not even his huge production could overcome Jonny's terrible RBs (Crowell 6.1 FPTS, and Vereen 3.8 FPTS) or his postgame press conference outfit




Your humble yet brilliant Commissioner does not have an RB problem. Adrian Peterson whipped the Chargers like he wanted to get suspended again: 126 yards and 2 touchdowns for 33.6 FPTS, highlighted by this 43 yard gem.


http://www.gfycat.com/DisloyalThoughtfulBushbaby

My RB game is so good that I can trade one for a QB. That QB helped to dumptruck the 49ers by throwing touchdowns to Cardinals as many times as his opposite number, Colin Kaeperpicksix. Kendall Wright also contributed mightily to the team, helping to overcome the giant squadoosh the #4 TE took on my chest. Tyler Eifert contributed 0 FPTS which is crazy, considering the Red Rifle threw for 383 yards and three touchdowns. None of which went to his second favorite target.




Final Score: [Game of the Week, Winning Margin .8 FPTS] Andy 113.2 (2-1) Jonny 112.4 (2-1)

TRADITION!
No Balls to Deflate (Jordan 0-1) vs מלך שלהמפסידים (Aaron 1-1)

For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, but not when we play each other. That's how the vows went, right? A 50.6 FPT beatdown is nothing that a little marriage counseling can't fix, right? Jordan had a good game from the other half of the Monday Night Garbage time connection, as Alex Smith and Jeremy Maclin put to rest the streak of no WR touchdowns for Kansas City. Frank Gore showed why Indianapolis picked him up from his retirement facility in Miami, and Todd Gurley displayed his top 10 pedigree. None of this matters though as Aaron scored the second most points in PCOG this week. Tom Brady was Tom Brady (24.2FPTS), Randall Cobb seemingly caught 19 pick passes for touchdowns (32.1), Greg Olsen did his best Gronk impersonation (30.4FPTS). Once again Aaron started someone else's handcuff this week out of desperation. Ronnie Hillman had only 7 rushes this week, one of which went for a TD. Even the worst play in NFL history couldn't derail Aaron this week.




Final Score: Aaron 156.2 (2-1) Jordan 105.6 (0-3)

TRADITION!

Sizable Sorostitute (Bryan 1-1) Super Sonic Odells (Tyler 2-0)

This mathcup between two former PCOG Championship contenders illustrated that Fantasy Football is often an exercise in calculated risk. "Who do I start?" "Will game flow allow this player to perform well?" This week, Bryan guessed wrong almost every time. "Surely Matt Forte won't do very well against the Seahawks." About the only thing going for the Division III Chicago Bears is Forte, who will probably be traded before the year is out to an actual professional football team. "Ameer Abdullah will be bottled up by a top 5 D/ST in the Denver Broncos." He rebounded nicely this week. "Mark Ingram will run over, around and through the Carolina Panthers because Luke Kuechly is still out with a concussion." Sorta, he did have a good job this week. Other than that, Bryan crapped out in the PCOG this week, resulting in this sentiment:




Tyler, on the other hand, is hitting his stride. One lineup choice in particular was fortuitous. Chris "When I give a Shit I'm Actually Pretty Good" Johnson
(CJ?K), now of the Arizona Cardinals, contributed 150 total yards and two touchdowns for 35 FPTS in the destruction of the soon to be 4 and 9ers. His return to FF solvency, coupled with DeAndre Hopkins overcoming a midweek concussion en route to 21.1 FPTS were the high points in this massacre.

Chris Johnson, thanking God above he is no longer a Jet or Titan



Final Score: [Winning Margin 53.2 FPTS] Tyler 135.5 (3-0) Bryan 82.3 (1-2)

Biscuits N' Gravy (Graham 0-2) vs Too Hot To Handle (Ben 2-0)

Let's just get the horrible news out of the way. Ben, FNG, is undefeated. Once again a PCOG rookie is tearing a hole in our beloved institution, probably all the way to the playoffs. In other news, here was America's and Graham's reaction to Big Ben's Big BooBoo




There is no guarantee that Graham would have won if Roethlisberger hadn't been carted off, as he only contributed 4.2 FPTS. Marshawn Lynch also was sidelined with a balky hamstring and only racked up 4.2 FPTS. Somehow Graham had 7 slots on his roster contribute 36.8 FPTS. But then the Cin-Bal game happened. Steve Smith is still shockingly good at football. 13 catches for 186 yards and 2 touchdowns resulted in 41.1 FPTS. Here he is with a 50 yard catch and run



Then there is AJ Green. A picture is worth a thousand words




Those two players combined for 85.8 FPTS, which has to be some kind of PCOG record. Of futility. Because Graham lost to Ben. Because Graham has to be hit over the head repeatedly with evidence, like James Jones catches many passes for lots of yards and touchdowns from Aaron Rodgers. Not even Alfred Morris's tenuous grasp on the starting RB position in our nation's capital could torpedo Ben's team this week. Latavius Murray and the newly acquired Joseph Randle posted 62.9 FPTS of RB1 and Flex Appeal this week.

Joseph Randle got all the meat off of the bone in the first half



Final Score: Ben 131 (3-0) Graham 122.6 (1-2)

Broncos or Bust! (Troy 0-2) vs The Cursed One (Jared 0-2)

Something had to give in this meeting of PCOG frittatas.




That thing was the limit on Le'Veon Bell's suspension. In his first NFL action this year he totaled 132 total yards on 26 touches and a rushing touchdown. Keenan Allen continued his on again off again trend, netting 32.3 FPTS on 12 catches, 133 yards and two scores. The cringeworthy part of Jared's team was that for every pick six Kaeperpick threw, it went to Jared's D/ST. The Cardinals racked up a huge 30 pts thanks to 4 picks, 2 sacks, a partridge and a safety.

Jared's best/worst player



Troy is getting trampled by his herd of Broncos. Peyton was OK, Demaryius was alright, and CJ Anderson was bad. If this was 2014 Troy's team would be terrifying. If only he had thrown his top WW pickups into the fray he could have won, but instead Karlos Williams (24FPTS) and Rishard Matthews (28.3) played Clash of Clans on the bench.

Final Score: Jared 125.7 (1-2) Troy 112.8 (0-3)

Week 4 Preview

Tauben Time to lose (Josh 2-1 vs Andy 2-1)

"Jordan, I love your fried chicken and haven't said a word" (Jonny 2-1 vs Jordan 0-3)

Brothers Battle it Out: Seth1-2 vs Aaron 2-1

Roommates Rumble: Bryan 0-3 vs Graham 1-2

The Alpha and the Omega: Tyler 3-1 vs Troy 0-3

Too Hot to Randle (nice) vs The Steelers don't need a QB: Ben 3-0 vs Jared 1-2

The Bye Weeks are about to start, so triple check your lineup and make some trade offers. Stock up on QB/RB because Winter is Coming, and it's gonna be a bitch this year.

The Haves and the Have-Nots of FF

The Haves and the Have-Nots

Week 2 in the NFL and the PCOG came down to a simple proposition: Do you have a starting caliber quarterback or not? Several teams went into this week's action thinking they were in good shape at the most important position. Jordan's Drew Brees reinjured his rotator cuff in a stinker of a game against the Bucs. Jared Harris is a terrible, cursed scumbag of a football fan. Last week he texted me, asking if I was watching how well the Baby Faced Lion was playing against the Chargers:




He then proceeded to throw two picks while snatching a defeat from the jaws of victory. Later that night he gushed about how well my, correction AMERICA's, QB Tony Romo would scorch the Giants on SNF. Two deflected picks setting up the Giants later, he admitted that it was his fault and he was sorry. I forgave him, for I am nothing if not magnanimous, generous in all ways and understanding when it comes to the plight of my, correction AMERICA's, team.




The predictable soon happened. Tony Romo was accosted by a phat phucking Philadelphia dephensive lineman and shattered his collarbone, along with any post-season hopes for the Devil Incarnate, Jerry Jones.




I hate football. To the Recap!

 

Roi des Perdants (Aaron 1-0)vs. Urnheart !!11!!1!!W00OOoo!! (Jonny 1-0)

The AutoDraft Fairy is not screwing around. Jonny has scored almost 300 FPTS thru two weeks. Cam Newton's front flip got a ten from all of the Olympic judges and was good for 6.65 FPTS




His Herculean effort was only good enough for second on Jonny's "team" this week as Antonio Brown snagged 9 catches on 11 targets for 195 yards, one TD and one 2PT conversion. What a lazy bum. You think that a guy who wanted to redo his contract this summer could put a little more effort forth for his team. He at least had the good manners to not start Allen Robinson (32.5 FPTS) or Donte Moncrief (22.7 FPTS) to not run up the score.




Aaron followed up last week's victory and inaugural Lineup Nirvana trophy by benching that same Tom Brady who Gronk allows to throw the ball to Gronk and Gronk only. 31 FPTS withered on the vine for the defending champ, who elected to start Captain Checkdown, Sam "6.29 Yards per Attempt" Bradford.




Aaron did have a few bright spots, collecting 20.6 FPTS on MNF from Brandon Marshall and 22.4 FPTS from Giovanni Bernard in a stat-sucking performance against Los Chargers. Aaron was not just content to defeat me last week, this week he started the RB who ate up all of the yards that my, correction the PCOG's, RB Jeremy Hill should have gotten if he could keep his booger slicked hands on the ball long enough to not fumble it away.

Final Score: Jonny 172.6!!!!! (2-0), Aaron 121.6 (1-1) TRADITION!!! Winning margin 51FPTS

WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!
A NEW RECORD MARGIN OF PCOG TRADITION AND VICTORY HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED!
WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!



Brees Between My Knees (Jordan 0-1) vs Tauben Time (Josh 0-1)

Ok seriously. Am I the only one who thought that Jordan's PCOG Team name is a....joke about...




certain bodily functions...related to her... Dammit! Jordan, you smiling ray of hippie sunshine, I am uncomfortable making jokes about what you are making jokes about! Not about them in general, or about you, but this specific combination is over the line.




Jordan got bit by the injury bug in a huge way this week. I already detailed her QB problems, Lord Eddard Lacy was beheaded Sunday night by an ankle injury, Frank Gore's age might finally be catching up to him and Coby Fleener produced squadoosh against the Jets. There were a few guys on the bench that had so-so production this week, but not enough to make much difference in this contest. Josh had an excellent week, with high scores posted by Julio Jones who treated the NY Giants like a ninja flipping his way to a fight:




13 catches for 135 yards and what should have been a touchdown on 15targets. With the injury to Tevin Coleman, he is now the Atlanta offense. He doubled down on the division leading Falcons by rolling out Matt Ryan, and saw into the future to start Dion Lewis's 22.6FPTS against the ferocious Buffalo defense. All in all it was a bad day in the Brazil household as the wedding party combined to lose by 134.2 FPTS, the rough equivalent to a season's worth of #2 RB production.




Final Score: Josh 144.7 (2-0) TRADITION!!! Winning margin a RECORD SETTING 83.2FPTS!!! Jordan 61.5

Luck on my side/Giving Thick Bitch the Fitz (Ben 1-0) vs Chunky Cheerleader (Bryan 1-0)

Bryan had another steady game, punching out 89.7 FPTS. Game flow prevented his two workhorse RBs, Matt Forte and Mark Ingram, from running as much as one would have thought looking at the matchups before Sunday. Felipe Rios lead a furious comeback late in the fourth quarter at Cincinnati, using that patented side-arm delivery to chuck two touchdowns.




Bryan is a formidable fantasy player. He has had the Fantasy Foresight to draft a late round handcuff to someone else's #1 RB, probably with the intention of trading him at an opportune time. And boy has that time come. James Starks entered the SNF game against Seattle in the first quarter and never looked back, toting the rock 20 times for 95 yards and contributing 4 catches for 11 yards as well. But no one would be crazy enough to start a handcuff when the #1 guy is healthy. He drafted Alfred Blue, the Houston #2 as well. That one hasn't worked out quite as well. But it was a good idea. Who knows (Week 4, count on it) when Arian Foster will be back? It's not like the NFL is mandated to state when a guy is coming back from injury, therefore clearly defining his usage and value.




Let's go in the Wayback machine waaaay back to 2011, the last time Larry Fitzgerald was a #1 fantasy WR. You all remember, when he was torching opposing defenses as a result of having a competent QB at the helm, well on the way to a future home in Canton, Ohio as a Hall of Famer. 4 forgettable seasons marred by injury and QBs like Max Hall, Ryan Lindley and Drew Stanton throwing ducks his way made some (me) think he was donezo. Boy were we (I) wrong. 8 catches and 111 yards is a pretty good day. Three touchdowns is positively Gronktastic!




34.2 FPTS was the main heft of Ben's fantasy output, buoyed by Latavius Murray's 20 FPTS. Andrew Luck was out of Luck on Monday night and had Ben sweating at the half, as he had contributed a veritable flood of turnovers and was floating perilously around the 0.00 FPT mark. He was able to squeak out a late TD pass to save his day and contribute to a win.

Final Score: Ben 100.2 (2-0) Bryan 89.5 (1-1)

The Cursed One (Jared 0-1) vs Super Sonic Odells (Tyler 1-0)

FF is a strange thing. This game saw two of the worst scoring D/STs of the week, and I blame Jared. He is a foul FF locus of evil. Once again he rolled out the Chargers train, totaling 20.1 FPTS from three players. This week Keenan Allen fumbled a punt return and it went straight to his head, his case of the yips yielded 2 catches for 16 yards. It was nice to see Megatron back in action, as he gobbled up 10 catches for 83 yards and a score. It could have been so much more though, his 17 targets held so much promise. Speaking of promise, Mike Evans actually suited up this week! And had 3 handfuls of crab legs thrown his way by @JabooWins. Unfortunately this resulted in zero catches for no yards, zilch touchdowns and N/A points. His TE this week, or whatever a Darren Fells is, reproduced Evans's scoring output.

Mike Evans holding all of his catches this week



Tyler's faith in ODB was rewarded this week, as he recorded 7 catches for 146 yards and this good TD catch over the Falcons's best corner




Shady McCoy is also giving lie to my assertion that he would be a bust this year, grinding out 16.9 FPTS against New England and the only Bill that wins in Buffalo. If Team SSODB was assuming that dropping Hopkins would spur him to more production than was recorded last week, well, that was a disaster. Tyler did'nt inform me of his goof, I had to ask to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. To reiterate, if you make a mistake with your roster ( accidentally drop someone, or cannot set your lineup for whatever reason) let me know by call, text, email, or smoke signal. These are the kind of things a good Commissioner remedies.

Final Score: Tyler 107.9 (2-0), Harris 68.1 (0-2)

"For they may have a dog, but it is not as pretty as FREEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOMMMMM!"



It would appear that the contest for "Best Vito Puppy" (and corresponding trophy, check it outhttp://games.espn.go.com/ffl/trophylist?leagueId=53884&seasonId=2015) is lead by Grahamhamham at this early juncture.
BVP standings are:
1. Graham (1-0) 2. Tie Andy and Bryan (0-0) 3. Troy (0-1)

Against Troy, Graham reaped the AFC North Whirlwind this week. With 65.9 FPTS from three AFCN players Graham definitely had a leg up on the competition this week. Big Ben knows better than I do that his kicker is not so good at football, as immediately after scoring his first of three touchdowns that the Steelers were going for two




His game would have been better if his Dolphins had Phinned up against the perhaps not so hapless Jags.




Troy relied on a herd of Broncos this and every week, and galloped out to a good start on Thursday night.




CJ Anderson is probably not a bust and Vincent Jackson picked up all of Mike Evans's slack this week (Jared sucks). A couple of lineup corrections would have won the week for Troy, namely Eric Decker or TJ Yeldon in the flex as opposed to the Muscle Hamster. It's OK though, I'm sure Kia had a lot of work this week and could'nt lovingly correct Troy's football failures. All work and no play makes Kia unable to save a dull boy.




Final Score: Graham 104.3 (1-1) Troy 99.5 (0-2)

Game of the Week
Hyde yo kids from the concussion protocol (Seth 1-0) vs Pocket Dogs (Andy 0-1)

A thrilling matchup with only a sliver separating victory from defeat came down to a simple question. When you have the NFL's reigning MVP on your roster, do you start him? NOT IF YOU ARE SETH!




Seth's roster tinkering wasn't all bad though. DeMarco Murray and Carlos Hyde threw together a pair of 7s, Julian Edelman and Amari Cooper a pair of Queens, and Jordan Reed had his annual big tease game before his lower extremities invariably explode into a cloud of glitter. Marcus Mariota's three fumbles were the pivot on which this game turned for the other guy.

Edelman extends for the score



It is never safe to assume rational NFL coaching in this day and age, but this week Norv flipped through the playbook and found #28 29 times




The combo platter of Tannehill-Landry may not have earned an NFL win, but they did rack up 42.7FPTS for your boy. Terrance Williams and Joseph Randle helped to throttle the Giggles, Tyler Eifert continues to prove that you do not need to draft a TE early and Jeremy Hill shat the bed. What does that add up to?






Final (Game of the Week, Winning Margin 4.7) Score: Andy 121 (1-1) Seth 116.5 (1-1)

Week 3 Preview
Andy (1-1) Attacks AutoDraft (2-0) {Jonny favored by .4}
Officer Candidates attempt LandNav (Josh 1-1 vs Seth 1-1){Josh favored by 4}
Split the Sheets (Aaron 1-1 vs Jordan 0-2){Aaron favored by 14.1}
The ODB Custody Lawsuit (Bryan 1-1 vs Tyler 2-0){Tyler favored by 15}
I'd rather be Lucky than Screwed by Big Ben (Ben 2-0 vs Graham 1-1){Graham by 10.3}
Lyndsey and Kia console a pair of bums (Jared 0-2 vs Troy 0-2){Troy favored by 21.6}

Churn some rosters, throw out some trade feelers, pray to the Old Fantasy Gods and the New. Because Winter is coming
http://southpark.cc.com/clips/yjyw7f/creator-commentary-eat-pray-queef

2015 Season Week 1 PCOG Recap

No more projections. Screw your mock drafts. The real deal has arrived, and the 2015 PCOG Season has begun! This week saw some excellent scoring outputs, questionable lineup decisions, and ill timed injuries all across the fruited plain. To those that emerged victorious, remember that one week does not a season make. To those pathetic losers, you get first crack at the waiver wire. To the Recap!



Hyde yo kids Hyde yo wife (Seth) vs Gurley Gurls (Jordan)
The largest winning margin of the young year was recorded by our very own former Taco, Seth Brazil. (pictured below)




His top four draft selections contributed the majority of his fantasy points, as A-Rod overcame an injured stable of pass catchers to throw 3 touchdowns against the hapless Bears defense. DeMarco totaled 18 fantasy points on only 12 touches thanks to two cheap touchdowns on Monday Night. The big surprise was Carlos Hyde, racking up 168 yards and two touchdowns for almost 40 points. Needless to say his B button works just fine, as seen in this sick spin move




Jordan also benefited from the Pack Attack, as Lord Eddard Lacy totaled 21.7 FPTS in a productive afternoon. She also had big surprise as Chris Ivory gobbled up all of the carries for the maybe not wretched NY Jets. She was let down by a pair of underperforming Colts however, and to salt the wound TY Hilton injured his knee and is day to day. Her season won't really start until her team's namesake returns to savage the defenses of the NFC West




Final Score: Seth 145.5 (1-0) Jordan 114.8 (0-1)

Super Sonic Dudes (Tyler) vs Biscuits N' Gravy Graham

This next matchup featured several Seahawks struggling on the road against the terrifying St Louis (Los Angeles?) Rams D/ST. Tyler must be seeing triple, as Russell "Drink this water and avoid concussions" Wilson, Shady McCoy and Rashad Jennings all contributed 14 FPTS or so. Tyler is probably seeing triple after his COLOSSAL BUST of a second round pick got blasted into the turf of Jerryworld Sunday night, contributing a paltry 6.9 FPTS

 

But, DeAndre Hopkins and his 28.3 FPTS contributed the winning margin in a furious comeback attempt against the Chiefs.

Meanwhile, Graham had a very meh performance from the bulk of his roster




Moderately sized Ben, Domesticated Animal Mode and Lamar Miller all had so-so scoring. A.J. Green and Andre Johnson had poor points. The real news is Andre Ellington going down in a heap of torn knee ligaments. Fortuitously Graham already has his handcuff on the bench. David Johnson recorded 15 FPTS on only 5 touches, mostly on this catch and run.

 

Tyler is back on track to run through the regular season, holding on to the dangerous Martavis Bryan on the bench, setting up yet another postseason heartache.

Final Score: Tyler 126.7 (1-0) Graham 107.3 (0-1)

Eanhardt !!!!!!!!!11!!111!!!!!!!??? Woooooooooo000000o0o00 88!!!!!!!!! (Jonny)
vs Tauben Time (Josh)

Carrying on the fine tradition of AutoDraft Fairy, Jonny MoCo's "team" started just enough players that he "drafted"




Cam Newton, victim of a vicious prank by the Panthers' front office for all of his career, once again overcame a JV level supporting cast in a winning effort against the Jacksonville Reformatory High School Jaguars. The big contributors to Jonny's effort came Thursday night. The Great Gronk spiked his way to three touchdowns and 29.9 FPTS against the Tinfoil Curtain of the Steelers.




Antonio Brown kept up the pace from last year, racking up 24.3 FPTS aided by the trashiest of all garbage time touchdowns: With 2 seconds in an already lost game. But who cares the circumstance of the points, Jonny says "Thats why I "'"drafted'"' him.




Josh relied on a Manning at QB this week, perhaps not realizing in a classic rookie mistake that you can never rely on this face




Jamaal Charles can be relied upon, when Andy "Kool-Aid Man" Reid remembers to give him the ball. You will scream and utter terrible epithets at the TV at least 4 times this year, not believing the paltry amount of carries he will receive in some games this year. It looks like you will be able to rely on Julio Jones this year though. 9 catches for 141 yards and two touchdowns netted Josh 31.6 FPTS on Monday night. Just a few more yards and catches would have given Josh the win against Jonny, but it was the closest game of the new year.

Final Score: Jonny 117.8 (1-0) Josh 113.8 (0-1 Game of the Week, Winning Margin 4.0 FPTS

Husky Lady (Bryan) vs The Cursed One (Jared)

A classic grudge match had been building all offseason. Attempts to troll each other were noted during the Draft Party (Aaron, did your invite ever arrive? It is in the mail for sure. Just look at the postmark.) Bryan vs Jared in a rematch of the 2013 PCOG Championship Game! Bryan was forced to root against his own beloved Carolina Blue sporting Chargers in a wild comeback against the Lions, as Jared started running backs (current and former), a wide receiver and the ghost of Ryan Leaf against the loudest SD fan on the East Coast. Keenan Allen is still catching fluttering ducks on Tuesday, as he vacuumed up a league leading 17 targets for 15 catches and 166 yards, yielding a bounteous 25.1 FPTS. As an inverse, Ryan "Collarbones O' Steel" Mathews totaled 11.1 FPTS on only 6 touches. Jared was undone by Megatron only receiving (get it!) 2 catches for 39 yards, 4.9 FPTS.




Bryan is a Traitorous Dog however. Forced by the cruel twists of fate to root for a player who (for approx. three quarters) helped contribute to a 20+ pt lead against his beloved Bolts, ah whatever. Golden Tate gave Bryan bupkis against Jared. Matt Forte, however, got all of the carries against the Pack and came up with 33.1 FPTS (good enough for second place on the RB scoring board and against the Packers). He combined con Felipe Rios and Travis Kelce for an excellent Fantasy weekend.




Bryan's victory was complete. Even his Bench put up 71.5 FPTS this week. I am sure he won't tinker at all this week, changing his lineup nonstop in an effort to put the optimal players in against the easiest matchups. It's not like he would obsess over something like this, would he? Tinker Stinker Time is coming to Boone.

Final Score: Bryan 144.6 (1-0) Jared 122.1 (0-1)

How I Lucked Your Mother (Ben) vs i wear my big boy pants (Kia)

The lowest scoring game of the week is somewhat understandable as two PCOG rookies squared off. Kia's triple Bronco stack sputtered against the Ravens D/ST in Mile High, totaling only 22.5 FPTS AND an injury for the Mover of Chains, Demaryious Targaryen. He should be fine though.




Ben relied on Alfred Morris (20.4 FPTS) for the weight behind his fantasy punches. I don't know if I would rely on 25 carries for 121 yards this year, but I am a fan of kicking someone while he is down.




Andrew Luck ran into a buzzsaw at Buffalo, scraping 17.7 FPTS together on the strength of two garbage time touchdowns. Perhaps you are in good shape though, as it appears at this early juncture that Larry Fitz and Heath Miller found the Fountain of Youth/PEDs this offseason. Do yourself a favor and find some for Vinatieri though, as you were the only PCOG member to start a player with negative FPTS this week.

Never Forget: November 3, 2014 Filipe Rios 138 PAYDS, 1 FUM, 3 PIX




The King of the Losers (Aaron, Reigning Champ) vs Pocket Dogs (Andy)

The Fantasy Contest that was the most important to me was a comedy of errors. It started off with a bang as Tom Brady Gronked all over Western PA's collective face to the tune of 288 yards and 4 touchdowns for 27.4 FPTS. A big blow was scored as Dez Bryant went down with a mid froot fracture, sidelining him for 8-12 weeks. (He is ripe for Trade-Roofying). There were no other big scores on his squad, but he did get a yeoman like performance out of Jonathan Stewart (14.6 FPTS) and Giovani Bernard (13.8 FPTS). I was unconcerned, however, as I started the real Bengals RB. Jeremy Hill scored 23.1 huge points, combined with Tyler Eifert's 27.9 juggernut all over the other side of San Fransisco Bay. Headed into the Monday night games Aaron was out of players and up by about 10 pts. And I had the best RB in recent memory, Adrian Peterson, going against a D/ST ravaged by injury, retirement, and general ineptitude. This was my approximate demeanor regarding my chances:








AND WTF HAPPENS? NORV TURNER GIVES MY NUMBER 1 DRAFT PICK, THE NUMBER 4 OVERALL DRAFT PICK, 10 FREAKIN CARRIES?




HE DOES'NT EVEN GET AN ATTEMPT ON THE FIRST DRIVE?




There is only one reaction to this:




Final Score: Aaron 122.2 (1-0) Andy 116.6 (0-1)

Week 2 Preview
Blonde Bros Battle Seth, 1-0, vs ADRIAN PETERSON BETTER GET MORE TOUCHES THIS WEEK, 0-1; Pine Country Pissing Match Aaron, 1-0 vs Jonny, 1-0; Tie-Dye Shirts vs Skins Jordan, 0-1 vs Josh, 0-1; Rookie vs Battle-Tested Vet Ben, 1-0 vs Bryan, 1-0; SSD versus SSDumpster Fire Tyler, 1-0 vs Jared, 0-1; and Who's Dog is Better? Helen or Freedom? Kia/troy 0-1 vs Graham 0-1. It was 69 degrees outside when I walked to class so you know that Winter is Coming.