What is Best in Life?
Why do we play Fantasy Football? To share in a friendly competition between family and friends, sharing good sportsmanship? No. To have something to talk about during the week, and during the black times without football? Nope. We play FF in order to establish our own personal supremacy over those we love and care for, taking every opportunity to rub it in and revel in sweet victory. With that understood, RECAP!
Week 6
Stannis's Fiery Hearts Club vs Hefty Hutton
My brother and I are somewhat different people. He is outgoing, jovial and lots of fun to be around. AND I BURN PEOPLE TO DEATH! 3 PLAYERS WITH OVER 20 FPTS SCORED! THE COURAGE TO THROW A FAT, UNDERACHIEVING CHICAGO WR INTO THE LINEUP WITH ZERO F's GIVEN (Alshon Jeffery, 25.7 FPTS on 8 catches for 147 YDS and a Score!) 112 TOTAL YARDS AND A SCORE FROM A PLAYER RELYING ON BRIAN HOYER TO KEEP THE DEFENSE HONEST! JOHN BROWN CONTINUING TO GIVE GRAHAM HEARTBURN AS HE RACKS UP POINTS FOR YOURS TRULY! I HOPE EVERYONE IS TAKING NOTES BECAUSE THIS IS HOW YOU ESTABLISH DOMINANCE WITHIN A FAMILY OF FOOTBALL FANS!
Bryan had a great game himself, and certainly made me sweat it out from approx. 430 Sunday afternoon all the way through the Monday Night contest. Felipe Riosset Chargers single game records for attempts, completions, and yards. He also set an NFL record for most yards without a pick in a losing effort. Matt Forte took advantage of overtime to stack up some serious scoring, and Mark Ingram continued the yearly ritual of gaining giant stats against me. It ended up coming down to Rueben Randle and Donte Moncrief. They were not enough for the win, but enough for me to worry about having all the shit talk from the previous 72 hours coming home to roost. All in all, there is only one question: How many points did Bryan score?
Final Score: Andy 144.5 (5-1) Bryan 134.6 (2-4)
The Cursed? One vs Seagram's 7 and Ginger Ale
Our reigning champion, A-A-Ron, has recently hitched his fortunes via trade to the green and yellow right arm of A-A-Ron Rodgers. This would seem to be a winning formula, but a mediocre (for him) effort for the cheddar slinger was disastrous Sunday. Rodgers was only OK, garnering 18.6 FPTS on 255 PAYDS and 2 scores. But his supporting cast contributed very little to the match, as Randall Cobb and Richard Rodgers could only scratch together 9.2 combined FPTS. Ronnie Hillman had a nice 20 FPTS and Giovanni Bernard contributed 15.8 on only 9 touches. Brandon Marshall made one of the better catches of the week en route to this score against the 'Skins.
Jared "allegedly" was at National Guard training all weekend, leaving no time to tinker/stinker before his tilt against the Groom. His team made up for it however. Colin Kaepernick continued a recent trend of fantasy goodness, contributing 340 PAYDS and 2 scores in a Super Bowl rematch against Baltimore. Le'Veon Bell and Danny Woodhead combined for 25+ FPTS this week, but a certain FF Savant/Prognosticator/Witch wrote last week that " if Jared's WRs put together a good game as a unit Harris has the ability to beat anyone, any week." And boy did they have a position wide good game. Megatron and Keenan Allen combined for 50+ FPTS, with too many highlight reel catches to count on Sunday. He does have some work to do, as Allen left Sunday's game with a hip injury and might not play for a month. Gonzo should help keep him afloat.
Final Score: Jared 137.4 (4-2) Aaron 101.5 (3-3)
Hyde yo Kids Hyde yo Wife vs Too Hot to Randle
Meanwhile, in the Bullpen (my imagined nickname for Seth and Ben's house in Bumblescum, NC)
roommates fought over control of the TV and weekly bragging rights. Ben rolled out The Red Rifle against the Bills and LeGarrette Blount against the Colts. Blount continued his roll against the Colts, totaling 104 total yards and 2 combined scores (including his first career receiving TD). Ben's Jags combined for 27.3 FPTS in a losing effort, despite catching fluttering, dying ducks from Blake Bortles (who is somehow the 6th best QB in our scoring system). There is no one culprit to blame this loss on, you just ran into a buzzsaw in Seth this week. Seth's newly acquired QB continued the Get Gronked tour across America, this week landing in Indy just long enough to throw 4 touchdowns (including the bad-luck pick six). DeMarco Murray came back to life in a huge way, helping Philly salt the game away Monday Night against the Giants. 123 total yards and a score made up his best night of the season. Julian Edelman hurt himself catching a fully inflated ball from Brady and was ineffective from the first quarter on. Greg Olsen clearly watched the tape of Tyler Eiefert against Seattle, as this game winning long touchdown was lifted entirely from the Bengal's gameplan last week for Las Panteras
23.6 huge FPTS helped contribute to Seth's win and Seattle's woes
Final Score: Seth 146.8 (3-3) Ben 131.5 (3-3)
Super Saiyan Dudes vs Where Art Thou Roethlisberger
Jonny is spinning his wheels waiting for Big Ben to come back and salvage any value Antonio Brown might have. Speaking of restoring value, Lamar Miller and his new head coach had themselves a day against Tennessee. 25.6 FPTS on only 21 touches is what owners were expecting this draft season when he was a consensus 2-3 rounder. Jonny's QB had a pretty good day himself, smashing Seattle for 20 FPTS. Emmanuel Sanders's ability to catch wobbling balloons lofted from the artist formerly known as PFM will be sorely tested as a result of a separated shoulder, but he was able to gobble up 22.9 FPTS before suffering that injury.
Seattle Green was no Kryptonite for Superman this time
Tyler continues his tear across regular season PCOG play, running his record out to 6-0 on the broad back of DeAndre Hopkins. Mr Hopkins has 90 targets thru 6 games and is on pace to crush the NFL record for season targets. But we might have another problem. Martavis Bryant, recently returned from a drug suspension, torched the formerly ferocious Cardinals defense for 137 yards on 6 catches. oh, and this beauty of a run and catch.
I put together no less than 5 trade offers for Bryant, only to delete them before sending them to Tyler. "There is no way he will be as good as he was last year. It must have been a fluke." Great. Grand. Wonderful. The last thing we need is Tyler getting stronger.
Final Score: Tyler 133 (6-0) Jonny (2-4)
Team Trashbag vs The Garbage Man Cometh
This game started out ugly and never really got close. Thursday night ended with a 67.5 FPT lead for Josh over Graham, as Josh's Falcons soared and Graham's Saints D/ST sputtered to -1 FPTS. For Graham, Steve Smith confirmed his super-human status as he cam back from a 4(!) level fracture to his ribs to snag 137 yards on 7 catches. It could have been so much sweeter though, as Smith dropped two touchdowns. Jay Cutler contributed 21.3 FPTS in an overtime loss to the Lions and Marshawn Lynch rewarded Graham's loyalty by plungin in for a red zone score. Everyone else except for Kelce were terrible for Graham. Graham has downgraded from trashbag to dumpster fire to a row of smoking shitters.
Josh has Devonta Freeman and doesn't really need anything else. 156 total yards on 21 touches and two scores netted 36.9 FPTS. Josh McCown reverting back to his journeyman ways and throwing a pick six to the #1 Denver D/ST doesn't hurt, either. Charcandrick West, the #1 most added player last week across every FF site, contributed nothing to Josh's win.
Josh and Andy Reid react to C-West's day
Final Score: Josh 136.4 (4-2) Graham 91.2 (1-5)
Sacko vs New Sacko
Jordan's tenure as PCOG Sacko has only a few weeks left, and ladies and gentlemen, we have a front runner for the position. Peyton Manning is leading Troy straight to the #1 spot: 1st overall draft pick at next years festivities. 3 straight weeks of sub 15FPT production has put Troy into a tailspin. Plus he was the second best player for Troy this week.
Somehow Demaryius Thomas scavenged 17.1 FPTS from his Hall of Fame QB. Writing further about this short bus team does nothing but make me sad.
Speaking of busloads, Eddie Lacy is approaching bus-shaped. He was never the "best-conditioned" RB in the league, and his nagging ankle injury has put some new wear on those tires. Hopefully his upcoming bye-week will allow him to get healthy and back on track towards his preseason hype, where he was the #1 ranked ESPN FF player overall. Jordan does not have to rely on him though as Chris Ivory is a BEAST! 196 total yards on 23 touches with a score against the formerly top 10 rated WAS. rush D/ST. Marvin Jones caught all the balls AJ Green used to catch and TY Hilton found the end zone again after a long absence. Jordan is peaking at a good time and well on the way back to .500
Final Score: Jordan 114.2 (2-4) Troy 92.6 (1-5)
Week 7 Preview
Hearts on Fire vs The Glue Factory (Andy 5-1 vs Troy 1-5)
Brazil battles Best Man (Aaron 3-3 vs Bryan 2-4)
Meatheads Meet (Seth 3-3 vs Jared 4-2)
Medlin Roster vs Roster Meddling (Jonny 2-4 vs Ben 3-3)
Tauben Time to stop the Super Sonic Streak (Josh 4-2 vs Tyler 6-0)
Her body too Bootylicious vs His booty roster (Jordan 2-4 vs Graham 1-5)
Bye Weeks are in full force, so scour the WW, make terrible trade offers (Graham) and remember that the Sunday games start at 930 this week, streamed for free on Yahoo (Buffalo vs Jax). It is officially cold enough to start wearing pants here at the beach so you know that Winter is Coming.
Week 6
Stannis's Fiery Hearts Club vs Hefty Hutton
My brother and I are somewhat different people. He is outgoing, jovial and lots of fun to be around. AND I BURN PEOPLE TO DEATH! 3 PLAYERS WITH OVER 20 FPTS SCORED! THE COURAGE TO THROW A FAT, UNDERACHIEVING CHICAGO WR INTO THE LINEUP WITH ZERO F's GIVEN (Alshon Jeffery, 25.7 FPTS on 8 catches for 147 YDS and a Score!) 112 TOTAL YARDS AND A SCORE FROM A PLAYER RELYING ON BRIAN HOYER TO KEEP THE DEFENSE HONEST! JOHN BROWN CONTINUING TO GIVE GRAHAM HEARTBURN AS HE RACKS UP POINTS FOR YOURS TRULY! I HOPE EVERYONE IS TAKING NOTES BECAUSE THIS IS HOW YOU ESTABLISH DOMINANCE WITHIN A FAMILY OF FOOTBALL FANS!
Bryan had a great game himself, and certainly made me sweat it out from approx. 430 Sunday afternoon all the way through the Monday Night contest. Felipe Riosset Chargers single game records for attempts, completions, and yards. He also set an NFL record for most yards without a pick in a losing effort. Matt Forte took advantage of overtime to stack up some serious scoring, and Mark Ingram continued the yearly ritual of gaining giant stats against me. It ended up coming down to Rueben Randle and Donte Moncrief. They were not enough for the win, but enough for me to worry about having all the shit talk from the previous 72 hours coming home to roost. All in all, there is only one question: How many points did Bryan score?
Final Score: Andy 144.5 (5-1) Bryan 134.6 (2-4)
The Cursed? One vs Seagram's 7 and Ginger Ale
Our reigning champion, A-A-Ron, has recently hitched his fortunes via trade to the green and yellow right arm of A-A-Ron Rodgers. This would seem to be a winning formula, but a mediocre (for him) effort for the cheddar slinger was disastrous Sunday. Rodgers was only OK, garnering 18.6 FPTS on 255 PAYDS and 2 scores. But his supporting cast contributed very little to the match, as Randall Cobb and Richard Rodgers could only scratch together 9.2 combined FPTS. Ronnie Hillman had a nice 20 FPTS and Giovanni Bernard contributed 15.8 on only 9 touches. Brandon Marshall made one of the better catches of the week en route to this score against the 'Skins.
Jared "allegedly" was at National Guard training all weekend, leaving no time to tinker/stinker before his tilt against the Groom. His team made up for it however. Colin Kaepernick continued a recent trend of fantasy goodness, contributing 340 PAYDS and 2 scores in a Super Bowl rematch against Baltimore. Le'Veon Bell and Danny Woodhead combined for 25+ FPTS this week, but a certain FF Savant/Prognosticator/Witch wrote last week that " if Jared's WRs put together a good game as a unit Harris has the ability to beat anyone, any week." And boy did they have a position wide good game. Megatron and Keenan Allen combined for 50+ FPTS, with too many highlight reel catches to count on Sunday. He does have some work to do, as Allen left Sunday's game with a hip injury and might not play for a month. Gonzo should help keep him afloat.
Final Score: Jared 137.4 (4-2) Aaron 101.5 (3-3)
Hyde yo Kids Hyde yo Wife vs Too Hot to Randle
Meanwhile, in the Bullpen (my imagined nickname for Seth and Ben's house in Bumblescum, NC)
roommates fought over control of the TV and weekly bragging rights. Ben rolled out The Red Rifle against the Bills and LeGarrette Blount against the Colts. Blount continued his roll against the Colts, totaling 104 total yards and 2 combined scores (including his first career receiving TD). Ben's Jags combined for 27.3 FPTS in a losing effort, despite catching fluttering, dying ducks from Blake Bortles (who is somehow the 6th best QB in our scoring system). There is no one culprit to blame this loss on, you just ran into a buzzsaw in Seth this week. Seth's newly acquired QB continued the Get Gronked tour across America, this week landing in Indy just long enough to throw 4 touchdowns (including the bad-luck pick six). DeMarco Murray came back to life in a huge way, helping Philly salt the game away Monday Night against the Giants. 123 total yards and a score made up his best night of the season. Julian Edelman hurt himself catching a fully inflated ball from Brady and was ineffective from the first quarter on. Greg Olsen clearly watched the tape of Tyler Eiefert against Seattle, as this game winning long touchdown was lifted entirely from the Bengal's gameplan last week for Las Panteras
23.6 huge FPTS helped contribute to Seth's win and Seattle's woes
Final Score: Seth 146.8 (3-3) Ben 131.5 (3-3)
Super Saiyan Dudes vs Where Art Thou Roethlisberger
Jonny is spinning his wheels waiting for Big Ben to come back and salvage any value Antonio Brown might have. Speaking of restoring value, Lamar Miller and his new head coach had themselves a day against Tennessee. 25.6 FPTS on only 21 touches is what owners were expecting this draft season when he was a consensus 2-3 rounder. Jonny's QB had a pretty good day himself, smashing Seattle for 20 FPTS. Emmanuel Sanders's ability to catch wobbling balloons lofted from the artist formerly known as PFM will be sorely tested as a result of a separated shoulder, but he was able to gobble up 22.9 FPTS before suffering that injury.
Seattle Green was no Kryptonite for Superman this time
Tyler continues his tear across regular season PCOG play, running his record out to 6-0 on the broad back of DeAndre Hopkins. Mr Hopkins has 90 targets thru 6 games and is on pace to crush the NFL record for season targets. But we might have another problem. Martavis Bryant, recently returned from a drug suspension, torched the formerly ferocious Cardinals defense for 137 yards on 6 catches. oh, and this beauty of a run and catch.
I put together no less than 5 trade offers for Bryant, only to delete them before sending them to Tyler. "There is no way he will be as good as he was last year. It must have been a fluke." Great. Grand. Wonderful. The last thing we need is Tyler getting stronger.
Final Score: Tyler 133 (6-0) Jonny (2-4)
Team Trashbag vs The Garbage Man Cometh
This game started out ugly and never really got close. Thursday night ended with a 67.5 FPT lead for Josh over Graham, as Josh's Falcons soared and Graham's Saints D/ST sputtered to -1 FPTS. For Graham, Steve Smith confirmed his super-human status as he cam back from a 4(!) level fracture to his ribs to snag 137 yards on 7 catches. It could have been so much sweeter though, as Smith dropped two touchdowns. Jay Cutler contributed 21.3 FPTS in an overtime loss to the Lions and Marshawn Lynch rewarded Graham's loyalty by plungin in for a red zone score. Everyone else except for Kelce were terrible for Graham. Graham has downgraded from trashbag to dumpster fire to a row of smoking shitters.
Josh has Devonta Freeman and doesn't really need anything else. 156 total yards on 21 touches and two scores netted 36.9 FPTS. Josh McCown reverting back to his journeyman ways and throwing a pick six to the #1 Denver D/ST doesn't hurt, either. Charcandrick West, the #1 most added player last week across every FF site, contributed nothing to Josh's win.
Josh and Andy Reid react to C-West's day
Final Score: Josh 136.4 (4-2) Graham 91.2 (1-5)
Sacko vs New Sacko
Jordan's tenure as PCOG Sacko has only a few weeks left, and ladies and gentlemen, we have a front runner for the position. Peyton Manning is leading Troy straight to the #1 spot: 1st overall draft pick at next years festivities. 3 straight weeks of sub 15FPT production has put Troy into a tailspin. Plus he was the second best player for Troy this week.
Somehow Demaryius Thomas scavenged 17.1 FPTS from his Hall of Fame QB. Writing further about this short bus team does nothing but make me sad.
Speaking of busloads, Eddie Lacy is approaching bus-shaped. He was never the "best-conditioned" RB in the league, and his nagging ankle injury has put some new wear on those tires. Hopefully his upcoming bye-week will allow him to get healthy and back on track towards his preseason hype, where he was the #1 ranked ESPN FF player overall. Jordan does not have to rely on him though as Chris Ivory is a BEAST! 196 total yards on 23 touches with a score against the formerly top 10 rated WAS. rush D/ST. Marvin Jones caught all the balls AJ Green used to catch and TY Hilton found the end zone again after a long absence. Jordan is peaking at a good time and well on the way back to .500
Final Score: Jordan 114.2 (2-4) Troy 92.6 (1-5)
Week 7 Preview
Hearts on Fire vs The Glue Factory (Andy 5-1 vs Troy 1-5)
Brazil battles Best Man (Aaron 3-3 vs Bryan 2-4)
Meatheads Meet (Seth 3-3 vs Jared 4-2)
Medlin Roster vs Roster Meddling (Jonny 2-4 vs Ben 3-3)
Tauben Time to stop the Super Sonic Streak (Josh 4-2 vs Tyler 6-0)
Her body too Bootylicious vs His booty roster (Jordan 2-4 vs Graham 1-5)
Bye Weeks are in full force, so scour the WW, make terrible trade offers (Graham) and remember that the Sunday games start at 930 this week, streamed for free on Yahoo (Buffalo vs Jax). It is officially cold enough to start wearing pants here at the beach so you know that Winter is Coming.
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