League Manager's Note

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Week 2 Recap

Week 2 has brought balance to the PCOG. Three 2-0 teams emerged, with three 0-2 teams lagging behind and eight 1-1 teams vie for prominence. It is of course better to start off with a hot beginning as Eric, Graham and Aaron have, but by no means is anyone out of contention. For instance, one team began last season red hot at 4-0 with the most points scored. That idiot moron ended up missing the playoffs entirely, a ghastly result that was only partially salved by earning over a thousand dollars in another league that nobody cares about. The only advice one could give to those not currently undefeated is to continue to work your terrible team, anything can happen in Fantasy Football. To the Recap!

Someone Short vs Birmingham Blinders

Melvin Gordon beat the Bills all by himself. The Chargers wisely sat him for most of the second half against Josh Allen's second career JUCO team. While he did collect three TDs, I would have really appreciated some more yardage. Call me greedy. Speaking of greed, Tyreek "Cheetah Speed" Hill finally woke up in the second half of a shootout in the Steel City. We've all seen what destruction he can wreak when properly utilized for a full game, exemplified by the business end of this laser from Mahomes

The rest of my team was very meh. Four starting slots contributed 14.9 FPTS, which is simply not good enough in this deep and competitive league.

Ryan Fucking FitzMagic is the second coming of Peyton Goddamn Manning. He leads the league in yards, yards per attempt, yards per game and is tied for longest pass (and had two more 75 yard TDs this week). He is the epitome of #beardballin



https://twitter.com/PFTCommenter/status/1041378718202126336

Thank god that Jared was too busy studying his cameltry to bother start him. 38.2 FPTS left to rot on the bench has got to sting. Luckily for opposing counsel, his massive scoregasm was not required to dispatch team FUKN. Todd Gurley's first half heroics (three TDs) paced all RBs for the week. Good job on the first overall pick. TJ Yeldon was a poor imitation of Fournette but still racked up double digit FPTS. The Luck to Hilton combo was also productive, with 29.7 FPTS through the air. I am more and more coming around to the idea that the QB/WR stack is a great way to build one's team. Sammy Watkins was the only chief this side of Sitting Bull to not score against the laughable Steeler's defense this week but still garnered over 100 total yards. Evan Engram collected the winning points against Dallas in garbage time on MNF.




Final Score: Jared130.1 (1-1) Andy 112.3 (1-1)

First or last.. Back 2 Back <@:> vs TaubenTime 4.0

Tyler started his title defense with a definite thud last week, only to rebound this week with 133.6 big points. Run CMC is more of a pass catching CMC ( currently has 22 receptions vs 20 rushing attempts this year) but is a firm starting RB in his second year. 23.9 FPTS in a come-from-behind attempt in Atlanta came up just short for the Panthers but helped earn a win for Tyler. Travis Kelce bounced back nicely from a squadoosh in week one with 27.4 FPTS in Week 2, buoyed by two TDs. Phillip Lindsay, waiver wire darling of Week 1, broke loose for this long touchdown that resulted in most of his points for the week.

https://www.denverbroncos.com/video/phillip-lindsay-breaks-free-for-a-53-yard-gain

Golden Tate and Jimmy G played against each other in the NFL but together in the PCOG. Most of their production occured in a wild second half that had the Lions come back from double digits down. Together they accrued 31 FPTS.

Josh's team is lead by Cam Newton, the running back with the most passing yards and interceptions in league history. Once again he was treated as a RB by opposing defenses, suffering this clearly dirty hit that lead to the ejection of the flagged Falcon.

Somehow Cam "cleared" the NFL's concussion protocol to remain in the game, yielding 32.9 FPTS in a losing effort in Atlanta. Nelson Aghodor




continued his come back from career death. The once bust first round pick of Philadelphia contributed 19.3 FPTS, but as we all know, when one goes against FitzMagic, one's results will inevitably be FitzTragic. Speaking of tragic and already dead, David Johnson is being hamstrung by the putrid performances around him in the desert. Let's all pour one out for the should be production of a recently very rich man.

Final Score: Tyler 133.6 (1-1) Shirtless Josh 106.1 (0-2)

Breasseale and Packer vs Fresh Tips

The very cleverly named Rachel's boys bet big on Matt Breida being the McKinnon replacement, and he showed up huge on this long run against the Lions

https://streamable.com/qhilr

34.2 FPTS for the week was only bested by the Gurley Man. James White continues to catch passes from Brady as the only reliable option in the Pat's backfield. Mike Evans now has an appreciable QB slinging darts at him in the Fitzpatrick, and Zach Ertz had a pretty good day for a TE. About the only starter that didn't produce numbers was OBJ. The Cowboy Killer himself was held to four catches for 51 yards against Dallas. Both of you two and Eli are wondering how this traditionally juicy matchup didn't have better results.




Troy is understandably distracted from FF this year, due to personal tragedy. That being said, your team sucks balls. About the only player that was worth anything is the impeccable DeAndre Hopkins (21 FPTS). Derrick Henry should have had a big day, with his team nursing a double digit lead, for a team starting Blaine Gabbert in place of Mariota. How does he only get 18 carries? So weird. Jay Ajayi left the TB game with a back injury, only to come back and score a TD. Keenan Allen's majesty and injury history was benched in the Buffalo blowout, leaving Troy wanting more.

Final Score: S+T 117.7 (1-1) Troy 75.5 (0-2)

Big Ried 1 vs Hyde n Zeke

I've been looking forward to this for years. None of the rest of you, unless you've had the misfortune of sharing Bryan's living room as these two retards try their hands at Madden, have not had to listen to the screeching and nonsensical rambling that go along with two of my brothers talking about football. This was absolutely perfect. Eric, the homer fuck that he is, bet big on the Chiefs this year. Bryan, battered former San Diego fan, is not quite as leveraged but still trots out Felipe Rios as his starter at QB.




We will start with the PCOG FNG. HOLY DOGSHIT BATMAN, PATRICK MAHOMES MAKES RYAN FITZPATRICK LOOK LIKE THE SCRUB JOURNEYMAN HE IS AT HIS BEARDED CORE. Mahomes, the rocket armed dick swinger in (KC) Chief, has ten (10!!!) passing touchdowns in the first two games. That breaks Peyton Goddamn Manning's record from 2013, the same season he broke the single season record for passing scores with 55. Mahomes is on pace to throw 80 such strikes this year.






Kareem Hunt finally got in on the action, muscling in a short screen for a receiving score from the Red Devil. Davante Adams and Amari Cooper totaled 34 FPTS, more than making up for Adrian Peterson remembering that he is 3349623984 years old and only scoring 9.3 FPTS for Washington. To put the cherry on top, the Chicago Khalilasar led by Khal Mack devastated the Seahawks and Russell Wilson, sacking him 6 times and gathering up four turnovers for 21 juicy points.

Bryan was sunk not by poor performances but by ones that were not complete. Sr. Rios compiled 22.5 FPTS, most of which were in the first half. Joe Mixon continued his excellent play against the Ravens, but was in and out of the game with a knee. He had a scope on Friday and will be out for the next two weeks. In the same game, Alex Collins was in and out of the lineup in strange moves by Baltimore. Greg the Leg Zuerlien hurt his wittle weg in warmups, leading to the punter attempting field goals and Gurley going for two (thanks for that). Demaryius caught five passes on 11 targets, which is good, but only for 18 yards, which sucks. Gronk could not smash against Jacksonville. Even with a perfect lineup Bryan would have come up just short, but that is what he deserves for jumping out of airplanes at 200+ pounds for half a decade.

Final Score: Eric 146.7 (1-1) Bryan 107.3 (1-1)

Young Bloodz vs JJJJulio

That Cracker Graham's squad of up and comers put such a beating on Kia that she will probably attend a march in D.C. wearing a weird football hat. Deshaun Watson, formerly the best young QB in the game, had 24 FPTS with the return of Will Fuller the Fifth. Saquon Barkley caught a bajillion passes for no yards against Dallas. Michael Thomas set a new record for receptions through two games with 28. Brandin Cooks was robbed of a wide open TD grab in the only effort that Arizona expended in LA except for DJ.

Kia had a couple of huge plays this week. Ben Rapistburger had over 300 yards passing in the first half of the firefight in Pittsburgh, and capped his day off with this rushing TD

https://www.steelers.com/video/highlight-roethlisberger-scramble-for-3-yard-td

Stefon Diggs caught this deep pass and the subsequent 2 point conversion to tie this game up in the fourth quarter

https://streamable.com/uj6cv

Other than Bilal Powell's "good" game against the suddenly stiff Miami D/ST, there is nothing much to comment on other than Kia's bad luck. her score this week would have beat 10/14 of the PCOF teams this week.

Final Score Graham 156.9 (2-0) Kia 141.1 (1-1)

Don't Fournette About Me vs This Buds for u And I'll take 2

The closest game of the week (Winning margin .5 FPTS) came down to consistency over erratic production. Johnny had no (0) players score over 20 FPTS, and was paced by Aaron Rodgers in a horrible matchup against Minny. His Packer stack came away with 44% of his weekly scoring. Antonio Brown was seemingly the only WR on the field who didn't tear it all the way up, and had a predictable hissy fit on the sidelines. Jeremy had one notable peak (JuJu, who scored 25.6 FPTS in the same game) and Tom Brady in an even worse predicament than A-A-Ron. But subpar scoring sunk his battleship this week, leaving him just short.

Final Score: Johnny 91.4 (1-1) Jeremy 90.9 (1-1)

Team Girl vs Chalupa Batman

How sweet Fantasy Football is. In what other endeavor can a loving couple, about to welcome another fucking Packer fan into the world, clash and collide yet still remain bound by the vows of holy matrimony? In what other instance can one Green Bay Pecker fan cheer as the Vikings march up and down the field in the fourth quarter, slashing around and through the "defense" of his favorite team? In PCOG of course! Kirk Cousins and Adam Thielen had an outstanding day in the land of cheese and ties, earning 65.1 FPTS and high blood pressure in the Brazil's formerly tiny household. AJ Green started the week off with a bang, scoring three touchdowns in 17 minutes against the D/ST that Aaron started. Such wonderful schadenfreude is just beautiful. Alvin Kamara continues to be a deadly receiver and so-so running back, and Tevin Coleman filled in nicely for Devonta Freeman. Pierre Garcon should have earned mega points for the blocks the sprung Philip Lindsay in an earlier highlight, but this is merely fantasy and not real Football.

When Jordan traded in a fit of maternal madness for DeSean Jackson, I laughed out loud at the prospect of FitzMagic continuing and used my Commissioner's powers to approve the trade. Imagine my horror at the first play of the TB-Philly game when Jackson ripped off another 75 yard TD!

https://streamable.com/ztnd2

Alas, D-Jax was the only big hitter for Jordan this week. Marshawn continues to BeastMode for the dumpster fire about to move to Vegas, and Tyler Lockett is only acceptable as Russell Wilson's #2 weapon in Seattle. James Conner, the jewel of Week 1, came back to earth this week and only scored 19 FPTS. If you are going to rely on Jackson, please put Fuller V in your lineup as well. He is the same player with less mileage and an even streakier QB.

Final Score Aaron 162.8 (2-0) Jordan 103.4 (0-2)

Week 3 Preview
Bar owner vs Bar Technician: Johnny (1-1) vs Andy (1-1)
Parasitical Twin vs Shortest Brother: Troy (0-2) vs Jared (1-1)
Feel the Vivance: Bryan (1-1) vs Josh (0-2)
Protest vs Patriarchy: Kia (1-1) vs Tyler H (1-1)
Motherhood vs Armed Brotherhood: Jordan (0-2) vs S+TP (1-1)
Running Back vs Throwing Back: Jeremy (1-1) vs Eric (1-1)
Peanut's Daddy vs Freedom's Daddy: Aaron (2-0) vs Graham (2-0)

Hurricane Florence has come and gone, with all of us emerging safe and soaked. Let's all be thankful that this storm that could have been so much worse gave us a pass, and prepare because if another one hit's the Pines I will be on one of your couches with The Best Vito Puppy in tow. Winter is Coming.

Week 1 Recap

The Church of the National Football League had it's first service of the year, and I personally did not enjoy the sermon at all. The Cowboys are horrid and I am now actively rooting for Dallas to lose 14-15 games so we can finally be rid of the Clapper 




Miss a field goal? Fumble the ball away? Inexplicably keep your job because your gum smacked lips are glued firmly to the ass of Zombie Jerry Jones? 






Dallas is going to suck out loud this year. While that means personal sorrow for me, that means fantasy suckage for all of you. Every time Dallas is dogshit I wreak havoc in FF. So pretend to work for the next 25ish minutes at your place of employment, because the 2018 PCOG season is off and running! TO THE RECAP! 




Week 1

Birmingham Blinders vs Washed up Wreckage 

A matchup that tied 
https://www.google.com/search?q=pittsburgh+vs+cleveland&oq=pittsburgh+vs+clev&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0l5.10223j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#sie=m;/g/11hdb0yrgt;6;/m/059yj;dt;fp;1 

for the closest game of the week (1.2 FPTS margin of victory) was blown wide open by the greatest living American, Tyreek Hill (37.3 FPTS) 




Given the majesty that is the fastest kid on the planet, I would like to immediately propose a change in our scoring format. Wherein, special teams plays should rightly contribute to our games instead of having to rely on the D/ST to score those points. For instance, if a certain unnamed player ripped off an 80+ yard punt return for a TD, leaving countless (11) hapless slappys flopping in the wake of his greatness, I believe that those contributions should be reflected in his/her/xur fantasy output. 
The rest of my team was ok, paced by my two first round picks in Dalvin Cook and Melvin Gordon (42.4 combined FPTS). This game was still up in the air leading to the MNF tilts, and Team FUKN was almost derailed by the re-emergence of Matt Stafford's pickiness. 4 fucking interceptions cut his production in half, and I was only saved by the grace of Detroit's coaching decision to bench the third highest paid QB in the league with 8+ minutes to go in the game. Often FF games are decided on the edge of a knife, and if Stafford had thrown one more pick or had been sacked three more times I would have tested my knife on my own wrists. 

Tyler and Seth were excoriated in the post draft article and very nearly made me eat my own words. The zero RB strategy that was dismissed as "Baffling" by an unknown ghost writer yielded gigantic dividends in Week 1. OBJ, Evans and Landry racked up 61.1 FPTS in a series of thrilling games. Good luck relying on the fruits of Fitzmagic, Tyrod "I'm gonna hold onto the Ball" Taylor and the Best Remaining Manning for production for your studs. James White, and Brieda, who were described as not even starting, also created acceptable FF output. I'm sure someone will attempt to trade-rape you guys in the next few weeks. 

Final Score: Andy 125.1 (1-0), Tyler and Seth 123.9 (0-1)


TaubenTime 4.0 vs Big Reid 1 

Continuing the trend of close games, Eric and Shirtless Josh clashed in a very close game. Josh had a very good lineup, with only one player that scored in a subpar manner (Greg Olson, who rebroke his foot from last year and will miss at least a month). Cam Newton (20 FPTS) broke the all time QB rushing TD record against Dallas 




with that second half scamper. His career thus far can be best summed up as he also leads the league in RB interceptions thrown. David Johnson came back from an early injury last year, and had a good day against the Washington Thinskins. Randall Cobb, who almost got cut for cap reasons in the preseason, helped to save the Pack on Sunday night with a catch-up performance resulting in 28.7 FPTS. Josh's early selection of the Vikings D/ST seems to be a pretty good decision, as they beat up Jimmy G to the tune of three picks, three sacks, a forced fumble and a pick six. 

Speaking of QBs with limited starting experience AND selections that were criticized, Patrick Mahomes is a QB god. 4 touchdown passes on 27 attempts is probably not sustainable, but as long as he keeps chucking bombs to Tyreek he is good in my book. Adrian Beatshisson, Washington legend, looked great in a revenge game against his old team in Arizona. Davante Adams also contributed to that comeback attempt against Eric's Bear's D/ST. Kareem Hunt strangely did not offer much in the offensive explosion against San Diego/Los Angeles/Orange County, but he was better than Amari Cooper going against the twin titans that the Rams start at CB. Nice job popping your PCOG cherry against a former Champ of this league. 

Final Score: Eric 133.2 (1-0), Josh 131.7 (0-1)


Last or First.. Back 2 Back :"{ vs Young Bloodz 

Tyler sucks at FF. He had the worst scoring output of any team in the PCOG. His pathetic gaggle of "players" featured a 0 FPT, a 1.1 FPT and two 8s. Marquise Goodwin is a typical track guy, who suffered a boo-boo and will be out at least 27 weeks until he feels 100% again. Jimmy G's bad day in Minny has already been detailed. Golden Tate contributed well in garbage time against the suddenly juggeriffic Jets and Run-CMC found little room against the stifling Dallas D. Tyler sucks and should retire from FF. 

Graham bet big on several unproven players, starting with Saquon My Name Barkley. The Cracker's first round pick exploded against the very tough Jax D/ST for this beaut of a 68 yard TD in his first NFL experience 

Michael Thomas caught 16! passes in a laugher against the Buccs. That same game "produced" -7 FPTS for the Saints D/ST as they were absolutely strafed by Fitzmagic. Kenyan Drake shared the load with the ancient and calcified Frank Gore in a game that kicked off at 1 PM EST and did not end until after 8 due to lighting and the general indifference of football fans everywhere. Doug Baldwin tore up his other knee and is done for months. Trey Burton, hero of the SB in the Philly Philly play to beat the Pats, caught 1/6 passes from the Biscuit. ALL HAIL GRAHAM, HE WHO SHOWS THAT TYLER IS INDEED MORTAL. A grateful PCOG nation salutes you sir. 

Final Score: Graham 96.5 (1-0) Tyler 76.3 (l0l-1)

Something Clever vs Don't Fournette About Me 

Jeremy, 2017 Sacko, set out to not repeat in a victorious effort. IDK if relying on Isaiah Crowell is a weekly winner though. He had a monstrous 32.7 FPTS against the _etroit Lions _/ST, mainly on a garbage time long TD run that Stephen Hawking's corpse could have motored through in his wheelchair that was being remotely controlled by Michael J Fox on a bad MS day. Tom Brady had an alright day against Houston, but that left diminutive Drew Bree's and his gigundous production on the bench. Have fun agonizing over who to start between those two passing legends every week. Jeremy's team name is derived from his first round pick, who has already broken the injury seal this year. I'm sure TJ Yeldon will be the top WW pickup this week. I hope you haven't fournetten about your RB depth behind the beast from the Southeast. JuJu had a long should have been TD. Maybe next year if he does more sprints in the offseason and less FortNite he will break that same play for the TD. 

Jared continued his streak from the 2017 College Football Championship game. Relying on a Georgia star (Gurley II, 29.7 FPTS) for outrageous production only to fall just short of the ultimate goal. The Luck/TY combo generated 33.8 FPTs for the Campbell Cameltoe, and Rex Burkhead ran for almost a dozen points against Houston. I hope you are not patient enough to hold on to Ingram. If you get desperate, hit up ol' Uncle Andy. 

Final Score: Jeremy 124.7 (1-0) Jared 104.9 (0-1)

Fresh Tips vs Team Girl 

Aaron ended this NFL week very conflicted. His beloved Quarterpacker looked to have suffered a serious knee injury, but game back in a win. Good luck protecting him against the fierce Vikings pass rush. It's not like a game vs Minny has ever resulted in a bad outcome for a QB who relies on mobility to extend plays when he is currently nursing a bum wing. But, BUT, Aaron's FF QB is a beast. Kirk/Kurt/Kurd Cousins and Adam Thielen looked to be the NFL's next big combo, as they produced huge numbers against the 4-9ers. Marshawn Lynch looked to regain his form against a tough LA Lams D/ST, AJ Green dropped one TD and had a fumble but still came out with 16.2 FPTS. Jared Fucking Cook turned a matchup advantage into a true Gruden Grinder. 180 receiving yards may be what he gets in the next 15 games. But the true star of Aaron's team is Alvin Kamara. He may have only had 29 yards on the ground but scorched Tampa for 112 through the air, with three combined TDs along the way. All told Aaron had the highest output in PCOG this week, and looks to have a completely stacked squad. 

Troy was outclassed this week. Keenan Allen had a great day, with 108 yards and a TD against KC. Russell Wilson had good production against in a hostile environment at Mile High, despite losing his best weapon. Jay Ajayi had a good opening salvo on Thursday night against Atlanta, with two rushing TDs creating most of his production. The rest of Troy's team was nondescript though. FF is not a sprint, but a long, long marathon. You have a good team who just ran into a buzzsaw. 

Final Score: Aaron 169.3 (1-0) Troy 120.1 (0-1)

Hyde n Zeke vs This Buds for u And I'll Take 2 

Johnny MoCo ran into a natural disaster this week, and Hurricane Florence hasn't even made landfall yet. We've already talked about Rodgers, his injury and production (27.2 FPTS) Emmanuel Sanders had a great game against Seattle, and Antonio Brown didn't let the shitty conditions keep him down. No one else did much of anything though. Here is a free tip: you can safely drop Kelvin Benjamin. I want butt AIDS more than I want any part of the Buffalo passing game. 

Speaking of disasters, Bryan has turned the national drama unfolding in Pittsburgh into fantasy gold. James Conner had 36 touches in a huge game against Cleveland, producing 41.5 FPTS. Phillip Rivers should have had an even huger game against KC, but Travis Benjamin and Tyrell Williams have way more speed than they have hands. Zeke struggled as the only bright point for Dallas' offense, but still collected a TD to make his day. Gronk continues to smash. I am very unhappy with how good your team looks. 

Final Score: Bryan 168.3 (1-0) Johnny 112.1 (0-1)

Julio!Julio!JU-LI-OOOOOO!! vs Chalupa Batman 

Kia kicked off the FF season with a bang. Her team's namesake should have had over 200 yards but had a very questionable review go against him. Dion Lewis made Derrick Henry owners very nervous with his excellent production in a shared backfield. Stefon Diggs may have had the prettiest catch of the week for his TD, and Jordan Reed looked great before he inevitably falls apart. 

Jordan has the "QB" that Reed relies on, and Alex Smith showed well for Washington. Joe Mixon is a full grown man who will no doubt be the centerpiece of Mrs. Breasseale's team. Larry Fitz, Demaryius and Tyler Lockett all had good but not great production as a WR corps. Lockett especially may excel as a beneficiary of the Baldwin injury. All in all, this game tied 




for the closest game of the week. 

Final Score: Kia 117.5 (1-0) Jordan 116.7 (0-1)


Week 2 Preview

Beer Guys Battle: Andy 1-0 vs Jared 0-1
#14 against the Topless Wonder: Tyler l0l-1 vs Josh 0-1
Rachel's guys against Kia's Bottom Bitch: Seth/Tyler 0-1 vs Troy 0-1
Raider Haters: Bryan 1-0 vs Eric 1-0
Sonny's Sisters: Kia 1-0 vs Graham 1-0
Last year's Sacko against last year's spectator: Jeremy 1-0 vs Johnny 0-1
Domestic Violence: Aaron 1-0 vs Jordan 1-0 

Hurricanes are one thing. Fantasy Football is another. Everyone on the eastern side of the state stay safe and dry. Foul weather is just another indicator that Winter is Coming and the PCOG is back.