It's all downhill from here
Week 7 marks the official midpoint of the PCOG season. Weeks 14-16 constitute the playoffs, with the division winners earning a bye in 14 and the championship game in week 16. All 6 playoff slots are wide open, as there is a startling amount of parity in the 2015 PCOG. The parity will be sorted out (for playoff slots) by overall record, with the tiebreaker being points for. Two teams are atop their respective divisions at 6-1 (Andy and Tyler), Josh is second in the Coastal division at 5-2, 2 teams are at 4-3 (Harris in second place in the Mountain Division and Seth in 3rd in the Coastal). 4 teams are at 3-4 and scrapping for a post-season slot (Aaron, Jonny, Bryan and Ben). Jordan and Graham are treading water at 2-5 and Troy is clearly not listening to Kia, on a collision course with the pair of jingling balls on the Sacko Trophy. It may not be time to panic but it is definitely time to start making moves for those still in contention.
Week 7 Recap
Tauben Time vs Super Sonic Dudes
This game pitted two of the ascendant teams in the PCOG, with newcomer Shirtless Josh squaring off against 2014 runner-up Tyler. Tyler has a stacked team, rolling out a triplet of young WRS who receive multiple targets a game. This week they proved inadequate to Josh's challenge though. OBJ ( clearly the inferior of his two nicknames, but the one that works with this image)
once again pooped his big boy pants against Big D. He only earned 4 fluttering ducks from Eli (now the Good Manning) and 35 yards, breaking a two game streak of at least 15 FPTS. The Dolphins proved that DeAndre Hopkins is indeed human, containing the #1 Fantasy WR of the 2015 season. One would think that the epic blowout the 'Phins put on the hapless Houston Texans would lead to lots of garbage time for Hopkins, but he could only corral 6 catches for 50 yards. Martavis Bryant could not recreate the magic from last week, but he did get a nice over the shoulder touchdown to save his fantasy day.
Ladarius Green did get a garbage time TD in the Charger's ass beating by Oakland, and the Bills D/ST contributed a pick six Sunday morning in London. None of this was enough to top Josh. He continues to ride the Freeman train. Devonta slacked off this week, contributing his third straight 100+ yard game in a row. But no TD!!! What a bum. You should cut him loose Josh. Charcandrick West rewarded Josh's patience, contributing 27.4 FPTS after the stinker last week. The big surprise (Only if you had never had the pleasure of watching Matt Cassell line up for your favorite team) was the 21 big FPTS the Giants D/ST put up. Two scores, three picks, a fumble and a sack added up to more than twice the best score that unit has put up all year. I Hate Matt Cassell.
Final Score: Josh 139 (5-2) Tyler 101.4
Where Art (Rooney III) Thou Roethlisberger vs Too Hot To Randle
Ben is in the midst of quite the FF tailspin
After starting the year on a 3-0 tear, he is currently preparing a boarding party of the SS Dumpsterfire. 0-4 means that October was not a good month.
The poor showing of Julius Thomas (.9FPTS) and Legarrette Blount (.4FPTS) certainly did not help, but Ben's best chance evaporated like Joseph Randle's pain tolerance. Randle left the game, never to return against the Giants with back spasms after two (2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) carries for 24 yards. Larry Fitz spent more time as a lead blocker than he did catching the ball against Baltimore's horrific pass D Monday night. Those four poor performers, in conjunction with Nick Novak (1FPT) and the Steelers D/ST (5FPTS) undid all of the good Andrew Luck had in the comeback attempt against the Saints. Latavius Murray remains curiously underused by the Raiders, who were up 37-6 against San Diego. One would think that this would be a good time to use a bruising RB to grind the clock out against a porous defense, but Jack DelRio is not a thinking man's coach
DelRio, sweating with the effort of thinking
Jonny is a fucking witch. How could he know that Lamar Miller, an undersized and under utilized RB on a reeling team, would possibly be worth acquiring? Granted that there is a trail of evidence 64539 miles long that players Graham trades away will immediately go the hell off, but 51.6 FPTS? On 17 touches? This one went for 54 yards!
As if this wasn't enough, Jonny also has Gronk. Who Gronked his way to a Pats win thanks to the Jets forgetting to defend him for his score. His day ended with 23.3 FPTS. The Steelers offense rediscovered Antonio Brown, who garnered 17.3 FPTS after 6 catches for 124 yards. These three alleviated the poor showing by Isaiah Crowell and the negative output by Washington's D/ST.
Final Score: Jonny 130.5 (3-4) Ben 75.6 (3-4)
TRADITION!! 54.9FPTS
Hyde Yo Kids Hyde Yo Wife vs Total Crapshoot
Lucky for Seth, the Pats are completely gameplan driven. The Jet's amazing defensive line makes it very difficult to run on, so Brady dropped back to pass 54 times on Sunday. His day would have been way better if his receivers hadn't dropped 11 passes. The refs also did him no favors, overturning a clear TD by his Gronkness. Brady did't sweat it though, as he contributed a rushing touchdown on that same drive. Amari Cooper continued his Rookie of the Year campaign with this beautiful catch and run against the Chargers best DB Jason Verret
25.8 fantasy points marked the high point for this young phenom. His team's namesake did very little Thursday night though. Hyde scraped together 6.8 FPTS against a tough Seattle D/ST. That same group also works for Seth, adding 13 points onto his total.
Seattle's D/ST turned Tattooed Gonzo back into a pumpkin. Colin Kaepernick did not turn the ball over, but he did not contribute any rushing yards and only 124 passing yards in a rout against their hated division rivals. Le'Veon Bell put together 22 FPTS against a tough KC D/ST, but the real star of Jared's squad was Danny Woodhead. He seemingly caught every sidearmed throw from Sr. Rios in a furious comeback attempt in the Black Hole. At least it seemed like an Oakland home game, after all of the SD fans left in the first half when the Raiders were throttling Los Chargers. Woodhead had 26 rushing yards, but the real meat of his scoring came through the air. 11 catches for 75 yards and 2 TDS added up to 28.9 FPTS. Gary Barnridge added to his 100+ yard streak and Calvin Johnson caught a 47 yard pass in the first quarter. After that Stafford mysteriously forgot about him until the game was no longer in doubt.
Megatron getting ready to puke at his usage
Final Score: Seth 133.2 (4-3) Jared 116.4 (4-3)
Stannis's Fiery Hearts Club vs Broncos and Busted!!
Troy was down at the beach this weekend, celebrating the first half of his Bachelor's Bacchanalia. We met up with several buddies, ate way too much seafood at Capt. George's, and drank a couple beers. As I was leaving, he looked into my soul and asked for mercy. HE WAS DENIED. HIS POOR SUPPLICATION ATTEMPT WAS QUASHED BY MY MIGHTY FANTASY FOOTBALL FORCE! THE RECENTLY ACQUIRED MIKE EVANS RETURNED TO FANTASY RELEVANCE, TORCHING THE PUNY OPPONENTS FOR 28.4FPTS ON 8!! CATCHES FOR 164 YARDS AND A SCORE! ADRIAN PETERSON WAS MOSTLY CONTAINED UNTIL THIS 75 YARD TEAR ACROSS THE HEART OF THE LIONS DEFENSE
LOOK AT THE DETERMINATION IN HIS EYES!! HE CANNOT BE DENIED! ARIAN FOSTER WAS INCREDIBLE BEFORE HIS ACHILLES EXPLODED LIKE A SEAGULL FULL OF ANTACID! THE SMOKING WRECK OF THE TEXANS SEASON WILL SERVE AS HIS VIKING FUNERAL! 31.5 FPTS, ALL IN GARBAGE TIME, WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR HIS HEROISM IN THE FACE OF HOUSTON'S INEPTITUDE! SMOKEY BROWN AND KENDALL WRIGHT HAD NEAR IDENTICAL STAT LINES, AND CARSON PALMER IS THE ACQUISITION OF THE YEAR! LOOK AT THE UPCOMING SCHEDULE AND TREMBLE, BECAUSE
Troy had no chance against my might but his RBs performed nicely. 50.3 combined points is nothing to laugh at UNLESS YOU ARE THE STALLION THAT MOUNTS THE WORLD!
Final Score: Andy 148.8 (6-1) Troy 107.3 (1-6)
My Body too Gurleylicious vs Team Trashbag
Did I suggest that Amari Cooper would win Rookie of the Year? Clearly I forgot about the incredible force that is Todd Gurley. 3 straight games of 125+ rushing yards and his first career touchdowns made Gurley Jordan's MVP this week. TY Hilton only caught 4 balls, but two of them went for long touchdowns and 150 receiving yards for 24 points. Chris Ivory fought through a quad injury to contribute a score through the air and little else.
It takes more than a Brown to tackle Todd Gurley
Jordan ran into a buzzsaw this week though
Graham exploded for 171.7 FPTS, most of this on the backs of his Dolphins. Ryan Tannehill, recently plucked from the WW, completed 18 of 19 for 282 yards and 4 touchdowns. 247 of his yards came after the catch, which is amazing. Marshawn Lynch got back into BeastMode against the 49ers, scoring 27 FPTS during a 100+ yard day. If I had known that Landry would contribute 26.6 FPTS, I would have traded him straight up for AJ Green, not throwing Alen Robinson and his 18.8 FPTS in with the bargain. Johnathan Stewart had another great rushing day against another tough D, averaging better than 5 yards a carry. Graham needs to win basically every remaining game to make the playoffs, and this is one hell of a start on that road.
Final Score: Graham 171.7 (2-5) Jordan 126.3 (2-5)
Seagram's 7 and Ginger Ale vs Thick Bitch
Aaron was struck down by a terminal case of bye week herpes. 5 players out, with only the dregs to replace them. Only Michael Crabtree had a good game for Aaron, yielding 15.3 FPTS. Terrance Williams is barely usable without Romo, Andre Ellington is third in line for RB touches in Tempe, Sam Bradford is about to lose his job to the ButtFumble
and Brandon Marshall should have caught a TD to beat the Pats at home. Dr. Ian Malcom, mathemitician and Chaos Theory specialist, summed up Aaron's day like this:
Bryan rolled out a pair of big ballers this weekend. Mark Ingram continued to make Drew Brees an afterthought with 143 yards and score, resulting in 27.3 FPTS. Felipe Rios has thrown multiple TDs every week but one, and has yet to throw for less than 240 yards. This week was a bad result for his NFL team but a good scoring opportunity for Bryan's. He has another good chance to light up the scoreboard next week against the terrible Ravens.
Who needs a Passing Game?
Week 8 Preview
WRs come home to Roost (Andy 6-1 vs Graham 2-5)
Brazil Battle 2: Electric Bugaloo (Bryan 3-4 vs Seth 4-3)
Racin or Football? Sunday's Best Pasttime (Jared 4-3 vs Jonny 3-4)
FNG's Fight It Out (Ben 3-4 vs Josh 5-2)
Family Feud: Siblings Face Off (Tyler 6-1 vs Jordan 2-5)
Pack Attack vs Denver Donkeys on Sunday Night Football! (Aaron 3-4 vs Troy 1-6)
The last London game is this weekend, and once again it starts at 930. So get your lineups in early if you have any Lions or Chiefs. It is nice and balmy at the beach, but I am sure the rest of you are freezing your collective nuts off. Stock up on firewood and RBs because Winter is Coming