PCOG 2013 Season

PCOG 2013 Season

10 Teams, One Unholy Victor

Week 1: Lost to the memories of antiquity

Week 2: 

Jordan (1-1) defeats Andy (0-2)

Aaron (2-0) defeats Kaleb (0-2)

Jonny (2-0) defeats Graham (1-1)

Bryan (2-0) defeats Seth (0-2)

Jared (2-0) defeats John (0-2)

Week 2 update.
As the great Ace Ventura once stated, " Now, history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time ". This may be the case currently within our league. I have fallen to Jordan and am 0-2 while she advances to 1-1. Hodor the Autodraft fairy was vanquished by A-A-Ron and they stand at 0-2 and 2-0 respectively. In a game in which even our version of Taco (Seth, who still starts Gronkowski) and EVERY OTHER MEMBER OF THE LEAGUE WOULD HAVE WON Johnny MoCo (2-0) derped his way past Graham (1-1). Bryan, tempter of the Fantasy Gods {who shall be smote in due time}, crushed Taco to advance to 2-0 and Seth is 0-2. Finally the Birthday boy's week of festivities closed with a win over Jean Valjean. Harris is 2-0 and John is 0-2. I will update the standings in a manifesto at the close of each week. The season is not yet over and Winter is Coming. Good Luck next week.

Week 3

Seth (1-2) defeats Andy (0-3)

Jonny (3-0) defeats Jordan (1-2)

Bryan (3-0) defeats Aaron (2-1)

Kaleb (1-2) defeats John (0-3)

Jared (3-0) defeats Graham (1-2)

Week 3 update.
Your commissioner is a loser. Loo-Hoo Zur-Hur. For the third straight week, I (0-3) scored 88 points in a pathetic effort against Seth (1-2), the glorious victor. Thanks to Seth for showing me mercy and not running up the score by continuing to start Gronk. Johnny MoCo (3-0) rode Lord of Garbage Time Antonio Brown to a win over Jordan (1-2), who was done in by an underwhelming performance by and underwhelming former Bulldog in Know-show Moreno. Not even the Herculean effort put forth by the pint-sized Drew Brees could lift A-A-Ron (2-1) over He Who Continues to Affront the Fantasy Gods (3-0), but Brees' efforts certainly helped Jimmy Graham to tie for the week's highest point performance. In a matchup of fans of a terrible, awful western Pennsylvanian team, Jean ValJean (0-3) was defeated by the Autodraft Fairy (1-2). When your D/ST is your highest scoring player, your gonna have a bad time. Kaleb rode a stunning performance from a wonderful RB for the win. Jared's (3-0)bacon was saved by the Good Manning's performance against Oakland, and by the Good Manning ignoring Demaryius Thomas. The Graham Cracker probably regrets starting the Bill's woeful D/ST. Meanwhile, in the Week 4 Matchups, Laxbros do battle (Bryan Vs. John), putative in-laws wage war (Seth Vs. Jordan), a perfect record will fall (Jared Vs. Johnny), I will score 88 measly points against Aaron, and in the UP Wrestling rematch Kaleb squares off against Graham in an Autodraft Battle for second to last place! The year is yet young, bye weeks begin and for all of us but Johnny and Seth Winter Is Coming.

Week 4:

Aaron (3-1) defeats Andy (0-4)

Bryan (4-0) defeats John (0-4)

Jordan (2-2) defeats Seth (0-4)

Jonny (4-0) defeats Jared (3-1)

Graham (2-2) defeats Kaleb (1-3)

Week 4 Recap:

As the brilliant neurosurgeon Frederick von Frankenstein once noted, "Be of good cheer. If science teaches us anything, it teaches us to accept our failures, as well as our successes, with quiet dignity and grace." So it goes in the Fantasy Season, with its ups and downs, its high moments and the low. A-A-Ron squeaked by yours truly by 39 measly points; riding the pint-sized Drew Brees. Not even the majesty that is Adrian Peterson could bring a victory to Team LHZR. Torrey Smith's breakout performance was not enough to defeat He Who Must Be Not Be Named as it was matched by Arian Foster AND Jimmy Graham. Jordan blasted the Dialtone by 20 pts despite the Discount Double Man being on bye. One would be remiss not to note that these competitors would have lost to all other members of the PCOG this week. Jared's The Good Manning scored the second most points of all players this week, which was good enough for second place against the still undefeated Johnny MoCo. Kaleb's reliance on the awful Pittsburgh D led to his fall at the feet of his AutoDraft-Roommate's squad.
This Week's Match-ups include a Battle of Brothers (LHZR 0-4 vs. HUTT 4-0), a Meeting of Meatheads ( HARR 3-1 vs SETH 0-4), Something Clever (HAUL 2-2 vs JnyB 0-4), A Bed Divided (BREA 3-1 vs VS 2-2), and a MoCo Showdown (KLEB 1-3 vs MEDL 4-0). Two undefeateds and 8 weeks remain in the regular season. Make your trades, Wavier-Wire pickups and other roster moves carefully and remember: Winter Is Coming

Week 5: Mourning and Rembering KCR

Bryan (5-0) defeats Andy (0-5)

John (1-4) defeats Graham (2-3)

Jared (4-1) defeats Seth (0-5)

Aaron (4-1) defeats Jordan (2-3)

Kaleb (2-3) defeats Jonny (4-1*) [Jonny threw this game on purpose.]

Week 6:

Jared (5-1) defeats Jordan (2-4)

Aaron (5-1) defeats Graham (2-4)

Jonny (5-1) defeats Bryan (5-1)

John (2-4) defeats Seth (1-5)

Autopilot defeats Andy (0-6)

Week 6 Recap:

So You're telling me there's a chance. Clearly the past couple of weeks have been pretty hard on everyone in the PCOG. We lost a friend who was by turns brother, drinking buddy, co-worker, AutoDraft Fairy, Game of Thrones addict, and by God stubborn SOB. I did not know Kaleb as well, or as long, as the rest of you: But I miss him. As I have told several people, there were many times when I would wake up and come downstairs, or come home from being out or from work, and people would be asleep on my couch. Without fail it pisses me off, as I cannot enjoy the middle portion of my home without waking up the latest member of the Babysitter's Club Sleepover platoon. But I was always happy to see Kaleb, no shirt, snoring like a goddamned chainsaw, sprawled across that doggy smelling piece of furniture; most often with Porkchop or Kay or Vito tucked into one corner. I have made (and will continue to make) moves for his team to ensure he has a legal lineup. And I miss him.
Important developments are happening in the NFL and the PCOG. This past week I overcame a mediocre (for him) outing by the Good Manning and Team El Diablo (5-1) to maintain my #1 (0-6) standing in the waiver wire. I am encouraged however by the performance of La Salvage Steele and his two week winning streak (2-4). Vernon Davis and his 30 FPTs slammed down the receiver on the Dialtone (1-5), who still believes in the Easter Bunny and Gronk playing. A-A-Ron (5-1) rode BeastMode to a romping drubbing of that cracker Graham (2-4) in a cross weightclass wrasslin' match. Fantasy Karma finally reared her ugly head as the Forsaken One's (5-1) unholy undefeated streak came to an end at the victorious feet of Johnny MoCo. This week's pairings include an architectural assbeating where your humble Commissioner (LHZR) reigns o'er top of the French one (JnyB); Haulsee (HAUL) Hates Hollingsworth (VS); Johnny MoCo (MEDL) tries to place a call (BREA); and IN THE MAIN EVENT...... EN ESPANOL.... LOS LABIOS(5-1) LUCHARON EL DIABLO(5-1)!!!!!!! I am blowing up my team, via add/drop, trade, and unholy communion. Watch out for an offer from yours truly, or if you desire one of my players send me a text. Winter is Coming and the Cowboys are tied for first place in the NFC BEAST!

Week 7:

John (3-4) defeats Andy (0-7)

Graham (3-4) defeats Jordan (2-5)

Jonny (6-1) defeats Seth 1-6)

Aaron (6-1) defeats Jared (5-2)

Jordan defeats Autopilot

Week 7 recap:

Never underestimate the ability of your team to underperform and sink to new lows. Never count on the ESPN Fantasy projections to be mildly realistic. After setting a lineup that included studs and juicy matchups, your Humble Commissioner was slated to post 107 pts. Then I woke up to two slots with negative outputs. At this rate, I will be named Head Coach/ GM of the hapless Jacksonville Jaguars. Fate laughed in my face when John's recently acquired (from me) CJ?K had his highest point total of the year. Sunday Night Football put the nail in Jordan's coffin as Graham rode Demaryius Thomas and the New Manning to a crushing victory. In a comical note, Graham's kicker outscored all of Jordan's players. Karmic Smiting took a break as He Who Annoyingly Continues to Win overcame the first quarter injury to Arian Foster. For the Dialtone Gronk finally added to his staggering prior fantasy output of zero, yet Johnny prevailed. In another amusing footnote, Eric Decker and Frank Gore of Johnny's team would have been enough to defeat me. Lastly, in EL EVENTO MAINO DEL ESPANOL, Jared really wishes The Good Manning's homecoming had been a bit sweeter as he narrowly lost to Aaron. Perhaps starting two running backs from the same mediocre team was a poor decision?
Week 8 looms and the games keep rolling. I (LHZR 0-7) will find a way to screw it up against Johnny (MEDL 6-1), Forsaker of the Fantasy Gods (HUTT 6-1) goes against his Cabin Boy (HAUL 3-4), strangely spelled last names square off (BREA 6-1 vs JnyB 3-4), and War (HARR 6-1) ponders whether to give Peace (VS 3-4) a chance. None of you accepted any trade proposals so I am at my wits end as to how to stop this terrible, awful, horrendous, performance. Let's just say I win and re-draft, OK? Winter is Coming and that witch is almost here. I am sure it will snow soon (within the next 3 days) and it will only improve my current despondent state.

Week 8:

Andy (1-7) defeats Jonny (6-2)

Bryan (7-1) defeats Graham (3-5)

Aaron (7-1) defeats John (3-5)

Jordan (4-4) defeats Jared (6-2)

Seth (2-6) defeats Autopilot

Week 8 recap: 

AND BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!!!!!!!!!!! LO, MY OWN FUTURE, I HAVE FORSEEN IT: FOR VERILY AS I GLEANED THE FUTURE FROM THE CLOUDY DEPTHS OF UNCERTAIN PROBABILITY, I CORRECTLY PROCLAIMED THAT IT WOULD BOTH SNOW AND THAT I WOULD DOMINATE THE SNIVELING FANTASY WHELP THAT IS JOHNNY MOCO. OVERCOMING THE PATHETIC POINT OUTPUT OF STEVEN JACKSON (0 PTS), THE NUMBER ONE RATED TIGHT END (JULIUS THOMAS, 2 PTS), AND THE ALCOHOLIC EFFORT OF MY FLEX WR (JUSTIN BLACKMON, 3 PTS), TEAM WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER APPLIED AN EPIC SHELLACKING, A DEVASTATING BACKHAND, NOT TO MENTION A RUINOUS TEXAS CHILI BOWL. FINAL SCORE, 108-106. BEATDOWN!!!!!11!!!!!!
In other news, RGKnee's terrible Mile High performance was overcome by the White Jesus' desolation of the Great White North. The Graham Cracker's trade raping of yours truly (in the form of Giovanni Bernard) came home to roost in the form of 1 fantasy pt; and Lesean McCoy was hamstrung by Vick's hamstring and Matt Barkley's barkleyness. The Dialtone was clearly still at batting practice, yet picked up another win. Drew Brees had 5 touchdowns against the hapless Bills, and A-A-Ron picked up another win against the hapless Jean ValJean. An age old question was finally answered, as they held a War and nobody (4 separate starting players!) brought any points. Peace was given a chance, despite the historic performance of Megatron and the terrible Dallas D.
This week's Contests include a genius (WWCD, 1-*) and a day trader (Wes1, 7-1); the Graham Cracker (HAUL, 3-5)suffering on call waiting (Dialtone, 2-6); a temporary Costa Rican dissolution (BREA 7-1 vs VS 4-4); and the Battle for Charlotte: a guy who moved there (MEDL, 5-2) versus a guy who moved here after moving from there after moving to there (JnyB, 3-5). Firstly, I would like to apologize for the tardy nature of this week's wrapup: I had to report to the Emergency Room following the 3 day Redemptierection I suffered from as a result of the week 8 result. Middley, I would like to congratulate everyone in the PCOG for a wonderful season. As Commissioner I am utilizing the powers vested in me to dissolve the PCOG following the razed wreck of a ruin I tore through the matchup last week. And lastly, I SCORED MORE POINTS THAN ANYONE IN THE LEAGUE LAST WEEK, AND MY REIGN HAS COMMENCED!

Week 9:

Seth (3-6) defeats Graham (3-6)

Aaron (8-1) defeats Jordan (4-5)

Jonny (6-2) defeats John (3-6)

Andy (2-6) defeats Bryan (7-2)

Jared (6-2) defeats Autopilot

Week 9 recap:

J. Robert Oppenheimer, one of the fathers of the Atomic Age, quipped upon seeing the result of Trinity, the first successful nuclear weapon detonation: " I am become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds." These words seem especially poignant to me while examining the results of this week's action. Cellular service was restored as Seth, our dear Taco/Dialtone, not only posted a legal lineup with all eligible players; not only did he make several appropriate roster moves, he STOMPED the Graham Cracker into Graham Crust by a factor of 2.03773584906! It should be noted that Graham's active team's pathetic performance was not only dwarfed by Seth, it waould also have been vanquished by his bench. Graham, make a personal note of this: Set your roster as you normally would and then completely switch out your bench for your active roster. In other news, Jordan agrees with me that shoulder jokes are not that funny or seemly. Unfortunately while A-A-Ron Rodgers' shoulder was being discount daaaaaaaable checked in the locker room, A-A-Ron Brazil's Eddie Lacy was wreaking havoc upon the TIED FOR FIRST PLACE IN THE NFC NORTH CHICAGO BEARS, who are getting THEIR Pro-Bowl Quarterback back soon. Meanwhile, despite 59 Fantasy Quarterback points on the bench (which translates to 832 yards, 8 TDs and 2 picks) RGKnee stunk up the joint and helped an underwhelming performance from Jean LaBaguette's fantasy squad. Johnny MoCo dodged the bye week bullet that struck down one of our last two combatants. Brilliant bye-week additions (replacing 4 players) and shrewd lineup decisions, combined with sagacious research and savvy massaging of data and projections precipitated a perspicacious answer to this weeks' matchup: Who Is The Fairest Of Them All? Answer: WINNER WINNER CHICKEN MF'FFIN DINNER!

Week 10 fast approaches: Brothers Battle (Labios 8-1 vs SETH 3-6)[Recent history suggests that the older brother will drop the THIRD HIGHEST SCORE OF THE YEAR on the younger brother], a Sandhills Scrimmage (MEDL 7-2 vs HAUL 3-6), people who have seen A-A-Ron naked (RUNN 7- 2 LOSSES IN A ROW vs VS 4-5), followed by the A Song of Ice and Fire Reader's tussle (JnyB 3-6 vs HARR 6-3). Playoffs are quickly approaching (Round 1 is Week 14), consolation brackets will be populated, and Winter is Sadly here. I fully expect an army of White Walkers to sweep over the Wall and lead me to a berth in the postseason. Prepare yourselves.

Week 10:

Seth (4-6) defeats Aaron (8-2)

Graham (4-6) defeats Jonny (7-3)

Bryan (8-2) defeats Jordan (4-6)

Jared (7-3) defeats John (3-7)

Andy (3-7) defeats Autopilot

Week 10 recap: 

Before delving into this past weeks' results, a few points of order must be made. I, as Commissioner, since the beginning of the season had the following approach to trades between members of the PCOG. All trades would be approved by me (when I was made aware of them) as long as I felt that no obvious, apparent collusion was in effect. Obvious collusion being the farcical notion of a trade for, for instance, Adrian Peterson for Rian Lindell, a kicker who would be a backup in our shallow league. This would be a conspicuous example of two owners working together so that one would be in a more advantageous position for the rest of the year. To be clear, in my opinion, no trades that have been made 'till this point have fallen into that category. Up until the past two weeks this was never an issue due to the cool status of our own Hot Stove league. The last two weeks however, not even the Securities and Exchange Commission would keep up the flurry of idiotic, unintelligent, ignorant, dense, brainless, mindless, foolish, slow, dull, simple, empty-headed, vacuous, vapid and perhaps even HALF BAKED transactions undertaken and submitted by you herd of bovine mouthbreathers. As a result, I have decided that all trades (beginning with Friday 8NOV13) all trades (that were not conspiratorial in nature) would instead have to wait the established 24 hour period to be processed. I myself made a trade Friday that was submitted at 8:27 pm Friday, waited 24 hours, and the players were made available to the new managers Saturday 8:27 pm. Here is the link to the up-to-date transaction counter for the PCOG.http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/recentactivity… There have been multiple trades undertaken and suggested by multiple members of the league that I believe were not equal, or were not fairly win-win. But it is not my job as Commissioner to judge the stupidity of the move, just the intent. If this is an issue everyone and anyone is able to submit a poll to the Message Board, or can txt me if they require a more clear explanation. 

Recapping the status of the PCOG, a sleeping Giant has been made to wake from his slumber: Seth laid down the bang thing based on the backs of Beast Mode (21 pts) and the Fail Mary Connection (37 combined pts). His big brother had Drew Brees, Destroyer of Dallas Defense (31 pts); the rest of his team scored 50 or approx 6.25 apiece. The ESPN FF Trade Deadline is Wednesday November 20, 2013, at 12:00 pm. The Champ IS Here, and he is a cracker named Graham. No matter how good the Panther's D/ST is, when they are your best scoring player of the week, it was a poor showing. The ESPN FF Trade Deadline is Wednesday November 20, 2013, at 12:00 pm.He Who Makes it Hard to Write Jokes Because He Keeps Changing His Fantasy Accursed Team Name was victorious. Too many new and shiny toys to mention helped him win his matchup, even though Pee Rivers did not post too many points in catchup/garbage time. A-A-Ron Rodgers could have assisted Jordan more than Tony Romo, much as it pains me to admit. The ESPN FF Trade Deadline is Wednesday November 20, 2013, at 12:00 pm. ADMIN NOTE. John LaBoyne, as it turns out, is not of French descent. He is, in fact, a proud member of the illustrious Irish-American family and did not appreciate the past several months of French influenced slurs. You have my sincere apology. END OF ADMIN NOTE. Och, Laddie, the Potato Famine has reared its oogly head once again. Perhaps in an attempt to get over these horrible times Paddy McBoyneson drowned his sorrows in deep pints of Guinness, as his terrible team was drubbed by the Good Manning and the Racist Eagle. Perhaps if he spent more time examining his lineup and their matchups instead of mindin' his Lucky Charms and Pot o' Gold, John MacLoser would be more successful. The ESPN FF Trade Deadline is Wednesday November 20, 2013, at 12:00 pm. Week 11 brings several fantasy contests: The Red Hot (WWCD, 3 IN A M-FIN ROW!) against the Ice Cold (VS, 4-6), a Baby Brother Playdate (PASS 8-2 vs SETH 4-6), The Injured Manning and the Racist Eagle (HARR 7-3) vs the victim of poor trades (HAUL 4-6), and in the bout between current division leaders, A-A-Ron (AARN 8-2) vs the Necklace Coozy Kid (7-3). The ESPN FF Trade Deadline is Wednesday November 20, 2013, at 12:00 pm. Good luck down the Home Stretch!

Week 11:

Andy (4-7) defeats Jordan (4-7)

Seth (5-6) defeats Bryan (8-3)

Graham (4-6-1) ties Jared (7-3-1)

Jonny (8-3) defeats Aaron (8-3)

Autopilot defeats John (3-8)

Week 11 recap:

Playoffs? Playoffs! You talkin' about Playoffs? The Postseason Approaches! The top two in each division will be taken out, seeded according to record, head-to-head record, and total points against. The remaining teams will also be seeded in a consolation bracket. The order for next year's draft will be determined via this process. Here is the projected seedings for both sides of the bracket:http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/h2hplayoffs?leagueId=1098797 The past week's PCOG action was by turns breathtaking, down to the last minute, complete snoozefests, and HILARIOUSLY UNSATISFYING! But we shall return to that shortly. IN THE MOST IMPORTANT UPDATE OF ALL UPDATES, WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER HAS CLIMBED TO HERETOFORE UNSEEN HEIGHTS. I HAVE ASCENDED TO THE VERY PINNACLE OF MT VICTORY AND CLAIMED FOURTH PLACE IN THE MUCH MUCH TOUGHER FAMILY DIVISION! As has been stated multiple times, when your highest scoring player is your D/ST you are, indeed, a strategic genius not seen since the meteoric rise of Napoleon Bonaparte. However, when relying on the derpitude of the Bad Manning, these are your results:

[imagehttp://img.gawkerassets.com/img/187a3gr2b696vjpg/k-bigpic.jpg[/image]

Meanwhile, a coronation has occurred: The King of all Garbage Time has become the Stallion Who Mounts the World During Garbage Time: Yes We Cam and its incredibly productive when losing by three touchdowns Antonio Brown stomped out whatever A-A-Ron's team means in Espanglo this week. That Jimmy Graham trade does not look so good now, considering that he has not scored double digits in consecutive weeks. In the second closest matchup of the week, a big fat donut by AJ Green sunk Greener Pastures
as he fell to Team Seth. Upon further review, perhaps He Who Toils in Vain Against Fantasy Karma renamed his team because 0% of his current roster was actually drafted by him. Free Agency pickups, trades that were so egregious that they have been upgraded to pillages have been kind to him though as he is tied for the PCOG's best record. Lastly, fantasies have the ability to leave one wanting. Case in point, both Team Haulsee and In Peyton We Trust have fantasy blue balls as a result of their tie. As a result ( in order to have a result) both teams henceforth shall be known as TIE FIGHTERS! Rest assured if I could figure out a way to change your team logo it would be this

Last year the 49ers tied a terrible team and ended up in the Super Bowl, you two nose pickers would be better off in the Subpar Bowl.
Anyways, the second to last regular season week begins Thursday. The contests include a hot streak ending (WWCD 4-7 vs SETH 5-6, both sporting 4 game winning streaks), Boltz and Strokes (JnyB 4-7, VS 4-7), and two current playoff tilts: PASS 8-3 vs Spanglish 8-3 and MEDL 8-3 vs TIE FIGHTER #1 7-3-1. All trades must be approved by 12:00 PM Wednesday, November 20 2013. Good Luck!

Week 12:

Andy (5-7) defeats Seth (5-7)

Jordan (5-7) defeats John (4-8)

Autopilot defeats Graham (4-7-1)

Bryan (9-3) defeats Aaron (8-4)

Jared (8-3-1) defeats Jonny (8-5)

Week 12 recap: Due to Finals no article written.

Week 13: Playoffs!

Andy (6-7) defeats Jordan (5-8)

Seth (6-7) defeats John (4-9) 

Autopilot defeats Graham (4-8-1)

Bryan (9-3) defeats Aaron (8-4)

Jared (8-3-1) defeats Jonny(8-5)

Week 13 recap:

Following an executive and dictatorial decision to forgo the halftime ( two week format) highlights, here is your Porkchop Ownership Group Playoff round 1 wrapup!. But first, here is a message from our sponsors:
Greetings serfs, it is I, your Malevolent and Eternal Commissioner, Andy Six and Counting Hutton. There are several issues that need to be addressed for next year's iteration of the PCOG. One, we are currently at 9 active members. Several invitations have been issued, which upon their acceptance, will bring the number of teams next year to 12. Jeff the Jiant, Allen or Alan, and Jordan's Grimy self-trading brother have been issued notices. Due to these invites and the inability of Kaleb's team to trade or otherwise unduly tinker with his roster, the proposed "keeper" development for next year has been kiboshed by fiat. Two: it has been suggested by the current Keeper of the Trophy (A-A-Ron) that next year's draft be held in person. I am not sure of everyone's availability next year, but I do know that the ESPN game opens near the middle of July. If this is not possible that is fine as well, everyone but the autodraft fairies seemed to enjoy the online process just fine. Three: The order of next year's draft will be in inverse order of finish. Ergo, the winner of the Championship Bracket will draft last, his pathetic victim will draft next to last of the Mohicans, and (depending on who accepts invites and a scientific process of Rock/Paper/Shotgun) the greenest newbie will pick first. Finally, a League Constitution which will in no way limit my cosmic powers will be crafted with input from the least medicated of you. This Constitution will enumerate the rules for next year. Items such as playoff seeding, trade approval and deadline, and revised scoring will be addressed. Thus ends the latest declaration from your Overlord and owner of the Longest Winning Streak in the Recorded History of Man. Starting from the bottom, in an unbelievably close affair for a two week shootout, Graham Cracker was baked to a crust by fate and autopilot. By Two Points. Not even that most favorable of matchups, a pass catcher against the Cowboy's Tertiary, could produce enough points for Haulsee.One rung up the ladder, Team Seth's fast start was too much for the Irish Dopeboy's ineptitude. That's right ladies and gents, John McFaily's starting receivers served up a whopping ZERO points. In the Main Event, on the peak of that lofty Mt. Superior, Winner Winner Chicken Dinner Emerged from the fray with a hard fought victory. Vinegar Strokes' T. Romo and WWCD's Stafford infection traded picks throughout the match, but the tragically discarded Nick Foles was brought into the fold and his ascension to Overlord of Garbage Time provided the winning touch. 
In the division finals, chalk ruled the day. The number 1 seed (the now Pissed Off Manning) was the epitome of consistency. Back to back tallies of 96 points were aided by Justin Tucker kicking of six field goals, totaling 23 points. Kick Six? Why does that... Oh, that's right. Finally, Jammaal Charles dragged He Who Got Out To a Commanding Lead into the Super Bowl. The first round results in the following matchups: Coworkers Collide for the Crown (PASS 9-4 vs HARR 9-3-1), Pine Country Primacy (AARN 8-5 vs MEDL 8-5), Femme vs Fate (VS 6-7 vs TM7 4-9)and two retards f*cking a doorknob (HAUL 4-8-1 vs JnyB 5-8) All of this is the undercard for that most epic of contests, WHO WILL DRAFT 8th IN NEXT YEARS DRAFT? In this corner, wearing pink Hello Kitty trunks, weighing in at a strapping 200 pounds of bull semen and human growth hormone, a man who overcame apathy just a hair too late: SETH BREASSZELEEY! And in this corner, charging ahead on a six game winning streak, he of the stunning football intellect, and he who is master of all he surveys, your Master and Commander, Stevie Andy Hutton Esquire!

Week 14: SuperBowl!

Andy (7-7) Defeats Seth (6-8)

Jordan (7-7) defeats AutoPilot

Graham (5-8-1) defeats John (5-9)

Aaron (9-5) defeats Jonny (8-6)

Bryan (10-4) defeats Jared (9-4-1)

Week 14 recap: Out of pure spite, no congratulatory article was written for Bryan, no celebratory parade held.