PCOG 2014 Season
12 People, One Group Text
Preseason
Welcome to this year's iteration of The Porkchop Ownership Group. With an expanded field of teams, and updated rules comes new hope for fantasy pigskin domination. This year we will tentatively draft (online) on August 16 which is a Saturday. This date can move left or right if too many complaints are heard. Several changes have been proposed regarding the day to day operations of the PCOG. One (submitted by me) is for a Trade Review Board to be populated. I have seen this in action in another league that I am a member of. I have participated in the review board and it seems to work out equitably. In short, when a trade is proposed between Bryan and Team Victim, the details are forwarded to a "Small Council" group of three uninvolved members consisting of the Supreme Overlord and Commissioner and two lackeys. Their only charge is to examine the trade for fairness and possible collusion. For example Adrian Peterson cannot be traded for a kicker. The members of the Board will consist of team owners not involved with the trade, and not matched against the teams who are trading this week. They will submit their ruling via text message or website pm within 24 hours of the submitted trade. As Commissioner I will be part of every Review Board save those involving my trades or if the Trading Partners are playing me that particular week. Simple majority vote carries the issue, and every succesfull trade will include the Board's Vote. I am submitting this rule for your vote for several reasons: #1 Last year I was nearly drowned in a flood of retarded trade requests as the year progressed. #2 No trades, however dumb, were vetoed by me last year as there were no evidence of collusion.
In other news, the scoring for the PCOG has been slightly altered. We will move to decimal point scoring for several reasons: Making it much, much harder to tie a weekly matchup, raising scoring levels, and to show just how close that contest truly is. Rushing yards and Receiving yards will score .1 point per yard, as opposed to 1 point per 10 yards. For example, If Running Back A rushes for 59 yards, his team will receive 5.9 points as opposed to 5. If Wide Receiver V catches for 117 yards then his team will get 11.7. Bonuses for long touchdowns, big games, and punt/kickoff returns have also been added. Negative Points for sacks taken by quarterbacks and missed extra point attempts have also been added. Here is the overall scoring system.http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/leaguesetup/settings…
In other news, the scoring for the PCOG has been slightly altered. We will move to decimal point scoring for several reasons: Making it much, much harder to tie a weekly matchup, raising scoring levels, and to show just how close that contest truly is. Rushing yards and Receiving yards will score .1 point per yard, as opposed to 1 point per 10 yards. For example, If Running Back A rushes for 59 yards, his team will receive 5.9 points as opposed to 5. If Wide Receiver V catches for 117 yards then his team will get 11.7. Bonuses for long touchdowns, big games, and punt/kickoff returns have also been added. Negative Points for sacks taken by quarterbacks and missed extra point attempts have also been added. Here is the overall scoring system.http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/leaguesetup/settings…
The playoff format has been altered to both represent the expanded ranks of the PCOG and to eliminate the two week playoff matchup. Playoffs begin NFL Week 14 and will have 6 players in the postseason, with the two Division Winners receiving a Bye. Seeds will be based on Overall record with tie breakers consisting of Total Points Scored, Division Record and Total Points Against in descending order. We can vote as to whether we should include a consolation bracket; and whether the winner of that bracket should receive the #1 overall pick in the next years draft. The draft order has also been set. Standard snake draft, 16 rounds, to be conducted online. ESPN draft software or app will be necessary in order to draft. The draft order proceeds as follows: #1 Graham, #2 Jordan, #3 Seth, #4 Andy, #5 Johnny, #6 Aaron, #7 Jared, #8 Bryan. The four new members will draft as follows: #9 Alan, Allen or Allan, #10 Old Boy Troy, #11 Jeff the Jiant, and #12 Jordan's self trading Brother. So 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-12-11-10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 and so on for 16 rounds. 90 seconds per pick. We can also vote if we want to introduce keepers, further rule changes, or whatever you guys want. To the new members there will be a weekly League Update on the site composed by me, overflowing with jokes, pictures, gifs, Youtube videos and recapping the action/ news of the PCOG. I am super geeked for the start of the year. Good Luck and as always remember that Winter is Coming.
Week 1
[113-90.6] Seth (1-0) defeats Jordan (0-1)
[93.9-90.4] Jonny (1-0) defeats Jeff (0-1) Game of the Week, winning margin 3.5 FPTS
[130.4-104] Alan (1-0) defeats Troy (0-1)
[122.4-102] Tyler (1-0) defeats Graham (0-1)
[181.3-111.6] Bryan (1-0) defeats Jared (0-1) TRADITION!! Winning margin 69.7 FPTS
[132.9-90.2] Andy (1-0) defeats Aaron (0-1)
Week 1 Recap:
Week One of the Porkchop Ownership Group is in the books and the season is off and running. Well, it is running for some of us. Some of us stumbled at the gun and limped to a finish. Week 1 saw a new record for weekly scoring (180!), questionable lineup decisions, and general hilarity. I hope you all enjoyed this weekend's matchups as much as I did. I am all for giving the devil his due, so we will start this show with history being made. Seth Won! (1-0, TM3) Convincingly! In the first week! With a dead spot on his bench and with Mike Williams in his starting lineup! The Giant who Woke up early was paced by Andrew Luck, Lord Commander of Garbage Time and his 26+ points.
This was enough to get by Jordan (0-1, TM6) despite her Georgia boy's 33.6 point effort. The named-in-poor-taste Johnny MoCoo (1-0, TM4) ended up victorious because the Baltimore Ravens cannot defend AJ Green. http://www.baltimoreravens.com/…/81978fe2-42fd-436c-b610-92…
In case you were wondering, yes those were professional athletes covering themselves in dishonor and vomit at the thought of defending him. Jeff the Jiant (0-1, Slap) is hereby ordered to change his team name to Roger Suspended him Twice following the events of monday morning, which is succinctly presented thusly:
Alan (1-0, Wut?) taught Troy (0-1, TM12) how to football by 25.4 points. An outstanding performance by BeastMode
In case you were wondering, yes those were professional athletes covering themselves in dishonor and vomit at the thought of defending him. Jeff the Jiant (0-1, Slap) is hereby ordered to change his team name to Roger Suspended him Twice following the events of monday morning, which is succinctly presented thusly:
Alan (1-0, Wut?) taught Troy (0-1, TM12) how to football by 25.4 points. An outstanding performance by BeastMode
and CorDangerous Patterson
overcame the Brees-Graham combo platter. Tyler and the Super Sonic Dudes (1-0,SSD) threw dynamite on the Shady Train's Tracks (0-1, TITS) despite Aaron Rodgers discount double checking which side Richard Sherman lined up on every passing play
In a rematch of last year's Championship matchup, He Who Can Buy His Own Damn Belt (1-0, LNB!) crushed Jared's nuts for a second time.
And he set the all time single scoring week record. Congrats to our Reigning Champion and convicted trade-rapist Bryan ,
may your Fantasy parole officer have mercy on your soul. In the last contest of the week, I, your Humble yet Malevolent Commissioner, (1-0, BRAH) continued my own league record setting win streak by reducing A-A-Ron (0-1, Spanish Gibberish) to smoking rubble
may your Fantasy parole officer have mercy on your soul. In the last contest of the week, I, your Humble yet Malevolent Commissioner, (1-0, BRAH) continued my own league record setting win streak by reducing A-A-Ron (0-1, Spanish Gibberish) to smoking rubble
behind the top scoring Fantasy QB of the week Matt Ryan
despite my terrible tight end going out in the first quarter
in large part because Aaron started Mike Tolbert LOL
]
Because only 9 people have voted on the current league poll, (changing the trade rules to a oversight committee) the original league settings remain in place. To review, when Team A submits a proposed trade with Team V and both accept, a 24 hour wait process ensues. After authorization the trade goes through. If you want a trade to be verified by the Thursday Night Game you must submit it no later than 7:45 pm Wednesday just to be safe. You can edit your team's trading block by navigating to your team tab and then to the trading block. It's sorta like the Tinder for Fantasy Football, lets everyone know what you want and what you will trade. Just be sure to get your vote in.
]
Because only 9 people have voted on the current league poll, (changing the trade rules to a oversight committee) the original league settings remain in place. To review, when Team A submits a proposed trade with Team V and both accept, a 24 hour wait process ensues. After authorization the trade goes through. If you want a trade to be verified by the Thursday Night Game you must submit it no later than 7:45 pm Wednesday just to be safe. You can edit your team's trading block by navigating to your team tab and then to the trading block. It's sorta like the Tinder for Fantasy Football, lets everyone know what you want and what you will trade. Just be sure to get your vote in.
Next weeks matchups include Women's Liberation against Spousal Abuse (Jordan vs Jeff), Back-To-Back Brazil Beatdowns (Andy vs Seth), Who Hustles Harder, Harris/Hollingsworth? (Jared vs Tyler),Moco Madness (Aaron vs Johnny), an Alpine Summit Skirmish (Troy vs Graham) and an answer for the question of our age: Can a house divided still smoke? (Alan vs Bryan) Get your lineups set, cobble together a few trade requests and scour the waiver wire because Winter is Coming for all of you idiots who don't live at the beach.
Week 2:
[91.9-83.4] Seth (2-0) defeats Andy (1-1)
[122.9-90.4] Aaron (1-1) defeats Jonny (1-1)
[127.4-121.3] Jeff (1-1) defeats Jordan (0-2)
[119.3-90.2] Alan (2-0) defeats Bryan (1-1)
[114.1-110.5] Tyler (2-0) defeats Jared (0-2) Game of the Week, winning margin 2.1 FPTS
[116.2-89.6] Troy (1-1) defeats Graham (0-2)
Week 2 Recap:
Week 2 in the PCOG started with the possibility of suspensions removed
and fantasy owners everywhere wondering just how long All Day would be suspended
Seth (TM3, 2-0) didn't need Peterson this week to whip me though.
Not even Rashad Jennings fumbling without being touched could sink Seth's team against my pathetic performance.
Between Matty Ice-Cold doing bupkus and Kirk Cousins forgetting who the best Washington receiver is; my glorious, record setting trail of destruction and winning came to an end (Brah, 1-1). Dan Bailey was good though...
A-A-Ron (Gibberish en Espanol, 1-1) is a fantasy football witch. How did you know to start the putrid Bills D/ST (they of the second highest fantasy scoring output for D/ST)? Between their effort and Dez Bryant's wonderfulness
he stomped Johnny MoCo (TM4, 1-1). Not even Antonio "White Walker Football Zombie" Gates' three touchdown catches could overcome AJ Green's toe injury and zero point output.
Jeff the Jiant experienced the evils of fantasy football this weekend. While that wonderful Foles-Sproles connection put him over the top in the PCOG
it sank his NFL team, the Dolts. Or maybe the Olts, since clearly no D is present in Indy. Or Iny. Not even Jordy Nelson's evisceration of the Jets could salvage Jordan's week. Jamaal Charles getting hurt in the first quarter easily cost her this matchup.
What could be said about Alan's (Wut. 2-0)foray into fantasy football that has not already been said on HBO?
An all round performance highlighted by Brandon Marshall's three touchdown grabs gave him a 20+ point victory over the Sad Pandas ( , 1-1). Bryan starting Andy "the Joker" Dalton over Smokin Jay Cutler didn't even matter in the end.
In the closest game of the week, Tyler (SSD, 2-0) used the double barrels of Aaron Rodgers and Demarco da Beast to eke out a 2.1 point win over Jared and the Mad Manning.
One wonders what he could have done if he DROPPED RAY RICE WHO IS NEVER GOING TO PLAY AGAIN THIS YEAR. Troy (Saints, 1-1) earned his first fantasy victory by smashing the Graham Cracker (TITS, 0-2) into Graham Crumbs.
Troy utilized that famed NOLA combo platter of Brees-Jimmy with a steady helping of Giovanni Bernard to reduce Haulsee to a tattered ruin. Hey Graham, if you are not going to start Sammy Watkins every week I am sure Bryan has a roofiecolada mixed up down the street for you.
There have been questions raised regarding the add drop process.http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/tools/waiverorder...
That is the current waiver order, which I will now sum up. Waiver priority is processed by record, then points scored, then points scored against. If you and another team each claim a player whoever has the worse record has priority, followed by who has scored the least points, followed by who has had the most points scored against their team. This only goes into effect if multiple teams desire the same free agent. You can see if your desired player has had another team claim them if the plus sign on the app is gold. If it is green then you are the only claim (at the time) in effect. It should take about 24 hours for a waiver claim to process.
http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/content...
That is the full rule sheet for ESPN Waiver process
Week 3 brings an all divisional lineup of games. Johnny MoCo will acquire more injured players and face off against me. Meatheads Meet as Seth and Jeff square off. Someone sleeps on the couch as Jordan and Aaron offer sacrifices to Porkchop in order to curry favor. Notify the FCC as noted shady trade partners and Younger Brothers Brawl when Bryan and Tyler compete. Graham and Alan ponder potent potables while playing. Harris Hopes Allie Bear is a good enough facsimile for Chopper in order to prevail against Troy.
It has been suggested that we get together and attend a Panthers game this year in Charlotte as a league. I will start a thread in the message board where this can be discussed.
Transactions have been relatively light so far, but I broke the PCOG trade cherry as I typed this up. Scrape together some offers for your PCOG brethren and stock up on beer because while global warming may be a thing Winter is Coming.
and fantasy owners everywhere wondering just how long All Day would be suspended
Seth (TM3, 2-0) didn't need Peterson this week to whip me though.
Not even Rashad Jennings fumbling without being touched could sink Seth's team against my pathetic performance.
Between Matty Ice-Cold doing bupkus and Kirk Cousins forgetting who the best Washington receiver is; my glorious, record setting trail of destruction and winning came to an end (Brah, 1-1). Dan Bailey was good though...
A-A-Ron (Gibberish en Espanol, 1-1) is a fantasy football witch. How did you know to start the putrid Bills D/ST (they of the second highest fantasy scoring output for D/ST)? Between their effort and Dez Bryant's wonderfulness
he stomped Johnny MoCo (TM4, 1-1). Not even Antonio "White Walker Football Zombie" Gates' three touchdown catches could overcome AJ Green's toe injury and zero point output.
Jeff the Jiant experienced the evils of fantasy football this weekend. While that wonderful Foles-Sproles connection put him over the top in the PCOG
it sank his NFL team, the Dolts. Or maybe the Olts, since clearly no D is present in Indy. Or Iny. Not even Jordy Nelson's evisceration of the Jets could salvage Jordan's week. Jamaal Charles getting hurt in the first quarter easily cost her this matchup.
What could be said about Alan's (Wut. 2-0)foray into fantasy football that has not already been said on HBO?
An all round performance highlighted by Brandon Marshall's three touchdown grabs gave him a 20+ point victory over the Sad Pandas ( , 1-1). Bryan starting Andy "the Joker" Dalton over Smokin Jay Cutler didn't even matter in the end.
In the closest game of the week, Tyler (SSD, 2-0) used the double barrels of Aaron Rodgers and Demarco da Beast to eke out a 2.1 point win over Jared and the Mad Manning.
One wonders what he could have done if he DROPPED RAY RICE WHO IS NEVER GOING TO PLAY AGAIN THIS YEAR. Troy (Saints, 1-1) earned his first fantasy victory by smashing the Graham Cracker (TITS, 0-2) into Graham Crumbs.
Troy utilized that famed NOLA combo platter of Brees-Jimmy with a steady helping of Giovanni Bernard to reduce Haulsee to a tattered ruin. Hey Graham, if you are not going to start Sammy Watkins every week I am sure Bryan has a roofiecolada mixed up down the street for you.
There have been questions raised regarding the add drop process.http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/tools/waiverorder...
That is the current waiver order, which I will now sum up. Waiver priority is processed by record, then points scored, then points scored against. If you and another team each claim a player whoever has the worse record has priority, followed by who has scored the least points, followed by who has had the most points scored against their team. This only goes into effect if multiple teams desire the same free agent. You can see if your desired player has had another team claim them if the plus sign on the app is gold. If it is green then you are the only claim (at the time) in effect. It should take about 24 hours for a waiver claim to process.
http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/content...
That is the full rule sheet for ESPN Waiver process
Week 3 brings an all divisional lineup of games. Johnny MoCo will acquire more injured players and face off against me. Meatheads Meet as Seth and Jeff square off. Someone sleeps on the couch as Jordan and Aaron offer sacrifices to Porkchop in order to curry favor. Notify the FCC as noted shady trade partners and Younger Brothers Brawl when Bryan and Tyler compete. Graham and Alan ponder potent potables while playing. Harris Hopes Allie Bear is a good enough facsimile for Chopper in order to prevail against Troy.
It has been suggested that we get together and attend a Panthers game this year in Charlotte as a league. I will start a thread in the message board where this can be discussed.
Transactions have been relatively light so far, but I broke the PCOG trade cherry as I typed this up. Scrape together some offers for your PCOG brethren and stock up on beer because while global warming may be a thing Winter is Coming.
Week 3
[125.8-113.7] Jared (1-2) defeats Troy (1-2)
[142.1-88.3] Seth (3-0) defeats Jeff (1-2) TRADITION!! Winning margin 53.8 FPTS
[97.5-62.9] Aaron (2-1) defeats Jordan (0-3)
[129.5-83.9] Tyler (3-0) defeats Bryan (1-2)
[106.9-79.6] Alan (3-0) defeats Graham (0-3)
[106-105.1] Jonny (2-1) defeats Andy (1-2) Game of the week, Winning margin .9 FPTS
Week 3 Recap:
This week in the PCOG was many things. Several blowouts, one down to the wire finish, and one win by the length of Johnny MoCo's pathetic donger. But first,
Jared ( Harr, 1-2) finally got off the schneid with a win against Troy (USP9, 1-2). Headed into Monday night, Troy was up by 15+ points and all Jared had was Martellus Bennett. Correction, ALL HE NEEDED WAS MARTELLUS BENNETT! The Black Unicorn
combined with Julio "Went to Alabama so Jared Drafted Him" Jones
and Peyton "The Sheriff" Manning
to overcome Troy in a nailbiter. Giovanni Bernard
continues his high scoring ways and is currently 4th amongt PCOG running backs. Just goes to show you Troy that...
Speaking of high scoring ways, Seth the Autodraft Fairy(TM3, 3-0) curbstomped Jeff (hate, 1-2) by 54+ points,
the second biggest win of the season. Andrew Luck
and Rashad Jennings
terrorized their respective AFC South opponents this week to the tune of 60.8 points. Jeff however could spread the blame among many recipients. Demaryius with 7.1 measly points, 4 foot 7 Darren Sproles scored 4.7. Andre "If I had a QB I would be a Hall of Famer" Johnson contributed 4.4 points AND dropped a sure touchdown.
Jeff was reduced to heading to the waiver wire to pick up weights by 2:00 pm.
Jordan just can't catch a break (TM6, 0-3). Juicy matchups against terrible defense by all star players results in squadoosh. Matt Stafford, The Doughy Lion,
underperformed for the second straight week. One would think that a player who's team colors so closely resemble Viagra could get their score up, right?
A-A-Ron (Wet Chickens, 2-1) put together a solid effort, relying on Dez Bryant's 86 yard touchdown grab
Tyler (SSD, 3-0) continued his tear thru the PCOG, easily besting Bryan in a blowout. Aaron Rodgers' subpar performance
did not slow Tyler down as four of his starters scored 20+ points, and Gronk would have if he did not drop that touchdown. His performance is summed up thusly:
Bryan, however, had this reaction to his team's results:
I can see why you traded LeVeon Bell to me, you did't need those 20.8 points. Not when you are starting 3 backup running backs. It's not your fault though, 2 minutes into the game your flex got hurt. Ron Burgundy says this in response:
Staying with the same film, Brick has a message for you:
Alan, you do not need to know what you are doing when you play Graham.
Especially when Graham (FUK, 0-3) starts five (FIVE 5!!!!!!!) players who score single digit points. Alan (SoHi 3-0) actually had his lowest scoring output of the young season. Of course, so did Graham.
Finally we arrive at the closest match of the week. Johnny MoCo (HAHA, 2-1) squeaked by me (Brah, 1-2) by .4 points, the closest contest in the 2 year history of the PCOG.
Because Montee Ball can't hold on to the ball!
Because Dennis Pitta's Old Man river impersonation made him break his hip again!
In spite of Antonio Gates not being able to get back into the time machine and yield 1.3 points!
Because I am not good at Fantasy Football!
Week 4 starts the NFL's bye week process, so be sure to examine your lineups and pick up guys from the waiver wire. PCOG Matchups Include: The Recently Relocated Right the Ship (Andy vs Jeff), World Cup Breasseale (Seth vs Aaron), Johnny and Jordan jockey for position, FNG's fight it out (Tyler vs Troy), Haulsee hunts Hutton and Alan better find out how to use the waiver wire against Jared. 4 bye week replacements to go buddy! Don't let the early start to the season go to your head for good or bad and remember that Winter is Coming
Week 4:
[116.9-114.1] Aaron (3-1) defeats Seth (3-1) Stat correction Game of the Week, Winning margin 2.8 FPTS
[113.4-98.7] Alan (4-0) defeats Jared (1-3)
[128.2-117.3] Troy (2-2) defeats Tyler (3-1)
[129.1-83.1] Bryan (2-2) defeats Graham (0-4)
[151.3-120.1] Jordan (1-3) defeats Jonny (2-2)
[88.9-37.8] Andy (2-2) defeats Jeff (1-3) TRADITION!!! Winning Margin 50.1 FPTS
Week 4 Recap:
The Quarter-Pole
We are halfway through the NFL season and things in the PCOG are starting to become clear. After four weeks, your real team should start to emerge. For instance I have had the easiest schedule to date with only 323.9 points scored against me. But more about Jeff's pathetic output later. Our current division leaders, Seth and Alan,
(discuss amongst yourselves who is Ruxin and who is Pete) have about 370 points scored against them. The two teams with the most points scored against them (Jared and Johnny) have 519(!!!!!) and 463 scored against them respectively. What does this mean? Good question. The early portion of the year is much more of a crapshoot than the latter weeks; as team managers and NFL teams themselves don't always know what they have. It can take several weeks for NFL franchises to adequately replace injured or suspended players.
So, don't get too comfortable or downtrodden with your team's record. There is still a lot of fantasy football to ignore your family, friends and significant others to be played, and no one has a guaranteed slot in the playoffs. To the wrapup!
Week 4 in the PCOG is the home to a new record. Seth (TM3, 4-0) defeated Aaron (Braz, 2-2) in the closest contest ever recorded in our league. He beat Aaron by .1 points and will be sweating the stat corrections until they are finalized Saturday morning. Once again paced by Andrew Luck Andrew Luck, destroyer of worlds and awful AFC South defenses with a massive 31 points, aided by Terrance Williams Terrance Williams who strafed the Aints for two touchdowns (22.7 fpts)
was put over the top by starting this week's tied for high scoring defense: Whoever plays the terrible, terrible Raiders (19 fpts). Aaron got his highest scoring to date from Kaepernick, Lacy, McFadden AND Cobb but it wasn't quite enough.
Alan (4-0, SoHi) continued derping his way to victory, this time over the comically named Jared (1-3, Harr).
In a brilliant and inspired move, Alan started Joe Flacco in place of Russell Wilson and his early bye week. He followed this up by starting the not so slumping Frank Gore. Personally, there is only one explanation for these masterful decisions: To The Cloud We Go!
Harris, however, was undone by a number of decisions. Steven Ridley and Julian Edelman were among the Patriots who got stomped by KC Monday night. PFM was on a bye week and Trent " I am not good at Football" Richardson languished on the bench. Even Steve "Blood and Guts" Smith did not help.
But we all know why Harris lost: Because he is an Alabama fan! What do I mean, dear readers? I MEAN HE GOT FUCKED BY HIS COUSINS!
HE THREW FOUR PICKS!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Troy (2-2, USP9) continued his hot streak by derailing Tyler (SSD, 3-1) mainly because Eddie Royal came up with his once a year huge game (28 fpts). Feel free to chase those points the rest of the year.
Three 20+ fpts players is always nice however. Not even the number 1 running back in fantasy football this year, Demarco Murray could give Tyler his fourth win.
Graham (Fuk!, 0-4) continued his weekly exercise in ineptitude by getting crushed by Bryan (Damn, 2-2). When are you going to get it dude, Cam Newton is not happening this year. Bryan earned the win by making me immediately regret trading Antonio Brown and Matt Forte to the tune of 53.5 points.
Meanwhile, Jordan (TNT, 1-3) beat Johnny (yeye, 2-2) to get her first win of the year!
Her big win is mainly due to Jamaal Charles otherworldy healing abilities (32.1 fpts) and Matt Asiata (31.5 fpts) with three big touchdowns against the Falcons.
Johnny almost had his perfect lineup, but even the swap out would not be enough to get the win.
Finally, in the time honored tradition of two retards fucking a doorknob, comes a matchup where every other member of the league would have won. I give you Jeff and I, your humble commissioner:
We two morons are most impressive with our suckiness:
I am ashamed at dishonoring my family with such a performance.
Mistakes were made and only hard work will yield improvement.
Trading has picked up in the PCOG, and some people have questioned the timeframe in which they are authorized. To make things easy and speedy, when you have a trade that has been approved by both sides send me a text. While I cannot approve a trade from the mobile app, I will do so from my laptop. It will still take 24 hours from the time the trade is approved for it to go into effect, so if you make a trade on Saturday get it done before 1300 so both teams can use the new players. I personally am willing to trade anyone so send me your proposals. Waivers process tomorrow AM and remember that Winter is Coming
Week 5:
[136.7-56.7] Jared (2-3) defeats Graham (0-5) TRADITION!!! Winning margin 80 FPTS (Record)
[120.4-110.4] Tyler (4-1) defeats Alan (4-1)
[117-84.7] Bryan (3-2) defeats Troy (2-3)
[98.5-90.9] Jonny (3-2) defeats Seth (3-2) Game of the Week, Winning margin 7.6 FPTS
[158.3-120.8] Aaron (4-1) defeats Jeff (1-4)
[131-85.7] Andy (3-2) defeats Jordan (1-4)
Week 5 Recap:
And They Will Know Us By The Trail Of Broken Tackles........
Week 5 in PCOG Action was high scoring and full of JESUS CHRIST HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO RENAME YOUR TEAMS? Aaron and Tyler are the only members who don't change their names as often as they change their socks, mostly because Aaron only wears chakas now. I don't know enough about Tyler to castigate his fashion or personal hygiene status, but I am sure Jordan can fill us all in. Anyway, Week 5 had some breakout performers (Branden Oliver anyone?), some back from the dead appearances (Demaryius Thomas, Arian Foster Thanks Jeff!) and Eddie Royal's annual disappearing act
To the recap!
WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!
A NEW RECORD FOR MARGIN OF DESTRUCTION HAS BEEN REACHED!
WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!
Jared (Harr, 2-3) showed no mercy to the pitiful collection of dog vomit that was Graham's team (FUK, 0-5), skulldragging him by 80 FPTS! PFM (Peyton Fucking Manning, The Sheriff) lead the way and the QB crop by dropping four (4) touchdowns and four hundred seventy nine (479!!!!) yards all over Graham's face.
Who needs Julio Jones' Spiderman catch
or Khiry Robinson's overtime winning truckfest
when you are "competing" against Graham? To quote from the Book of Commish, "Lo, the Fantasy Gods have heard you. They have sensed the black festering evil in your heart. And Ye shall be struck down!"
When you wish injuries upon a star, makes no difference who you are, nothing that your heart desires will come to you...
First place in the Mountain division has been taken by Tyler (SSD, 4-1) as a result of his victory over Alan (DERP, 4-1). Not even the Monday Night heroics of Russell Wilson and Marshawn Lynch
could overcome Demarco Da Beast and the incredibly gutsy call to start Andre Williams. Willams, the backup at the start of the game, received the call to the front lines after Rashad Jennings was injured. IN THE THIRD QUARTER! How in the holy fuck did you know to start him? Especially when that ageless wonder, Fred Jackson, and the much more utilized Shane Vereen rotted on your bench? There is only one explanation:
Due to his latest(!) name change, it would appear that Troy (Ass, 2-3) is awful in bed, or at the very least physically repugnant and selfish. Phil Dawson is most generous however, afforded by the 49ers bend but don't break offense many, many field goal attempts. So many attempts that he was the high scoring player on Troy's squad!
This is not a winning formula though, as Bryan's (3-2, 3-2) Fozzy is Fucking Fired's fellows featuring Fillip Rivers
, Forte and Fozzy
fried friend's phalanx of footballers!
Johnny (yeye, 3-2) lengthened Seth's (Brzl, 3-2) losing streak by another mark in the closest game of the week. Several mediocre
scoring outputs were enough to get past the #1 fantasy QB, Andrew Luck
Those three Percy Harvin TDs called back by penalty would have been nice though....
The next contest though begins with a public service announcement. I would like to personally thank Jeff, Troy, Seth and Graham for not constantly blowing up my phone this Sunday with text messages to the entire group. By the entire group I of course mean everyone. Everyone?
Aaron's pair of threes (Eddie Lacy, 30 FPTS & Andre Ellington, 34 FPTS) were enough to overcome Jeff's pair of twos (Greg Olsen, 22.2 FPTS & Brian Quick 23.2 FPTS)in a come from behind
Birthday Bash!
Finally we arrive at the latest masterpiece from your humble Commissioner. NOT EVEN THE PATHETIC SINGLE DIGIT SCORING OF 56% OF MY TEAM CAN OVERCOME THE AWESOME WONDERFULNESS OF MY HORDE OF FANTASY FOOTBALL PLAYERS
DEMARYIUS TARGARYEN, CALLED STORMBORN, BURNER OF ALL DEFENSES, MOVER OF CHAINS, MOTHER OF TOUCHDOWNS, KHAL OF THE DENVER KHALASAR, AND FIRSTROUND PICK OF THE BRONCOS, JUST DROPPED THE HIGHEST WR SCORE OF THE LEAGUE YEAR!
ARIAN FOSTER RUSHED FOR 157 YARDS AND TWO TOUCHDOWNS AND THE COWBOYS STILL WON!
It has been brought to my attention that the penalty for sacks taken by a QB, currently at -2 FPTS per sack, is too harsh and I agree. A quarterback would have to pass for 50+ yards just to get back to zero after a single sack as it stands. this malus will be reduced to -.5 pts for each sack taken next year because the settings cannot be adjusted once the year has begun.
Our next round of games brings us a Battle of Brothers (MEGA 3-2 vs 3-3, 3-3), A Crimson Tide Clash (Harr 2-3 vs Braz 4-1), Brawn versus Bowlpacker (Brzl 3-2, Derp 4-1), TROY IMMEDIATELY CHANGING HIS NAME BECAUSE HE IS PLAYING A LADY (Ass 2-3 vs TnT 1-4), a New Winning Streak Stops (SSD 4-1 vs yeye 3-2) and the Toilet Bowl (Fuk 0-5 vs Kirk 1-4). Everyone run out to claim Brandon Oliver and prepare, Winter is Coming
Week 6:
[179.4-141.2] Bryan (4-2) defeats Andy (3-3)
[128.5-120.7] Jared (3-3) defeats Aaron (4-2)
[83.4-83] Seth (4-2) defeats Alan (4-2) Game of the Week, Winning margin .4 FPTS
[142.1-81.1] Tyler (5-1) defeats Jonny (3-3) TRADITION!!! Winning margin 61 FPTS
[88.3-77.4] Jordan (2-4) defeats Troy (2-4)
[118.8-86.1] Jeff (2-4) defeats Graham (0-6)
Week 6 Recap:
The Throwing Dead
Week 6 in the PCOG was the equivalent of Halloween come early. (And the return of The Walking Dead!) Several zombies clawed their way out of the grave to lock up a win, or score crazy points, or continue to rot in the bench-grave. But first, a public service announcement:
I (DRGN, 3-3) lost to Bryan, (4-2, 4-2) in the highest scoring matchup of the week.
Despite scoring the third most points of any team this week.
Despite the newly acquired jewels of my team scoring 56 FPTS
But mainly because his team is really stacked and looks damn good.
Bryan is the next NFL associated man to be charged with domestic abuse, as his lineup consisted of 2 players facing the Turrible Oakland Raiders, two stars against the Turrible Atlanta Falcons, and one player against the Turrible Turrible NY Jets.
Needless to say, I have failed in my mission to defeat that scumbag and it falls unto you, dear reader, to fight back the locus of fantasy evil that is my brother.
Until Week 12.....
In other news, Jared (Harr, 3-3) climbed back into respectability by evening his record to .500 after defeating Aaron (Braz, 4-2) in a close game. Julio Jones' meager offering of 9 FPTS, marking the low tide output for this season, did not derail the offensively named performance of Harris' squad. Aaron had a chance headed into MNF and the double trouble threat of Kaep to Boldin almost brought him the win.
But Fat Eddie Lacy's continued off and on scoring was enough to torpedo Aaron's chances.
For the second time this year Seth (Brzl, 4-2) came away [before the stat adjustments are made] with a win by the skin of his teeth. .4FPTS was all that separated him from Alan (DERP, 4-2). Seth made it known to his team's MVP, Andrew Luck, that he needed another strong performance this week. So Luck played the Houston JJ Watts
and came away with 25 strong points. The heart of Alan's team was cut out by that whirling chainsaw dervish that is the 5-1 DALLAS COWBOYS, WHO DEFEATED THE PUNY SEACOCKS IN SEATTLE! I mean come on, didn't you look at that matchup and think " I can't start my guys against the Cowboys!"? It is probably time to cut bait on Cordarrelle Patterson though.
In what is becoming a weekly occurrence, a 50+ FPT beatdown was applied to the smoking rubble of the defeated. Johnny MoCo (yeye, 3-3) is this weeks victim, eradicated by 60+ points by Tyler (SSD, 5-1, Current #1 Overall seed). Johnny evidently did not believe in the rebound by Tom Brady, Fantasy Zombie.
It wouldn't have mattered though, not when Tyler serves up the combo platter of Aaron Rodgers and Demarco Murray week in and week out.
In another close game, chivalry prevailed as Troy's (Ass, 2-4) completely ungentlemanly moniker was maced in the face by Jordan's (TNT, 2-4) Feminine Wiles. Troy may be terrible, but Giovanni Bernard is awesome. This 21 FPT play is a thing of beauty:
Finally, Graham is a study in inconsistency. He has believed in Lesean McCoy ever since taking him #1 overall in the draft. He has started him for the previous 3 weeks of subpar scoring. Sticking to his guns this week he is rewarded with 154 all purpose yards. TY Hilton, the 6th most targeted WR in the league, has dribbed and drabbed his way through the season, with only mediocre results thus far. Once again Graham's patience is rewarded, this time with the highest scoring output of any WR this week. Cam Newton, franchise quarterback of his beloved Carolina anthers, gets no such treatment. CAM NEWTON AND HIS 37.4 FPTS, 391 ALL PURPOSE YARDS AND 3 TOTAL TOUCHDOWNS ROTTED ON THE BENCH LIKE A SCRUB. IF YOU WANT TO WIN, LET BOOBIE SPIN!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHACOUGHCOUGHCOUGH. DRINKS SIP OF WATER
Week 7 in the PCOG brings the following contests: Senior Citizen Showdown (DRGN 3-3 vs Ass 2-4), Rum Bottle Revenge (4-2 4-2 vs Braz 4-2) Hans and Franz grudge match (Brzl 4-2 vs Harr 3-3), Mountains Meet MoCo (yeye 3-3 vs DERP 4-2), So You're Telling Me There's a Chance... (SSD 5-1 vs Kirk 2-4) and Graham finds new and entertaining ways to bench players who would otherwise give him a win (TNT 2-4 vs SUK 0-6). Only two teams are on bye this week and the waiver wire belongs to Graham SO HE CAN TRADE WHOEVER HE USES #1 PRIORITY ON TO BRYAN. Plus, you know, Winter is Coming
Week 7:
[104.4-102.4] Alan (5-2 defeats Jonny (3-4) Game of the Week, Winning margin 2 FPTS
[121-80.1] Graham (1-6) defeats Jordan (2-5)
[128.8-118.4] Tyler (7-1) defeats Jeff (2-5)
[129.3-99.2] Seth (5-2) defeats Jared (3-4)
[125.7-100] Aaron (5-2) defeats Bryan (4-3)
[119.6-60.9] Andy (4-3) defeats Troy (2-5) TRADITION!!!, Winning Margin 58.7 FPTS
Week 7 Recap:
It's all Downhill from Here
It is the official midpoint of the fantasy season. In six short weeks a new champion will be crowned for the 2014 PCOG year. The official standings are here http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/standings…, Currently there are 6 teams over .500 and 6 sets of losers
trying to scrape together some semblance of a competitive squad. But first, a news update from your humble Commissioner
The associated members of the Porkchop Ownership Group have determined that Sunday, December 14, shall be the official Panthers game of the PCOG. It is a one o' clock game against a terrible opponent, but it should be after everyone's school semester ends. Feel free to post in the message board http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/tools/viewmessage…whether you will be able to attend, as far as I know myself, Graham, Bryan and Jeff shall be crashing on Jared and Lindsey's assorted couches the night before and probably the morning after. I prefer two pillows, one a body pillow. Make that shit happen. To the Recap!
Action in the PCOG is many things: often entertaining, sometimes by a wide margin, occasionally served with a side of marital stress. Sometimes the margin between victory and defeat could only be swayed by a level of precognition only made possible by high doses of PCP, yoga induced lineup nirvana and a personal blessing from the Fantasy Gods. Johnny MoCo had none of these things this week. He lost (yeye, 3-4) by a slim 2 FPTS to the most assuredly faded Alan (DERP, 5-2) mostly because of the wondrous pigskin midget that is Russell Wilson, who had the first (1st) 300+ passing yard and 100+ rushing yard performance in the history of the NFL.
Pretty much everyone else on Alan's roster performed like a bag of dicks except for Mike Wallace. Johnny chased last week's FPT performance from Tom Brady
to no avail, even though he had a respectable 22.5 FPTs. He could have won if he had started Greg Jennings, who puts the team on his back doh.
But no one in his right mind would start or even roster Greg Jennings. Except for Johnny.
This week did have a first for the season, Graham (FUK, 1-6) finally got a win against Jordan (TNT, 2-5). Personally, after watching Graham find new and inventive ways to screw up six back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back weeks in a row; only to drop 121 FPTS on her only has one possible explanation. He is a card counter
Or Jordan's maternal instincts caused her to subconsciously torpedo her own team so that Graham could bask in the warmth glow of victory for one week. Anyways, Graham begged forgiveness from Cam Newton and started him this week after letting him languish on the bench last week. The big revelations were Sammy Watkins 2 TD 122YD
and Chris Ivory's 107 YDS against a tough Patriot's rushing defense.
Jordan had Jordy Nelson, Jamaal Charles, and a bag of not-dicks.
Jeff (Kirk, 2-5) suffered that most ignominious mistake of history: not learning from the mistakes of the past, be it recent or distant. In other words, he started Kirk Cousins who is awful, terrible, dreadful, awful, appalling, horrific, horrifying, horrible, horrendous, atrocious, abominable, deplorable, egregious, abhorrent, frightful, shocking, hideous, ghastly, grim, dire, unspeakable, gruesome, monstrous, sickening, heinous, and vile at football. He got .5 FPTS. IN TOTAL!
When did you start rooting for Alabama? BECAUSE YOU GOT FUCKED BY YOUR COUSINS TOO! YOU AND JARED ARE
Tyler once again achieved victory on the back of Aaron Rodgers
and the soon to be Most Valuable Player in the NFL, he of 7 straight 100+ yard rushing yards (a new NFL record), #666 Demarco Da Beast!
On a side note, it hurts my soul as a long suffering Cowboys fan to not have him.
Seth (Brzl, 5-2), I love your new name.
Having all but one player score 20+ FPTS is a testament to your knowledge, skill, ability and is in keeping with the finest traditions of Fantasy Football and reflect great credit upon you, the Porkchop Ownership Group and the National Football League. Jared (Harr, 3-4) however, had PFM, the surprisingly competent Trent Richardson, and basically nothing else.
Aaron (Braz, 5-2) clawed his way to first place in the Coastal Division after defeating Bryan [C'mon Man](Fuck, 4-3)
mainly because of his triple double: Andre Ellington, Randall Cobb and Dez Bryant all scored 20+ FPTS. Bryan had a strong performance by Matt Forte and a PASSING touchdown from Antonio Brown that induced a pants-shitting phone call from Aaron. Not to worry, he didn't get enough points to cap an epic come from behind victory.
In the final contest, Troy (Ass, 2-5) was defeated by THE FORCES OF RIGHTEOUSNESS AND CHIVALRY AS DEMARYIUS TARGARYEN SPANKED THAT ASS ALL THE WAY TO 2-5
WITH 8 CATCHES FOR 172 YARDS AND TWO TOUCHDOWNS, ONE OF WHICH WAS THE RECORD SETTER!
and that was about it.....
This week's PCOG matchups include: The classic trap game (FUK 1-6 vs DRGN 4-3), a Sibling Sporting Struggle (TNT 2-5 vs SSD 6-1), Jared jousts with Johnny (Harr 3-4 vs yeye 3-4), and other puns I am too tired to make. Sorry about the late post, Winter is Coming
Week 8:
[138.2-132.7] Seth (6-2) defeats Bryan (4-4) Game of the Week, winning margin 5.5 FPTS
[131.4-85.2] Jonny (4-4) defeats Jared (3-5)
[98.3-68.6] Jeff (3-5) defeats Alan (5-3)
[163.1-151.9] Tyler (7-1) defeats Jordan (2-6)
[137.1-119.5] Graham (2-6) defeats Andy (4-4)
[143.8-128.4] Troy ((3-5) defeats Aaron (5-3)
Week 8 Recap:
That's why they play the game
That was the reaction of several managers in the PCOG at various times Sunday and Monday. Aaron, seeing (my boy) Tony Romo being carted off the field due to a back injury...
Or Jordan, once Tony went down and Demarco Murray began to gain massive yards for Tyler...
Or me, seeing the final score of my matchup...
To the Recap!
As already noted, this week had results that were previously thought to be impossible
Yes, Graham (2-6, FUK) beat Vizzini's Vengeance Squad (RVNG, 4-4) by using a classic stratagem: Using the advice I have been pleading him to employ since the beginning of the year; namely starting Sammy Watkins and TY Hilton.
I am not the all knowing, all seeing Fantasy Football Genius that I appear at not only first, but sixth glance. I thought the trade between Bryan and Graham was an open and shut case of trade rape. Then Mark Ingram came back from injury to play the turrible Packers Defense. 172 YDS and 1 TD later I lost despite the number 1 fantasy performance by a RB in the league this week.
That was not nearly as frustrating as transpired between Jordan (TNT, 2-6)and Tyler (SSD, 7-1) though. We have already discussed the glory that is Demarco Murray, but Jordan had a sizeable lead headed into the Sunday Night game. Tyler had Aaron Rodgers
but Jordan had Jordy Nelson, Rodgers #1 target and the highest scoring receiver headed in to the week. One could reasonably assume that a large number of targets and touchdowns would head to him, negating points scored by Rodgers. But no, everyone BUT Jordy got the ball in the process of getting smashed by the Saints. His Gronkness could not be overcome nor denied.
In the Time honored tradition of the PCOG, Jared was stomped by Johnny by 50+ FPTS
One week before the actual game (Den@NE, 4:25 PM on CBS), Brady vs Manning once again went Tommy's way. Brady racked up 354 PYDS and 5 TDS for Johnny MoCo (yeye, 4-4) en reducing Harris (Harr, 3-5) to smoking rubble. That could be expected given the Patriots recent offensive production, but 24 FPTS out of the Vikings Defense?
Jared's case was also hampered by Trent Richardson's inherent trentrichardsonness. He rushed for zero touchdowns with no yards on none attempts. Cuz hes hurt, and he sux!
Troy (Yup!, 3-5), whose pestering of me made this article come out exactly 37 seconds later than it would have if his tits had remained calm
triumphed over Aaron (Braz, 5-3)due to Emmanuel Sanders' 3 TDs,
Drew Brees remembering that the evidently healthy Jimmy Graham is really good at football and the #1 D/ST in the league, whoever plays Jacksonville.
Aaron had the right Packers (Cobb, 25.1 FPTS and Fat Eddie Lacy, 24.5 FPTS)from that laugher Sunday night but it was not enough to overcome the tragic loss of Tony Romo.
Jeff evidently has the FF Suicide Hotline on speed dial. Despite several awful performances he has kept his head held high and stuck to his guns (with tons of help from terrific players I traded away like a dumbass). He (Kirk, 3-5) triumphed over Alan (DERP, 5-3); who after several weeks or reaping the bounties of starting two players from the same team is now suffering the consequences. Russell Wilson and Marshawn Lynch both scored the second fewest FPTS of the year. Trade for Percy Harvin and maybe those two will start to do well again. Feel free to use this as your new logo Alan
In some Middle Eastern themed mayhem, Seth (Brzl, 6-2) narrowly edged Bryan ( smile emoticon, 4-4) in the closest contest of the week. By completing his PCOG duty, Seth gets this:
Anyways, Seth rode The New King of Garbage Time, Andrew Luck to victory. The rest of his AFC South All Star team provided good production. Jesus, you do know there are more divisions in the NFL right? Speaking of divisional loyalty, all of Bryan's team is on a bye this week. Bryan can probably blame Julius Thomas (3.3 FPTS) for this week's loss, but if he had done any better the Thursday Night Charger's loss would probably have been worse.
Before our look at next week, allow me to address in this public forum some questions I have received regarding the waiver process. The way it works is this: Teams are awarded priority in inverse order of the standings. The suckiest get first dibs, but only on their first claim. For instance, if you claim Player X this week AND Player Y, X will be your first priority unless you change the order in the pending moves section of your team tab (above your roster). If you and another team want X and you suck more, you get him. If you and another team want Y, the second team will get Y (even if Team 2 has a better record) because you used your first priority move on the waiver process. Look at it this way; each team is numbered 1-12 on the waiver priority list. If the #1 priority team (Graham, in this week's case) uses a waiver claim he will get the player, and then move back to #12 while everyone else moves up one number. If you need further clarification txt me. http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/waiverreport?leagueId=53884 Here is this week's waiver report, which can be found at the bottom of the League Update note every week.
Week 9 brings some juicy matchups: an across weight class wrasslin match (Braz 5-3 vs FUK 2-6) [CRUSH HIS NUTS FOR ME A-A-RON!], Manning matches Maru (Harr 3-5 vs Kirk 3-5), Bye week Blues ( smile emoticon 4-4 vs yeye 4-4), Begrudingly rooting against a Cowboy (SSD 7-1 vs RVNG 4-4), yet another classic trap game (Brzl 6-2 vs Yup! 3-5), and finally the Pass the Bowl (TNT 2-6 vs DERP 5-3). 16 of 32 teams have a bye in the next three weeks. Prepare your teams with adequate roster depth because Winter is Coming. Oh yeah, this is for you Graham. Good Game
Week 9
[146.3-109.5] Tyler (8-1) defeats Andy (4-5)
[112.2-106.1] Jonny (5-4) defeats Bryan (4-5)
[93.8-65.4] Jeff (4-5) defeats Jared (3-6)
[109.1-94] Alan (6-3) defeats Jordan (2-7)
[135.4-125.6] Troy (4-5) defeats Seth (6-3)
[120.9-112.7] Aaron (6-3) defeats Graham (2-7) Game of the Week, Winning margin 8.2 FPTS
Week 9 Recap:
The Home Stretch
Action in the PCOG is quickly drawing to a close. One month is all that remains before the playoffs start, and teams are jockeying for position. Remember, the top six teams make it to the playoffs with the two division winners on a week one bye. The other teams will have a bracket of their own. This year there is no trade deadline so you guys can continue to tinker right through the playoffs.
Action in the PCOG is quickly drawing to a close. One month is all that remains before the playoffs start, and teams are jockeying for position. Remember, the top six teams make it to the playoffs with the two division winners on a week one bye. The other teams will have a bracket of their own. This year there is no trade deadline so you guys can continue to tinker right through the playoffs.
Week 9 showed just how cruel a mistress fantasy football can be. Close, down to the wire games were the norm this week. To the recap!
Tyler is a fantasy machine. The best chance at knocking him off his 5 game win streak came and went this week, with the Super Sonic Dudes (8-1, SSD) emerging victorious once again. Despite not having the #4 QB in fantasy this week he easily dispatched Vizzini's Vengeance Squad (4-5, RVNG). Who needs Rodgers when Alex Fucking Smith (heretofore known as AFS) throws a TD to a scrub tight end ( which should have been caught by MY TIGHT END) while he is perching on his kiester because he IS NOT ATHLETIC ENOUGH TO BOTH BLOCK AND STAY ON HIS FEET!
He won in spite of the NFL's soon to be MVP, Demarco Murray, having his worst FPT output of the year! He won because Gronk continues to gronk his way through the universe, gronking all defenders foolish enough to quiver in his path.
But mainly he won because I foolishly left 42 FPTS of rookie receiver on the bench like the moron I am. What kind of imbecile starts a player who relies on the noodle armed failed New York Yankees pitcher to get him the ball?
Mine was not the worst lineup decision of the week though. One man, one self-professed fantasy genius, THE DEFENDING CHAMPION OF THE PORKCHOP OWNERSHIP GROUP ( :'-( , 4-5) made a critical error. Instead of starting Jay Cutler with his mammoth, Roethlisbergian 0.0 FPTS on a bye output
he chose to start Philip Rivers. The #7 fantasy QB of the year so far was pitted against the #1 fantasy D/ST and #2 passing defense in the NFL. Sing unto me O Muse of the failitude, the LOLiness, the utter schadenfreude of this clash of titans:
Speaking of Roethlisberger, Johnny MoCo (yeye, 5-4) has in the last two weeks left 12 PTDs on the bench! Or the equivalent of 48 FPTS! An unheard of spike of productivity.
Meanwhile, Jeff the Jiant (Tits, 4-5) is doing his best to climb out of the standings cellar where he belongs. He can lay claim to a two game winning streak after thoroughly crushing the once proud Jared (Harr, 3-6). All Harris has now is the scattered remnants of his meager pride and the reflective properties of PFM's fivehead. Plus an interesting shower routine.
Jeff did't even need a QB with two complete and functioning collarbones to embarrass Jared. Not when you get 70+ FPTS out of four starters.
MNF brought heartbreak or relief depending on your point of view. Alan (DERP, 6-3) got the winning points from Adam Vinatieri thanks in large part to the 97 XPs he kicked during the rout of the Giants. Seth's (Brzl, 6-3) triple play of Luck, Bradshaw and Allen (56.1) came up just short in a down to the wire match against Troy. Alan was powered to victory by Marshawn Lynch returning to form with 30.3 FPTS
Jordan had a shot mainly because she started against all reason Matt Asiata, who had 10 rushes for 26 pathetic yards. Oh and 3 TDs, ruining Jerrick McKinnon's value and also contributing to my defeat.
The trade for Giovanni Bernard's handcuff, Jeremy Hill was the difference for Troy. 39.2 FPTS of roster move later paid off big. Alan should have held out for a kidney.
Lastly, the feel good story of the year came to a screaming halt as Aaron got past Graham in the second closest game of the week. Graham got out to a good start on Thursday Night, due to the prolific running of Mark Ingram. How it must have torn at your heart to watch him rack up yardage and touchdowns while simultaneously running out the clock on your beloved Panthers. Cam Newton sucks again, but performed better than Aaron's QB this week. Kaeperkick succumbed to 8 sacks and 2 fumbles yielding -4 FPTS, or still better than Filipe Rio. Aaron's fourth round draft pick, Andre Ellington, is the #6 RB in fantasy this year. Pretty good for an undersized player who was picked 45th overall in the 2014 PCOG Draft.
Week 10 will show the dark underbelly of Fantasy Football as friends compete for fleeting supremacy. Vizzini Vies against Vinatieri (RVNG 4-5 vs DERP 6-3), Bouncers Bump Stuff ( cry emoticon 4-5 vs Tits 4-5)
Jared races Jordan to the bottom (Harr 3-6, TNT 2-5), First Place Fisticuffs (SSD 8-1 vs Braz 6-3), Seth's A. Luck Runs Out (Brzl 6-3 vs FUK 2-7) and Johnny now has Bye Week Herpes (yeye 5-4 vs Yup 4-5). Nobody good is on waivers and no one wants to trade, so I have no choice but to stock my team with the wondrous receivers I have on my own bench. Unless someone moved to Miami without telling anyone get ready because Winter is Coming and really is almost here.
Week 10
[163-110.2] Aaron (7-3) defeats Tyler (8-2) TRADITION!!! Winning margin 52.8FPTS
[137.5-102.4] Jordan (3-7) defeats Jared (3-7)
[124.1-98.3] Troy (5-5) defeats Jonny (5-5)
[113.1-96.7] Graham (3-7) defeats Seth (6-4)
[108.5-94.7] Bryan (5-5) defeats Jeff (4-6)
[110.4-99.2] Alan (7-3) defeats Andy (4-6) Game of the Week, Winning margin 11.2 FPTS
Week 10 Recap:
The King is Dead (But still in First Place)
Week 10 in PCOG action resulted in Juggernuts all over the place. The average margin of victory this week was 25.9 FPTS, which was skewed by several epic beatdowns. The weekly tradition of the 50+ FPT victory was carried on this week by Aaron (Braz, 7-3)over Tyler (SSD, 8-2).
This game was marked by a simple question. How many starters can we stack in games against the horrible Bears and the turrible Jaguars? 9 combined players totaled 188.5 FPTS against Chicago Technical Academy and the Jacksonville School for the Deaf, Dumb, and Bortles. Lucky for Aaron, Rodgers got pulled in the third quarter or he may have thrown 10 touchdowns for 900 yards. Still in less than 45 minutes of work he tallied 45 FPTS as the highest scoring player of the week.
Tyler wagered that the horrible Bears and incompetent Panthers would not be able to cover Maclin and Adams, sitting Kelvin Benjamin and his two garbage time scores. It wouldn't have mattered though as Aaron's Spanish Gibberish had 3 players with over 20 FPTS. Both teams emerged as the leaders of their divisions, and are on pace for the playoff byes.
The Brazzle home was a happy one for both members this week as Jordan (TNT, 3-7) defeated Jared (Harr, 3-7) in a fairly one sided affair. Once again Harris' team consisted of PFM and the Good Ship Dumpster Fire.
PFM was also pulled from the game in the third quarter, but not before breaking Brock Osweiler's heart.
Jordan's quarterback stayed in the whole game, and he is really good when Megatron is playing. The rest of her team had a well rounded performance, highlighted by Jamaal Charles and Jordy Nelson.
The beatdowns continued when Troy (Seth, 5-5) crushed Johnny (shit, 5-5). Johnny had no choice but to play Ben Roethlisberger this week as Brady was on bye. Unfortunately the best performers from his team were also on bye. Johnny had four players score less than 5 points in a textbook case of poor performance. Speaking of poor performance, AJ Green could not overcome his quarterback Andy "I have a 100 million dollar contract" Dalton.
Troy was also covered in the stink of the Bengals. Jeremy Hill, he of the 35 FPT performance last week puked all over his shoes on Thursday night.
But Troy also has Jimmy Graham, who doesn't know why this is Pass Interference.
THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US! GRAHAM HAS WON TWO GAMES IN A ROW!
Graham (FUK, 3-7) triumphed over the previously high flying Seth (Shit, 6-4) in spite of Cam Newton still sucking. Lesean McCoy, the #1 overall pick, continues to disappoint as well. Graham overcame that particular cluster because several trades have borne fruit. Mark Cumming In Graham's face had 120 RUYDS against the possibly terrible 49er defense and Greg Olsen is the only guy besides Benjamin worth owning on the entire Panther's offense. Golden Tate proved that someone other than Calvin Johnson is worth owning from the Lion's WRs and Brandin Cooks continued with his Whack-a-Mole performance trend. Seth's chances dove into the shitter once Ronnie Hillman went down with a mid-foot strain. Percy Harvin must have had another migraine this week as he had little production against the stinky Steelers D/ST. Sanchez was good for you though. Serendipitously enough Seth will never have to rely on the Sanchize again as Luck returns next week.
Speaking of coming back from a bye, Bryan (Win, 5-5) shook of his own case of bye week leprosy to drop the boom on Jeff (Tits, 4-6), denying him a chance to claw his way back to .500 and sending him tumbling back into the cellar WHERE HE BELONGS.
Jeff has a bold strategy of chasing epic FPT production from weeks past. "Gather 'round, young FF players, and let me tell you of Larry Donnell. He once caught three touchdown passes in one game! Then he went on to produce precisely one more in the next 6 weeks!" Markus Wheaton, Reuben Randle, Sammy Watkins (admittedly injured, but why would you start an injured player?), this is the starting WR corps of a fat camp touch football league. If only you had received a non ludicrous trade offer which would yield you a starting caliber WR?
Bryan overcame the pants-shitting "performance" of his Bears this week because he started the Pittsburgh WR who catches 2 balls a game that actually came to play: Martavis Bryant. That and PFM remembered who Julius Thomas was.
Finally, it is time to reap the whirlwind. Alan (7-3) JUGGERNUTTED ALL OVER MY (FSHAK, 4-6) FACE THIS WEEK!
IN SPITE OF STARTING AN INJURED ANDREW HAWKINS WHO NETTED 0.00 FPTS!
IN SPITE OF STARTING ONE OF ANDY "NO SERIOUSLY I HAVE A 100 MILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT" DALTON'S WRS! AND A JET!
HE GOT 257 RYRDS AND 5 RTDS OUT OF THE SEAHAWK PLAYERS I HAD PREVIOUSLY LAMBASTED!
(The fantasy performance of those two will be dramatically portrayed here by Batman and Robin)
(The fantasy performance of those two will be dramatically portrayed here by Batman and Robin)
(The total fantasy performance to be dramatically portrayed here, with Andy as Peter Venkman and the Fantasy God's cruel revenge as Slimer/Ray Stantz)
I must formally apologize and congratulate you on your win.
Only three weeks remain in regular season PCOG play, and as far as I can figure out no one is mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. Dirty Mike and the Boys hope to say "Thanks for the F-Shack" against PFM and the Dumpster Fire:
Something's gotta Give (Braz, 7-3 vs DERP, 7-3), Brothers-in-law Battle Redux (Shit, 6-4 vs SSD, 8-2), New Guys Noogie (Tits, 4-6 vs Seth, 5-5), Union Pines Civil War (FUK, 3-7 vs shit, 5-5) and Aaron's Roommates past and present (Draw, 5-5 vs TNT, 3-7)
If you want to go to the Panthers game on December 14 @ 1:00 PM in Charlotte, send me a text. We will need to buy the tickets in the next two weeks. There are tentative places to stay, and we have vehicles appropriate for tailgating and carpooling to the game. Tickets currently appear to be from 45-70 dollars apiece (nosebleed, center section). Thanks to a typhoon hitting Alaska, Polar Vortex is a reality again this year so not only is Winter Coming, its gonna suck.
Week 11
[121.3-90]
Andy (5-6) beat Harris (3-8)
[102.8-102] Bryan (6-5) beat Jordan (3-8) Game of the Week, Winning margin .8 FPTS
[115.6-106.1] Aaron (8-3) beat Alan (7-4)
[139.6-63.1] Tyler (8-2) crushed Seth (6-5) TRADITION!!! Winning margin 73.6 FPTS
[108.9-86.6] Graham (4-7) beat Johnny (5-6)
[ 107.1-92.4] Troy (5-6) beat Jeff (4-7)
Week 12
[130-115] Bryan (7-5) beat Andy (5-7)
[149.3-117.1] Aaron (9-3) beat Jared (3-9)
[106.8-73.6] Seth (7-5) beat Alan (7-5)
[110.2-97.6] Johnny (6-6) beat Tyler (9-3) Game of the Week, Winning Margin 12.6 FPTS
[141.5-118] Graham (5-7) beat Jeff (4-8)
[145.3-72.1] Troy (7-5) crushed Jordan (3-9) TRADITION!!! Winning margin 73.2 FPTS
Week 12 Recap:
The past two weeks have solidified the playoff races. The Coastal Division is basically wrapped up, as Rachel is the only Breasseale child to not have a playoff berth cinched. Aaron has the Coastal Division locked up, and the Silver Medal is still up for grabs. If Seth wins and Johnny wins, Seth is second place. If Seth loses and Johnny wins, regular season total points scored will serve as the tiebreaker. If Johnny loses and I win, I am in as the last seed for the playoffs.
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmeuqJO_Xwc[/yt]
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmeuqJO_Xwc[/yt]
The Mountain Division, to no ones suprise, belongs to Tyler. The next two seeds are a three man race with only two landing spots. Currently, ODB AKA Odell Beckham Junior AKA Peanut the Rapper AKA Dirt McGirt AKA Joe Bananas AKA Little Billy Clinton AKA The Specialist AKA Big Baby Jesus and the rest of Wu-Tang Financial
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQfjwVRnUhs[/yt]
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQfjwVRnUhs[/yt]
are in second place as a result of his third highest total points for. Troy and Alan are trailing him. This only holds as long as their records are the same however. If Alan is the only one to win, for instance, he will take second seed in the division and the other two would be settled by total points for. Either way only two of these three bouncers are getting into the club.
That leaves the consolation bracket. There are several options. We could do a "Sacko" themed competition wherein only the losers advance, but I personally believe Jeff would throw the bracket just so he could win something this year. My personal preference is to have a winner advance tourney where the winner picks his/her draft slot for next year.
Almost all of the seeds depend on this week's matchups which are well underway thanks to the holiday's triple dip. Dirty Mike and the Boys (5-7) lead the Boonedock Saints 33.1 to 4, thanks to the resurgence of an evil, sentient robotic being known as Megatron
[image]http://a.espncdn.com/…/2…/1127/nfl_a_bears22d_cr_600x400.jpg[/image
[image]http://a.espncdn.com/…/2…/1127/nfl_a_bears22d_cr_600x400.jpg[/image
Bend it like Beckham Jr leads Pollo Mojado 73.9 to 13.6 after the first day's action. Aaron had no good options at quarterback this week, as he had one total 1 FPT and the other total 0 FPTS. Both played the entire game in case you were passed out in a turkey coma.
[image]http://www.crossingbroad.com/…/upl…/2014/11/Romo.gif[/image]
[image]http://www.crossingbroad.com/…/upl…/2014/11/Romo.gif[/image]
The Community Doorknob (everyone handles him?) and General Admiral Haffaz Aladeen are in a close, boring contest as of now. because Seth had two starters produce next to nothing to Jared's one, you could say that Seth is winning this particular race to the bottom.
[image]https://i.imgflip.com/eouny.jpg[/image]
Alan, owner of Gently Down Loser Falls, hates me and my FF aspirations. After playing four starters on Turkey Day (including his two highest scoring players) he only put up 43.1 FPTS against Call Me Obama Cause I Suck. Damnit Allen, don't you know that my postseason hopes rely on your ability to succeed where I had the opportunity to and failed?!?!?!?!?!?
[image]https://i.imgflip.com/eouzz.jpg[/image]
Super Sonic Dudes appear to have gotten back on track after losing two out of the last three. But that is what the Shit Sipping Mitches and Jeff is good for. Well, that and clogging up a group text message each and every Sunday and Monday from approximately 12 PM to 1 AM, filling the airwaves with ranting missives. Hurling excoriating insults at his league mates and at himself in equal proportions. Allow me, brothers and sisters, to read from the Book of Jeff: Tuesday 25 NOV 14 9:49 PM "What is Winning?"
[image]https://i.imgflip.com/eov6l.jpg[/image]
[image]https://i.imgflip.com/eouny.jpg[/image]
Alan, owner of Gently Down Loser Falls, hates me and my FF aspirations. After playing four starters on Turkey Day (including his two highest scoring players) he only put up 43.1 FPTS against Call Me Obama Cause I Suck. Damnit Allen, don't you know that my postseason hopes rely on your ability to succeed where I had the opportunity to and failed?!?!?!?!?!?
[image]https://i.imgflip.com/eouzz.jpg[/image]
Super Sonic Dudes appear to have gotten back on track after losing two out of the last three. But that is what the Shit Sipping Mitches and Jeff is good for. Well, that and clogging up a group text message each and every Sunday and Monday from approximately 12 PM to 1 AM, filling the airwaves with ranting missives. Hurling excoriating insults at his league mates and at himself in equal proportions. Allow me, brothers and sisters, to read from the Book of Jeff: Tuesday 25 NOV 14 9:49 PM "What is Winning?"
[image]https://i.imgflip.com/eov6l.jpg[/image]
Finally, The Carolina Towelheads take on Twinkle Toes. Jordan feels pretty confident in this game, mostly because Matthew Stafford got to play the Bears "Defense" this week. Graham has the full might and power of our risen lord, Josh Gordon, who was 12 weeks a slave.
[image]http://i.imgur.com/nwVF9HO.jpg[/image]
[image]http://i.imgur.com/PUDuk0I.jpg[/image]
[image]http://i.imgur.com/Jcm4pnR.gif[/image]
[image]http://img.pandawhale.com/135926-Josh-Gordon-meme-Je…/image]
[image]http://i.imgur.com/nwVF9HO.jpg[/image]
[image]http://i.imgur.com/PUDuk0I.jpg[/image]
[image]http://i.imgur.com/Jcm4pnR.gif[/image]
[image]http://img.pandawhale.com/135926-Josh-Gordon-meme-Je…/image]
Sorry for all of those, but I had them saved up from when he was on my team. Needed an excuse to use them. Sorry for the long wait between article too, school and life conspired to get in the way. As I am in the mountains instead of the warm beach, Winter is about Three Weeks Early.
Week 13 Regular Season Finale
[143.6-104.7] Seth (8-5) defeats Jared (3-10)
[143.5-93.6] Bryan (8-5) defeats Aaron (9-4)
[99-69] Jonny (7-6) defeats Alan (7-6)
[132.6-104.9] Graham (6-7) defeats Jordan (3-10)
[118.8-109.2] Tyler (10-3) defeats Jeff (4-9)
[132-99.8] Andy (6-7) defeats Troy (7-6)
Week 13 Recap:
The Playoff Race
The Regular Season has come to an end. 13 weeks of fantasy combat has yielded two brackets of competitors, with untold glory and legions of adoring fans for the victor.
The Dream has come true once again my friends. I, your humble Commissioner, will defend my PCOG Crown in 2014. How did this come about? By equaling my sterling record from last year (in admittedly less dramatic fashion, without an epic and still unmatched 6 game winning streak), the Fantasy Gods have seen fit to bless me with the opportunity to defend my title and with Their blessings I will once again emerge as champion. Week 13 solidified both brackets with only minimal movement.
Seth (8-5) did not use the doorknob, instead he kicked it down all over Jared's (3-10) face. Despite Julio Jones avenging his college era losses to Patrick Peterson by
catching 10 balls for 189 yards and a TD (30.9 FPTS), Jared was completely overwhelmed by Seth. Paced by the second highest scoring QB of the week,
catching 10 balls for 189 yards and a TD (30.9 FPTS), Jared was completely overwhelmed by Seth. Paced by the second highest scoring QB of the week,
Seth crushed Jared with 56.2 FPTS worth of RB. This easily overcame the slow start he began with on Thanksgiving, starting the turrible Bears D/ST. Jared can pin most of the blame for his loss on the lowest FPT production of the year from PFM
Bryan (8-5) earned the 3rd playoff seed with an almost tradition carrying (49.9FPT) victory over Aaron (9-4). Bryan cashed in big time on Turkey Day, scooping up 73.9 FPTS. This enabled him to overcome Alex Smith's "performance" on Sunday Night Football.
Speaking of awful QB play, Aaron's choices came down to what they always do
He actually made the optimal roster decision this week, starting Tony Romo over Colin Kaepernick. As a free tip, you were the guy who drafted Manziel in August. Now may be the time to pick him back up. This resulted in a whopping 1 FPT. That stunning output combined with Andre Ellington's first quarter injury conspired to render Coby Fleener's could have been better scoring storm
Johnny (7-6) received his birthday present early
in the form of his Week 13 matchup against Alan (7-6). This serendipitous quirk of schedule resulted in a win for Johnny that would have resulted in a loss against every other member of the PCOG except Aaron. Johnny was paced by Tom Brady, and was definitely rooting for a shootout in the probable 2014 Super Bowl. Alan got good production out of his Seahawks and bupkis from everyone else.
Graham (6-7) continued his season's turnaround by defeating Jordan (3-10). He continued his WR wheel of death this week by starint Keenan Allen, who had about a month's worth of production against the Ravens this week.
He was also aided by good RB scoring by Shady and Ingram. Jordan got off to a good start on Christmas Pregame from her doughy faced former Bulldog, but ended up coming just short in the end.
Tyler (10-3) righted the ship after a .500 November against Jeff. Jeff has been removed from the PCOG after threatening, for the second time this year, to drop his whole team before quitting. While I understand that this is just a stupid game where many of us spend more time refreshing the app on our phone rather than watching the actual NFL games, this action would have unbalanced the league and screwed all of us right before the playoffs. Next year's PCOG will include a league Constitution where expected standards of conduct will be established for continued PCOG membership. I realize that some of you may not agree with with my decision. Sorry.
Now that that distasteful episode has wrapped up, back to the main event. I CRUSHED TROY'S NUTS LIKE A GRAPE THIS WEEK!
DESPITE STARTING A WASHED UP BUCCANEER AT QUARTERBACK (4.6 FPTS)
AFTER STARTING THE #1 SCORING FANTASY D/ST OF THE WEEK! (29 FPTS)
BECAUSE MEGATRON HAS ONCE AGAIN ASCENDED THE THRONE OF FANTASY GOODNESS!!!
Tyler and Aaron have locked up first round byes, confirming my supposition that a close relationship with Jordan is in fact the key to Fantasy Domination. That leaves a Reckoning between Rivals (Troy 7-6 vs Seth 8-5), Tanned White-guy Tussle (Bryan 8-5 vs Johnny 7-6), Former Roomates Fight it out (Andy 6-7 vs Alan 7-6) and Harris Hassles Hollingsworth (Jared 3-10 vs Jordan 3-10) Good Luck to everyone except Johnny, who lucked his way into the playoff slot that should be mine!
Week 14-16 Playoffs Recap
Playoff Quarterfinals
[98.2-54.9] Seth(9-5) defeats Troy (7-7), advances to semifinal
[135.2-127.9] Bryan (9-5) defeats Jonny (7-7), advances to semifinal
Consolation Bracket
[125-110.2] Andy (7-7) defeats Alan (7-7)
[161.6-92.5] Autopilot defeats Graham (6-8) TRADITION!!! Winning margin 69.1 FPTS
[150.1-102.8] Jordan (4-10) defeats Jared (3-11)
Playoff Semifinal
[109.9-67.1] Tyler (11-3) defeats Seth (9-6), advances to final
[138.4-133.9] Aaron (10-4) defeats Bryan (9-6), advances to final
Playoff Consolation
[107.7-94.2] Troy (8-7) defeats Jonny (7-8)
Consolation Bracket
[108-99.2] Autopilot defeats Andy (7-8)
[95.2-81.3] Alan (8-7) defeats Jordan (4-11)
[90-64.4] Graham (7-8) defeats Jared (3-12)
Playoff Final
[119.5-97] Aaron (11-4) defeats Tyler (11-4), Champion
Playoff Consolation
[146.5-78.3] Bryan (10-6) defeats Seth (9-7) TRADITION!!! Winning Margin 68.2 FPTS
[134.5-124.8] Troy (9-7) defeats Jonny (7-9)
Consolation round
[150.7-67.9] Alan (9-7) defeats Autopilot TRADITION!!! Record Winning Margin 82.8 FPTS
[108.3-93] Graham (8-8) defeats Andy (7-9)
[80.4-64.3] Jared (4-12) defeats Jordan (4-12)
Playoffs Recap:
Ladies and Gentlemen, assorted Fantasy Football Enthusiasts, the 2014 Porkchop Ownership Group season has drawn to an end. A detailed recap of the last phase of the playoffs will follow.
PCOG postseason action was a three tiered affair. The Championship Bracket's semifinal round consisted of the four winningest teams. Seth squared off against the number 1 overall seed and winner of the Mountain Division Tyler. Both teams dealt with subpar performances by their established fantasy studs but Tyler ended up cruising past Seth by a 42.8 FPT margin. Tyler relied on Demarco Murray and Gronk (his second and third round picks from the Draft) to power through Aaron Rodger's struggles against Buffalo. Seth's QB Andrew Luck had a poor (for him) 14+ FPT day but in the end didn't have the horses to get past Tyler's Pro Bowl Roster. The other leg of the bracket featured a rematch of last year's PCOG semifinal as Bryan squared off against Aaron. Bryan's Fantasy Rookie of the Year and the Waiver Wire Pick-up of the Year, Odell Beckham Jr. racked up 37.4 big FPTS, continuing his tear across the last half of the season. He was basically matched tit for tat by Dez Bryant who caught 3 touchdowns in a first place NFC Beast matchup with the Iggles. The difference in that week's headline matchup (winning difference of 4.5 FPTS)was Aaron rolling out the fearsome KC D/ST who totaled 25 FPTS in a shellacking of the lowly Oakland Hodors. This left Aaron (the number two seed and Coastal Division Champ) advancing to take on Tyler in a brother in law deathmatch sure to be the subject of many family gatherings to come. These games did not pass without turmoil however, as a trade between Jordan and Tyler was shot into collusionary confetti by your humble and ever watchful Commissioner. To be honest I was chest deep in studying for a Psychology final and didn't even notice the trade until a scrupulous whistleblower hate-texted me 19 times until I promised to examine the proposal.
The Winner's Consolation Ladder held only two teams after the first round of PCOG playoffs. Johnny MoCo and Troy met for the second time this season. Troy continued to roll out the double barrel blast of NO Saints as Drew Brees and Jimmy Graham combined for 39.7 FPTS. Unfortunately him those two and Jeremy Hill basically contributed the bulk of his weekly scoring. But on the other hand it was enough to edge Johnny who had a decent game, but not a winning game. Johnny did have enough points on his roster to beat Troy that week but he was not prescient enough to start Tom Brady, Doug Martin and Greg Jennings.
The Losers Bracket consisted of a herd of donkeys trying to hump the proverbial doorknob. A series of contests whose only reward for winning was a worse draft pick was marked by karma, laughs and tomfoolery. Karma: I lost to a team that I was forced to manage, again. Laughs: Alan started Eric Decker and Mike Wallace at WR and won against Jordan. Tomfoolery: Jared continued to light his fantasy nuts on fire by posting a lowly 64.4 FPTS against the en fuego GrahamCracker.
This particular weekend also held the first annual PCOG convention, held in Charlotte NC. We enjoyed a Panthers game and crashed at Jared's house. Thanks go out to the suffering spouses of the PCOG as Lyndsey and Kia were indispensable in the organization and execution of that particular rodeo. A good time was had by all and I certainly hope we can do it again next year.
PCOG postseason action was a three tiered affair. The Championship Bracket's semifinal round consisted of the four winningest teams. Seth squared off against the number 1 overall seed and winner of the Mountain Division Tyler. Both teams dealt with subpar performances by their established fantasy studs but Tyler ended up cruising past Seth by a 42.8 FPT margin. Tyler relied on Demarco Murray and Gronk (his second and third round picks from the Draft) to power through Aaron Rodger's struggles against Buffalo. Seth's QB Andrew Luck had a poor (for him) 14+ FPT day but in the end didn't have the horses to get past Tyler's Pro Bowl Roster. The other leg of the bracket featured a rematch of last year's PCOG semifinal as Bryan squared off against Aaron. Bryan's Fantasy Rookie of the Year and the Waiver Wire Pick-up of the Year, Odell Beckham Jr. racked up 37.4 big FPTS, continuing his tear across the last half of the season. He was basically matched tit for tat by Dez Bryant who caught 3 touchdowns in a first place NFC Beast matchup with the Iggles. The difference in that week's headline matchup (winning difference of 4.5 FPTS)was Aaron rolling out the fearsome KC D/ST who totaled 25 FPTS in a shellacking of the lowly Oakland Hodors. This left Aaron (the number two seed and Coastal Division Champ) advancing to take on Tyler in a brother in law deathmatch sure to be the subject of many family gatherings to come. These games did not pass without turmoil however, as a trade between Jordan and Tyler was shot into collusionary confetti by your humble and ever watchful Commissioner. To be honest I was chest deep in studying for a Psychology final and didn't even notice the trade until a scrupulous whistleblower hate-texted me 19 times until I promised to examine the proposal.
The Winner's Consolation Ladder held only two teams after the first round of PCOG playoffs. Johnny MoCo and Troy met for the second time this season. Troy continued to roll out the double barrel blast of NO Saints as Drew Brees and Jimmy Graham combined for 39.7 FPTS. Unfortunately him those two and Jeremy Hill basically contributed the bulk of his weekly scoring. But on the other hand it was enough to edge Johnny who had a decent game, but not a winning game. Johnny did have enough points on his roster to beat Troy that week but he was not prescient enough to start Tom Brady, Doug Martin and Greg Jennings.
The Losers Bracket consisted of a herd of donkeys trying to hump the proverbial doorknob. A series of contests whose only reward for winning was a worse draft pick was marked by karma, laughs and tomfoolery. Karma: I lost to a team that I was forced to manage, again. Laughs: Alan started Eric Decker and Mike Wallace at WR and won against Jordan. Tomfoolery: Jared continued to light his fantasy nuts on fire by posting a lowly 64.4 FPTS against the en fuego GrahamCracker.
This particular weekend also held the first annual PCOG convention, held in Charlotte NC. We enjoyed a Panthers game and crashed at Jared's house. Thanks go out to the suffering spouses of the PCOG as Lyndsey and Kia were indispensable in the organization and execution of that particular rodeo. A good time was had by all and I certainly hope we can do it again next year.
Championship weekend in the PCOG consisted of a series of grudge-matches and ended with a winner take all tilt. The Winner's Consolation ladder started things off with a bonified beat-down as Bryan held true to TRADITION!, trouncing Seth and almost lapping his paltry production.
68.2 FPTS was the difference in this contest which truly meets the dictionary requirements for juggernutting all over Seth's squad. ODB torched the Rams for 34.9 FPTS, and Felipe Rios and Matt Forte provided the rest of the required scoring to handle Seth. Seth's "scoring" was lowlighted by the number 1 scoring Fantasy QB, Andrew Luck, who dropped 0.00 FPTS before being banished to the pine by Matt Hasselbeck. What kind of idiot jamoke starts a QB against the terrifying Dallas D/ST? Just in case Troy's Week 15 victory over Johnny was in question, he doubled-down with a second triumph in Week 16. 6 short FG by Randy Bullock and Joe Flacco remembering that Torrey Smith is pretty good at football helped Troy to the winner's circle that week, while Mr. MoCo rolled out 74.4 FPTS between Jeremy Hill, Antonio Gates and Jonathan Stewart. But those three could not overcome AJ Green's stinker (0.00 FPTS) against the Broncos.
The Loser's Bracket continued its race to the bottom, with Graham gaining revenge over me for weeks and weeks of snarky Cam Newton jokes. Ryan Tannehill and Shady McCoy overwhelmed the brilliant performance of my Kyle Orton. I didn't really expect to win that week, I was forced into starting KYLE FREAKING ORTON at QB. My FitzMagic was on the mend with a broken leg so I was forced to start a guy who couldn't beat out Tim Tebow at throwing a football. Alan curbstomped the Ghost of Group Texts Past on the back of the best rushing backfield in the NFL, as Russell Wilson and Marshawn Lynch racked up 201 RYDS and 3 RTDS against a top 3 NFL Defense. TRADITION!
Meanwhile the top contenders for the #1 Overall Pick of the 2015 PCOG Draft met for the second time. Jared resurfaced from the depths of FF hell as he defeated Jordan in the Sub Par Bowl, who ends up as the 2014 PCOG Sacko because of the points for tiebreaker.
This brings us to the Championship Game, the PCOG Super Bowl. Tyler entered the game on a huge roll, with an average margin of victory of 16.1 FPTS (best in the league). Aaron entered as a sizeable underdog, But Thats Why They Play the Games. Aaron got 42.4 FPTS out of his Cowboys in the first half of their romp over the Colts, 40.2 FPTS out of his Packers, and 13.7 FPTS out of the tottering RB corpse that is Toby Gerhart. Tyler's QB production was canceled out by Cobb and Demarco's broken hand kept him out of the second half against the Dolts. Tyler ended up with his lowest FPT production of the season. It has been said the big players make big plays in big games, so clearly Tyler's reign of terror placed waaaay more importance on the first part of the season rather than the last part. The final score, 119.5 to 97, resulted in Aaron taking home the Chopper.
Congratulations to all members of the PCOG on a wonderful and successful season. I will write long rundown of the final standings, an awards section and the draft order for 2015 next week; along with a detailed explanation of proposed rule changes for next year. I love you guys.
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| COASTAL | ||||||
| TEAM, OWNER(S) | PF | PA | HOME | AWAY | DIV | STREAK |
| Pollo Mojado (Aaron Breasseale) | 1603 | 1483 | 3-4-0 | 6-0-0 | 4-1-0 | L1 |
| General Admiral Haffaz Aladeen (Seth Breasseale) | 1438.7 | 1359 | 4-1-0 | 4-4-0 | 3-2-0 | W2 |
| Coach K fan #USAs coach (Jonathan Medlin) | 1330.1 | 1398 | 4-3-0 | 3-3-0 | 3-2-0 | W2 |
| Null and Void | 1308.3 | 1429.3 | 3-4-0 | 1-5-0 | 1-4-0 | L4 |
| Dirty Mike And the Boys (Steven Hutton) | 1498.6 | 1365.5 | 2-4-0 | 4-3-0 | 3-2-0 | W1 |
| Twinkle Toes (Jordan Hollingsworth) | 1342.6 | 1542.7 | 3-4-0 | 0-6-0 | 1-4-0 | L3 |
| MOUNTAIN | ||||||
| TEAM, OWNER(S) | PF | PA | HOME | AWAY | DIV | STREAK |
| Super Sonic Dudes (Tyler Hollingsworth) | 1650.2 | 1441.4 | 6-1-0 | 4-2-0 | 4-1-0 | W1 |
| "Hello boys... I'm baaaaaaack" (Bryan Hutton) | 1604.5 | 1450.8 | 3-3-0 | 5-2-0 | 3-2-0 | W4 |
| "Boone" dock Saints. WHODAT (troy creamer) | 1440.6 | 1436.8 | 4-3-0 | 3-3-0 | 2-3-0 | L1 |
| Gently Down Loser Falls (Alan Marshall) | 1304.6 | 1291.6 | 3-2-0 | 4-4-0 | 4-1-0 | L3 |
| The Carolina Towelheads (Graham Haulsee) | 1364 | 1456.8 | 3-4-0 | 3-3-0 | 0-5-0 | W4 |
| The Community Door Knob (Jared Harris) | 1375.8 | 1606.1 | 1-6-0 | 2-4-0 | 2-3-0 | L7 |
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